Outline your pipedream alt-career

[xenon]

Lead guitarist and main music creator in a moderately internationally successful metal band. Tour bus life would probably do my head in though TBH.

Or an artist were it not for the fact all the ones I know are skint.

 

[mx wcfc]

Anything that involves not having to have a career or as short as possible, so inventor of something boring that makes enough to live on? And does involve being allowed to live inside and eat food and receive reasonable healthcare and the various mod cons

There are times I think some of my sixth form band's stuff was actually pretty good, and we might have "made it" and I could be living comfortably on the royalties now.

Equally, sometimes when I'm feeling particularly grumpy with how my "career" has played out, I wish I'd got my degree, gone into the City in time for Big Bang, and retired at 50, but I know I'd have been crap at it and failed spectacularly.

 

[newme]

There are times I think some of my sixth form band's stuff was actually pretty good, and we might have "made it" and I could be living comfortably on the royalties now.

Equally, sometimes when I'm feeling particularly grumpy with how my "career" has played out, I wish I'd got my degree, gone into the City in time for Big Bang, and retired at 50, but I know I'd have been crap at it and failed spectacularly.

Yeh I was supposed to skip 3 years and go into a private school on a scholarship. Mum said no, I didn't, got very bored in well primary frankly and never really got past that til earning money for a family was required after underachieving cos I was bored and finding I could actually have a social life if I didn't try so hard. Had a bunch of fun along the way tho and I like where I am so if anything was changed, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have the same family.

 

[mx wcfc]

I wouldn't have the same family.

Yeah, this.

Now that my daughter is home for xmas, I do feel that the dull career has still ended up good.

 

[bellaozzydog]

Transition mentor for care leavers

That is all

 

[Humberto]

Admiral.

 

[Elpenor]

I think I'd have liked to have worked in forestry, or ecology of peatlands, or being a countryside ranger in the Lakes or whatever.

The depressing thing is that I follow some of these people on twitter/blue sky or meet them while I'm out and about, think 'yeah, I'd love to do that, I'm still young and fit enough to do it, I could even go back to uni to study and get the quals', and they look at me like I'm this undead thing emerging from a neolithic tomb...

A mates dad was in forestry, did woodlands consultancy etc and was based in your neck of the erm, woods. He loved it from what I could tell.

 

[8ball]

Transition mentor for care leavers

That is all

I read that as “cave leavers”.

More work in your version, I reckon.

 

[SpookyFrank]

I'd like to run the Teignmouth to Shaldon ferry. The licence, and lease on the boat, is currently up for sale but you have to know how a boat works and I struggle to even keep my car running

 

[8ball]

Bank robber.

 

[AnnO'Neemus]

When I was very young, I wanted to be a trapeze artist or a pilot - I was good at gymnastics at school and lived near an aerodrome that hosted an annual air show and there were often small aeroplanes, even occasional biplanes flying over, so I figure that's where those came from.

Had a disagreement with an RAF careers officer when I was about 13-years-old when our high school took us to a careers fair; I told him I wanted to be a pilot, he said I couldn't, because I was a girl. (At that time, they didn't allow women to be pilots, although tbh, I'm probably too short anyway.)

I was good at science and maths at school and did end up studying electrical engineering at uni for two years, well, a foundation year then first year, but flunked my end of year exams because my father assaulted me about six weeks before the exams.

I figure in a parallel universe I'm an electrical engineer.

Drifted into office work, temping, to pay the bills and keep a roof over my head. Ended up doing legal secretarial work, because it was higher skilled and paid than regular secretarial work, worked my way up from temp to float to permanent legal secretary and ended up working as PA to a partner who specialised in M&As at one of the country's top 10 law firms (not a magic circle firm). Started a part-time law degree while working full-time. Was asked to cover maternity leave for the PA to the head of a different department. As an incentive, the HR woman offered me funding to do ILEX (Institute of Legal Executive) exams, I said 'Why would I do ILEX exams when I'm already doing a law degree? Will you fund the rest of that instead?' It went all the way up to the managing partner, and fortuitously the recently promoted managing partner of the whole firm was also a specialist in M&As who'd led teams that my boss worked on, so he knew me. It was unprecedented, to fund a legal PA through a law degree and then training contract, but he agreed, they would not only fund the rest of my law degree, but would offer me a paralegal job after the maternity cover, and in due course a training contract as a trainee solicitor.

