Pickman's model
Starry Wisdom
'the sort unfortunate enough to be serving you. would you prefer to get through to a machine?' would be my response.
Do you deal with confrontation at work (not colleagues) and does it bother you?
- Thread starter Poot
- Start date
Yeah, had 2 to deal with the other day. One was for eating with my mouth open. Shock horror, ffs. Told her that whether my mouth is full of biccies or not is none of her business or whatever else I may be doing. She apologised. Then someone wanted to give my friends dog a biscuit so he produced one from his pocket and I said oh you've got some in your pocket and he replied in a tone of voice that said I'm dealing with an idiot here[yes I have a dog at home]. So I replied sarcastically or is it because you just go about feeding random dogs. His wife said well, I never and pulled him away. Does my head in as I absolutely hate confrontation and wish I didn't have to deal with it. But hey, ho that's life I suppose.
smmudge
i know the smudge is true
I've recently started a new job and l would say 90% of the customers I deal with are perfectly nice and reasonable, even if something's gone wrong with our customer service or admin or something. In fact if something's actually gone wrong I find it a lot easier to deal with.
It's a new area for me, basically work place pensions, and you wouldn't believe how angry people can get about auto enrolment. We're thieving scum, stealing their money, "worse than pikeys", they're going to take us to court etc etc. The worse thing is half the time they haven't even been set up on our system yet, because we haven't got their details or any money from their employer
I haven't quite figured out how to handle these calls well and without it getting to me. But for the time being I'm not too hard on myself, as I reckon it comes from a sensitivity and compassion that better helps me resolve other more justifiable and reasonable complaints.
I've got a colleague who's been doing the same role for a few years now, and she has the tone of voice down to a t. She does the compassionate, understanding thing really well, but if someone's being very unreasonable she adjusts it so well, to be assertive yet not rude, and isn't afraid to say something she knows they won't want to hear. I think that last bit is what I need to work on most actually!
It's a new area for me, basically work place pensions, and you wouldn't believe how angry people can get about auto enrolment. We're thieving scum, stealing their money, "worse than pikeys", they're going to take us to court etc etc. The worse thing is half the time they haven't even been set up on our system yet, because we haven't got their details or any money from their employer
I haven't quite figured out how to handle these calls well and without it getting to me. But for the time being I'm not too hard on myself, as I reckon it comes from a sensitivity and compassion that better helps me resolve other more justifiable and reasonable complaints.
I've got a colleague who's been doing the same role for a few years now, and she has the tone of voice down to a t. She does the compassionate, understanding thing really well, but if someone's being very unreasonable she adjusts it so well, to be assertive yet not rude, and isn't afraid to say something she knows they won't want to hear. I think that last bit is what I need to work on most actually!
kalidarkone
Bringing YOU round.....
Working in pre op care and post op recovery I care for people who have been starved and are dehydrated, anxious about having a general anaesthetic and surgery . Sometimes the op gets cancelled. Looked after a guy the other day whose op had been cancelled 6 times!!! Luckily they did it.
My tactic before surgery is to give em 50 mls of water, reassure them and just be really really sweet to them. They are usually a different person afterwards and apologise.
Post surgery people are usually pretty out of it. Heavy weed smokers and habitual drug users/ alcoholics are the most anxious/ angry because they are more likely to be in pain or/ and withdrawing and are vulnerable. In this situation - I continue being sweet, firm about them keeping the oxygen on, sips of water get on top of the pain/ nausea and I hold their hand / rub their arm/ massage their temples and keep talking to them, telling them their op is over , where they are, who I am....
However if it's 4 pm or 4 am that is my compassion bypass time....I have to bite my fucking lip.
Luckily they did it. My tactic before surgery is to give em 50 mls of water, reassure them and just be really really sweet to them. They are usually a different person afterwards and apologise.
Post surgery people are usually pretty out of it. Heavy weed smokers and habitual drug users/ alcoholics are the most anxious/ angry because they are more likely to be in pain or/ and withdrawing and are vulnerable. In this situation - I continue being sweet, firm about them keeping the oxygen on, sips of water get on top of the pain/ nausea and I hold their hand / rub their arm/ massage their temples and keep talking to them, telling them their op is over , where they are, who I am....
