Having dog put to sleep-how do you know?

[Looby]

I didn’t want to clog up the lovely dog thread so started another.

I’m feeling really torn over our lovely Lucy who is 11 1/2 and whether we’ll know and agree on the right time to have her put to sleep.
She has an osteosarcoma and we’re not treating it she just has pain relief.

Currently:
She’s not exhibiting any signs of worsening pain.
She’s eating well and not really vomiting.
She seems ok in herself, still wanting lots of cuddles and affection.
She sleeps a lot but she’s pretty lazy anyway.

But:
She’s on the max medication she can be given so the vets said now it’s simply a quality of life assessment. She has gabapentin, metacam, amitriptyline and paracetamol. Her leg is very swollen.
She can’t walk on the bad leg at all now. So I think she gets tired getting used to being three legged.
She does ok but struggles downstairs sometimes because of our slippery laminate.
She isn’t going out for walks at all.
She’s now struggling to get up the stairs. Last night and this morning she’s got stuck halfway up and panicked. She just woke me crying.
I can’t lift her so had to help her bunny hop up the rest. She also can’t get on our bed now without being lifted.

I feel like we’re getting close now but I think my husband disagrees. He understandably doesn’t want to let her go when she’s ok in herself and eating etc and he feels like she still has good quality of life because she’s quite happy to be chilled and is a couch potato anyway.

I hate watching her struggle even a little bit. Her not being able to get up the stairs when she needs to or get on our bed will really upset her.

I guess my worry is, because I’m not dealing with her illness very well, I’d be making a decision based on it being emotionally easier for me. Maybe she is ok with a bit of help getting up and down and I’m being selfish because it feels like torture watching her every move and symptom and waiting for her to die. I can’t stop crying, I just feel so sad about it.

All the guides and lists etc on quality of life aren’t really helping as there’s some really good bits and some not so good.
I know the view is better too early than too late and we’re both agreed on this.

I’m not asking you all to decide whether to put my dog down btw, that would be mean.

Any advice would be appreciated though.

 

[dessiato]

I've been through this three times. I just knew when it was time. I can't tell you how, but I suppose it's like an instinct. I'd just go with that. You will know.

Looking back now, writing this, I remember the look in my dogs' eyes every time. There was something there that told me it was right. This sounds like bullshit, it probably is, but you'll know it when you see it.

I'm sorry I can't be clearer than this, I can't give a clear definition or guide. But you will know when the time is right. It'll hurt, it always does, you'll know you've done the best for your pet and that will help.

 

[moomoo]

This is exactly what my Charlie was like. We had to lift him onto the sofa any carry him up the stairs. He clearly wasn’t a happy chap. It’s heartbreaking to have to make that decision but I felt it was the kindest one for him.

 

[two sheds]

For the last three months or so Cosmo was finding it harder to walk because of her arthritis in her back legs. I got one of those carry type things with handles to support her and we just went for a couple of walks a day up the road. She couldn't get up or downstairs, and I was asking myself the same question as you are. As it happened I didn't need to. One day she just couldn't get up so I called the vet out who put her down and it was all very peaceful.

Not sure this helps because it went very quickly at the end so the decision was very clear. Good luck though.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Sorry to hear about your poor dog.

It does sound like you are getting near to the point of letting her go, but it's very difficult to decide on the exact timing. I had the discussion with the vet, and as he wasn't in pain, could still get up, walk a bit, and still had a sparkle in his eyes, she said the timing was really down to the effect it was having on me, or at the very latest the day when he could no longer get up on his back legs.

And, like two sheds has just posted, that day came soon after, making it easier for me, apart from the extra cost of calling the vet out on a Sunday to have him put down.

As we had lived most his life by a canal, which he was regularly in & out of, fetching his ball, I scattered his ashes into the canal, so he could carry on with his journey.

 

[hegley]

I'm so sorry to hear this and you describing Lucy struggling with the stairs and panicing made me well up a bit so I can imagine you must be feeling upset a lot of the time.

