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Pandemic personal consequences

sojourner said:
I know it sounds soft, given the enormity of all other consequences, but I'm losing the sense of myself as a poet. It was such a strong part of my identity, having done it for over 10 years now, and I've not gigged in over a year, apart from 2 pre-recorded festival gigs. I refuse to do live streams for reasons of quality/sound etc, and whilst at first it was fun to write about Covid, now it's a seriously depressing drag. I don't seem to be able to come up with anything that isn't virus-related, and I'm sick to fucking death of writing about it. I'm soaked in it, there's nothing else going on, and my sense of humour has fucked off so I can't even write funny shit anymore. My 3rd book was meant to be out last year, then got put back to this year, but my publisher knows I fucking hate Zoom gigs, so unless we can do a live gig launch, it won't be coming out for the foreseeable. I'm really worried I've lost it, that it'll never come back. That I'll forget how to perform, my voice will break, I'll shit myself, I'll BE shit.

Sorry. Very navel-gazy, but it's proper getting me down.
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I don't know if you've done it already but I would love to see you on youtube. If you're on can you link me ? If you're not, why not ? You'd get to control the audios and the visuals. and the ambience.
 
wayward bob said:
(((soj))) i had a real knock-off-course when i lost my studio a while back. it felt like everything i'd put into getting "somewhere" work-wise had been swept away. irrelevant, devalued, unrecoverable.

despite my up-til-now failure to reignite, well, any of it, i don't feel lost in that way any more. it's not the number of times you get knocked down it's the number of times you get back up - and if anyone has that written through them like rock i reckon you do xx
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Cheers lovely x
 
Just got an email from the glorious government isolation assurance department who are saying I have to isolate for 10 days and so do my housemates.

Despite having arrived in the U.K. after three months in a bubble at sea and almost three weeks controlled hotel quarantine and multiple PCR tests

shutting/controlling international entry to the U.K. now just feels like politicking of the highest stable door slamming order

I am virtually isolating anyhow as I just did my injection put myself back in the clinically severely vulnerable category

I’m not being complacent but I see people all around not giving a flying fuck

just got to keep up the safe behaviour and keep my head down
 
My sister lives in Turkey and is seriously ill after falling and hitting her head. She’s apparently got a blood clot in her brain that’s travelled to her lungs. She appears to have had a stroke and can’t walk and is barely lucid. She’s in and out of hospital and needs 24 hour care and I can’t go to visit her because of the travel rules.
 
moomoo said:
My sister lives in Turkey and is seriously ill after falling and hitting her head. She’s apparently got a blood clot in her brain that’s travelled to her lungs. She appears to have had a stroke and can’t walk and is barely lucid. She’s in and out of hospital and needs 24 hour care and I can’t go to visit her because of the travel rules.
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That sounds hard to cope with. Best wishes to you and your sister.
 
sojourner said:
I know it sounds soft, given the enormity of all other consequences, but I'm losing the sense of myself as a poet. It was such a strong part of my identity, having done it for over 10 years now, and I've not gigged in over a year, apart from 2 pre-recorded festival gigs. I refuse to do live streams for reasons of quality/sound etc, and whilst at first it was fun to write about Covid, now it's a seriously depressing drag. I don't seem to be able to come up with anything that isn't virus-related, and I'm sick to fucking death of writing about it. I'm soaked in it, there's nothing else going on, and my sense of humour has fucked off so I can't even write funny shit anymore. My 3rd book was meant to be out last year, then got put back to this year, but my publisher knows I fucking hate Zoom gigs, so unless we can do a live gig launch, it won't be coming out for the foreseeable. I'm really worried I've lost it, that it'll never come back. That I'll forget how to perform, my voice will break, I'll shit myself, I'll BE shit.

Sorry. Very navel-gazy, but it's proper getting me down.
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That doesn’t sound soft, it sounds serious. And I think any performer — spoken word, music, theatre or any other type — will totally empathise.
 
sojourner said:
I know it sounds soft, given the enormity of all other consequences, but I'm losing the sense of myself as a poet. It was such a strong part of my identity, having done it for over 10 years now, and I've not gigged in over a year, apart from 2 pre-recorded festival gigs. I refuse to do live streams for reasons of quality/sound etc, and whilst at first it was fun to write about Covid, now it's a seriously depressing drag. I don't seem to be able to come up with anything that isn't virus-related, and I'm sick to fucking death of writing about it. I'm soaked in it, there's nothing else going on, and my sense of humour has fucked off so I can't even write funny shit anymore. My 3rd book was meant to be out last year, then got put back to this year, but my publisher knows I fucking hate Zoom gigs, so unless we can do a live gig launch, it won't be coming out for the foreseeable. I'm really worried I've lost it, that it'll never come back. That I'll forget how to perform, my voice will break, I'll shit myself, I'll BE shit.

