Do you consider yourself an audiophile?

[BigTom]

I'm actually up for making something and trying to knock it out to some of these dickheads.

I'd need some technical assistance though.

I'm thinking we could produce an "inline mains filter" to guarantee that only the best electricity reaches the components. It'll filter out all the bad electricity (as we all know, rubbish in=rubbish out) thus ensuring that only the highest quality power creates your sound.

We'll sell the filters for £199.99 which will be a promotional offer, giving a saving of £800 on the normal price.

I will finance the venture. Please PM me if you have the skills to design and manufacture such an item (it needs to be something that doesn't blow-up, catch fire, or electrocute people) .

1) get one of those square multi adaptor plugs.
2) paint it gold.
3) sell it as a multi kit inline power cleanser. No longer do you need an individual cleaner for every piece of equipment, this will do up to 3, saving you squillions of pounds. Bargain of the century really.

You may have to price it higher than you think though. Ex pensive stuff that acoustic paint is, but it insulates and isolates your power supply from the ambient/background electricity that could have been anywhere before arriving in your house.

 

[High Voltage]

I . . . . We'll sell the filters for £199.99 which will be a promotional offer, giving a saving of £800 on the normal price . . . . .

Fool. I spotted that. Put me down for 10 - and for that I'll want an additional discount - £150 each or you can stick 'em up your arse

Please PM me your bank account details so I can transfer the money - - - - plus . . . ..

sort code

and for security purposes

your mothers maiden name

a significant 4 digit number

your first pets name

where you last went to school

a "memorable" date

"other" information that may speed the transfer to YOUR ACCOUNT of £1500 - that's one thousand five hundred britihs (sic) pounds - for your high quality audio filtres

 

[High Voltage]

<deleted, cause it wasn't funny in the cold hard light of day>

 

[stuff_it]

Th Phonosophie CD Flux spray on & wipe off liquid, a snip at £99.50, actually claims to give you more music

" Start with the printed side of the disc."

 

[Doctor Carrot]

Well, I haven't been on urban for quite some time now. Thought I'd pop back and have a nose around. I come back, check my alerts and see this thread is still going. Not only is it still going it's morphed into a compendium of high end audiophile bullshit. Really fucking funny high end audiophile bullshit too! My particular favourites are the speaker cable cream (combined with the rainbow foil!) and the nine grand plug board!

Bravo Urban, Bravo!

 

[8ball]

It's a bit like flogging colloidal silver or homeopathy, but with fewer moral quandaries.

Could be a fun hobby - must think of a product incorporating dilute bleach in some way...

 

[BigTom]

It's a bit like flogging colloidal silver or homeopathy, but with fewer moral quandaries.

Could be a fun hobby - must think of a product incorporating dilute bleach in some way...

Well now, let's think about this. What does bleach do? I say it does two things:

1) clean
2) make things white

So, applying bleach correctly to a cable would, of course, clean the signal, something which all audiophiles are keen to do. Gotta have a clean signal.
Secondly, we all like white noise, and how else are you going to get a pure white noise without passing the sound through a bleach solution? You won't, that's the truth of it. If you want really, really, white noise, you need to use bleach, obviously. Otherwise what you are really hearing is ivory noise, or cream noise or some such other off-white noise.

 

[teuchter]

Yes, but have you thought about the ions?

It's ok though because you just need to pass the bleach through my patented Bleach Ion Purificating Chamber first, making sure of course that the "B" on the label is aligned at 90 degrees from magnetic north.

To achieve full accuracy in this I also sell my gold-tipped compass device housed in a perfect vacuum to ensure that the compass needle is not affected by radon, contrails, or mains hum.

 

[8ball]

To achieve full accuracy in this I also sell my gold-tipped compass device housed in a perfect vacuum to ensure that the compass needle is not affected by radon, contrails, or mains hum.

Great progress, guys, we'll need some kind of little Faraday cage rather than a perfect vacuum, though.
On the bright side, a little Faraday cage is much cheaper than a vacuum chamber.

Need some start-up capital. I wonder if any of those idiots on Dragon's Den is an audiophile...

 

[chemn]

Yes, but have you thought about the ions?

It's ok though because you just need to pass the bleach through my patented Bleach Ion Purificating Chamber first, making sure of course that the "B" on the label is aligned at 90 degrees from magnetic north.

To achieve full accuracy in this I also sell my gold-tipped compass device housed in a perfect vacuum to ensure that the compass needle is not affected by radon, contrails, or mains hum.