What is your vet like? When I had to have my dog put to sleep my vet was excellent - Indi had been ill for a while, and the vet always treated her, but the last time we went in the vet said "I think it's time"; I totally trusted her because she knew Indi well, but appreciate not all vets are like that. I did get to take Indi home after that appointment and spend the rest of the day with her cuddling on the sofa, and then took her back to the vet that evening.

Not sure any of that helps, but good luck with your decision - it's such a horrible thing to go through; pets bring such joy but, bloody hell, they break our hearts so hard.

 

[contadino]

Really sorry to hear what you're all going thru. It's a horrible situation that we open ourselves up to as dog owners.

So I can only relate what happened the two times when I've been in this situation. Once 6 years ago and once 4 weeks back.

6 years ago: cancer in the mouth, two surgical interventions but it had come back again. Vet said no further possibility of removal. Over a period of 8 months, she had gone from being a happy, bouncy dog who'd follow us around everywhere to just laying on the sofa all day. Clearly not happy and had started having trouble eating. This last factor is probably what swung it. Seeing her starve wasn't an option. Canine euthanasia wasn't something the Italian vet was used to so it was difficult to arrange.

4 weeks ago: Knowing how things were going to pan out (aggressive cancer that had already spread), wife and I had discussed the points that would trigger the decision: 1 loss of appetite, 2 not keen on morning walk. As it happened those two things happened on the same day (along with I think some sort of internal haemoraging) We went straight to the out of hours vet who put her down. Her back legs were clearly struggling in her final month or so, so we took her bed off the sofa and put it on the floor and I'd sit down there with her. She was struggling on the smooth kitchen tiles, so I'd get her standing on the back door mat and put her bowl down there. When the vet diagnosed the cancer she said that we'd know when the time was right, and it turned out to be the case.

Very different scenarios.

I'd suggest that the best course of action for you would be to have a candid discussion with your husband. Agree how you think Lucy suffering would manifest itself.

 

[Steel Icarus]

No advice but sending love Looby

 

[5t3IIa]

This is utterly crap (((looby)))

Your post reads to me like you’d feel better letting her go while she’s still…happy. So she doesn’t suffer uneccessarily, as is inevitable. But Mr Loobs thinks she and the family can hold on until her last moment? Fwiw I agree with your view and ‘persuading’ your partner to pts a ‘happy’ dog is probably the real issue? Are you able to have some time to properly talk it through together, just you?

V best wishes x

 

[WouldBe]

My dog is in a similar position. She struggles getting upstairs so I have to support the back of her thighs so she can get up. I've built a step so she can get onto the bed. Other than that she eats well and still tries to play with pups / young dogs in the park.

As others have said you'll know when the time is right. With my first dog (cancer) we went for a walk and he just stopped part way round and sat down looking sad. Went to the vet that afternoon.

Second dog (stroke) was very wobbly on his back legs but otherwise happy. Tried to get downstairs on his own one morning, caught him at the top of the stairs before he went down. He went to the vet to stop him falling downstairs and hurting himself.

Third dog (cancer again) stopped eating.

It's difficult but you know your dog better than anyone else so you'll know when she's ready to go.

 

[story]

Looby It’s always heartbreaking, no matter when the moment is. I waited too long once (the first time I had to do it) and learned from that. The thing that strikes me about your post is when you say that “she woke me up crying”. Do you mean that she was crying and it woke you up? Or that you we’re crying in your sleep and she’s woke you? If she’s crying and it’s for some reason that’s not externally apparent, then I think it could be time.

I endorse what dessiato says too. But I think it can take a bit of tuning in and focusing to really determine that Knowing. After the first time (when I waited too long) I have turned my mind and heart to the dreaded task and tried to enlist my companion’s... umm... connection to my own feelings around it. There is always a sense of sorrow and pain around it, it never feels like “Yay! It’s time to go!”. But at a certain point it has a feeling of “No more, it’s time”. But that also means having enough time to make the appointment, say all the goodbyes etc. So don’t wait or delay til the imminent moment. It does need an anticipatory grace period that leads up to the actual moment.