A sticking point was salary, because I knew that paralegals earned less than I did on a full-time legal PA salary plus overtime, which was relatively substantial, as I often worked 10 or 12 hour days, the longest shift I did was a completion meeting that tied in with a stock exchange deadline, around 32 hours with only a half hour break. Paralegals and other 'fee earners' generally didn't earn overtime pay, just their set salary, so it would have meant taking a pay cut. The HR woman in our local office agreed an increased salary with me. But then she went on honeymoon for three weeks. And so a more senior HR bod from a different office stepped in and pulled back on the salary. So I threw a bit of a hissy fit (not a real one, just in my head) and applied for another job and got it.

I've occasionally kicked myself for giving up that opportunity. If I'd stuck with it, I'd have have been a corporate lawyer earning shitloads by now. My workaholic boss ended up the head of office for a different law firm and I'd had a really good grounding in M&As from them.

Again, in a parallel universe I'm a rich corporate lawyer.

The job offer I took up was training to be a court reporter/legal editor. I worked on a really high profile in the news headlines court case. Unfortunately, it turned out I couldn't transfer my law degree studies to a uni in London, because the course structure was different.

Then went travelling and switched career again, did a bit of journalism, then got a relatively well-paid job for a while. In an ideal world, I would've liked to have worked my way up to reporter, worked in the field. But embarrassing admission I have a bit of a weak bladder so working out and about away from nearby toilet facilities wasn't really an option for me.

Instead, since then, over the past couple of decades I've had a couple of mental health breakdowns due to housing problems, antisocial behaviour and harassment from neighbours and also bullying and harassment from housing staff.

So, like Gromit mentioned about alternate realities, all of the above were possible forks in the road.

While resigning myself to an engineering career and then legal career not happening, I sort of resigned myself to not being well-off, not least because I'd become a bit more anti-capitalist-y and activist-y, so was telling myself I didn't want to sell my soul for a corporate job.

In hindsight, I wish I could go back in time and tell younger me that it's easier/better to opt of out of the capitalist system when you've already made some money out of it and have a comfortable financial cushion, because being poor in middle age and facing a retirement living in poverty ain't great.

As for other pipedream careers, something involving living and working in France permanently (rather than my temporary stints) would've been good.

 

[krtek a houby]

Currently doing a job I actually like. Pressure levels are low, it's usually at my pace, there's no yelling from boss, no bigoted colleagues, and it's actually interesting.

Pay is shit, though.

Pipedream gig is television and/or comic book writing.

 

[8ball]

When I was very young, I wanted to be a trapeze artist or a pilot - I was good at gymnastics at school and lived near an aerodrome that hosted an annual air show and there were often small aeroplanes, even occasional biplanes flying over, so I figure that's where those came from.

Had a disagreement with an RAF careers officer when I was about 13-years-old when our high school took us to a careers fair; I told him I wanted to be a pilot, he said I couldn't, because I was a girl. (At that time, they didn't allow women to be pilots, although tbh, I'm probably too short anyway.)

I was good at science and maths at school and did end up studying electrical engineering at uni for two years, well, a foundation year then first year, but flunked my end of year exams because my father assaulted me about six weeks before the exams.

I figure in a parallel universe I'm an electrical engineer.

Drifted into office work, temping, to pay the bills and keep a roof over my head. Ended up doing legal secretarial work, because it was higher skilled and paid than regular secretarial work, worked my way up from temp to float to permanent legal secretary and ended up working as PA to a partner who specialised in M&As at one of the country's top 10 law firms (not a magic circle firm). Started a part-time law degree while working full-time. Was asked to cover maternity leave for the PA to the head of a different department. As an incentive, the HR woman offered me funding to do ILEX (Institute of Legal Executive) exams, I said 'Why would I do ILEX exams when I'm already doing a law degree? Will you fund the rest of that instead?' It went all the way up to the managing partner, and fortuitously the recently promoted managing partner of the whole firm was also a specialist in M&As who'd led teams that my boss worked on, so he knew me. It was unprecedented, to fund a legal PA through a law degree and then training contract, but he agreed, they would not only fund the rest of my law degree, but would offer me a paralegal job after the maternity cover, and in due course a training contract as a trainee solicitor.

