Air travel!

[Teaboy]

Maybe its because I fly quite a lot (ave 20 flights per year) but I find flying a fairly miserable experience these days. Unless you're small you're crammed into with very limited leg space. You're stuck in a very artificial experience in a metal (OK composite) tube with screaming kids and / or very drunk people. For me its an uncomfortable experience which I can't wait to be over.

I'd rather take the train, its a much more civilised way to travel but in the UK it is crazy expensive so I end up driving most of the time.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

London City, hand luggage only minimum check in time is 10 mins, with checked bags 15 mins. Very nice.

Last time I flew from Heathrow I went from kerb to lounge in under 6 minutes, that included a trip to the check in desk and passing through security, plus to reach the Concorde Room had to walk through the BA First Lounge, filled with all the sweaty gold card holders. 6 minutes. That was nice. Landed back and from when the wheels hit the tarmac to walking through my front door was just under 80 minutes. I used to get the train to school, flying is the grown up way of doing things.

 

[Spymaster]

Cue chaos everywhere like every other airport.

See, I genuinely don't recognise this. I fly more than most and rarely experience this chaos at any airports. Sure, some are better than others and occasionally you get a horror, but on balance they're fine. Perhaps I'm in a more fortunate situation than average in that I'm usually able to choose quieter times (off peak for holidays, own choice and someone else paying for business) but even when I was taking 100+ flights a year (with a third low cost), major fuck-ups were rare. I really don't get why anyone would do London-Scotland/Cornwall by train unless they had a ton of luggage.

 

[Teaboy]

London City, hand luggage only minimum check in time is 10 mins, with checked bags 15 mins. Very nice.

Took 25 minutes in line to drop our one bag off at London City on the way out even though we'd already checked-in on-line.

See, I genuinely don't recognise this. I fly more than most and rarely experience this chaos at any airports. Sure, some are better than others and occasionally you get a horror, but on balance they're fine. Perhaps I'm in a more fortunate situation then average in that I'm usually able to choose quieter times (off peak for holidays, own choice and someone else paying for business) but even when I was taking 100+ flights a year (with a third low cost), major fuck-ups were rare. I really don't get why anyone would do London-Scotland/Cornwall by train unless they had a ton of luggage.

Maybe. I only ever fly for leisure so the times I'll be flying are probably not great and the likelihood is that it'll usually be Luton or Stansted which are both competing fiercely to be officially the UK's worst airport. Gatwick is pretty decent I will say as is T2. T5 was a shithole from the moment they opened the doors and has become a construction byword for how not to do things. "Terminal 5 Syndrome".

But really it's not the airports. Its actually flying. I find being confined into a tiny seat in a small tube a not very pleasant experience. Its no wonder all the kids are screaming away, its usually how I feel as well.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Took 25 minutes in line to drop our one bag off at London City on the way out even though we'd already checked-in on-line.

Christmas is always a pain. Try getting the 1920 Euston to Manchester on any day of the week if you want to see true chaos. We flew from Gatwick to Hong Kong last Boxing Day, no queue at check in, no queue for security. Kerb to lounge in under 20 minutes, that's four people with lots of baggage and the long walk from kerb to check in at South Terminal.

T5 was a shithole from the moment they opened the doors and has become a construction byword for how not to do things. "Terminal 5 Syndrome".

What are you on about? T5 is lush, it's quiet in the way a cathedral is, it's well laid out and only lacking in reasonably priced food outlets, if buying food is you thing. Heathrow Terminal 5 named “World’s Best” at Skytrax Awards

But really it's not the airports. Its actually flying. I find being confined into a tiny seat in a small tube a not very pleasant experience. Its no wonder all the kids are screaming away, its usually how I feel as well.

Pay a bit more for a better seat then. As you would on a train. But even a Ryanair seat is still a seat, rather than sat on the floor next to Corbyn, on a dog-shit and vomit-stained carpet...

 

[Spymaster]

Took 25 minutes in line to drop our one bag off at London City on the way out even though we'd already checked-in on-line.



Maybe. I only ever fly for leisure so the times I'll be flying are probably not great and the likelihood is that it'll usually be Luton or Stansted which are both competing fiercely to be officially the UK's worst airport. Gatwick is pretty decent I will say as is T2. T5 was a shithole from the moment they opened the doors and has become a construction byword for how not to do things. "Terminal 5 Syndrome".

But really it's not the airports. Its actually flying. I find being confined into a tiny seat in a small tube a not very pleasant experience. Its no wonder all the kids are screaming away, its usually how I feel as well.

The screaming kids thing is another one that I've rarely experienced in real life but if you actually don't like the flying bit, that's a problem. Even the worst internal flight in the UK is only going to last an hour and 15 minutes though and I'll take that over fucking about with trains for half the day.