If you’re googling and asking on here, it’s probably a matter of a few days.
Also ( and this may or may not be relevant) check the forecast where you are. It’s set to be stinking hot for a while in some places, and depending on how Lucy feels about really hot weather, that might also play into your decision making too.
I think there was another thread about this fairly recently. If anyone can find it there may be other useful information and insights on there.

Enjoy the time you have left and dig into your love for her as you all approach the end x

 

[bellaozzydog]

I didn’t want to clog up the lovely dog thread so started another.

I’m feeling really torn over our lovely Lucy who is 11 1/2 and whether we’ll know and agree on the right time to have her put to sleep.
She has an osteosarcoma and we’re not treating it she just has pain relief.

Currently:
She’s not exhibiting any signs of worsening pain.
She’s eating well and not really vomiting.
She seems ok in herself, still wanting lots of cuddles and affection.
She sleeps a lot but she’s pretty lazy anyway.

But:
She’s on the max medication she can be given so the vets said now it’s simply a quality of life assessment. She has gabapentin, metacam, amitriptyline and paracetamol. Her leg is very swollen.
She can’t walk on the bad leg at all now. So I think she gets tired getting used to being three legged.
She does ok but struggles downstairs sometimes because of our slippery laminate.
She isn’t going out for walks at all.
She’s now struggling to get up the stairs. Last night and this morning she’s got stuck halfway up and panicked. She just woke me crying.
I can’t lift her so had to help her bunny hop up the rest. She also can’t get on our bed now without being lifted.

I feel like we’re getting close now but I think my husband disagrees. He understandably doesn’t want to let her go when she’s ok in herself and eating etc and he feels like she still has good quality of life because she’s quite happy to be chilled and is a couch potato anyway.

I hate watching her struggle even a little bit. Her not being able to get up the stairs when she needs to or get on our bed will really upset her.

I guess my worry is, because I’m not dealing with her illness very well, I’d be making a decision based on it being emotionally easier for me. Maybe she is ok with a bit of help getting up and down and I’m being selfish because it feels like torture watching her every move and symptom and waiting for her to die. I can’t stop crying, I just feel so sad about it.

All the guides and lists etc on quality of life aren’t really helping as there’s some really good bits and some not so good.
I know the view is better too early than too late and we’re both agreed on this.

I’m not asking you all to decide whether to put my dog down btw, that would be mean.

Any advice would be appreciated though.

Very sad time
I think you just know. You know your dog and they will communicate how they are feeling.

When the time comes make sure you are with them, with treats and strokes

 

[Looby]

This is utterly crap (((looby)))

Your post reads to me like you’d feel better letting her go while she’s still…happy. So she doesn’t suffer uneccessarily, as is inevitable. But Mr Loobs thinks she and the family can hold on until her last moment? Fwiw I agree with your view and ‘persuading’ your partner to pts a ‘happy’ dog is probably the real issue? Are you able to have some time to properly talk it through together, just you?

V best wishes x

This is exactly it. He thinks she’s happy and I don’t think she’s happy enough. And I feel guilty for looking like I’m trying to ‘hurry it along’. I don’t think I am but I do know that this feels unbearable.
We are talking and will keep talking.

I guess I’m scared he’ll blame me. She’s his really, more than mine. We both adore her but their bond is so tight.
He lost our cat years ago and it was really hard because it was his fault and I just wanted to scream ‘you lost my fucking cat you arsehole!’. Of course I didn’t because he was devastated and sorry and it wasn’t deliberate just stupid.
I can’t bear the thought he’s thinking that about me.

I think I’m verging on needing this to be in shagging and diseases.

story sorry I worded that badly. She was stuck half up the stairs and she was crying which woke me up.

Thanks everyone, it’s really helpful to read other perspectives and I’m so sorry to those going through similar or have done in the past.