Sorry. Very navel-gazy, but it's proper getting me down.
Click to expand...

In a very different but related problem, the novel I wrote about a pandemic (finished a year or so before this one started) is now just so much toilet paper because nobody is going to want to read it :(

If anyone's that bored that they do want to read it, an ebook version is available to all urbanites (except Athos) for the bargain price of nothing. Or I might serialise it online or something.
 
SpookyFrank said:
In a very different but related problem, the novel I wrote about a pandemic (finished a year or so before this one started) is now just so much toilet paper because nobody is going to want to read it :(

If anyone's that bored that they do want to read it, an ebook version is available to all urbanites (except Athos) for the bargain price of nothing. Or I might serialise it online or something.
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Give it two years and people will shit themselves for it
 
moomoo said:
My sister lives in Turkey and is seriously ill after falling and hitting her head. She’s apparently got a blood clot in her brain that’s travelled to her lungs. She appears to have had a stroke and can’t walk and is barely lucid. She’s in and out of hospital and needs 24 hour care and I can’t go to visit her because of the travel rules.
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Is that the case re: travel rules? There are exemptions for emergencies like that I thought.
 
LynnDoyleCooper said:
Is that the case re: travel rules? There are exemptions for emergencies like that I thought.
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Apparently so. You have to quarantine for 14 days on arrival there and then the quarantine when you get back here. And I probably wouldn’t be able to see her anyway.

It’s a funny old situation. We’re not close (we didn’t grow up together and she’s much older than me) but she’s still my sister We’d swap occasional pics of the kids or big news. And send birthday or Xmas messages. But she had this fall back in June and her husband never thought to tell us. Perhaps he didn’t want to worry us. Very odd.
 
sojourner said:
I know it sounds soft, given the enormity of all other consequences, but I'm losing the sense of myself as a poet. It was such a strong part of my identity, having done it for over 10 years now, and I've not gigged in over a year, apart from 2 pre-recorded festival gigs. I refuse to do live streams for reasons of quality/sound etc, and whilst at first it was fun to write about Covid, now it's a seriously depressing drag. I don't seem to be able to come up with anything that isn't virus-related, and I'm sick to fucking death of writing about it. I'm soaked in it, there's nothing else going on, and my sense of humour has fucked off so I can't even write funny shit anymore. My 3rd book was meant to be out last year, then got put back to this year, but my publisher knows I fucking hate Zoom gigs, so unless we can do a live gig launch, it won't be coming out for the foreseeable. I'm really worried I've lost it, that it'll never come back. That I'll forget how to perform, my voice will break, I'll shit myself, I'll BE shit.

Sorry. Very navel-gazy, but it's proper getting me down.
Click to expand...

Not soft at all, not surprised your down and anxious about it. You have such a talent though and it comes from your gut, you can't lose that.

My work has all gone remote and I loathe it, its not the same work but a bit modified, its just not the same and I don't feel like I'm a psychotherapist, it feels like an impression of it. In the room, we are paying attention to the physical movement, how a child expresses themselves through their body, the way a child uses the room, if they use the room or are so inhibited they just sit there at the table like at school, as well as how they use their tools (animals, play doh and pens and paper etc.) - do they use them to play or draw or do they throw them at you. We notice how they relate to us physically, so if they come close, stay far away, hide under the table, ask for help with something they can't do, and we pay attention to the thoughts and physical feelings we have in response to them to wonder about what the child might be communicating unconsciously, non verbally (not to mention managing and making sense of the behaviour of a child who might be violent, or take their clothes off, or run out the room). With adolescents, it's more wordy, sometimes, but you still need the physical presence to do this work properly. I think people (even other clinicians in our MDT) think our work is about talking but that's the least of it.
 
moomoo said:
My sister lives in Turkey and is seriously ill after falling and hitting her head. She’s apparently got a blood clot in her brain that’s travelled to her lungs. She appears to have had a stroke and can’t walk and is barely lucid. She’s in and out of hospital and needs 24 hour care and I can’t go to visit her because of the travel rules.
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Oh no, how terrible. Has she got people around to help? Getting into Turkey is near impossible at the moment. I know a lot of people there and about how things work (well, somewhat). If there's anything I can do to help please do send a message.
 