Regarding Luton and Stanstead, there are a couple of hacks. Avoid summer early morning flights as the airports are full of oiks flying to Greece. Always pay the extra fiver for Fast Track so you blow through security. Quite often you'll see that the regular security is empty so you've wasted five quid but better safe than sorry. Get a lounge pass or Amex Platinum. Above all though, try not to fly from shit airports! We're doing LCY to Ibiza in June.

 

[Spymaster]

Try getting the 1920 Euston to Manchester on any day of the week if you want to see true chaos.

You're often lucky to get a fucking seat!

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

You're often lucky to get a fucking seat!

Even with a reservation you'll be lucky to get a seat on that one.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

The screaming kids thing is another one that I've rarely experienced in real life

Babies rarely scream for long, they are human and it is their way of saying that they need something. Once the need is met they go quiet again. BB2, who as you know can be, challenging, she attacked Ant, or Dec on a flight back from Barcelona, having legged it out of her seat as we were on final approach to Heathrow. They took it really well and had a chat at baggage reclaim about how hard it is to keep kids entertained when travelling on any mode of transport. Then one of them got most of my baggage off the belt for me as I was holding her. Nice chaps who didn't mind her antics at all. More people should be more tolerant.

 

[Spymaster]

More people should be more tolerant.

Bollocks to that. I once had a little fucker kicking the back of my seat for half the journey to Doha. I practically threatened violence before I got moved.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Bollocks to that. I once had a little fucker kicking the back of my seat for half the journey to Doha. I practically threatened violence before I got moved.

Again, you're in the wrong seat...

BB2 unable to kick the seat in front...

 

[Spymaster]

Again, you're in the wrong seat...

BB2 unable to kick the seat in front...

View attachment 195889

Yeah but she'd probably bottle me anyway.

 

[Teaboy]

. Above all though, try not to fly from shit airports! We're doing LCY to Ibiza in June.

Flew City to Ibiza last summer and it was very decent but mostly because the BA Cityflyer jets are better then European short haul business class. Thing is though I like to go to unusual places and that means choice is limited to say the least.

Christmas is always a pain. Try getting the 1920 Euston to Manchester on any day of the week if you want to see true chaos. We flew from Gatwick to Hong Kong last Boxing Day, no queue at check in, no queue for security. Kerb to lounge in under 20 minutes, that's four people with lots of baggage and the long walk from kerb to check in at South Terminal.






What are you on about? T5 is lush, it's quiet in the way a cathedral is, it's well laid out and only lacking in reasonably priced food outlets, if buying food is you thing. Heathrow Terminal 5 named “World’s Best” at Skytrax Awards





Pay a bit more for a better seat then. As you would on a train. But even a Ryanair seat is still a seat, rather than sat on the floor next to Corbyn, on a dog-shit and vomit-stained carpet...

T5 is a dump, I've used it loads of times and always regret having to use it. It's always in the process of being rebuilt and food isn't my thing but bars are and the bars are all shit. All the art is shit compared to other landmark airways and it just has a constant feel of being half-arsed and half-finished. Yes I do have access to lounges through a Dragon pass but I like the bustle of bars.

I have taken to paying for a better seat mean an emergency aisle. Business class on short haul European is a joke. Oh and I travel 1st class on trains whenever possible so don't really encounter the problems you describe.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

T5 is a dump, I've used it loads of times and always regret having to use it. I have taken to paying for a better seat mean an emergency aisle. Business class on short haul European is a joke. Oh and I travel 1st class on trains whenever possible so don't really encounter the problems you describe.

Are you sure you are in the same T5

Get yourself a OneWorld Emerald card, use the first wing and you get your own closed off check in area, private security that spews you in to the lounge. When it is time to go head downstairs and if need to go from B or C gates use the walkway under the transit train, you'll also be in group 1 to board. You'll pass through the whole terminal hardly having seen another human being.

 

[Spymaster]

T5 is a dump, I've used it loads of times and always regret having to use it.

What problems have you had there? They've had some IT issues but again, if you weren't affected on specific days it's ok isn't it? Plenty of space and easy to get around.

 

[Winot]

When it is time to go head downstairs and if need to go from B or C gates use the walkway under the transit train, you'll also be in group 1 to board. You'll pass through the whole terminal hardly having seem another human being.

This interests me - is it obvious how to get to it?

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

This interests me - is it obvious how to get to it?

Use the lift rather than the escalator, push the button below the level the trains are on, then you get to enjoy the peace and quiet of this...

 

[Teaboy]

Are you sure you are in the same T5

Get yourself a OneWorld Emerald card, use the first wing and you get your own closed off check in area, private security that spews you in to the lounge. When it is time to go head downstairs and if need to go from B or C gates use the walkway under the transit train, you'll also be in group 1 to board. You'll pass through the whole terminal hardly having seem another human being.

