My ex is a anti-vaccer / covid skeptic. I want my 11 year daughter vaccinated

[mod]

Since the start of this my ex has been a covid skeptic. And now a staunch anti vaccer.

I'm double jabbed. Got done early as have a compromised immune system and in teh high risk group.

My daughter wants to get vaccinated.

But her mum is still being a fucking lunatic anti-vaccer despite the overwhelming evidence they work and have given us our freedom back.

Anyone else is this position? I want my daughter vaccinated. She's 11.

What are my options? Get her vaccinated which in my care and ask her not to tell her mum?

Leave it a pray neither of them get seriously il?

Is there a legal path I could take?

 

[Thora]

What country do you live in?

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Can't help in your situation, but 16 and 17 year olds now are being jabbed and they specifically do not need parental permission to do so, and their parents need never know. When it comes for younger kids not sure how that could work though.

 

[mod]

What country do you live in?

UK (Brighton)

 

[Edie]

I’d say it would probably be more damaging to your girl to go to war about this with her mum, than it would be getting covid. She’s very very likely to be completely fine even if she got covid. You involving her in you and your ex’s battleground would be very stressful for her I’d imagine.

 

[Thora]

At the moment children aren’t even being jabbed, she’s extremely unlikely to be very ill if she does get covid, so I probably wouldn’t make it into an issue yet.

 

[mod]

I’d say it would probably be more damaging to your girl to go to war about this with her mum, than it would be getting covid. She’s very very likely to be completely fine even if she got covid. You involving her in you and your ex’s battleground would be very stressful for her I’d imagine.

Am i?

 

[Aladdin]

We have walk in vacc centres now. Under 18s need parental permission but one parent is enough. The parent registers the child online for their vaccination.

But it's only for over 12s here.

Have ye the same system?

Are 11 yr olds getting vaccine over there?

As for your situation.
I would be inclined to listen to the child and what they want as they obviously are clued in and the mother is not.

 

[MickiQ]

They're not offering CovID vaccines to under 12 yet and she is pretty much at zero risk at that age anyway. I don't want to add more things to the list you are worrying about but her HPV vaccine will be due in a year or so. If her mum is a mad anti-vaxxer then is there the possibility she might try and object to that?

 

[cupid_stunt]

IIRC the two vaccines licenced for children are only for those over 12, although if she's in contact with you, they may consider her, because of your compromised immune system .

 

[nogojones]

As said, she likely wont be eligable for it due to her age at present, but for future reference, should this become a problem further down the line... Do you have formal joint custody agreements, or has it been a relaxed sort of affair that you were both able to come to informally? Also, do you have parental responsibility?

 

[beesonthewhatnow]

Don’t think she’s eligible yet. As and when she is, take her. Whether you then tell her mum about this would be up to you/her.

 

[colacubes]

Yeah she's currently too young anyway:

COVID-19 vaccine

NHS information about the COVID-19 vaccine, including what the vaccine helps protect against, who should have it and when, how to get it and side effects.

www.nhs.uk

Once she turns 12 well then different matter. Not sure how you resolve it though. Maybe worth a chat with your/her GP.

 

[IC3D]

Its draining picking another hill to die on every week with your kids mum being an idiot. Tell her to go fuck herself for me

 

[2hats]

JCVI currently awaiting outcomes of clinical trials in under 12s before providing advice. They are meeting this morning but likely that is just focussed on refining which adults will be considered sufficiently at risk to warrant a third dose booster.

 

[hegley]

IIRC the two vaccines licenced for children are only for those over 12, although if she's in contact with you, they may consider her, because of your compromised immune system .

Certainly still only 12 and over for those in contact with someone considered CEV in Scotland.

 

[LDC]

I'd be very wary with this. Partly the covid denial (which, although linked, is worse than the anti-vax stuff imo), but also the possibility it could escalate and/or spill over into other areas and have other negative impacts on the kids and your lives. What to do would a bit depend on how stable and reasonable she was in life generally, like is she generally functional and happy and this an aberration, or is she more unstable and going off into some fucked up places?

 

[Johnny Doe]

I'd be very wary with this. Partly the covid denial (which, although linked, is worse than the anti-vax stuff imo), but also the possibility it could escalate and/or spill over into other areas and have other negative impacts on the kids and your lives. What to do would a bit depend on how stable and reasonable she was in life generally, like is she generally functional and happy and this an aberration, or is she more unstable and going off into some fucked up places?

This. A relative of mine who got into all this was 'just anti THIS Vax' and few months down the line the kids aren't allowed fluoride in their toothpaste, have been taught tap water is poisonous etc etc

 

[LDC]

This. A relative of mine who got into all this was 'just anti THIS Vax' and few months down the line the kids aren't allowed fluoride in their toothpaste, have been taught tap water is poisonous etc etc

Yeah, that's the direction I'd worry about.

 

[BillRiver]

We have walk in vacc centres now. Under 18s need parental permission but one parent is enough. The parent registers the child online for their vaccination.

But it's only for over 12s here.

Have ye the same system?

Are 11 yr olds getting vaccine over there?

As for your situation.
I would be inclined to listen to the child and what they want as they obviously are clued in and the mother is not.

No parental permission needed from 16 years old here (because Gillick competence).

At the vaccination centre I volunteer at (in Hackney) we've had 16 and 17 year olds coming in without an adult, no problem.

As others have pointed out though mod your child is still too young.

No point fighting her mum on it just yet, but definitely worth gathering info and giving it thought, as you are doing.

