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Essential Trump/Alt-Right Ridicule Thread

Jezebel's descriptions of Trump between January 2016 and Election Day 2016:
  1. Seagull dipped in tikka masala
  2. Bursting landfill of municipal solid waste
  3. Mountain of rotting whale blubber
  4. Sputum-filled Orange Julius
  5. Gangrenous gaping wound
  6. Racist, sexist block of aged Cheddar
  7. Oversized wasp exoskeleton stuffed with old mustard
  8. Neo-fascist real estate golem
  9. Abandoned roadside ham hock
  10. Bewildered, golden-helmeted astronaut who’s just landed on this planet from a distant galaxy
  11. Monument to human hubris crafted out of rotting Spam
  12. A walking pile of reanimated roadkill
  13. Heaving carcass
  14. Stately hot dog casing
  15. Flatulent leather couch
  16. Swollen earthworm gizzard
  17. Narcissistic bowl of rotten gazpacho
  18. Yellowing hunk of masticated gristle
  19. A human/Komodo dragon hybrid
  20. Blackening scab artfully hiding in your Raisin Bran
  21. “Taco truck”
  22. A man who could one day become the first hobgoblin to enter the White House
  23. A pair of chapped lips superglued to a hairball
  24. Horsehair mattress stuffed with molding copies of Hustler
  25. Malignant corn chip
  26. Human Kinder Egg whose inner surprise is a tiny pebble of rat shit
  27. The sculpture your three-year-old made out of soggy ground-up goldfish snacks
  28. A man with the hair of a radioactive skunk
  29. Roiling Cheez Whiz mass
  30. Cryogenically frozen bog man
  31. A glistening, shouting gristle mass with a history of saying terrible and stupid things
  32. Screaming giant cheese wedge
  33. Republican frontrunner and 250-pound accumulation of rancid beef
  34. Day-Glo roadside billboard about jock itch
  35. Temperamental gelatinous sponge
  36. Sentient hate-balloon
  37. A Rumpelstiltskin inflated with a bike pump and filled with bacteria
  38. Sun-kissed ass plug
  39. Self-tanning enthusiast
  40. An enraged, bewigged fetus blown up to nightmarish size
  41. Parental pile of burnt organic material
  42. Human-shaped wad of Gak
  43. Walking irradiated tumor
  44. Uncooked chicken breast
  45. KKK rally port-a-potty holding tank
  46. Neon-tinted hellion
  47. A plentiful field of dung piled into the shape of a presidential candidate
  48. Malfunctioning wind turbine
  49. Seeping fleabag
  50. Sloshing styrofoam takeout container filled with three-day-old mac and cheese
  51. A sticky, grabby, Cheeto-hued toddler with no sense of adult deportment
  52. Figurative rubber, and also literal rubber
  53. A carnivorous plant watered with irradiated bat urine
  54. Sentient waste disposal plant
  55. A disappointment
  56. Poorly-drawn fascist
  57. Racist teratoma
  58. Lamprey eel spray-painted gold
  59. A hair that you pluck, causing a cluster of hairs to sprout in its place
  60. Sunken, corroding soufflé
 
  1. Nacho cheese golem
  2. Undead tangerine
  3. A cartoon representation of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in a pharmaceutical ad
  4. Fossilized meatball
  5. Horking mole-creature suffering from radioactive spray-tan
  6. Tattered Craigslist sofa
  7. A full-grown Monopoly dog carefully balancing a spongecake atop his head
  8. Play-Doh factory explosion
  9. A new superfood made of finely-ground clown wigs
  10. Unkempt troll doll found floating facedown in a tub of rancid Beluga caviar
  11. Melting orange popsicle
  12. A dangerous and stupid bigot who I do not have the heart to give a silly nickname to right now
  13. A desiccated, hollowed-out pumpkin stuffed with wasps
  14. A rusted refrigerator left out in the sun until its contents rot and swell into one noxious, congealed mass
  15. A regurgitated wombat
  16. Moldy pumpkin spice latte
  17. A tax-avoidant opossum testicle dead-set on becoming president
  18. Shrieking carbuncle in a red power tie
  19. A Chipotle burrito taken to its natural, digested conclusion
  20. Evil toddler and our Republican presidential nominee
  21. A clump of moldering drain hair
  22. An inflated pig stomach full of rotten pierogi
  23. Flatulent butternut squash
  24. One putrescent orange marshmallow
  25. A sentient pile of dirty sheets covered in poop
  26. Pilonidal cyst
  27. Sexist sentient carrot
  28. An abandoned cruise ship full of people afflicted with the Noro virus
  29. A jack-o’-lantern that at least ten people have been using as a toilet
  30. Bruised yam
  31. Flaming sack of shit
  32. Overflowing litter box
  33. A repugnant pile of fetid horse shit
  34. Shaved bear
  35. Demonic, racist goldfish
  36. Everyone’s least favorite Republican presidential candidate/rotting jack-o’-lantern
  37. The embodiment of a long and thunderous fart in a stalled elevator
  38. Rancid Halloween Oreo filling
  39. Rage-addled Oompa Loompa
  40. Rotten tanner-saturated gourd
  41. Man-sized ass cyst
  42. Your shitty racist uncle
  43. A wizened ogre of a man with a mouth like an anus
  44. Bewigged swollen gall bladder
  45. A wheezing Blurrg from Endor’s forest moon
  46. Trumpelstiltskin (whose gift is turning billions of dollars into air molecules)
  47. Inflamed carbuncle
  48. A face like a rusted manhole cover, hair that legally qualifies as a fire hazard, and the diet of Templeton the rat
  49. A soggy cracker spread with spoiled shrimp compote
  50. Amphibious
  51. Noted chode
  52. An industrial-sized wastebasket in a clip-on tie
  53. Impacted molar
  54. A bag of hot garbage moldering in the summer sun
  55. A dry creek bed mysteriously studded with dog turds
 