But then I'd likely end up on British Airways who I try and avoid or Iberia who I simply refuse to fly with.

My last BA flight was the usual fun and games. Flying out of Gatwick in A319 that was old enough to be a rebadged Sopwith Camel. I was in the window seat and my g/f in the middle seat (full flight). BA had sort of refurbed bits of the plane so there were some newer seats and some old style, a right mix. Loads of exposed electrical ports and wires from where they'd ripped out the over head small screens. The arm rests on my g/f's seat had clearly been cannibalized from a different plane as they were uniquely different and made her seat very tight, fortunately she's pretty slim.

After the trolley came round once I had the audacity to press the call button to ask to pay for another drink. After some time the guy serving business scuttled through and told me I'd have to go the back of the plane and fetch it myself. I pointed out that I was hemmed in and doing so would inconvenience other passengers but he was having none of it, point blank refused even though this is a paying service not complementary. Eventually I asked a different steward and he sorted it.

On the return journey we were flying out of a shitty airport with limited food, no bother we'll just buy an M&S sandwich on board. Get onto the plane which is pretty empty. An hour goes by and no service. Eventually I get up and wonder to the back to try and buy something to find the 3 stewardesses gassing away to each other without a care in the world. When I asked politely to buy something I was told sternly to return to my seat and a service would soon commence. After another 30 minutes they eventually showed up and told us they had no food at all except nuts and crisps. Bit of waste having that menu on board then. It's OK, we'll just go hungry then.

Some time later in the flight I went to the toilet and passed the stewardesses who were back to the important business of talking rubbish but this time they were troughing their way through the sandwiches which weren't on board apparently. You couldn't make this shit up. This makes me sound like I'm a rude passenger or something but I'm not, I'm polite because I've found in life that gets you want you want quicker. It was just a classically weird BA experience.

I'll take Wizz next time because at least they'll want to sell me stuff.

 

[Teaboy]

I think what I'm getting from this conversation is that your experience of flying depends very much on the routes you use. I have no interest (at the moment anyway) in flying transatlantic to the US or Jamaica or wherever. Its just not what I do.

Flying the weird small routes is not conducive for having a positive view of flying.

 

[Spymaster]

But then I'd likely end up on British Airways who I try and avoid or Iberia who I simply refuse to fly with.

My last BA flight was the usual fun and games. Flying out of Gatwick in A319 that was old enough to be a rebadged Sopwith Camel. I was in the window seat and my g/f in the middle seat (full flight). BA had sort of refurbed bits of the plane so there were some newer seats and some old style, a right mix. Loads of exposed electrical ports and wires from where they'd ripped out the over head small screens. The arm rests on my g/f's seat had clearly been cannibalized from a different plane as they were uniquely different and made her seat very tight, fortunately she's pretty slim.

After the trolley came round once I had the audacity to press the call button to ask to pay for another drink. After some time the guy serving business scuttled through and told me I'd have to go the back of the plane and fetch it myself. I pointed out that I was hemmed in and doing so would inconvenience other passengers but he was having none of it, point blank refused even though this is a paying service not complementary. Eventually I asked a different steward and he sorted it.

On the return journey we were flying out of a shitty airport with limited food, no bother we'll just buy an M&S sandwich on board. Get onto the plane which is pretty empty. An hour goes by and no service. Eventually I get up and wonder to the back to try and buy something to find the 3 stewardesses gassing away to each other without a care in the world. When I asked politely to buy something I was told sternly to return to my seat and a service would soon commence. After another 30 minutes they eventually showed up and told us they had no food at all except nuts and crisps. Bit of waste having that menu on board then.

Some time later in the flight I went to the toilet and passed the stewardesses who were back to the important business of talking rubbish but this time they were troughing their way through the sandwiches which weren't on board apparently. You couldn't make this shit up. This makes me sound like I'm a rude passenger or something but I'm not, I'm polite because I've found in life that gets you want you want quicker. It was just a classically weird BA experience.

I'll take Wizz next time because at least they'll want to sell me stuff.

You've got to be the unluckiest traveller on the planet.

Can you post a list of all the flights you're planning to take this year so I can stay the fuck away from the system on those days?

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

But then I'd likely end up on British Airways who I try and avoid or Iberia who I simply refuse to fly with.

My last BA flight was the usual fun and games. Flying out of Gatwick in A319 that was old enough to be a rebadged Sopwith Camel. I was in the window seat and my g/f in the middle seat (full flight). BA had sort of refurbed bits of the plane so there were some newer seats and some old style, a right mix. Loads of exposed electrical ports and wires from where they'd ripped out the over head small screens. The arm rests on my g/f's seat had clearly been cannibalized from a different plane as they were uniquely different and made her seat very tight, fortunately she's pretty slim.

