People who steal your ideas and then repeat them back to you like they were theirs

[trashpony]

It's fairly well-documented that women will say things in meetings which get overlooked and then a man will say the same thing and everyone will say what a brilliant idea it is

Women's Ideas: Do Men Intentionally Steal Them?

So is this something that men just do to women/other minority groups? And what do we do about it?

For context, this isn't in a meeting scenario, it's more general.

I work with a more junior bloke but I'm a contractor so I don't line manage him. I wrote a strategy presentation for our team leader which I said he could present but she (our team leader) was well aware that I'd written it.

Yesterday though, junior bloke and I were having a chat and he was quite excited about some ideas he'd had of how we could implement the strategy and just repeated 3 of the suggestions I'd already made to him. Granted that was several weeks ago but has he honestly forgotten?

 

[shifting gears]

Definitely possible it’s a genuine mistake- I was in a meeting yesterday and came up with quite a good idea, on the fly I thought, and now I am really wondering if a colleague of mine mentioned it, or something very similar, a couple of weeks ago... will report back haha

 

[shifting gears]

I am male and so is the colleague, for the record

 

[Athos]

At least once a week I'm in a meeting during which a woman says something that's ignored. If I think it's a good idea, I'll repeat it. Frequently it's then well- recieved. (I do credit the originator, of course.)

 

[trashpony]

Definitely possible it’s a genuine mistake- I was in a meeting yesterday and came up with quite a good idea, on the fly I thought, and now I am really wondering if a colleague of mine mentioned it, or something very similar, a couple of weeks ago... will report back haha

Maybe he made a mistake then. I hope so. I'm about to recommend an old friend takes the job but I won't if her direct report is a lying toad who is going to undermine her!

 

[Winot]

OK men who is going to start a thread on this topic?

 

[Orang Utan]

Annabelle Weir did a series of very funny sketches about this on the Fast Show:

 

[Badgers]

Have to say (not 'speaking as a man') that this is something that has not happened in years of meetings.

 

[Athos]

Have to say (not 'speaking as a man') that this is something that has not happened in years of meetings.

Really? What field do you work in?

 

[Badgers]

Really? What field do you work in?

Most the fields (over the years) to be fair.

If there was a 'stealing of ideas' pattern it would be from younger/junior staff rather than women.

 

[Athos]

Most the fields (over the years) to be fair.

If there was a 'stealing of ideas' pattern it would be from younger/junior staff rather than women.

Of course, in a lot of fields it's hard to distinguish between the two.

 

[Poot]

My dad does this to my mum all the time and i am amazed it hasn't ended in divorce.

It's vaguely amusing to watch her lose her shit as she explains that she literally said that very same thing yesterday but i think there is also an element of my dad half-hearing things (he is pretty deaf) and then them 'ocurring' to him a while later. He honestly doesnt do it on purpose and doesnt realise that he has done it

 

[SheilaNaGig]

Also , it’s possible that other men won’t especially notice when it’s being done.

 

[SheilaNaGig]

My dad does this to my mum all the time and i am amazed it hasn't ended in divorce.

It's vaguely amusing to watch her lose her shit as she explains that she literally said that very same thing yesterday but i think there is also an element of my dad half-hearing things (he is pretty deaf) and then them 'ocurring' to him a while later. He honestly doesnt do it on purpose and doesnt realise that he has done it

I admit that I used this tendency to my advantage in my LTR (now ended).

If I wanted him to get behind an idea, I’d make vague mention of it and he’d later posit it as his own idea.

 

[trashpony]

I admit that I used this tendency to my advantage in my LTR (now ended).

If I wanted him to get behind an idea, I’d make vague mention of it and he’d later posit it as his own idea.

If he were my boss, that would be an excellent tactic.

 

[Bus Honeygun]

Our utter shitbag of a senior manager* did something similar to me earlier in the year. I emailed him with a heads up about something travel-related, as he's always off on pointless jollies and schmoozing events. He then took my email, shamelessly sliced me out of it, and sent it out to the whole team (me included!) as a concerned 'Hey guys' because he's just such a caring manager who likes to keep us informed. Utterly cold.

I should add that we're both male. I'm not denying that there's often a sexist element of men taking credit for women's work (I've certainly witnessed it in the past), but there are also just plenty of ruthless psychopaths in a lot of workplaces who will do anything to climb the corporate ladder.

* I could go on a lengthy rant about this prick but haven't got the time. Suffice to say that every meeting we have ends in a moanathon about him. We've met some colleagues from other offices in his empire who all say the same. Yet he's still there...

 

[marshall]

People are always being caught with their mitts in the ideas till in my industry, creative depts of ad agencies.