SpookyFrank said:
Yeah but it'll be competing in a field of thousands. And will I get any credit for my foresight?
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Who else wrote a book about a pandemic that soon before the pandemic? It'd be worth reading just as a historical curiosity. I can see the blurb now:

"In 2020, the world was upended by the worst pandemic in a century. Mere months before the chaos descended, SpookyFrank envisioned a 21st-century society suddenly hit by a pandemic. Some of his predictions haven't come true but the similarities can only be seen as ... spooky."
 
Yossarian said:
Who else wrote a book about a pandemic that soon before the pandemic? It'd be worth reading just as a historical curiosity. I can see the blurb now:

"In 2020, the world was upended by the worst pandemic in a century. Mere months before the chaos descended, SpookyFrank envisioned a 21st-century society suddenly hit by a pandemic. Some of his predictions haven't come true but the similarities can only be seen as ... spooky."
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Not that recently before but just re-read these. Things are pretty civilised by comparison...

Plague Times Trilogy by Louise Welsh

A Lovely Way to Burn (Plague Times, #1), Death is a Welcome Guest (Plague Times, #2), and No Dominion (Plague Times Trilogy, #3)
www.goodreads.com
 
SpookyFrank said:
In a very different but related problem, the novel I wrote about a pandemic (finished a year or so before this one started) is now just so much toilet paper because nobody is going to want to read it :(

If anyone's that bored that they do want to read it, an ebook version is available to all urbanites (except Athos) for the bargain price of nothing. Or I might serialise it online or something.
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I would please :thumbs:
 
Red Cat said:
Not soft at all, not surprised your down and anxious about it. You have such a talent though and it comes from your gut, you can't lose that.

My work has all gone remote and I loathe it, its not the same work but a bit modified, its just not the same and I don't feel like I'm a psychotherapist, it feels like an impression of it. In the room, we are paying attention to the physical movement, how a child expresses themselves through their body, the way a child uses the room, if they use the room or are so inhibited they just sit there at the table like at school, as well as how they use their tools (animals, play doh and pens and paper etc.) - do they use them to play or draw or do they throw them at you. We notice how they relate to us physically, so if they come close, stay far away, hide under the table, ask for help with something they can't do, and we pay attention to the thoughts and physical feelings we have in response to them to wonder about what the child might be communicating unconsciously, non verbally (not to mention managing and making sense of the behaviour of a child who might be violent, or take their clothes off, or run out the room). With adolescents, it's more wordy, sometimes, but you still need the physical presence to do this work properly. I think people (even other clinicians in our MDT) think our work is about talking but that's the least of it.
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Solidarity like there. They've had me 'counselling' over the phone since last year but it rarely feels like counselling at all that way. More like phone support..which is better than nothing, sure. But not anything like the work I love, was trained for and so less effective and rewarding too. I'm finding that at least now I'm over my video call fear mostly and seeing some private clients that its a bit easier as at least and I have more information to go on. Though the physical presence element still makes it feel like something is lacking of course. I totally agree that its not just about talking...even with teenagers.
 
Red Cat said:
My work has all gone remote and I loathe it, its not the same work but a bit modified, its just not the same and I don't feel like I'm a psychotherapist, it feels like an impression of it. In the room, we are paying attention to the physical movement, how a child expresses themselves through their body, the way a child uses the room, if they use the room or are so inhibited they just sit there at the table like at school, as well as how they use their tools (animals, play doh and pens and paper etc.) - do they use them to play or draw or do they throw them at you. We notice how they relate to us physically, so if they come close, stay far away, hide under the table, ask for help with something they can't do, and we pay attention to the thoughts and physical feelings we have in response to them to wonder about what the child might be communicating unconsciously, non verbally (not to mention managing and making sense of the behaviour of a child who might be violent, or take their clothes off, or run out the room). With adolescents, it's more wordy, sometimes, but you still need the physical presence to do this work properly. I think people (even other clinicians in our MDT) think our work is about talking but that's the least of it.
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Not that it provides any comfort for your personal feeling of remoteness or negates these lost factors, but do you find by contrast there are any advantages coming from the equalisation of the therapist-client power relation as a result of it being an online interaction (including their ability to terminate it with a button press)? As with the rest of the working world, it’s interesting to learn from what is being gained as well as what is being lost.
 
