The office 'scolding email' thread

[Wilf]

View attachment 105227

Tobyjug knew how to deal with these lifthappy cunts.

 

[billy_bob]

View attachment 105227

I thought you worked in a library or something. What the fuck...?

 

[Pickman's model]

I thought you worked in a library or something. What the fuck...?

i do work in the library. but there are other things in the building as this post and the one about the poison cupboard key demonstrate.

 

[DotCommunist]

nob cheese is not on the same level as nail clippings. Thats like comparing sarin gas attacks to a fart

 

[farmerbarleymow]

nob cheese is not on the same level as nail clippings. Thats like comparing sarin gas attacks to a fart

Yes, nail clippings are worse.

 

[Wilf]

Yes, nail clippings are worse.

Nail clippings on a bed of nob cheese: The Great British Menu gone bad.

 

[DotCommunist]

with a drizzle of man jus

 

[billy_bob]

i do work in the library. but there are other things in the building as this post and the one about the poison cupboard key demonstrate.

I was beginning to think it was some kind of crazy Umberto Eco-type library full of weird sects of fanatics undertaking arcane, unnatural experiments...

 

[Pickman's model]

I was beginning to think it was some kind of crazy Umberto Eco-type library full of weird sects of fanatics undertaking arcane, unnatural experiments...

yeh it is. but there are other people doing weird and occasionally wonderful things elsewhere in the building.

 

[strung out]

Spotted in library I work in earlier today

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

You work in an illiterate library?

 

[farmerbarleymow]

You have to correct that awful sign with a red pen.

 

[billy_bob]

The use of 'machina' suggests a non-native English speaker with L1 interference rather than just a moron, so maybe we shouldn't be too harsh.

On the other hand, you should still write 'No, fuck off' at the bottom and sign it 'Samuel Johnson'.

 

[mrs quoad]

Dear Colleagues

I am writing to confirm that with immediate effect the Department of [feline studies] 'Help and Care' function will now be known as the 'SOMETHING ELSE' team.

This is due to avoid any confusion with central university 'Help and Care' team which is part of the wider blah.

This has caused significant confusion to our stakeholders and to mitigate any further risk and breach of confidentiality, the decision has been taken to change our office name immediately.

Someone has clearly been sent something - or a set of things - that they shouldn't have seen!

 

[mrs quoad]

Hey Quoad
When could I come see you?
Thanks
Student

Hi Student,
Tomorrow morning or pretty much any time on Friday is fine.
Quoad.

Hey
I'm free tomorrow morning as well, what time should I meet you?
Thanks
Student

9 o’clock, sharp?






(Just kidding).
I’ll be in from 9, Student. My time is at your disposal. Pick an hour that’s best-suited to your morning rituals and / or convenient arrival at campus.
All the best,
Quoad

[Long delay before next email]

See you at 9.
Thanks
Student

Hi Student,

My wife feels that I should confirm that you read my preceding message in its entirety before choosing 9.

All the best,

Quoad

Hi Quoad
Oh
9:30 so you can have a cuppa and settle down before I arrive
Thanks
Student

I enjoyed that.

 

[kabbes]

[Long delay before next email]

I enjoyed that.

The student is an early riser (for a student, anyway -- for me, that's mid-morning) and has chosen to see you ASAP? It's obviously something they find urgent.

 

[redsquirrel]

Think you win the thread!

Why? That's really sensible advice, that should be followed.

At the universities I've worked at someone traveling in the lift with liquid nitrogen would get a serious bollocking rather than an email.

 

[mrs quoad]

The student is an early riser (for a student, anyway -- for me, that's mid-morning) and has chosen to see you ASAP? It's obviously something they find urgent.

It was general advice on an assignment that they hadn't even begun doing the reading for

I later clarified with him that he had not read anything other than the first line of the relevant email, but was happy to be up "earlier than usual"

I see this as solid workforce preparation.

 

[mrs quoad]

By coincidence, he's also the student who submitted this.



My handwriting was clearly giving up at that point.

 

[mrs quoad]

That actually ^^^^ led to the first ten minutes of a seminar being given over to discussing various moderately sized wildcat species, and ocelots (and Engine the Ocelot) in particular.

I was surprised by my students' ignorance.

 

[dervish]

Why? That's really sensible advice, that should be followed.

At the universities I've worked at someone traveling in the lift with liquid nitrogen would get a serious bollocking rather than an email.

I don't disagree, but it's a great scold. The email has a point.

 

[May Kasahara]

nob cheese is not on the same level as nail clippings. Thats like comparing sarin gas attacks to a fart

Precious little difference where my son's farts are concerned

 

[Corax]

That actually ^^^^ led to the first ten minutes of a seminar being given over to discussing various moderately sized wildcat species, and ocelots (and Engine the Ocelot) in particular.

I was surprised by my students' ignorance.

What about Otterocelots?

 

[Pickman's model]

 

[Badgers]

 

[Badgers]

 

[Corax]

View attachment 105910

Can you raise twenty quid a month between you with a whip round?

Just to leave one of these on the draining board every day, even if they get binned.

Bulk Buy Pack of 36 Athena Hotelware Oatmeal Bowls 153mm - S562 - Buy Online at Nisbets

 

[Orang Utan]

Who left food in the fridge? The rise of the 'Dark Knight' workplace vigilante

 

[Badgers]

It has been a rich full day of scolding

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

It has been a rich full day of scolding

Heh, this is becoming an annual event from BB1's school:

Dear Parents/Carers

The Governors' Annual Meeting with Parents, scheduled for 6.00pm on Thursday 4 May, has been cancelled as there have been no expressions of interest from parents. Should any parent wish to raise a query with a Governor, please contact the Clerk...