Great post, but I'm going to focus on just one para because you've reminded me of something I was trying to remember yesterday on the "transgender" thread, when searching for an explanation of how transphobia grows out of the material conditions of capitalism.
The simplistic answer is that industrial capitalism required a way of ensuring the reproduction of its workforce, and the nuclear family was the form which this took. This includes women having the role of unpaid carers of their children, and it also involves the imposition a particular set of social/sexual norms.
But the current material conditions of later capitalism no longer require the "traditional" nuclear family, indeed they require women to engage in the labour market to the same extent as men, and simultaneously require that childcare is largely removed from the area of unpaid work and becomes a market based service like so many others.
So even though the social/sexual norms which were part of the nuclear family (and which are challenged/undermined by "deviant" behaviour including by transpeople) are no longer materially necessary, they remain as the choices of the dead lying like a nightmare on the brain of the living.
(This may also be of interest to
Athos)