'Welcome to Nandos. Are you the Umunna party?'
- no, we are just sitting as independents for the time being without a leader, but will revisit the issue before the end of the year.
'FFS, I just wanted to know if you needed a big table!'
- oh, sorry. Yes, erm, we are indeed a group.
'And will anyone be joining you later?'
- well, even after Corbyn's belated U turn on the second referendum, we have high hopes. The antisemitism thing alone will surely bring fresh recruits.
'Jaysus, I just wanted to know if anybody else was dining tonight'
- oops, sorry again, this low budget dining lark isn't easy!
'Right then. So, you choose a main meal and your sauce and then there's the sides'
- erm, can we change sides later?
'GET OUT!'