Restaurants or cafes you've never forgiven...

[oryx]

Some pub near York: Chose the seafood platter from the menu. The picture looked great, half a lobster, crab, langoustine, battered fish, mussels in the shell, oysters and so on with crusty brown bread and good value at £15. What turned up was two fish fingers, a half frozen battered fish portion, crab sticks, half a jar of whelks and a boil in the bag piece of unidentified fish in unidentified sauce. I've been banned from better places

Cafe in the Meadowhall Centre Sheffield: Cream tea with scones, jam, clotted cream and so on. Tea was OK, jam was fine, cream OK but I was slightly put of by the fact that there was a pubic hair stuck to the bottom of my ex's scone

LOL at entire post but especially the fishfingers in the seafood platter, and the pube.

 

[Monkeygrinder's Organ]

I wouldn't particularly recommend the cafe at Colombo airport that gave spanglechick salmonella on our honeymoon.

 

[oryx]

I wouldn't particularly recommend the cafe at Colombo airport that gave spanglechick salmonella on our honeymoon.

Restaurants that gave you food poisoning - now there's a whole thread in there!

I'd particularly disrecommend the Perry Hill*, a so-called gastopub in Forest Hill whose oysters incapacitated me for two days.

*My partner's great-great aunt and uncle ran it in the 50s and 60s when it was a bog standard boozer (and probably a lot better for it). I felt like a right callous bastard for shaking with suppressed laughter when my MIL told me her Uncle Stan was killed by an exploding beer barrel.

Mods - free to delete if I'm having an unintended libelous moment.

 

[DrRingDing]

The Tate Modern once served me this pitiful slither of cake for £2.40.

I complained by email and they never bothered replying - so I've never returned since.

Are you harbouring any similar long term grudges? Or are you the forgiving sort?

I had a desert there that was meant to come with clotted cream. They gave me a ball of butter instead.

I'm still bitter.

 

[miss minnie]

Mrs F took me to the Oxo tower restaurant for my birthday a few years back (neither of us had been before). The service was abysmal - we had to wait ages. People who came in after us were getting served before we were. It was a Friday lunchtime and full of city types and it seemed to us they were taking care of them and ignoring us. And the food, when we finally got some, was nothing special for the price (not cheap, obvs). Never again.

The Oxo Tower is the only place that served me a cocktail that I couldn't drink. Indeed, alcohol discarded, my my. Night out courtesy of employers as treat for a project delivery, a few of us ordered some fancy thing at £6 a pop and it was so bloody awful that each was abandoned after only a few sips. Think condensed milk with chocolate chips and a slick of vomit.

 

[spanglechick]

I wouldn't particularly recommend the cafe at Colombo airport that gave spanglechick salmonella on our honeymoon.

Critically - it was on the way back from our honeymoon.
So the week I had to spend in hospital was in King's, not Colombo General.

About six years ago now, but: J Sheekey's. Very posh and expensive fish restaurant, but my mum makes better fish pie. It just had flaked fish in it - not even a prawn!

 

[Voley]

Me and my Dad went to a pub in Reigate for a hangover-cure Sunday dinner. 'Full Sunday Roast' it said on the sign. Ideal, we thought. Turned out to be roast beef, one yorkshire pud and erm, that's it. I asked for some veggies but was given some gravy and was told that was it. I started to protest but my Dad told me to leave it. This surprised me a bit as he wasn't one to capitulate easily normally. We ate what was there and got up to leave. Sensing that we may be a little dissatisfied the manager intercepted us. 'The bill ...' he ventured to which my Dad replied 'Fuck. Right. Off.' And that was that.

 

[Paul Russell]

A couple spring to mind.

Firstly, a well known cafe on Hove seafront. I ordered egg and chips at the counter. It was a bit less than the price I remembered looking at the menu outside so I ordered a cup of tea as well. I only had a few quid on me. After I started eating, the woman who had served me came up to my table and told me she had charged me the wrong price, and wanted another 50p or something. I looked in my wallet and hadn't got enough. She yelled to the manager "he hasn't got enough money". The manager yelled back "take away some of his chips", so they told away my plate, threw some of the chips in the bin (I saw this) and returned my plate. I wonder what A A Gill would have made of this.

