Do you think Communism should be despised as much as Nazism?

[tufty79]

Sorry again if it feels like I'm fighting or arguing with you editor - I'm just bewildered and lost by life at the moment, and everything I have to mentally unpick is weird as fuck and it sometimes feels like I've imagined the last 2 years til I look at YouTube or my emails.

I obv didn't put this thread on ignore and I don't think I'm going to.

As chilango suggested, could we maybe move this thread into community? And if there's anything else you'd like me to remove, just say. I don't like going through my more regrettable cptsd fight/flight triggered posts once I'm back in my mental safety zone (I do get back there eventually, usually ) unless prompted.

And genuinely thank you for the success wish. I don't want to put the boards in danger - this place has been my and other people's refuge so intensely so many times. Thank you for keeping it going and safe - and being genuinely kind - and that's made more difficult by posters like me, and I apologise fully for that.

 

[editor]

As an aside, I have no idea who the fuck ****** is, I've only ever interacted with them on here on a limited basis and perceive them to be a gaslighter, silencer and predator. I don't really care what their explanation or justification is.

This is incredibly out of order. Stop it, now.

 

[tufty79]

I stopped it the other day editor

Would you mind just deleting whatever you don't like, please? I don't have a tardis to make the other night not have happened, and I don't want to revisit whatever angry/scared stuff I posted that's out of order. You quoting it at me/having to revisit traumatising posts from the last few days is triggering my terrified response that kicked in when I kicked off.

I'm not having a go, just trying to explain what's going on in terms of cptsd symptoms that I experience.i don't cope very well with them, and I get easily triggered by people that absolutely don't mean me any harm. It's really shit.


I'm about to try leaving the house without imploding, and I'd rather stay as calm as possible. I'm shaking enough as it is.


Thanks

E2a I'm editing in because I don't want to bump the thread, but wanted to explain that impractical terms, I can't access my FB or Twitter for unrelated offline legal reasons. If I reactivate my account, it will open up public posts which someone is data scraping, and I face a potential prison sentence if I make them available again to anyone, even for a minute. It's a bit of a problem tbh, and neither side of solicitors are getting back to me about what I should do, because there's epic amounts of stuff on there I need to access without fucking my life up.

 

[editor]

Sorry again if it feels like I'm fighting or arguing with you editor - I'm just bewildered and lost by life at the moment, and everything I have to mentally unpick is weird as fuck and it sometimes feels like I've imagined the last 2 years til I look at YouTube or my emails.

I obv didn't put this thread on ignore and I don't think I'm going to.

As chilango suggested, could we maybe move this thread into community? And if there's anything else you'd like me to remove, just say. I don't like going through my more regrettable cptsd fight/flight triggered posts once I'm back in my mental safety zone (I do get back there eventually, usually ) unless prompted.

And genuinely thank you for the success wish. I don't want to put the boards in danger - this place has been my and other people's refuge so intensely so many times. Thank you for keeping it going and safe - and being genuinely kind - and that's made more difficult by posters like me, and I apologise fully for that.

I'm trying to be sympathetic and understanding here, but your return to these boards has already caused a shit load of extra work for me, and now I'm getting stressed because I feel like you're trying to make me responsible for clearing up your troublesome posts, otherwise your mental health will suffer.

I don't think that's fair - you're not the only person struggling to get on with things at the moment - so I think you should either reconsider your decision to keep posting here, or perhaps post up a lot less personal stuff.

 

[tufty79]

... as I said, I've stopped. I don't intend to do it again. Are there any other mods who wouldn't be stressed by helping me about the last couple of days if I ask them to?
I don't mean to stress you out. I also don't want to make myself fucking unwell again - I'm going to have post traumatic stress disorder for readons that aren't my fault for the rest of my life. I have precious little support or human contact other than helplines and services that aren't always relevant or appropriate.

I can offer to try to sort it out with help from any mods.

or you are asking me to absolutely reduce any human contact I have purely to people that are paid to listen to me whine about my life and don't have a clue what I have experienced? At least this place has some sort of context

If you want to ban me, please just do it instead it getting to the point where I feel like I have to beg for help.

 

[tufty79]

And I really don't want sympathy.

 

[tufty79]

When I say unwell again, I don't mean a repeat repeat of the 2015 catastrophe

I mean too scared to stay in my flat because of offline non activist related idiots who trigger my flashbacks, panic and terror by default and whose reappearance prompted me to ask for a self ban while I tried to get grounded and safe again from someone I can't just turn down or disconnect or block.

I turned down the opportunity to go to a refuge when I asked for a week on an enforced holiday this month. If I get to the point where I feel I have to take the offer up, I will. The thought of having to do that without being able to post on here scares me to bits.

I had a crisis day in the middle of it, and someone id been matched with by a council befriending service called me while I was waiting for a crisis type service callback, wouldn't take no for an answer when I said I needed to speak to someone that was a professional rather than a random volunteer who doesn't know me from Adam, then she actually actively trolled me when I asked her to take my number off her phone. She is a volunteer and came recommended as a woman who knew what it was like to have ptsd. Instead I got gaslit and my other support worker has raised a safeguarding complaint about the volunteer. I was prepared for that happening on the internet or with dodgy people in the street if I'm distressed when I'm out, but not from a befriending service.

By personal stuff, I'm genuinely not able to work out whether you mean personal attacks that are unreasonable and inappropriate; or naming people; or just alluding to them; or talking about my life experiences and weaknesses; or posting too much on the music thread; or posting anything that contains emotional content; or what made me snort my tea out my nose; or pictures of my cat. I'm not being funny about it - I genuinely don't know which bit you mean, or if it's all of it . My boundaries are a bit fucked and sometimes I need things spelling out that I'm getting wrong.

And apologies that I'm clearly getting it wrong.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

i'm not a moderator or anything, but think it's permitted, if not compulsory, to post pictures of your cat...

 

[tufty79]

When she comes out, I will.
I am finding some dark humour in the refuge thing - because i wasn't thinking straight, I thought wherever I went for temporary accommodation had to be my final decision about where to live for at least the next year, because we're trying to move me out of Leeds by mid next year at the latest. I forgot that temporary is just that, and I could have just spent a night a bus ride away. I got numbers for places where People formerly of this parish (who I love and trust and don't mind me going quiet and then popping back up again and then having a new unexpected disaster that I find difficult to cope with) are, because there wasn't anything in the areas I've found that I want to end up in.

If I'd not stopped and thought and calmed down, I'd have ended up in Cardiff
Thanks Lazy Llama for the holiday from here - I think you saved Cardiff a lot of trouble


I mean, it's nice enough and that, but it was a bit of an overreaction i.can usually identify overreactios like that afterwards, but it's one of those things where foresight and planning are needed, not hindsight and regret