 

[equationgirl]

It's happened to be lots of times over the years
It's just plain rude.

 

[QueenOfGoths]

It did happen to me and and a colleague at where I used to work.

We had numerous ideas, especially with reference to social media, which at that time was not as 'essential' as it is now.

We suggested various things that were deflected, disregarded and actively discouraged by the management.

They are all now part of the company's online presence.

Some may, I'm sure, have happened naturally as social media progressed but some were only listened to when suggested by people the new manager had appointed rather than the "old guard" like us.

This was less, though, to do with men/women bias but the idea of new versus old and a consultant versus existing staff.

Tbh I think he basically appropriated our ideas in order to justify his position

 

[trabuquera]

Insanely common; sometimes it's machiavellians/psychos actively thinking 'that was a good idea, so I'll steal it', but repeating it back to you implies the more usual pattern of 'women speaking is just background noise'. It's not the most conciliatory or positive approach but when this happens I tend to challenge it, not angry but deadpan and real firm: "yes, I think that IS a good idea, which is why I suggested it to you last week".

 

[8ball]

My dad does this to my mum all the time and i am amazed it hasn't ended in divorce.

It's vaguely amusing to watch her lose her shit as she explains that she literally said that very same thing yesterday but i think there is also an element of my dad half-hearing things (he is pretty deaf) and then them 'ocurring' to him a while later. He honestly doesnt do it on purpose and doesnt realise that he has done it

Do you think it got subconsciously filed away, then came back to him later?

I used to get a weird thing where I would have an argument about something with someone, they would be saying A=X and I would be saying A=Y*, and then once the matter became clear they would swear blind they were saying A=X all along.

Hasn't happened in a long time. Maybe being old gives a veneer of authority...

* - this was not the literal content of the conversation - please Google 'abstraction' if you are confused

 

[nogojones]

I used to get the opposite from a boss. He would tell me to do something that clearly wasn't going to work, then say "why did you do that?" when it failed

 

[Baronage-Phase]

Yep. It astounds me how often it happens. Over the years I have pointed out needs and solutions to problems...only to be ignored. And then someone (always male) comes up with my very idea and it's got bells and whistles on it and runs.
It's gotten to the stage where I set it up just to see it happen...

I actually dont give a fuck anymore.

 

[8ball]

Over the years I have pointed out needs and solutions to problems...only to be ignored.

I like to start this conversation with "you will ignore this, and I will remind you of this conversation in our 'lessons learned' meeting".
Even better if it's in writing.

I actually dont give a fuck anymore.

Cool, cos I don't recommend the above course of action until you are clean out of fucks.

 

[Plumdaff]

This happens to me. What has caused me more problems recently has been me making well founded, gentle, constructive criticism of pieces of work and getting very personal, furious responses from certain men I have to work with. Then my male boss is blunt about it and it's fine.

 

[8ball]

This happens to me. What has caused me more problems recently has been me making well founded, gentle, constructive criticism of pieces of work and getting very personal, furious responses from certain men I have to work with. Then my male boss is blunt about it and it's fine.

Have you tried just being blunt?

 

[Baronage-Phase]

This happens to me. What has caused me more problems recently has been me making well founded, gentle, constructive criticism of pieces of work and getting very personal, furious responses from certain men I have to work with. Then my male boss is blunt about it and it's fine.

I'm probably not so constructive when criticising management. I have laid into them at times.
It probably cost me promotions but everything I've "pointed out" has happened...just as I said it would. It's feckin ridiculous. And still...they will not listen. I have also had to sit there knowing my statements, questions and comments have been completely left out of minutes of meetings. It reached a stage where I was amending minutes at every meeting and handing a pre-written stetement of what I had said and asked at the previous meeting.

Crazy

But...nowadays I am sitting back laughing at the absolute mess the place is in.
"TOLD YOU SO" should be tattoed on my forehead....

 

[8ball]

It probably cost me promotions but everything I've "pointed out" has happened...just as I said it would. It's feckin ridiculous. And still...they will not listen.

They will never listen. It's just their nature. They are playing a different game.
Took me a long time to accept this.

 

[Baronage-Phase]

They will never listen. It's just their nature. They are playing a different game.
Took me a long time to accept this.

Yep. It took me way too long to realise. I'm just coasting along doing my job and not getting involved in the shite anymore.

 

[8ball]

Yep. It took me way too long to realise. I'm just coasting along doing my job and not getting involved in the shite anymore.

I use the term "B's and C's" at work when referring to certain things that I'm putting to one side.
I think some co-workers think this is some variant of "T's and C's", but it stands for "bullshit and cunts".