The office 'scolding email' thread

[Pickman's model]

equationgirl Badgers muscovyduckthey think it's all over

 

[BoatieBird]

End of an era Pickman's model

 

[Pickman's model]

End of an era Pickman's model

 

[quiet guy]

No more Amazon Prime orders, what will some of the staff do for presents now

 

[equationgirl]

I fully expect that the fraud will continue unless the culprit has left or greater security measures around the card are implemented.

Pickman's model

 

[cybershot]

I’ve missed this thread this year.
Constantly telling people they are on mute just isn’t the same.

 

[Lazy Llama]

I’ve missed this thread this year.
Constantly telling people they are on mute just isn’t the same.

I presume people have been blocking their own toilets with an entire roll of loo roll, pissing on their own seats, microwaving stinky fish and using up all the milk by 9am in their own kitchens each day.

 

[smmudge]

We've had a couple of moany ones from IT recently, basically telling people to stop watching Netflix and YouTube while on the company's VPN.

 

[cybershot]

We've had a couple of moany ones from IT recently, basically telling people to stop watching Netflix and YouTube while on the company's VPN.

why on earth isn’t the default setting of the VPN split tunnel is what I’d be replying to IT with.

 

[Badgers]

Just had a company wide email warning people who 'talk to the press about the company/work' will be dismissed

Wish I could share it

 

[existentialist]

Just had a company wide email warning people who 'talk to the press about the company/work' will be dismissed

Wish I could share it

Nothing like a threat of that nature to tell you that they're feeling very, very uncomfortable about something

 

[cybershot]

Just had a company wide email warning people who 'talk to the press about the company/work' will be dismissed

Wish I could share it

You work for the Royal Family?

 

[Badgers]

You work for the Royal Family?

No, but an equally greedy and incompetent bunch of cunts

 

[izz]

No, but an equally greedy and incompetent bunch of cunts

oh the government

 

[Pickman's model]

Just had a company wide email warning people who 'talk to the press about the company/work' will be dismissed

Wish I could share it

even if (on the off-chance) they say nice things?

 

[Pickman's model]

for some reason i've got an email from 'MyAnalytics':

the scolding is more implicit in this email.

 

[smmudge]

for some reason i've got an email from 'MyAnalytics':
View attachment 243472
the scolding is more implicit in this email.

View attachment 243473

That looks like productive time working with others to me. Spending more time doing that wouldn't necessarily be more productive, in fact wouldn't it indicate the opposite.

I got a myanalytics email this morning too, I have a feeling it had something to do with Microsoft falling over for the whole of Europe until about 9.30am.

 

[Badgers]

I get that shit too Pickman's model

Have just deleted them all

 

[Puddy_Tat]

for some reason i've got an email from 'MyAnalytics':

I get these daily and just delete them.

It's something that Outlook does automatically.

It's bollocks - is time in meetings etc supposed to be good or bad? and how does it know if time in Teams chats is productive work or talking about last night's telly?

 

[hitmouse]

Not scolding as such, but I recently got a work email from someone who couldn't decide between starting with "Dear Hitmouse" or "To Whom It May Concern", and so decided to go with the novel approach of "Dear Concern..."

 

[steeplejack]

Disappointing lack of "Dear colleague, whilst we have no wish to dampen the festive spirits...." passive /aggressive don't event think of going on holiday until the work I need is done type e-mails this year

 

[steeplejack]

...anyway, such e-mails normally get a mental invitation to cram their workload sideways up their arse with a mailed fist, before the computer is simply turned off until 5 January.

 

[a_chap]

... and how does it know if time in Teams chats is productive work or talking about last night's telly?

Because it's listening to all your Teams calls, reading all your emails and feeding them into the "Graph" from which its AI determines how productive you are, citizen.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Because it's listening to all your Teams calls, reading all your emails and feeding them into the "Graph" from which its AI determines how productive you are, citizen.

one of my colleagues did manage to say something - shall we say - faintly unprofessional in a teams chat when we were quite new to it.

unfortunately, most of us were still working in the office at that stage, and someone in the chat was using his laptop to give a presentation at the time...

 

[smmudge]

Today my MyAnalytics email told me to check my emails less!!

"You read over three quarters of your emails within 30 minutes. To maximize focus, try checking your inbox once an hour. If that works well, try upping your time to once every two hours."!!!

What it doesn't say is how long it will actually take me to reply to an email after I've read it, if I bother replying at all.

It's funny it thinks I'm "focused" just because I'm not in a meeting or reading emails, how naive!

 

[donkyboy]

We had a MS Team meeting with our manager yesterday for our team. 5 minutes was spent on department updates and the rest of the hour and 5 minutes was spent talking about christmas movies, irish accents, covid mutations and marriage/relationships etc.

If the upper management found out we spend all these "every other day" meetings as excuse to take a long break from working, I dont think they will be best pleased.

 

[equationgirl]

for some reason i've got an email from 'MyAnalytics':
View attachment 243472
the scolding is more implicit in this email.

View attachment 243473

It's spam from Microsoft. The few are mildly interesting but they get old quickly. I just ignore them.or delete them. I'm collaborative enough, thanks.

 

[quiet guy]

Today my MyAnalytics email told me to check my emails less!!

"You read over three quarters of your emails within 30 minutes. To maximize focus, try checking your inbox once an hour. If that works well, try upping your time to once every two hours."!!!

What it doesn't say is how long it will actually take me to reply to an email after I've read it, if I bother replying at all.

It's funny it thinks I'm "focused" just because I'm not in a meeting or reading emails, how naive!

I remember a former manager telling me off for not responding immediately to an email she had sent. I'd been dealing with collating some facts for a report that she had requested earlier in the day. Sometimes you can't win.

 

[two sheds]

We had a MS Team meeting with our manager yesterday for our team. 5 minutes was spent on department updates and the rest of the hour and 5 minutes was spent talking about christmas movies, irish accents, covid mutations and marriage/relationships etc.

If the upper management found out we spend all these "every other day" meetings as excuse to take a long break from working, I dont think they will be best pleased.

Don't they recognize teambuilding and strengthening personal relationships?

 

[strung out]

This thread's been quiet

Not really a scolding e-mail, but I enjoyed this item which came through in our organisation's weekly newsletter