However if it's 4 pm or 4 am that is my compassion bypass time....I have to bite my fucking lip.
Rebelda
Nearly as bad as Badgers
This is definitely true.
I occasionally deal with confrontation from patients and that is mostly easy to handle. It's not nice but they're ill, scared, confused, sick of being in hospital etc. Easy to be understanding, smile and comfort.
When patients' visitors come and have a go is a different kettle of fish, especially when they are visiting for the first time in two weeks and come and shout at the person who has been caring for their loved one. Difficult not to tell them to kiss your arse and fuck off
And yeah what kalidarkone says about 4. Not sure why.
Voley
🐀
I take a lot less shit in my current job than I have in previous ones. I've been called a cunt and all that but the best insult anyone ever threw at me was 'You're just a glorified binman!' I actually lol'd at that and they hung up. I sort of hoped they were going to complain so my boss would listen to the call and all the previous shite they'd come out with. But alas that was the last I heard of them.
I actually lol'd at that and they hung up. I sort of hoped they were going to complain so my boss would listen to the call and all the previous shite they'd come out with. But alas that was the last I heard of them.
MickiQ
In My Defence I was left Unsupervised
OK you've got me bemused here? you're telling us people are angry about being made to pay into a pension scheme?
ddraig
kicking against the pricks...
yes people do get angry about it
MickiQ
In My Defence I was left Unsupervised
Whilst I have no reason to disbelieve you, I am totally amazed by that, the last pensions presentation I had, the guy started with "this is going to be the most boring hour of your lives let's get it over with"
ddraig
kicking against the pricks...
Some people take umbrage at the fact it's their money and if they wanted a pension they'd get one, without thinking/seeing the benefits of one.
And of course money being taken from their pay packet
weltweit
Well-Known Member
I don't enjoy confrontation currently.
However I used to be the one causing it. In sales I would be the one that customers would complain to about their delayed deliveries and how important it was that we deliver on time, not late, earlier than scheduled or whatever.
It was my role to go to the production planner or factory manager and try to get them to completely overhaul their plans for the sake of my whinging customer.
Needless to say, the production planner and factory manager learnt to hate my guts as when I visited them it always meant extra work for them and the production planner had a very stressful job already. I was actively causing confrontation even though I tried to be calm and gentle.
In my current role it is only rarely that I have to do this, I tip my hat to those whose current role includes this.
However I used to be the one causing it. In sales I would be the one that customers would complain to about their delayed deliveries and how important it was that we deliver on time, not late, earlier than scheduled or whatever.
It was my role to go to the production planner or factory manager and try to get them to completely overhaul their plans for the sake of my whinging customer.
Needless to say, the production planner and factory manager learnt to hate my guts as when I visited them it always meant extra work for them and the production planner had a very stressful job already. I was actively causing confrontation even though I tried to be calm and gentle.
In my current role it is only rarely that I have to do this, I tip my hat to those whose current role includes this.
marty21
One on one? You're crazy.
I was once called 'The worst Housing Officer in History ' by a tenantI take a lot less shit in my current job than I have in previous ones. I've been called a cunt and all that but the best insult anyone ever threw at me was 'You're just a glorified binman!'
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
You tyrant, you.I was once called 'The worst Housing Officer in History ' by a tenant
Saul Goodman
It's all good, man
There's a perfect way to deal with these confrontational cunts. Simply say to them "OK... What would you like me to do?" It stops them in their tracks, because they don't want you to do anything, they just want to rant/be a cunt, and that simple question melts their tiny minds.
weltweit
Well-Known Member
Wouldn't have worked for me because I knew exactly what I wanted them to do
AnnO'Neemus
Is so vanilla
I think the main thing is not to take it personally. I had a job a couple of years ago with a grant-awarding body and used to handle calls from lots of angry and/or upset people who'd had their applications rejected.
When I started, I did used to take it personally and it used to perturb and upset me that people would be so angry at *me*. But I just had to learn to accept that they weren't really angry at me, they were angry at the outcome of their application, the decision makers, the organisation and even government funding cuts and the wider economic climate.
Once you start to detach yourself from it emotionally, it gets easier to deal with.