On the legal front you might find this interesting:

Parental disputes over childhood vaccinations | Family Law Blog | Kingsley Napley

Probably best to try and change mum's mind though, if at all possible, rather than get into a battle (legal or otherwise).

Perhaps enlist a grandparent or aunt/uncle/friend so it's not just you v her? And consider tactics - which argument is most likely to get through to her? Is it science and data, or is it more philosophical such as allowing your child bodily autonomy (ie let the child decide) or something else entirely?

In terms of your own clinical vulnerability and risk of catching covid from your child - bear in mind 1) you are double jabbed and b) even if vaccinated she could still be a carrier, as could you. It is still a good idea to be vaccinated, don't get me wrong, but just to keep perspective and avoid an unhelpful war with her mum and/or undue anxiety for yourself.

 

[purenarcotic]

She’s not eligible yet for one and it’s really not very nice as a child to be embroiled in your separated parents disagreements. It’s also not very nice to be taken to something and then told ‘don’t tell mum / dad’ - keeping secrets isn’t good for children and it’s not a habit to be encouraging. If she wants it, when she is eligible she would be entitled to have her own GP appointment and if she’s assessed as competent, will be able to make her own decision.

 

[Pickman's model]

Since the start of this my ex has been a covid skeptic. And now a staunch anti vaccer.

I'm double jabbed. Got done early as have a compromised immune system and in teh high risk group.

My daughter wants to get vaccinated.

But her mum is still being a fucking lunatic anti-vaccer despite the overwhelming evidence they work and have given us our freedom back.

Anyone else is this position? I want my daughter vaccinated. She's 11.

What are my options? Get her vaccinated which in my care and ask her not to tell her mum?

Leave it a pray neither of them get seriously il?

Is there a legal path I could take?

you don't say who the primary carer, who looks after the child most of the time, is here and that may have some bearing on the matter.

 

[nogojones]

This. A relative of mine who got into all this was 'just anti THIS Vax' and few months down the line the kids aren't allowed fluoride in their toothpaste, have been taught tap water is poisonous etc etc

I've got some crystals for sale that remove any negatively charged ions from fluoridated water. 10% discount for Urb's and their gullible well researched friends.

 

[Petcha]

As always, the mother will have the final say. My son is currently on holiday in Greece watching it burn and also took him to northern Italy at the beginning of the pandemic. When I objected to this I was told that despite being his father and my name being on his birth certificate amd therefore having patental responsibility I had no rights. The court clerk seemed to relish that. I assume you've already had experience of the family court system so you're aware of all this. What she says, goes. However nuts it is.

 

[Thora]

As always, the mother will have the final say. My son is currently on holiday in Greece watching it burn and also took him to northern Italy at the beginning of the pandemic. When I objected to this I was told that despite being his father and my name being on his birth certificate amd therefore having patental responsibility I had no rights. The court clerk seemed to relish that. I assume you've already had experience of the family court system so you're aware of all this. What she says, goes. However nuts it is.

Presumably you can also take your kid on holiday (or not) or do anything else that is legal within your time?

 

[BillRiver]

As always, the mother will have the final say. My son is currently on holiday in Greece watching it burn and also took him to northern Italy at the beginning of the pandemic. When I objected to this I was told that despite being his father and my name being on his birth certificate amd therefore having patental responsibility I had no rights. The court clerk seemed to relish that. I assume you've already had experience of the family court system so you're aware of all this. What she says, goes. However nuts it is.

Sorry that happened to you, and your child.

It's not entirely true though, not all of the time. See the link I shared above, about a parental dispute about vaccines. The judge ruled for the father, that the child should be vaccinated.

With parental rights (which I had for my niece) you do have rights. You could take your child on holiday too. What you can't do is impose your will where the judge is not convinced what you want to do is reasonable.

Your child's mum didn't win that case just because she's the mother. However wrong you (or I) might think the judgement was.

 

[Riklet]

If you are Imunocomprimised then they may agree to jab her when she's over 12... pretty sure that's in the rules. Depends on the risk. But that's a fair while off, as is her being able to choose for herself.

Probably best to just let it lie for the moment... sounds like a potential big bloody battle. maybe get her to do a rapid antigen test before she comes to stay with you or see you?

 

[Petcha]

Presumably you can also take your kid on holiday (or not) or do anything else that is legal within your time?

Nope. She can take him for 28 days. I can't take him for even a night (I'm only allowed six hours a week as it is). That particular JP also seemed to enjoy telling me that. Anyway, derail. Good luck. There's a group of off duty lawyers, all dad's, who I can dig out the number for. They give free advice.

 

[BillRiver]

Nope. She can take him for 28 days. I can't take him for even a night (I'm only allowed six hours a week as it is). That particular JP also seemed to enjoy telling me that. Anyway, derail. Good luck. There's a group of off duty lawyers, all dad's, who I can dig out the number for. They give free advice.

Sorry to hear that.

It's still not just because you are the father/she is the mother.

 

[Petcha]

Sorry that happened to you, and your child.

It's not entirely true though, not all of the time. See the link I shared above, about a parental dispute about vaccines. The judge ruled for the father, that the child should be vaccinated.

With parental rights (which I had for my niece) you do have rights. You could take your child on holiday too. What you can't do is impose your will where the judge is not convinced what you want to do is reasonable.

Your child's mum didn't win that case just because she's the mother. However wrong you (or I) might think the judgement was.

I've spent two years fighting this. In court about five times. No holidays for us!