F*cking nightmare of a bastard commute

[farmerbarleymow]

I can see bare flesh, you shameless exhibitionist!

I know - showing a bit of leg is wanton exhibitionism.

 

[fishfinger]

I know - showing a bit of leg is wanton exhibitionism.

Quite. Moral decline and all that
<tuts loudly>

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Quite. Moral decline and all that
<tuts loudly>

And we all know that the flashers' trouser of choice is the tracksuit bottom for ease of display.

 

[fishfinger]

And we all know that the flashers' trouser of choice is the tracksuit bottom for ease of display.

We do? <gulp>

<quickly changes trousers>

 

[Onket]

I've been groomed by farmerbarleymow.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

I've been groomed by farmerbarleymow.

Get yer knob out then and post a pic.

 

[Onket]

 

[farmerbarleymow]

I'm now in bed, still wearing me purple undies and a fetching pair of black socks. I'm classy me.

 

[Onket]

Pic?

 

[farmerbarleymow]

I was asleep. Difficult to take photos when you're unconscious.

 

[Onket]

Excuses.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

The police have been walking up and down the train this morning. They're looking for strange men with their keks down. I suspect they're checking every train, so they're after you Onket.

 

[kabbes]

The air con on my train is fucked so it's ridiculously hot. It's so bad they've been round giving out free bottles of water - I've never seen this in all my years of commuting.

I've adopted the medallion man look with my shirt unbuttoned halfway and holding the cold bottle of water to my neck to try to cool the blood going through my neck.

My commuter trains don't have any air conditioning installed in the first place.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

My commuter trains don't have any air conditioning installed in the first place.

I commute on intercity trains so thankfully they're normally better kitted out with that sort of thing. When it actually works that is...

 

[Onket]

Well, la-di-da.

 

[kabbes]

Yeah, bully for you. So sorry that one train you got once had no air con and was a bit hot. You poor baby.

 

[tommers]

Wouldn't last five minutes around here.

Last night my train was cancelled and so the next one was well crowded (no air con). So some bloke decided to hold the door open so that he could wedge his mates in, all while going on about how there's 'plenty of room' as he shoved his elbows into my ribs.

And then proceeded to have a fucking conversation with somebody about three inches away from my face.

You wouldn't have liked it.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Yeah, bully for you. So sorry that one train you got once had no air con and was a bit hot. You poor baby.

You'll be delighted to know that it's working today, and I'm sat under a nice cool breeze from the vents in the ceiling. It is most pleasant indeed.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Do I take it you lot don't have proper trains in the South? You poor lambs - I feel for you!

I'll report in from my train to London tomorrow - non-stop from Manchester in air conditioned luxury.

 

[Onket]

You'll be delighted to know that it's working today, and I'm sat under a nice cool breeze from the vents in the ceiling. It is most pleasant indeed.

Let's have a photo of your pants, then.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Let's have a photo of your pants, then.

I'm going commando today, so no.

 

[Onket]

Coward.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Coward.

I'm risk-averse and don't want to get arrested. And anyway, the air conditioning would make me feel cold.

 

[Onket]

 

[kabbes]

Do I take it you lot don't have proper trains in the South? You poor lambs - I feel for you!

Not on SouthWestern services, no. They're the shittest things imaginable.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Not on SouthWestern services, no. They're the shittest things imaginable.

Thankfully I've only used them once every few years.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Reporting in for duty. My train is a proper temperature, and I've got two seats to myself so I'm spread out comfortably. It should be a nice journey - due into Euston at 9am.

 

[Onket]

At least you've warned me this time.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

At least you've warned me this time.

True. So you can't complain this time.

 

[Onket]

Where you buying me a pint, then? You must owe me several by now.