They're going to want to rant and vent a bit, so try to let that be water off a duck's back. But then try to start controlling the narrative a bit 'Yes, I'm sorry it's bad news and it's not what you wanted to hear, and I'm sorry you're angry and upset, but let's look at the reason for the decision and see if there's a way of addressing those issues in a reapplication?'
So hear them out and sympathise but then try to get them to move forwards, what do they want? What can you do to help?
Not in relation to work but more in a personal capacity, one thing that drives me over the edge is when people start parroting about complaints procedures. No. No, I don't want to file a fucking complaint, I just want you to do your jobs competently/resolve the fucking problem. So I'd say think about the actual underlying problem and how to go about solving that, because that's ultimately what people want. Fobbing people off with complaints procedures is just bullshit because it doesn't really achieve anything, just compounds the frustration and anger.
So that's why - back to work scenarios - if anyone said anything about making a complaint I'd signpost them to the relevant policy and procedures but I wouldn't just brush them off, I'd still try to tackle the problem, 'Yes, here's how to make a complaint, but what I'm also going to for you is xyz (email/speak with a colleague to try to get feedback or set up a meeting) to help resolve the problem.'
I had a couple of particularly difficult calls that could have ended up in messy complaints making allegations of racial or disability discrimination (I don't think there had been, but that was their perception of how/why things had gone wrong), but ultimately the complaints weren't lodged because I hadn't just fobbed them off with the complaints procedure, but had proactively dealt with the underlying issues and got them the assistance they needed/set up meetings/put them in contact with colleagues who could help them.
So try not to take it personally and try to achieve some kind of resolution to the problem. And if you can't solve the problem there and then, tell them what you're going to do and follow through - call them back/send them an email to update them 'I said I'd contact X, they're in a meeting all afternoon/off till Wednesday, but I've left a message and I'll chase it up. And in the meantime here's the link to those guidance notes for grant applications' or 'I've had a chat with colleague X and they're going to email/call you tomorrow'. Keep the communication going and keep it positive.
When I started, I did used to take it personally and it used to perturb and upset me that people would be so angry at *me*. But I just had to learn to accept that they weren't really angry at me, they were angry at the outcome of their application, the decision makers, the organisation and even government funding cuts and the wider economic climate.
Once you start to detach yourself from it emotionally, it gets easier to deal with.
They're going to want to rant and vent a bit, so try to let that be water off a duck's back. But then try to start controlling the narrative a bit 'Yes, I'm sorry it's bad news and it's not what you wanted to hear, and I'm sorry you're angry and upset, but let's look at the reason for the decision and see if there's a way of addressing those issues in a reapplication?'
So hear them out and sympathise but then try to get them to move forwards, what do they want? What can you do to help?
Not in relation to work but more in a personal capacity, one thing that drives me over the edge is when people start parroting about complaints procedures. No. No, I don't want to file a fucking complaint, I just want you to do your jobs competently/resolve the fucking problem. So I'd say think about the actual underlying problem and how to go about solving that, because that's ultimately what people want. Fobbing people off with complaints procedures is just bullshit because it doesn't really achieve anything, just compounds the frustration and anger.
So that's why - back to work scenarios - if anyone said anything about making a complaint I'd signpost them to the relevant policy and procedures but I wouldn't just brush them off, I'd still try to tackle the problem, 'Yes, here's how to make a complaint, but what I'm also going to for you is xyz (email/speak with a colleague to try to get feedback or set up a meeting) to help resolve the problem.'
I had a couple of particularly difficult calls that could have ended up in messy complaints making allegations of racial or disability discrimination (I don't think there had been, but that was their perception of how/why things had gone wrong), but ultimately the complaints weren't lodged because I hadn't just fobbed them off with the complaints procedure, but had proactively dealt with the underlying issues and got them the assistance they needed/set up meetings/put them in contact with colleagues who could help them.
So try not to take it personally and try to achieve some kind of resolution to the problem. And if you can't solve the problem there and then, tell them what you're going to do and follow through - call them back/send them an email to update them 'I said I'd contact X, they're in a meeting all afternoon/off till Wednesday, but I've left a message and I'll chase it up. And in the meantime here's the link to those guidance notes for grant applications' or 'I've had a chat with colleague X and they're going to email/call you tomorrow'. Keep the communication going and keep it positive.
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