 

[story]

This is exactly it. He thinks she’s happy and I don’t think she’s happy enough. And I feel guilty for looking like I’m trying to ‘hurry it along’. I don’t think I am but I do know that this feels unbearable.
We are talking and will keep talking.

I guess I’m scared he’ll blame me. She’s his really, more than mine. We both adore her but their bond is so tight.
He lost our cat years ago and it was really hard because it was his fault and I just wanted to scream ‘you lost my fucking cat you arsehole!’. Of course I didn’t because he was devastated and sorry and it wasn’t deliberate just stupid.
I can’t bear the thought he’s thinking that about me.

I think I’m verging on needing this to be in shagging and diseases.

story sorry I worded that badly. She was stuck half up the stairs and she was crying which woke me up.

Thanks everyone, it’s really helpful to read other perspectives and I’m so sorry to those going through similar or have done in the past.

Poor love getting stuck and crying for help. Did your partner witness that? Maybe you’re more cognisant of how close it is because you were woken by her crying for help?

And while it’s clearly quite fraught with the history in the background, please try to step aside from making this choice based on what’s emotionally going on for you. I know that’s almost impossible really, but (stating the bleedin obvious here) this service we do for our animal companions is something that has to be undertaken with absolutely no selfish or self serving elements at all.


Aldo, ((Looby and your cat))

 

[ruffneck23]

ETA : Sorry to hear about this Looby

My dear Jazzy got cancer and declined very rapidly, they day before we had to put her to sleep she came upstairs to see me in my room, she hadn't been up for weeks and it kind of felt like she came up to say goodbye, as if she knew.

Later that evening about 3am she was crying in pain with every breath she took so we took her to the vets about 3.30am and had her put to sleep, one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

[story]

This is the thing, eh.
There’s always a risk that you delay the awful moment, for reasons that seem sensible and proper at the time, and then suddenly they’re struggling and suffering.

I think they often cope and manage and handle and deal with the pain etc without telling us. The point when we are noticing their distress, their pain hasn’t gone from zero to I-can’t-cope in those few hours or days, it’s been building for them in ways we can’t really know.

In my experience, their love for and devotion to us is one of the things that keeps them fighting on. I really deeply regret waiting too long with my first cat, but I did learn about how to negotiate the process. It feels, in a funny way, like her last gift to me, that learning.

Later, I lived with an excellent cat who really didn’t want to die despite his decrepitude, because he loved us so very much. We timed that just right, I think. He had a few extra days that, with another cat, I wouldn’t have allowed, but it was right for him. In the end there was nothing left of him but his will power. As the dread deed was done, he stared directly into my eyes and I watched his light go out. Crying as I write this, of course. We’d taken him to the vet a week earlier because I was pretty sure it was almost time. She gave him a huge shot of steroids and he rallied enough for us to enjoy that last week together, but any longer would have been cruel.

 

[pogofish]

I've been through this three times. I just knew when it was time. I can't tell you how, but I suppose it's like an instinct. I'd just go with that. You will know.

Looking back now, writing this, I remember the look in my dogs' eyes every time. There was something there that told me it was right. This sounds like bullshit, it probably is, but you'll know it when you see it.

This - You just seem to know when an animal has lost the will/desire to live any more.

 

[quimcunx]

I think while he is mostly still enjoying food and cuddles and being a couch potato and the painkillers are working versus some pain doing some things, it's ok to keep going but prepare yourselves so you can act without too much delay when the signs are there that the scales have swung the other way.

 

[Voley]

Ah sorry to hear this Looby.

We've just been through it with our lovely little cat Muffin. I agree it's an instinctive thing and you'll know when it's right.

For us, it was when she couldn't look after herself any more. She was losing her sight so we'd got used to clearing up after her each morning but one day we got up to a kitchen covered in crap and pee and the poor little thing couldn't even clean herself any more. We sad bye-bye that night. The vet agreed with us.

Still tears me up now a good few months later. She was a great cat.

 

[Saffy]

I can't add anything which hasn't already been said Looby but I just wanted to send big love your way.

