Orang Utan
Psychick Worrier Ov Geyoor
oh right, i've always stuck it back in the oven for a bit to melt it
Restaurants or cafes you've never forgiven...
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oh right, i've always stuck it back in the oven for a bit to melt it
Ceej
Where is my mind?
Newish Persian restaurant in Chiswick - himself wanted to try it. The only vegetarian item on the menu was some class of stew with rice - sounded ok, I'm not fussy. It was a suspiciously dark brown colour when it arrived - one mouthful and my stomach started to lurch - no way was that veggie. Long tale from the waiter about how it has been slow-cooked all day which is why it was so dark. Mr. Ceej ate his animals, we refused to pay for mine as I'd barely touched it. manager arrived and assurred me it was completely vegetarian - and challenged me to find any meat in it, as he was 100% sure it had all been removed......... He really said that.
_angel_
.
I got a mug of dishwater from one of those train station chain stores in Scarborough and it cost about £2! No way could I drink it.
Dovydaitis
Official fishco fish groupie
This story inspired by the Opening Post is not of my misfortune in a cafe but another two people. I was in the Tate Gallery when there was only the one in London at where is now Tate Britain. I was in the cafe having a cup of tea and probably nothing else apart from a sit down because I knew that the prices were aimed at American tourists.
To a table near me came a mother and very small child. They had a large selection of cakes and drinks between them. I thought to myself that she must be a rich mummy. Just after sitting down the child cried something to the mother and soon they both headed away from the table. A bit later I looked up to see a waitress just clearing the last plate away from the table and thought about the waste of that expensive uneaten food. Later again the mother and child re-appeared, looked at the empty table and without a word walked away.
This has been a true story from The Life and Times of Hocus Eye.
To a table near me came a mother and very small child. They had a large selection of cakes and drinks between them. I thought to myself that she must be a rich mummy. Just after sitting down the child cried something to the mother and soon they both headed away from the table. A bit later I looked up to see a waitress just clearing the last plate away from the table and thought about the waste of that expensive uneaten food. Later again the mother and child re-appeared, looked at the empty table and without a word walked away.
This has been a true story from The Life and Times of Hocus Eye.
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
I was at an airport hotel near Heathrow last month. As it was so souless and the hotel restaurant looked crap I ordered a curry in. It was on the menu as the chefs special. It was vile, a whole inch of ghee with a brownish tastless curry sauce and dried up chicken breast. It reminded me of those traffic light cocktails where everything settles into layers. Have to say I find most takeaway food really expensive and dissappointing, could do a better job myself for a quarter of the price. I hate dried overcooked meat, shrivelled prawns, old fish, bland sauces, lack of fresh herbs, gallons of oil, fluorescent dyed rice, pizza so salty it makes my mouth sore. Most of the takeaway food at Camden is shite as well - I had a Chinese there and it had in it raw, unpeeled carrots cut into inch thick chunks. it looked like something you'd feed a horse.
Yuk that sounds really nasty!
longdog
What is it you can't face?
That reminds me...
I was spending the night in Cowes on the Isle of Wight so with nothing better to do I headed to the pub by the pier for a pint or six of scrumpy. The first two pints were lovely but the third was spit-back-in-the-glass disgusting.
I took it back to the bar and said 'This tastes like dish-water'
There was a bit of a discussion on the merits of cloudy scrumpy and how it's a bit of an acquired taste with me insisting it really did taste like dish-water. In the end the landlord had a swig and spat it back in to the glass "That's fucking dish-water!"
The brewery had sent him a keg of soapy water
Voley
🐀
, 
Dr. Furface
One small step for me
Maybe this is a bit off topic, as it's not strictly a restaurant or cafe, but I won't eat paella at a festival again after me and her both got food poisoning from the one at the Big Chill last year - and it had to have been that as we both started feeling sick pretty much at the same time.
miss minnie
Well-Known Member
Excellent!That reminds me...
I was spending the night in Cowes on the Isle of Wight so with nothing better to do I headed to the pub by the pier for a pint or six of scrumpy. The first two pints were lovely but the third was spit-back-in-the-glass disgusting.
I took it back to the bar and said 'This tastes like dish-water'
There was a bit of a discussion on the merits of cloudy scrumpy and how it's a bit of an acquired taste with me insisting it really did taste like dish-water. In the end the landlord had a swig and spat it back in to the glass "That's fucking dish-water!"