Puddy_Tat said:
did you see this (it did the rounds a few weeks ago) ?

and could you not say it's an interspecies collaborative performance? :p
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Ha. It bloody was on at least one poem on a pre-record for the Tea Tent's Bearded Theory gig!
SpookyFrank said:
In a very different but related problem, the novel I wrote about a pandemic (finished a year or so before this one started) is now just so much toilet paper because nobody is going to want to read it :(

If anyone's that bored that they do want to read it, an ebook version is available to all urbanites (except Athos) for the bargain price of nothing. Or I might serialise it online or something.
Click to expand...
I would love to read it SpookyFrank - can you PM me to where I can get it please?
 
kabbes said:
Not that it provides any comfort for your personal feeling of remoteness or negates these lost factors, but do you find by contrast there are any advantages coming from the equalisation of the therapist-client power relation as a result of it being an online interaction (including their ability to terminate it with a button press)? As with the rest of the working world, it’s interesting to learn from what is being gained as well as what is being lost.
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It's not about a personal feeling of remoteness, it's like losing the tool that we work with (it feels like losing a leg or an arm) and instead being left with something more cognitive and rational, when that's not what my kind of work is about.

I don't think there is an equalisation of our relationship - i'm a therapist and an adult, they are a child or young person usually with significant mental health difficulties or trauma. I'd say they have less power, they're usually in their own home, they have to 'behave' themselves in a way that they don't if they come to a clinic where the whole point is to make sense of their behaviour, and they have less of an emotional impact on the therapist. These are children that need to feel safe and to develop some trust that their extreme and worrying behaviour or states of mind can be born and made sense of, when they worry they are too much for their parents or carers, very often children who have parents with poor mental health, who have experienced abuse or witnessed dv, or have been taken into care.

So, for my kind of work, I don't feel anything is to be gained from working in this way. It's extremely difficult and sometimes impossible to do it at all with very young children, or more distressed and disturbed young people where its vital to be able to assess risk properly, and children in foster placements.

I'm sure there are other ways of working that are more amenable to remote sessions.
 
Red Cat said:
It's not about a personal feeling of remoteness, it's like losing the tool that we work with (it feels like losing a leg or an arm) and instead being left with something more cognitive and rational, when that's not what my kind of work is about.

I don't think there is an equalisation of our relationship - i'm a therapist and an adult, they are a child or young person usually with significant mental health difficulties or trauma. I'd say they have less power, they're usually in their own home, they have to 'behave' themselves in a way that they don't if they come to a clinic where the whole point is to make sense of their behaviour, and they have less of an emotional impact on the therapist. These are children that need to feel safe and to develop some trust that their extreme and worrying behaviour or states of mind can be born and made sense of, when they worry they are too much for their parents or carers, very often children who have parents with poor mental health, who have experienced abuse or witnessed dv, or have been taken into care.

So, for my kind of work, I don't feel anything is to be gained from working in this way. It's extremely difficult and sometimes impossible to do it at all with very young children, or more distressed and disturbed young people where its vital to be able to assess risk properly, and children in foster placements.

I'm sure there are other ways of working that are more amenable to remote sessions.
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Thank you
 
kabbes said:
Thank you
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On further reflection, I think its important to note that one thing that has come out of this has been the unexpected ability for some children to adapt to this way of working and use it well. It really is remarkable. And for some, the distance has been helpful to them, although you've always got to consider what's being avoided this way - usually the intensity of relationship - but we could also think of it as giving the child more control (or power) to modulate that intensity in a way that is helpful to them. It really has surprised us (my profession) and I think that in itself is a good thing, its always good to be surprised. And for young people say going away to university with parents who pay privately, they might now have the option to continue rather than ending at this crucial transition, whereas previously that wouldn't have happened.

Also, I think it does differ depending on how you work even within the same profession. I'm very dependent on what I'm feeling as a way of understanding. So, as an example - if I feel a bit suffocated or like i can't move or like i have to say something and get it spot on first time, so i feel i have no freedom to play around with an idea, i then might get a sense that this young person is really frightened of getting things wrong, that they might protect themselves against strong feeling that they don't understand by being rigid and rule bound with high expectations of themselves intellectually, but at the cost of spontaneity and pleasure. I find it really, really hard to work in this way remotely.

apols to others, this is a bit of a derail.
 
Yossarian said:
Who else wrote a book about a pandemic that soon before the pandemic? It'd be worth reading just as a historical curiosity. I can see the blurb now:

"In 2020, the world was upended by the worst pandemic in a century. Mere months before the chaos descended, SpookyFrank envisioned a 21st-century society suddenly hit by a pandemic. Some of his predictions haven't come true but the similarities can only be seen as ... spooky."
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Medical Police came out on Netflix on Jan 10 2020. It was a comedy about a couple of doctors trying to stop a pandemic. Some of the jokes in it were... a bit too bang on
 
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