 

[srb7677]

It is always a sad time when a beloved pet has to be put to sleep. I have none now but my last pet was a hamster I'd had for two years when I noticed he could barely walk and looked very listless and was in obvious discomfort. I took him to the vets but he could do nothing for him and confirmed that he was suffering and facing a slow death. I had to make the decision that no pet lover wants to make but it was the kindest thing I could do. I had to have him put to sleep.

I will admit that I - a 55 year old guy at the time - cried over the death of my hamster, my little buddy. Doesn't matter how big or small they are we love our pets.

As for your dog, it is not for me or others to tell you what to do as you yourself have said. But the best advice I can give is to talk it over with your partner and weigh up the quality of life versus any suffering. If she is not in pain and still enjoying life, even with a little help sometimes, then maybe the time to make the decision is close but not quite here yet. It is when she starts to suffer pain and becomes incapable of enjoying life that decision time will have arrived I think. But only you and your partner discussing it together can agree and decide when that time has come.

 

[Edie]

Sorry to you and lovely Lucy Looby

 

[trashpony]

I’m so sorry Looby.

I would talk to your vet. If you feel like it’s time (and Lucy crying on the stairs is heartbreaking) then maybe Mr Looby will find it easier to let her go if the vet is advising it’s kindest.

It’s better too early than too late with pets if you can bear it (although I miss my dog a huge amount when he’s at doggy daycare so I don’t know how I’m going to cope when his time comes )

 

[Puddy_Tat]

i have never had to make this decision, but just wonder if a friend's experience (neither she or doggy is with us any more) might help - she went more for the doggy version of 'reasonable adjustments', step or ramp to bed / sofa, and put child gates at top and bottom of stairs, so doggy couldn't try to go up or down stairs on their own. dog stair lifts are a thing, but may be a bit extreme...

(((( Looby and lucy ))))

 

[weltweit]

Very sad Looby

When my elderly cat had advanced kidney failure the vet said I would know when the time had come. I left it until she sort of retired under a chair and pretty much stopped moving. I couldn't really tell if she was in pain but she was immobile. When I took her to the vet he said he expected me sooner! I think I was about right though.

The vet gave me a towel to wrap her up in and I took her home and buried her in her favourite spot in the garden.

 

[weltweit]

Sorry Looby my port probably wasn't very helpful.

I think you will know when the time is right, but as you mention will your OH know?

 

[Looby]

Thank you everyone, I do really appreciate all your posts. We had a chat today and I explained I was worried he’d be angry with me which he obviously wouldn’t because he’s lovely.

She’s been ok today, getting lots of fuss and was happily out in the garden with the naughty boy dogs earlier.

He’ll carry her up to bed and again in the morning before he takes the boys out. So we’re not there yet but I’ve been clear I would like to do this in a sort of planned way. Book a day off and stuff rather than rush her off in an emergency.

 

[trashpony]

That sounds like a good if painful way forward. I hope you have some more lovely gentle times with her to cherish x

 

[campanula]

My youngest and I had to make the decision as my partner was unable to. Ultimately, taking the decision was not difficult because many doubts and questions melted away. All my sympathies, Looby. I believe you will know when to act because you love your dog and have cared throughout a whole life. This is our last responsibility to our beloved companions. My old dog lay in the unseasonal March sun, on the morning of her dying, but fits and fear, that afternoon, gave me to see with complete clarity, that we had reached that point of departure. It was a gentle, loving transition and afterwards, all our shared anxieties and disagreements also vanished and we could celebrate a (long) life, filled with love.
A thoughtful and compassionate vet should have some worthwhile advice, also.

 

[Looby]

We had Lucy put to sleep today. We saw the vet a couple of weeks ago for a meds review and she said we probably had a month or so before she started to decline. Although we’re fairly sure she wasn’t in pain, she was uncomfortable and was slowing down.

It was planned, really peaceful and as good as it could be.
Fucking gutted, leaving her at the vets was horrendous. We’re having her cremated then we’ll do some scattering. Beach, heath, the stream where she nearly drowned.