DaveCinzano
WATCH OUT, GEORGE, HE'S GOT A SCREWDRIVER!
Recently I have caught some real stinkers. Many of them I even bought. Lest others feel my pain please permit me to name these abominations:
Shopping - Okay, so this is not news, but I'd never actually seen the Jude Law/Sadie Frost twocing/ramraiding yoof-gorn-bad yarn before. I probably could have gone on not having seen it. It doesn't even have the incompetent, witless charm of near-contemporary Welcome II The Terrordome. And what's with the Marianne Faithfull cameo?
Kung Fu Flid AKA Unarmed But Dangerous - Mat 'That Thalidomide Bloke' Fraser as a martial artist with a very short reach out for revenge against gangland boss Frank Harper when his daughter is kidnapped. On paper that sounds fine, it has promise; except it's ineptly executed and - wait, the clues are there! - it's produced by Turbo Terry Stone. And Faye Tozer (ex of Steps) is in it as a moll. And obviously Turbo Terry Stone, having put up the money, has a role. Note to director Xavier Leret: it somewhat detracts from the raw, atavistic drive of the central character to have him pause in his mission to track down the hoodlums who have made off with his kid and enlist the assistance of a random passerby to give him a bunk-up over the back wall of the bad guys' lair, because his arms are too short to reach.
Triggermen - Neil Morrissey (yes, the one from Men Behaving Badly) and Adrian Dunbar are British conmen in America. They are mistaken for hitmen hired to kill organised crime boss Pete Postlethwaite. Hilarity ensues.
Circus - John Hannah and Famke Janssen are con artists trying to work their way out of Brighton(!). Psychopathic organised crime boss Brian Conley (yes, that Brian Conley) wants them to run a casino for him. They don't want to. Loan shark-cum-bookie Eddie Izzard wants back the large amount of money Hannah owes him. Peter Stormare (from Fargo) hires them to kill his wife, who turns out not to be his wife but instead the lover of Brian Conley's main enforcer, Tiny Lister (the big chap from Jackie Brown), and attempts to blackmail them with video of the killing (which obviously isn't a real killing). Meanwhile Janssen's bankrobbing lover Fred Ward, whom she stiffed back in the States, has arrived in Brighton. Yes, it really is as interesting as this.
Please add any films you wish to warn others off watching here.
Shopping - Okay, so this is not news, but I'd never actually seen the Jude Law/Sadie Frost twocing/ramraiding yoof-gorn-bad yarn before. I probably could have gone on not having seen it. It doesn't even have the incompetent, witless charm of near-contemporary Welcome II The Terrordome. And what's with the Marianne Faithfull cameo?
Kung Fu Flid AKA Unarmed But Dangerous - Mat 'That Thalidomide Bloke' Fraser as a martial artist with a very short reach out for revenge against gangland boss Frank Harper when his daughter is kidnapped. On paper that sounds fine, it has promise; except it's ineptly executed and - wait, the clues are there! - it's produced by Turbo Terry Stone. And Faye Tozer (ex of Steps) is in it as a moll. And obviously Turbo Terry Stone, having put up the money, has a role. Note to director Xavier Leret: it somewhat detracts from the raw, atavistic drive of the central character to have him pause in his mission to track down the hoodlums who have made off with his kid and enlist the assistance of a random passerby to give him a bunk-up over the back wall of the bad guys' lair, because his arms are too short to reach.
Triggermen - Neil Morrissey (yes, the one from Men Behaving Badly) and Adrian Dunbar are British conmen in America. They are mistaken for hitmen hired to kill organised crime boss Pete Postlethwaite. Hilarity ensues.
Circus - John Hannah and Famke Janssen are con artists trying to work their way out of Brighton(!). Psychopathic organised crime boss Brian Conley (yes, that Brian Conley) wants them to run a casino for him. They don't want to. Loan shark-cum-bookie Eddie Izzard wants back the large amount of money Hannah owes him. Peter Stormare (from Fargo) hires them to kill his wife, who turns out not to be his wife but instead the lover of Brian Conley's main enforcer, Tiny Lister (the big chap from Jackie Brown), and attempts to blackmail them with video of the killing (which obviously isn't a real killing). Meanwhile Janssen's bankrobbing lover Fred Ward, whom she stiffed back in the States, has arrived in Brighton. Yes, it really is as interesting as this.
Please add any films you wish to warn others off watching here.