Secondly, as I recently described on these boards, I went to a cafe in Bournemouth and ordered a baked potato with topping, and somehow they forgot the plate -- it was just plonked on a metal tray. Somehow, I didn't complain, perhaps still scarred by the Hove experience.

 

[longdog]

A couple spring to mind.

Firstly, a well known cafe on Hove seafront. I ordered egg and chips at the counter. It was a bit less than the price I remembered looking at the menu outside so I ordered a cup of tea as well. I only had a few quid on me. After I started eating, the woman who had served me came up to my table and told me she had charged me the wrong price, and wanted another 50p or something. I looked in my wallet and hadn't got enough. She yelled to the manager "he hasn't got enough money". The manager yelled back "take away some of his chips", so they told away my plate, threw some of the chips in the bin (I saw this) and returned my plate.

Fucking awesome

 

[spliff]

A café in Truro gave me a jacket potato with slices of cheese on it.

If you'd written 'cheese slices' this thread would be 50% shorter.

 

[Orang Utan]

Exactly.

How can it melt and go gooey if it's sliced?

Slices is for cheese on toast, innit.

isn't it the same with baked potatoes then?

 

[smmudge]

Me and my Dad went to a pub in Reigate for a hangover-cure Sunday dinner. 'Full Sunday Roast' it said on the sign. Ideal, we thought. Turned out to be roast beef, one yorkshire pud and erm, that's it. I asked for some veggies but was given some gravy and was told that was it. I started to protest but my Dad told me to leave it. This surprised me a bit as he wasn't one to capitulate easily normally. We ate what was there and got up to leave. Sensing that we may be a little dissatisfied the manager intercepted us. 'The bill ...' he ventured to which my Dad replied 'Fuck. Right. Off.' And that was that.

Where was that then? Wasn't Toby Tobin's restaurant was it?
Well you shouldn't have had any trouble finding anywhere else to eat, given the amount of restaurants there are in Reigate!

 

[Voley]

Nah it was just a pub. Can't remember the name. We were full after the (free) roast beef and the one yorkshire pud anyway. Oh and the gravy. Mustn't forget the gravy. Probably the only time I've ever been served a meal described as 'full' that didn't have any veggies at all.

 

[smmudge]

It could have been any number of pubs tbh. Even the Beehive has gone downhill since they took away the bouncy castle

 

[spliff]

First they came in their overalls and such and stuff
And removed the bunnies from their cosy little bunny hutches
Then they came for those horrible tables
Joined to benches which turn into an obstacle course for anyone disabled
And as they give no support in the lower lumber region
Ask any doctor the injuries are legion
Next thing they took was the bouncy castle standing proud
We buzzed disagreement obviously not aloud
Then of course the hive began to slide
It was slipping in the mud and we all began to hide
Except the queen who loved a bit of drama 'cos she's urban 75
Dying as we were on the slippery road to drown it was comforting to hear a human sound

Even the Beehive has gone downhill since they took away the bouncy castle

To the tune of anything by B.A.D.

 

[killer b]

Some pub near York: Chose the seafood platter from the menu. The picture looked great, half a lobster, crab, langoustine, battered fish, mussels in the shell, oysters and so on with crusty brown bread and good value at £15. What turned up was two fish fingers, a half frozen battered fish portion, crab sticks, half a jar of whelks and a boil in the bag piece of unidentified fish in unidentified sauce. I've been banned from better places

Firstly, a well known cafe on Hove seafront. I ordered egg and chips at the counter. It was a bit less than the price I remembered looking at the menu outside so I ordered a cup of tea as well. I only had a few quid on me. After I started eating, the woman who had served me came up to my table and told me she had charged me the wrong price, and wanted another 50p or something. I looked in my wallet and hadn't got enough. She yelled to the manager "he hasn't got enough money". The manager yelled back "take away some of his chips", so they told away my plate, threw some of the chips in the bin (I saw this) and returned my plate. I wonder what A A Gill would have made of this.
.

these tales both meet with my approval.

i was put off eating in 'all you can eat' chinese places after going into a place in chinatown in london. i should have suspected something was up when they made us pay before we ate...

also, i don't eat subway after a crunchy bit of oven filth somehow made it's way into my sandwich. tbh, i never wanted to eat subway anyway, but now i have a reason to say no when it's suggested...