  1. A haunted bidet
  2. A yellowing mop dripping with an unidentifiable, viscous fluid
  3. Anthropomorphic lie
  4. A rooster who wandered into the house and has to be restrained beneath a metal wastebasket
  5. The political equivalent of one of those mutant factory farm chickens with breasts so big it can’t walk
  6. Spray-tanned blobfish
  7. The human equivalent to a hideously oppressive smell with no known provenance
  8. A parking cone with emotional issues
  9. Moldy prawn burrito
  10. Gelatinous heap
  11. A horrible man with hair like used dental floss and ideas that threaten the definition of democracy as we know it
  12. A hexed tub of Velveeta that’s been brought to life and won’t stop screaming racist insults from inside your kitchen cabinet
  13. A scabies outbreak in your freshman dormitory
  14. Fetid pooh-face
  15. Floppy sack of rancid chicken fat
  16. Self tanner-soaked Whoopee cushion
  17. A cicada husk dipped in fermenting carrot soup
  18. Fire ant infestation with too many resources
  19. A cirrhotic cheetah liver dusted in gold leaf
  20. Walking staph infection
  21. Large orange baby
  22. A sociopathic golem whose mouth puckers like an anus
  23. Serial woman-cherisher
  24. Besuited Chucky doll
  25. Objectively horrible person
  26. Toxic algae bloom
  27. Noted orangémon
  28. A man whose head firmly resembles a lone radioactive testicle sealed in a jar of formaldehyde
  29. The contents of a dumpster behind a Roll N Roaster
  30. Doritos Spicy Asbestos Flavor
  31. A snot-flavored Jelly Bean gaining a frightening amount of power and influence
  32. Malformed traffic cone
  33. Decaying, hollowed-out tree trunk that is now housing a family of malnourished, furious possums
  34. An enlarged brick of spittle-flecked Crisco sliding headlong towards the White House
  35. Our favorite fascist wad of upchucked puréed carrots
  36. Gold-tipped mucus plug
  37. Melted Claymation villain
  38. Unwashed fumigation tent
  39. What happens when a GOP-leaning member of mutant gang in The Hills Have Eyes has a wet dream
  40. An eggroll to which someone has wastefully glued a hairpiece
  41. One of those piles of sand by a highway
  42. A golden goose so loved by God he was transformed into a human man, only the Lord got tired midway through and paused for rest, never to resume
  43. Moldering Cheez-It
  44. A hunk of beef jerky that rolls under the couch and is left there to harden, becoming covered in dust and cat hair until a cockroach takes it back to its lair and makes it his wife
  45. Actually three bigoted baby Muppets stacked on top of one another
  46. Half-melted pile of candy corn from Halloween ‘83
  47. An angry ghost
  48. Giant mound of hardened Cheez Whiz
  49. A smushed up caterpillar your 6-year-old brother set on fire with a magnifying glass
  50. Rotten kabocha squash
 
‘Render to God and Trump’: Ralph Reed calls for 2020 obedience to Trump

According to the book's description, obtained by POLITICO, the original title for the book was “Render to God and Trump,” a reference to the well-known biblical verse, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s.” The message from Jesus in Matthew 22, has been used in contemporary politics to justify obedience to government — or in the case of Reed’s book, to Trump.
 
someone did a cost analysis of the alligator moat-wall :D

Each month there are roughly, 76,000 unauthorized border crossings. We can conservatively estimate that 10 percent might still try to make it. While the Alligator Border Guard likely will kill or at least maim any man, woman, or child, snake venom does not act immediately. Unfortunately, the liberal elite will likely force us to treat these wounded illegal immigrants before returning them to their homeland. Assuming another 10 percent are wounded, the $143,000 costs of treating venomous events yields an additional $1,304,160,000.

...

In conclusion, the multi-billion dollar costs of a snake-and-alligator filled moat along the U.S. border are a major commitment. But what better way to show President Trump’s own commitment to American values than by putting tens of thousands of dangerous animals right alongside its citizens?

https://www.defenseone.com/ideas/2019/10/snake-and-alligator-border-moat-budget-analysis/160350/
 
bit of news from my corner of the world

Two Proud Boys Sentenced To 4 Years In Prison For UES Brawl

Two members of the Proud Boys, a far-right hate group, will spend four years in prison for their role in a street brawl outside the state's Republican headquarters on the Upper East Side last year.

...

Bystander footage of the event showed roughly a dozen Proud Boys and skinheads swarming a smaller group of protesters, punching and kicking them while yelling homophobic slurs.

...

Attorneys for both defendants, meanwhile argued that their clients were acting in self-defense. At one point, Kinsman's lawyer, Jack Goldberg, reportedly referred to the prosecution as the "New York County district Antifa office."
 
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Post your own caption.
 
Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Sgt. Bryant Vanegas said that Jennifer M. Harrison, 42, was arrested and booked into jail this Thursday on one count of taking the identity of another, which is a class-4 felony. She was released from custody on Friday morning.

Harrison is the founder of the right-wing anti-immigrant and anti-Muslim group AZ Patriots. As AZCentral points out, the charges brought against Harrison are commonly used against undocumented immigrants who use fictitious identities to obtain jobs in Arizona. She’s best known as the person being laughed at by Alex Kack, also known as “Green Shirt Guy,” in a video that went viral back on August.


https://deadstate.org/anti-immigrant-activist-laughed-at-by-green-shirt-guy-in-viral-video-is-arrested-for-identity-theft/
 
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