AVOID: A public service thread detailing films not worth watching

[8den]

Source Code, proudly raising the bar to stratospheric heights on movie storyline shitness. Tagline "Make every second count". It's certainly something to consider when deciding whether to continue watching it or not. I really do want my 1 hour and 33 minutes back.

Especially when you consider

Spoiler: gaping flaw

At the end of the film he's killed a innocent man by stealing his body and life

 

[Disjecta Membra]

lol, it's funny cos i'm normally a major cynical critic but I enjoyed this one as well.

(disclaimer) I do pretty much like all Sci fi though, i've got a really good imagination and my brains constantly immersed inna personal fantasy land. So any sci fi works for good escapism for me. It just seeds an idea then my brain wanders.

Time travel's always a good one, because the whole concept still eludes even the best scientists. Sorry i know i'm getting into boring semantics but most films are flawed when analysed. By the title, This thread is about films that are offensively, just wanky and crap, not ones that have a small flaw, cos under scrutiny "almost" all films do.

Then again if you were actually gutted by the crapness, fair enough.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Kevin MacDonald's The Eagle - it's just dull. Well, certainly up to the point of meeting the Seal People, that's pretty impressive. But the whole 'Romans-with-American-accents' shtick grates quickly, especially when Mark Strong puts it on. Tahar Rahim (from Un Prophète) as the Seal Prince is impressive, though. Difficult to concentrate when Channing Tatum is on the screen, he's like a particularly wooden Mr Potato Head with jam jar lids for ears. I guess they help stop his helmet from falling off.

 

[ATOMIC SUPLEX]

Moulin Rouge - A steaming pile of horseshit.

Oh god yeah, in so many ways. I think I fell asleep in the cinema when my wife took me.
Dreadful dreadful stuff.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

Damnation Alley - post-apocalyptic film from the 70s I think.

Pretty bad. Only remember it because of the cockroaches everywhere

It was great! You have to develop an appreciation of the "bad movie" to really enjoy it.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

I nominate Brokeback Mountain. Just caught on video. Slow, overacted, underplotted.

I never "got" the concept of why they couldn't move in together. "Bachelor farmers" are a time-honored tradition. Every family has a few.

 

[andy2002]

I really hated Closer with Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Clive Owen and Natalie Portman. It was the sort of angst-ridden toss a sixth former would write.

 

[stuff_it]

I really hated Closer with Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Clive Owen and Natalie Portman. It was the sort of angst-ridden toss a sixth former would write.

TBF I'm shocked that you tried to watch it in the first place!

 

[Pseudopsycho]

I saw Closer one late on the telly mainly because I believe Clive Owen and Natalie Portman can act, but this film made woeful use of them

 

[andy2002]

TBF I'm shocked that you tried to watch it in the first place!

Wasn't it written by Patrick Marber who used to be on The Day Today? I think that's why I was interested in seeing it.

 

[Pseudopsycho]

and directed by Mike "The Graduate" Nichols, which is a shame considering how bad it is

 

[andy2002]

I should have been alerted by the presence of Portman and Law, who are sort of shit film magnets. (That said, Portman was decent in Black Swan).

 

[stuff_it]

I should have been alerted by the presence of Portman and Law, who are sort of shit film magnets. (That said, Portman was decent in Black Swan).

Yes, you should have known, I did.

 

[Me76]

'Buried' I watched the first 15 minutes and then started fast forwarding chunks. Managed about another 15 minutes if that but it was woeful. Really contrived.

 

[Ranu]

Wasn't it written by Patrick Marber who used to be on The Day Today? I think that's why I was interested in seeing it.

He's also written the next Bond script.

 

[Minnie_the_Minx]

'solomon kane'
the character solomon kane, created by robert e howard, should have been the subject of a decent film. but so far he hasn't been. do not bother going to see solomon kane under any circumstances whatsoever.

I put that on last night, but switched it off after 1/2 hour. Really couldn't get into it.

Is it worth giving it another go?

 

[Pickman's model]

I put that on last night, but switched it off after 1/2 hour. Really couldn't get into it.

Is it worth giving it another go?

avoid the film

 

[Minnie_the_Minx]

avoid the film

Last time I avoided one of my sister's films for months because it looked shit, I decided one day I really should watch it so I could return it. It was as shit as I'd imagined it to be, and I felt like two hours of my life had been stolen. I think this time, I'll return it without watching

 

[Greebo]

Lesbian Vampire Killers - really bad, but not bad enough to be cult, which would make it worth watching ironically.

 

[joevsimp]

Man of Steel, a really utterly pointless Superman reboot

samey action sequences with terrible sound design, ropey plot linking them together, and Russell Crowe the only redeeming feature

 

[billy_bob]

Lesbian Vampire Killers - really bad, but not bad enough to be cult, which would make it worth watching ironically.

I guess from that classy and understated title you were expecting a searing indictment of discrimination and dual identity politics in the prison population?

 

[Greebo]

I guess from that classy and understated title you were expecting a searing indictment of discrimination and dual identity politics in the prison population?

I was expecting it to at least be funny. Even there, it fell flat.

 

[maya]

I should have been alerted by the presence of Portman and Law, who are sort of shit film magnets.

Law was allright in Wilde (starring Stephen Fry), but probably only because that was the first time i'd ever seen or heard (of) him. Still, come to think of it, even there he was overacting a bit, in a pretty hammy Benedict Cumberbatch way... He was gorgeous, though. That probably clouded my mind a little.

 

[not-bono-ever]

Harry Brown.

awful, unredeemable misery. I felt dirty and voyeuristic watching it.No saving qualities whatsoever.

 

[May Kasahara]

Russell Crowe the only redeeming feature

A damning indictment if ever I heard one.

 

[8den]

I put that on last night, but switched it off after 1/2 hour. Really couldn't get into it.

Is it worth giving it another go?

The director of Solomon Kane Mike Bassett (yes really) is one of the rudest cunts I've ever worked with. And I've worked with tabloid hacks

 

[8den]

Man of Steel, a really utterly pointless Superman reboot

samey action sequences with terrible sound design, ropey plot linking them together, and Russell Crowe the only redeeming feature

Russell Crowe redeemed it for you?

Max Landis (son of John Landis) sums up some of my man of steel issues

 

[DotCommunist]

The Deathrace 2000 remake starring the mighty stath is proper shit. Not even if its 50p at crack converters

 

[Miss Caphat]

The Notebook

Offensive by-the-numbers button-pushing shite with leads so unlikeable you're begging for a sudden shift in plot to a serial killer bumping them off one-by-one.

It sadly never happens.

Not even ironically good in the way some of these films are, avoid.

It's not intended to be cinematic genius. It's a romance novel made into a film. A watchable one as those things go, imo. They're usually far worse.

 

[lefteri]

Upstream Color, by the director who made Primer - not sure it's awful exactly, or definitely one to avoid, just very obtuse and a bit pretentious in a way that primer just about managed to avoid - left me feeling a bit meh