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When Customers/Clients/Colleagues Say/Do Stupid Things

Telling everyone who would listen that an anchor set up on a big boat would fail and cause a massive fucking disaster.
I did that for 18 months via email, diagrams, videos and artistically in the form of mime :facepalm:

To no avail as I don’t have a MSc in Maritime engineering to Speak the lingo

There was a storm, anchor system failed and a fucking huge boat with 300 people on it went over the horizon in the middle of the night, dragged anchor and got caught on national gas pipeline.

Cue national investigations and government ministers thumping tables.

Unfortunately I now have two “Marine specialist” QCs on the job “experts” to prevent this happening .....they cause me more pain than a pancreatitis, the horrible old uncle alberts :D
 
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Only when necessary.


It's never necessary to be horrible.

I don't understand why people choose to be unpleasant. What's going on with that. Where's the pleasure and delight in making people dislike you. What kind of achievement is that. It's not even difficult to do so it can't be about the challenge. It's such an odd choice to make.

It makes no sense to me at all.
 
My new job role means I’m often acting as duty manager for the entire venue, responsible for the opening of the concert hall, plus the general safety and potential evacuation of over 500 members of the public.

Seeing how crowds behave when trying to move from one part of a building to another has confirmed my previous suspicions that at least 95% of the human race are utter fucking morons.
 
This week, I've had an incident where a bright young colleague, decided to instruct someone who doesn't work for them, via email, to start their 'Inclusion Week' tool box talk by not telling them what is was about, but to try and provoke some sexist banter before showing them a video clip on the subject. And they did, to a room full of 30 people:facepalm:
 
I had a group email from somebody calling themselves an education and training coordinator once (in house so a colleague I suppose) asking if I wanted training on how to use outlook. I replied by email being a smart arse saying I thought I'd be ok. They replied asking if I was sure because it could be really valuable.
 
There probably should be a thread for this, so now there is.
Today, a customer was unhappy with us because we couldn't print out a YouTube video for them.
What have people you work with done or said that has astounded you with its ignorance or stupidity?

these threads are awesome
 
Oh God, I've got loads.

When I worked for a London Borough council I had one woman ring in, the phones/computers had been down which meant she took ages to get through. She was understandably annoyed and asked why it had taken her almost an hour to get through to a person, and I said "I do apologise for the inconvenience, it's just we've had countless IT problems today and as a result we now have 27 people in the queue." She shrieked "27 PEOPLE?! What are you going to do about that then?!" I explained that unfortunately we can't control how many people ring us up, but if she wanted to get through at a less busy time it's best to try and avoid Mondays and Fridays. She responded that I was very rude. Um, I thought I was being quite helpful actually, but OK...
Also at the council, there was a guy who complained about me because I'd told him to stop shouting at me. My boss listened to the call and sent him a letter telling him to get stretchered, or words to that effect. This man was actually found dead in his house a week later from a heart attack, resulting in many jokes from my colleagues along the lines of "Witchcraft, CatLady, or was it actually you sneaking out of his house in a hoodie?" He probably shouted himself to death!
A third one at the same place - This bloke's boiler had gone out and we booked the gas engineer to go out within 24 hours, but were unable to give a specific time. We put on the notes that he was at work and requested that the engineer call as late as possible; but made him aware that we weren't guaranteeing anything. He was calling from work, and put his boss on the phone. His boss began ranting at me about how badly we were treating his employee as a tenant, and that if he was foreign or a benefits scrounger we'd probably give him a time! I said to Mr Big Man, "Well if you really care about him, why don't you just give him the day off?" He didn't like that idea, as his company would lose money; proving that he wasn't concerned about Employee/Tenant at all. He was just concerned about his own precious revenue. Though he did agree to give him the day off paid in the end. He also apologised to me "if he had sounded racist". Think he must have sensed my disapproval!
We'd have people complaining about how our repair staff's working hours didn't allow for the fact that some people worked - which they did have a point on, but there was no justification for some of the things they said about their neighbours in less fortunate circumstances. One woman's toilet had burst leaking water all over the place so we sent out the emergency plumber. He missed her the first time because she was at work so I sent him out again and asked him to bring a temporary toilet until we could replace the one that had burst. She didn't care about the fact that I'd actually gone out of my way to make sure she didn't miss him again. just went on about how she worked unlike the rest of the "scum in her street". My blood boiled at that, because she's not better than her neighbours just because she happens to have a wage coming in. I reminded her that we were in a recession, and in any case how did she know so much about her neighbours' business? That shut her up!

Not my workplace this next one, but one afternoon a few years ago, the water was switched off locally due to a burst pipe. I went online to monitor Thames Water's Twitter page for updates. I couldn't believe some of the comments on there. People were saying they wanted to make a complaint and how could they get compensation. IT WASN'T ANYONE'S FAULT! Yes, it's annoying and horrible not being able to have a shower or a cup of tea or use the toilet, but sometimes stuff just goes wrong and it's not anyone's fault. The water was switched back on a couple of hours later anyway, but if Thames Water hadn't turned the supply off to investigate and someone got sick from drinking contaminated water, I daresay they'd be seeking compensation for that!

Also I used to work for a parcel delivery firm. A bloke rang in one day with a sorry-we-missed-you card he'd been left by one of our drivers. I typed in the tracking number which showed his next door neighbour's address. Now that was quite a common error by couriers, although it shouldn't have been. The driver had simply left the card at the wrong house, but this guy went apeshit. He was adamant that somebody was using his address for fraudulent purposes and when he saw that it was an Eastern European name, he began ranting about how this is what happens when you let Poles into the country! I retorted, "My mum's Polish." Not the first time I've used that either! He sounded rather embarrassed then and acknowledged that it was "all probably just a mistake."

I'll let you know if I think of any more.
 
I had a customer ask for some Irish beef, we tend to sell British beef (loads in multiple sizes and prices) but we do have some Irish beef, 500g packs.

"That's too small"
"It's the only size we sell in Irish beef, I'm afraid, but you could buy multiple packs"
"You used to do a bigger pack. I want a bigger pack"
"I'm afraid we don't sell the bigger packs. How much did you want as you could buy multiple packs. Or we do larger packs in British beef?"
"I want a bigger pack of Irish. This is rubbish!" and she stormed off.

She must really like Irish beef!
 
Sent an email to our IT department this morning requesting access to a particular network drive.

Two hours later I get an email back from them asking if I can clarify which drive by sending them a link to it.

I just laughed.
 
I had a customer recently hold up a salad and ask me ‘is this in the meal deal?, The sticker says it is.’

I just nod and smile.

Customer: Is this in the meal deal?, The sticker says it is.

Someone Who Isn't Moomoo: Oh. In that case it's probably not.

Customer: Probably not?

SWIM: Yes.

Customer: What's the sticker for, then?

SWIM: It's more of a talking point. We've found that customers and staff like it. Staff especially.

Customer: Right. Right. So, how do I know what's in the meal deal?

SWIM: Well, what do you think should be in the meal deal?

Customer: Uh... I'm not sure...

SWIM: Ok, well, why don't you pick out some things you think could be in a meal deal, bring them back to me and we can have a chat about it. Yes?

Customer: Well... uh... I'm in a bit of a hurry actually. I just want to get something for lunch and get going.

SWIM: Oh! In that case, why not pick some things with a meal deal sticker on, and we'll just put them straight through as though they're in the meal deal. ;)

Customer: :hmm:
 
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Today I had someone ask me if we sold the pancakes that you make yourself.

‘Errrr, do you mean do we sell milk, eggs and flour?’

I’m starting to think that working in retail really isn’t my thing.
:D
 
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