You mean to say that the Earth's magnetic field affects the audio signal in the cable? Why hadn't I considered this before?! Which way should I point my components for best results? I assume that wires should have audio signals travelling in the east-west orientation?

 

[8ball]

You mean to say that the Earth's magnetic field affects the audio signal in the cable? Why hadn't I considered this before?! Which way should I point my components for best results? I assume that wires should have audio signals travelling in the east-west orientation?

No, you'll need one of my field-realignment kits (£299.98) - then you can have your equipment pointing whichever way you like.

 

[ViolentPanda]

No, you'll need one of my field-realignment kits (£299.98) - then you can have your equipment pointing whichever way you like.

Shouldn't that be a comma rather than a full-stop in the price?
Or perhaps your field realignment kit uses inferior ferrite magnets, whereas the custom realignment kits I make, tailored to each customer's individual needs, contains a well-researched mix of Neobium-Iron-Boron magnets, and AlNiCo V magnets, to maximise the inherent tonality and clarity of the audio signals.

 

[8ball]

Shouldn't that be a comma rather than a full-stop in the price?
Or perhaps your field realignment kit uses inferior ferrite magnets, whereas the custom realignment kits I make, tailored to each customer's individual needs, contains a well-researched mix of Neobium-Iron-Boron magnets, and AlNiCo V magnets, to maximise the inherent tonality and clarity of the audio signals.

We are an ethical company and care about humanity's listening pleasure above all other things.

The price is purely nominal - we sell each unit at a significant loss.

 

[ViolentPanda]

We are an ethical company and care about humanity's listening pleasure above all other things.

The price is purely nominal - we sell each unit at a significant loss.

Ah, you're hippies.

 

[8ball]

Ah, you're hippies.

We are philanthropists.

 

[ViolentPanda]

We are philanthropists.

Then you have no place in the world of top-end audio accessory retail, my friend.

 

[8ball]

Then you have no place in the world of top-end audio accessory retail, my friend.

I can prove you wrong for only £299.98.

 

[ViolentPanda]

I can prove you wrong for only £299.98.

 

[existentialist]

Directional guitar leads?

http://www2.gibson.com/News-Lifestyle/Features/en-us/guitar-cords-1015-2011.aspx

(it's all fairly sensible until until the end)

 

[ViolentPanda]

Directional guitar leads?

http://www2.gibson.com/News-Lifestyle/Features/en-us/guitar-cords-1015-2011.aspx

(it's all fairly sensible until until the end)

Ah, so this bollocks has finally filtered through to music mags a decade after the hifi mags.

 

[skyscraper101]

...while many of the genuine high-end, audiophile-grade guitar cords available out there—and I’m talking your $100-for-12ft or so cords—do indeed let a lot more tone down the pipe, for some guitarists it’s just too much tone.

Too much tone.. aggh. Blast those quality $100 leads.

 

[existentialist]

Too much tone.. aggh. Blast those quality $100 leads.

I know, I chuckled.

As a bit of a practising musician myself, my experience has been that the musos most obsessed with the finicky details of their kit are usually the ones who are a bit weak on the practical necessities. Musicians who can play tend to just get on with it.

 

[fractionMan]

a goldmine of gumph... http://www.dc10audio.com/products.html#

"almost holographic imaging" http://www.dc10audio.com/about.html

 

[stuff_it]

Great progress, guys, we'll need some kind of little Faraday cage rather than a perfect vacuum, though.
On the bright side, a little Faraday cage is much cheaper than a vacuum chamber.

Need some start-up capital. I wonder if any of those idiots on Dragon's Den is an audiophile...

Any microwave is in effect a Faraday cage. Perhaps if we gold plate one?

 

[8ball]

Any microwave is in effect a Faraday cage. Perhaps if we gold plate one?

Gold makes everything better when it comes to sound quality.

 

[Nylock]

Make sure the plating is unidirectional as, that way, you can have the gold perfectly aligned down to the scale of it's crystalline structure. This will ensure uniformity of electron flow and improve fidelity by up to 150% over standard gold plating. With this type of plating you can align your audio kit in any direction with relation to the Earth's geomagnetic field lines without fear of magnetically induced phase micromisalignment at the submolecular level which, as any true audiophile will tell you, can induce transient non-trivial 'ghost' clipping at high volume applications. Insist on unidirectional gold plating next time your'e out shopping for cables and interconnects -or alternatively call our toll-free number for a no obligation quote...

 

[twentythreedom]

^^ seems perfectly reasonable tbh

 

[Nylock]

 

[teuchter]

 

[joustmaster]

ha. he has a record demagnetiser.
hahaha