 

[Geri]

isn't it the same with baked potatoes then?

No, because you cook cheese on toast under the grill, which causes the cheese to melt. A jacket potato only has the heat from the potato, so the cheese needs to be grated to stand any chance of melting a bit.

Next week: OU asks how to eat chips.

 

[Geri]

Oh yeah, I've just remembered a time I went to Pizza Hut and ordered a pizza with green chillies on. When it came, the chillies were so burnt that they were black. When I complained, I was told "that's what they look like when they are cooked".

 

[vauxhallmum]

Hmmm, it's a toss up between the airport cafe that served me fried brillo pad with my mushrooms, or the greasy spoon in Walthamstow with the snot on the side of the plate.

 

[Badgers]

Next week: OU asks how to eat chips.

This could spark a whole new war we have

 

[Lo Siento.]

the Spanish chain Café y Té for first misunderstanding my order, then when I asked about it snottily raising the sandwich grill to indicate they were already making the wrong order, and finally charging me 14€ for the 2 ham/cheese toasties and 2 coffees, which I hadn't ordered.

 

[keithy]

Clos Maggiore: not the worst but proper fucking disappointing. Poor service, table not even cleared between courses which meant the TEENYTINYTABLESHOVEDINACORNER felt dirty and cluttered. Food was shite! sub-standard scallops, over-salted sauces, just shit.

I got upset cos I had right been looking forward to it and we'd saved up and that, and it was just a massive disappointment. I wish we'd have complained properly.

 

[Ms T]

The Lounge in Brixton.

Hated the food the first time, gave them a second chance, hated it again, tried a third time, hated it again. Never been back.

The food in the Lounge is shit - I've given up on it as well.

 

[The39thStep]

Drunkingly waving my hand at a tray of meat in a bar in Virgo and ordering a plate which then turned out to be 1 inch square pieces of tripe

 

[_angel_]

Oh yeah, I've just remembered a time I went to Pizza Hut and ordered a pizza with green chillies on. When it came, the chillies were so burnt that they were black. When I complained, I was told "that's what they look like when they are cooked".

I never grate mine! Is that where I am going wrong?

Worst cafe experience prob ones I worked in. I nominate Wimpy for making me dress up as Mr Wimpy in kids parties and having 5 year old's shove their hands up my costume and declare "Mr Wimpy's a lady".

Also, the hotel where she cooked her pet rabbits. Grim

 

[Monkeygrinder's Organ]

Drunkingly waving my hand at a tray of meat in a bar in Virgo and ordering a plate which then turned out to be 1 inch square pieces of tripe

I've accidentally ordered tripe as well, it was disgusting. Kind of your own fault if you order something without knowing what it is though to be honest.

Someone mentioned the all you can eat Chinese buffets. We went to the one opposite Angel tube once and it ended up with my mate locked inside with them threatening to call the police because we wouldn't pay. We'd hardly eaten anything it was so bad.

 

[_angel_]

Oh there was one in Liverpool city centre that told me off for drinking a bottle of water I had actually bought in their restaurant.

 

[moose]

Pizza Express in Macclesfield served us a saucer of spicy mixed nuts and smashed glass last weekend.

 

[Voley]

Next week: OU asks how to eat chips.

LOL!

 

[editor]

A cafe in Littlehampton served me the weakest coffee I've ever tasted. When I asked if I could have a stronger one, they went off and came back with a saucer piled high with Birds mellow coffee powder. After pouring the lot in, the coffee remained a very light tan colour.