A sticking point was salary, because I knew that paralegals earned less than I did on a full-time legal PA salary plus overtime, which was relatively substantial, as I often worked 10 or 12 hour days, the longest shift I did was a completion meeting that tied in with a stock exchange deadline, around 32 hours with only a half hour break. Paralegals and other 'fee earners' generally didn't earn overtime pay, just their set salary, so it would have meant taking a pay cut. The HR woman in our local office agreed an increased salary with me. But then she went on honeymoon for three weeks. And so a more senior HR bod from a different office stepped in and pulled back on the salary. So I threw a bit of a hissy fit (not a real one, just in my head) and applied for another job and got it.

I've occasionally kicked myself for giving up that opportunity. If I'd stuck with it, I'd have have been a corporate lawyer earning shitloads by now. My workaholic boss ended up the head of office for a different law firm and I'd had a really good grounding in M&As from them.

Again, in a parallel universe I'm a rich corporate lawyer.

The job offer I took up was training to be a court reporter/legal editor. I worked on a really high profile in the news headlines court case. Unfortunately, it turned out I couldn't transfer my law degree studies to a uni in London, because the course structure was different.

Then went travelling and switched career again, did a bit of journalism, then got a relatively well-paid job for a while. In an ideal world, I would've liked to have worked my way up to reporter, worked in the field. But embarrassing admission I have a bit of a weak bladder so working out and about away from nearby toilet facilities wasn't really an option for me.

Instead, since then, over the past couple of decades I've had a couple of mental health breakdowns due to housing problems, antisocial behaviour and harassment from neighbours and also bullying and harassment from housing staff.

So, like Gromit mentioned about alternate realities, all of the above were possible forks in the road.

While resigning myself to an engineering career and then legal career not happening, I sort of resigned myself to not being well-off, not least because I'd become a bit more anti-capitalist-y and activist-y, so was telling myself I didn't want to sell my soul for a corporate job.

In hindsight, I wish I could go back in time and tell younger me that it's easier/better to opt of out of the capitalist system when you've already made some money out of it and have a comfortable financial cushion, because being poor in middle age and facing a retirement living in poverty ain't great.

As for other pipedream careers, something involving living and working in France permanently (rather than my temporary stints) would've been good.

On the bright side, you managed to dodge that region of the multiverse where you’re a corporate lawyer.

 

[AnnO'Neemus]

On the bright side, you managed to dodge that region of the multiverse where you’re a corporate lawyer.

True. Silver lining to every cloud. Ironically, the reason I wanted to study law was because I wanted to do human rights law, (had volunteered at a law centre), but then I accidentally ended up doing secretarial work in corporate law and realised I loved M&As (mergers and acquisitions), because someone wants to sell a company, someone wants to buy a company, so there's no winners or losers, it's all win-win, they haggle a bit over the small print, and then after they've signed on the dotted line we all drink Champagne! What's not to like?!?

 

[Skinny Ethel]

Run my own cream cake shop. Run the fucker into the ground by locking the door and sit by the windows gorging on peach melbas in a chewbacca costume. And there is fuck all the cunts could do because its mine i tell ya.

 

[Artaxerxes]

When I was very young, I wanted to be a trapeze artist or a pilot - I was good at gymnastics at school and lived near an aerodrome that hosted an annual air show and there were often small aeroplanes, even occasional biplanes flying over, so I figure that's where those came from.

Had a disagreement with an RAF careers officer when I was about 13-years-old when our high school took us to a careers fair; I told him I wanted to be a pilot, he said I couldn't, because I was a girl. (At that time, they didn't allow women to be pilots, although tbh, I'm probably too short anyway.)

