Do you have any 'house rules'? If so, what are they?

[Orang Utan]

I'm not very tolerant nowadays so there are numerous house rules round ours, among them:
1. No racism.
2. No dissing the dogs.
3. No using it as a command center for black ops.
4. No nationalism.
I think unpasteurised French cheeses are banned too but that one isn't formally implemented yet.
Not smoking is just polite.
5 or 6. Be polite or fuck off elsewhere.

Why can’t I bring my roquefort?

 

[contadino]

Why can’t I bring my roquefort?

It smells

 

[A380]

Danny goes his own way

He often tells me sweet little lies.

 

[Orang Utan]

It smells

But so do other pasteurised cheeses and cheeses of other nations

 

[Orang Utan]

He often tells me sweet little lies.

in your Dreams

 

[A380]

in your Dreams

TBF i did dream abut Danny and I doing the tango, in the night.

 

[Orang Utan]

TBF i did dream abut Danny and I doing the tango, in the night.

I see you both depicted dancing on a pier, being painted by Jack Vetriano

 

[bellaozzydog]

Mrs Q's golden rule for me (and other males as well but mostly me) is always put the toilet seat & lid down after a piss. I'm so well conditioned now that I find myself putting them down in men's public toilets whilst thinking why the fuck am I doing this.

This fucking infuriates me

I piss with the seat down and don’t miss If I do I’d mop it up. Seat up wankers spray and pray and never mop up

Every mate who visits puts the seat up pisses and leaves it up.

Even worse at least two of the fuckers impose their own “if it’s yellow let it mellow” rule

 

[weltweit]

absolutely no pissing in the shower !

 

[bellaozzydog]

absolutely no pissing in the shower !

Does that mean the sink is out

 

[Orang Utan]

no showering in piss

 

[Pickman's model]

Why can’t I bring my roquefort?

sure you can just leave it outside his front door

 

[blairsh]

No Fleewood Mac.

Now here we go again...

 

[killer b]

I would generally try to avoid shitting in someone else's toilet as a visitor and would look dimly on anyone who left skidders on the pan in my house, but outright banning people from taking a crap seems a bit unrealistic

 

[Riklet]

You must open the curtains and blinds in the morning when it's light and close them when it's dark. Im pretty insistent about it with my housemates. One of them would leave everything closed and put the lights on first thing the massive dufus.

 

[Orang Utan]

I would generally try to avoid shitting in someone else's toilet as a visitor and would look dimly on anyone who left skidders on the pan in my house, but outright banning people from taking a crap seems a bit unrealistic

Leaving skid marks is a bafflingly rude thing to do. Someone at work does it and I know exactly who it is. Dunno how to approach the matter tbh, as I’m fed up of clearing his shit up.

 

[Orang Utan]

You must open the curtains and blinds in the morning when it's light and close them when it's dark. Im pretty insistent about it with my housemates. One of them would leave everything closed and put the lights on first thing the massive dufus.

That seems quite an odd requirement. What’s the reasoning for it? I only do it if I’m having trouble getting out of bed and it’s sunny out.

 

[TheWolfshead]

Some of us can aim straight

That may well be so, but I've never yet met a man who could!

 

[TheWolfshead]

No Fleewood Mac.

Which one? Or both?

 

[TheWolfshead]

No trying to convince me the earth is flat.

 

[TheWolfshead]

In a way I'm lucky with the no smoking thing. I live in an apartment and smoking is not allowed in the building; you have to be at least nine feet away from it to smoke. The exceptions are medical marijuana and smudging for religious purposes (which is a thing here).

 

[seeformiles]

I think your house rules are perfectly reasonable and giving them an option of smoking on the balcony meets them halfway. We have a no smoking rule as well from when we moved into our current house and I still smoked - go outside to the garden or in the garage. However, in exceptional circumstances (if smoker is in a state of terrible emotional distress and it’s blowing a gale putside) it can be relaxed - but rollies only as readymades absolutely fucking stink.

 

[seeformiles]

1. No stand up pissing
(though that could easily be covered by the 'don't be a dick' rule)

Do you live on a National Express Coach?

 

[beesonthewhatnow]

rollies only as readymades absolutely fucking stink.

And roll ups don’t?

 

[dessiato]

Now here we go again...

Do you have any dreams you'd like to sell?

 

[seeformiles]

And roll ups don’t?

Not as badly. I always smoked rollies and Mrs SFM (who has never smoked) was quite tolerant of it but one day there was a cig promotion in the pub with attractive young ladies and gentlemen handing out free packs of Marlboro Lights. I lit one up at home and was told to get out of the house while she opened the windows and purged the stink.

 

[Orang Utan]

Do you live on a National Express Coach?

No. It’s just the best way to have a piss and the least likely way to make a mess. Such a no brainer.

 

[Orang Utan]

Roll up smoke is way more stinky than real fag smoke. It’s got this rotten sweet tinge to it
<boak>

 

[Idaho]

TBF i did dream abut Danny and I doing the tango, in the night.

And me

 

[beesonthewhatnow]

Not as badly. I always smoked rollies and Mrs SFM (who has never smoked) was quite tolerant of it but one day there was a cig promotion in the pub with attractive young ladies and gentlemen handing out free packs of Marlboro Lights. I lit one up at home and was told to get out of the house while she opened the windows and purged the stink.

The idea they’re somehow better is utterly laughable. It all smells the same, in that it fucking stinks, along with the person smoking them.