Bad California jokes
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbult?
A:Thirty-three million and two. One to hold the torch, one to screw in the lightbulb, and 33 million to whinge that their own deregulation program let Enron screw 'em out of their electric.
Okay, as a native midwesterner, I just can't pass up an opportunity to join in on a piss-take of the Golden Showers State. So here, for your persual, is a regional variation on Ann Winterton's unfortunate aside (with apologies to my mates out there and none for the bigot Tory bastard):
A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan are out riding their horses.
The Texan pulls out a bottle of expensive bourbon, takes a deep draught, and, tossing the bottle into the air, unholsters his shotgun and blows the bottle to smithereens.
The Californian looks at the Texan, aghast, and says, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!" The Texan drawls, "In Texas, there's plenty of bourbon and bottles are cheap.”
Not to be outdone, the Californian produces a bottle of champagne, takes a few delicate sips, tosses the bottle into the air, pulls a pistol and blows the bottle to pieces.
The Nevadan turns agitatedly to the Californian and demands, “What the hell’d you do that for? That was one pricey bottle of champagne!” The Californian replies, “In California, there’s plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap.”
The Nevadan knits his eyebrows, muses on this for a moment, and opens a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He takes a sip, then downs it in one. Gingerly, he places the bottle in his saddlebag, unpacks his sawed-off, and shoots the Californian.
Mouth agape, the Texan turns to the Nevadan and says, “Now why in tarnation’d you have to go and do that?”
The Nevadan cracks a wry smile and says, “Well, sir, in Nevada, Californians are a dime a dozen, and bottles’re worth a nickel.”
Just takin' the mickey, JoMo. Some of my best friends are Californians. Y'all might be a little bit wierd, but apart from the posh plastic GOP scum of Beverly Hills and Orange County, yer alright with me. This rabble might seem a bit gruff, but the right-wing tabloids antics around the Paddick business has got us all a bit sensitive, so don't take the ribbing hard and good luck with Bernie Parks.