I was good at science and maths at school and did end up studying electrical engineering at uni for two years, well, a foundation year then first year, but flunked my end of year exams because my father assaulted me about six weeks before the exams.

I figure in a parallel universe I'm an electrical engineer.

Drifted into office work, temping, to pay the bills and keep a roof over my head. Ended up doing legal secretarial work, because it was higher skilled and paid than regular secretarial work, worked my way up from temp to float to permanent legal secretary and ended up working as PA to a partner who specialised in M&As at one of the country's top 10 law firms (not a magic circle firm). Started a part-time law degree while working full-time. Was asked to cover maternity leave for the PA to the head of a different department. As an incentive, the HR woman offered me funding to do ILEX (Institute of Legal Executive) exams, I said 'Why would I do ILEX exams when I'm already doing a law degree? Will you fund the rest of that instead?' It went all the way up to the managing partner, and fortuitously the recently promoted managing partner of the whole firm was also a specialist in M&As who'd led teams that my boss worked on, so he knew me. It was unprecedented, to fund a legal PA through a law degree and then training contract, but he agreed, they would not only fund the rest of my law degree, but would offer me a paralegal job after the maternity cover, and in due course a training contract as a trainee solicitor.

A sticking point was salary, because I knew that paralegals earned less than I did on a full-time legal PA salary plus overtime, which was relatively substantial, as I often worked 10 or 12 hour days, the longest shift I did was a completion meeting that tied in with a stock exchange deadline, around 32 hours with only a half hour break. Paralegals and other 'fee earners' generally didn't earn overtime pay, just their set salary, so it would have meant taking a pay cut. The HR woman in our local office agreed an increased salary with me. But then she went on honeymoon for three weeks. And so a more senior HR bod from a different office stepped in and pulled back on the salary. So I threw a bit of a hissy fit (not a real one, just in my head) and applied for another job and got it.

I've occasionally kicked myself for giving up that opportunity. If I'd stuck with it, I'd have have been a corporate lawyer earning shitloads by now. My workaholic boss ended up the head of office for a different law firm and I'd had a really good grounding in M&As from them.

Again, in a parallel universe I'm a rich corporate lawyer.

The job offer I took up was training to be a court reporter/legal editor. I worked on a really high profile in the news headlines court case. Unfortunately, it turned out I couldn't transfer my law degree studies to a uni in London, because the course structure was different.

Then went travelling and switched career again, did a bit of journalism, then got a relatively well-paid job for a while. In an ideal world, I would've liked to have worked my way up to reporter, worked in the field. But embarrassing admission I have a bit of a weak bladder so working out and about away from nearby toilet facilities wasn't really an option for me.

Instead, since then, over the past couple of decades I've had a couple of mental health breakdowns due to housing problems, antisocial behaviour and harassment from neighbours and also bullying and harassment from housing staff.

So, like Gromit mentioned about alternate realities, all of the above were possible forks in the road.

While resigning myself to an engineering career and then legal career not happening, I sort of resigned myself to not being well-off, not least because I'd become a bit more anti-capitalist-y and activist-y, so was telling myself I didn't want to sell my soul for a corporate job.

In hindsight, I wish I could go back in time and tell younger me that it's easier/better to opt of out of the capitalist system when you've already made some money out of it and have a comfortable financial cushion, because being poor in middle age and facing a retirement living in poverty ain't great.

As for other pipedream careers, something involving living and working in France permanently (rather than my temporary stints) would've been good.

Small is great for a pilot and sounds like the recruiter needs a good read of this.

Spitfire Women of World War II: A Gripping Chronicle of Courage From the Skies of World War II by Giles Whittell

The story of the unsung heroines who flew the newest, fastest, aeroplanes in World War II – mostly in southern England where the RAF was desperately short of pilots. Why would the well-bred daughter of a New England factory-owner brave the U-boat blockades of the North Atlantic in the bitter...

shop.royalarmouries.org

 

[Artaxerxes]

Run my own cream cake shop. Run the fucker into the ground by locking the door and sit by the windows gorging on peach melbas in a chewbacca costume. And there is fuck all the cunts could do because its mine i tell ya.

The missing Drunken Baker