After the trolley came round once I had the audacity to press the call button to ask to pay for another drink. After some time the guy serving business scuttled through and told me I'd have to go the back of the plane and fetch it myself. I pointed out that I was hemmed in and doing so would inconvenience other passengers but he was having none of it, point blank refused even though this is a paying service not complementary. Eventually I asked a different steward and he sorted it.

On the return journey we were flying out of a shitty airport with limited food, no bother we'll just buy an M&S sandwich on board. Get onto the plane which is pretty empty. An hour goes by and no service. Eventually I get up and wonder to the back to try and buy something to find the 3 stewardesses gassing away to each other without a care in the world. When I asked politely to buy something I was told sternly to return to my seat and a service would soon commence. After another 30 minutes they eventually showed up and told us they had no food at all except nuts and crisps. Bit of waste having that menu on board then. It's OK, we'll just go hungry then.

Some time later in the flight I went to the toilet and passed the stewardesses who were back to the important business of talking rubbish but this time they were troughing their way through the sandwiches which weren't on board apparently. You couldn't make this shit up. This makes me sound like I'm a rude passenger or something but I'm not, I'm polite because I've found in life that gets you want you want quicker. It was just a classically weird BA experience.

I'll take Wizz next time because at least they'll want to sell me stuff.

Maybe they mistook you for teucther?

I think what I'm getting from this conversation is that your experience of flying depends very much on the routes you use. I have no interest (at the moment anyway) in flying transatlantic to the US or Jamaica or wherever. Its just not what I do.

Flying the weird small routes is not conducive for having a positive view of flying.

Heathrow to Rome:




You pay the extra on a train, but get all tight when flying. That's where you're going wrong...

 

[Teaboy]

You've got to be the unluckiest traveller on the planet.

Can you post a list of all the flights you're planning to take this year so I can stay the fuck away from the system on those days?

Well, I have a Wizz flight from Luton to Kyiv booked and its not even flying into Boryspil it's bloody Zhuliany. I'm quietly confident with this flight.

 

[Teaboy]

You pay the extra on a train, but get all tight when flying. That's where you're going wrong...

[/QUOTE]

I've finally broken this year and will be flying Business Class on Thai Air though returning in economy because we could get seats on the upper deck of their 380. The no-baby cabin as its apparently known. We'll see.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

I've finally broken this year and will be flying Business Class on Thai Air though returning in economy because we could get seats on the upper deck of their 380. The no-baby cabin as its apparently known. We'll see.
[/QUOTE]


Hate to break this to you, the upper deck being baby free applies to 747's only where carriers have business up there as well as downstairs.

On Thai's A380s business class is only located on the upper deck, so any business class punters with a screaming brat will be sat next to you. Let us know which flight you're on and I'll load BB2 on it, will take your mind off the screaming babies...

 

[Teaboy]

Hate to break this to you, the upper deck being baby free applies to 747's only where carriers have business up there as well as downstairs.

On Thai's A380s business class is only located on the upper deck, so any business class punters with a screaming brat will be sat next to you. Let us know which flight you're on and I'll load BB2 on it, will take your mind off the screaming babies...

Flying business on the way out on a 777. Its economy on the upper deck on the way back, no bassinets apparently. I'm aware there will be screaming children, there always is. I have ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones and a cyanide capsule.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Flying business on the way out on a 777. Its economy on the upper deck on the way back, no bassinets apparently. I'm aware there will be screaming children, there always is. I have ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones and a cyanide capsule.

Ah right, eco is mostly downstairs, but with a small cabin at the back of the upper deck, just behind the last row of business, where the put the screaming babies

 

[teuchter]

The last few posts make clear is that it's not about budget or pragmatics. Some people just get off on going on a plane. Just like some people get off on having a sports car. Why not just be honest about it?

When I was a kid it was super exciting to go to airports and so on. I grew out of that. Doesn't make me a better person as such - well, maybe it does a bit.

 

[Teaboy]

The last few posts make clear is that it's not about budget or pragmatics. Some people just get off on going on a plane. Just like some people get off on having a sports car. Why not just be honest about it?

Yup, that's what I've been saying. Fucking love flying me.

 

[Spymaster]

Some people just get off on going on a plane. Just like some people get off on having a sports car.

Driving a sports car to Heathrow, flying to Edinburgh, and hiring a Porsche there, is where it's really at. But of course that's what it's about. Trains are for cattle and luggage. Proper people take the plane and the cost and time savings are bonuses.

 

[T & P]

Another vote for Heathrow's T5 here. The first UK terminal I've seen where, although still retail-heavy, feels airy, not filled to the brim with retail units and orange fake-tanned people trying to sell you £20 raffle tickets to win a Porsche (unlike many other airports I could mention), is aestethically pleasing, and has plenty of natural light coming in.

And unless you're departing from one of the satellite buildings, the gates are bang right in the middle of the terminal, so no need to walk through miles of corridors to board the plane.