The brewery had sent him a keg of soapy water
I had a glass of white wine in a pub in a tiny village somewhere in Scotland on our travels... with hindsight what a stupid thing to do, I mean really
... it was pure vinegar, seriously, not even corked, it had turned, if I had chips I would have happily sprinkled it over them. I took it back to the dapper, elderly, be-kilted barman who sniffed it and said "Aye lassie, have ye had white wine before then? It's a very dry drap".
QueenOfGoths
Fuck you Dave!
In a restaurant somewhere in Edinburgh I ordered garlic bread which when it came was two slice of processed white bread with a bit of garlic butter on. Well they weren't lying, it was garlic and bread, and actually it tasted fine it just wasn't what I expected.
Oh and, when I was a veggie, we went to a pub somewhere near my Mum and Dad's in the Dales where they didn't have a specific veggie menu but would cook you "what you wanted". While the rest of the party studied their menus I sat trying to thing of the most complicated veggie meal I could imagine. In the end I think we compromised on risotto.
Oh and, when I was a veggie, we went to a pub somewhere near my Mum and Dad's in the Dales where they didn't have a specific veggie menu but would cook you "what you wanted". While the rest of the party studied their menus I sat trying to thing of the most complicated veggie meal I could imagine. In the end I think we compromised on risotto.
Wookey
Muppet is not a slur
You could inscribe that on most vegetarians' gravestones!
miss minnie
Well-Known Member
I learned to cook whilst a teenager living next to Chinatown in Sydney and discovered that many of the fish and seafood dim sum recipes that vegetarians would eat called for finely ground pork. I asked around in some of the Chinese shops and found that they didn't really consider pork to be meat. 'Meat' was red, white meat was considered on a par with fish.
Had a Brazilian house guest who insisted on cooking Sunday lunch for myself and a couple of vegetarian friends so I sat him down to discuss what he would make. He went through a host of his favourite dishes which I had to cross off because they had meat in them. Finally, after a long silence, he shrugged his shoulders and said "oh well, I just cook them a steak then".
King Biscuit Time
Well-Known Member
The Olive Shed in Bristol. Recently featured in the Observer Food Monthly awards thingy.
I wasn't overawed with the place from the start, what I can't forgive them for is trying to fob us off with shots of filters coffee in little cups when we'd ordered espressos. When confronted, the waitress didn't even try to deny it and apologised and said she had already cleaned the machine for the night before we'd ordered. As if that was OK!
If you can't be fucked to turn on your coffee machine to turn 20ps worth of coffee into a fivers worth of espresso then sod you.
The service was also terrible, which doesn't normally bother me, but I just spent the whole time feeling I was being fleeced by nonchalant teenagers.
I wasn't overawed with the place from the start, what I can't forgive them for is trying to fob us off with shots of filters coffee in little cups when we'd ordered espressos. When confronted, the waitress didn't even try to deny it and apologised and said she had already cleaned the machine for the night before we'd ordered. As if that was OK!
If you can't be fucked to turn on your coffee machine to turn 20ps worth of coffee into a fivers worth of espresso then sod you.
The service was also terrible, which doesn't normally bother me, but I just spent the whole time feeling I was being fleeced by nonchalant teenagers.
cyberfairy
http://unicycle-emptiness.co.uk/
Five pounds for two 'hot chocolates' at Upper Crust yesterday which can only be described as 'hot powdery beverages'.
1927
Funnier than he thinks he is.
Its a matter of taste surely. I prefer to have my cheese in the sliced un melted form when I have it with a baked potato, I like the contrast between hot potato and cold cheese.
joustmaster
offcumdun
.
joustmaster
offcumdun
I caused day terrible scene in an Indian restaurant in north London once.
Ten of us were out for a birthday meal last year. Every ones food arrived, but mine didn't. I told the waiter and he said it was coming. Ten mins later I asked him again and he just walked away from me, but didn't go in to the kitchen. After a couple of minutes he was still wondering about the restaurant and had not been to the kitchen so I got up and followed him round as he took orders from other customers. After a while he assured me that it was on its way and would be there in a second.
Just as the last of my mates finished their food, he turned up with a vegetable dish and not the lamb thing I had ordered. I told him to forget it, and just take it away as every one else was ready to leave. He insisted my food was ready, he just needed to know what I had wanted. Then ran of to The kitchen. This time, I gave Chase. Running after him in to the busy kitchen shouting "hey you, come back for fuck sake I dont want anything now"
We managed to remove all the starters and all the drinks for the bill. The manager came outside to apologies to me but found me eating a McDonald's cheese burger from across the road. Sad times.
Ten of us were out for a birthday meal last year. Every ones food arrived, but mine didn't. I told the waiter and he said it was coming. Ten mins later I asked him again and he just walked away from me, but didn't go in to the kitchen. After a couple of minutes he was still wondering about the restaurant and had not been to the kitchen so I got up and followed him round as he took orders from other customers. After a while he assured me that it was on its way and would be there in a second.
Just as the last of my mates finished their food, he turned up with a vegetable dish and not the lamb thing I had ordered. I told him to forget it, and just take it away as every one else was ready to leave. He insisted my food was ready, he just needed to know what I had wanted. Then ran of to The kitchen. This time, I gave Chase. Running after him in to the busy kitchen shouting "hey you, come back for fuck sake I dont want anything now"
We managed to remove all the starters and all the drinks for the bill. The manager came outside to apologies to me but found me eating a McDonald's cheese burger from across the road. Sad times.
pinkmonkey
2.4 hour party person
Yep. Festival food - it tends to be on a par with Camden Market food, but it's twice the price. I reserve special hatred for the noodles stalls that serve those yellow egg noodles. Tastless and vile.
fractionMan
Custom Title
I sent my meal back twice in the same sitting once. First time it was a grey bit of boiled meat not the rare steak I ordered, second was a lasagne made out of tageletelli that was also cold in the middle (wft?)
Not the best way to meet the gf's parents tbh
Not the best way to meet the gf's parents tbh
ringo
Macaroni cheese controller
Bonningtons in Vauxhall.
The food took over an hour to arrive. I wouldn't have minded but they didn't have enough glasses for the bottle we'd brought so my other half got a broken mug for her wine and I got to watch her drink it as that was the last receptacle. I don't mind that it's small, but the couple on the table next to us were literally touching our elbows. A pair of flamboyant theatre types, one of them spent the whole time relating to her friend at full volume with ensuing moans, tears and re-enactments the trauma of a recent sexual assault she'd fallen victim to.
When the food arrived it was an overcooked mush of muck. Entirely inedible. And cold.
The food took over an hour to arrive. I wouldn't have minded but they didn't have enough glasses for the bottle we'd brought so my other half got a broken mug for her wine and I got to watch her drink it as that was the last receptacle. I don't mind that it's small, but the couple on the table next to us were literally touching our elbows. A pair of flamboyant theatre types, one of them spent the whole time relating to her friend at full volume with ensuing moans, tears and re-enactments the trauma of a recent sexual assault she'd fallen victim to.
When the food arrived it was an overcooked mush of muck. Entirely inedible. And cold.
Bonnington's food was utterly horrible on the one time I've been there. Pleasant enough staff, but the food looked and tasted of gruel. Not going back, ever. See also Cranks for much the same experience, albeit with more of a corporate bent.
In Brixton I won't be rushing back to South Beach in a hurry. A 'sharing platter' cost nearly £20, which seemed to consist mainly of different types of chips (chips, wedges, southern fries) and small chunks of tough to distinguish, dry meat on cocktail sticks
In Brixton I won't be rushing back to South Beach in a hurry. A 'sharing platter' cost nearly £20, which seemed to consist mainly of different types of chips (chips, wedges, southern fries) and small chunks of tough to distinguish, dry meat on cocktail sticks
Thora
Differently Ethical
Reminds me - I was at a Cafe Rouge recently and at the table next to me was a woman with a toddler. Just as the child's jelly and mother's coffee arrived the kid declared he needed the loo RIGHT NOW and off they rushed leaving coats, bags and buggy at the table. By the time they returned the waitress had cleared their untouched food and drinks away, and was entirely unapologetic about it.
King Biscuit Time
Well-Known Member
And you just sat and watched this happen?
Thora
Differently Ethical
I didn't notice the waitress had cleared their table til the mum started complaining.
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