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In that report I linked to, it was clear that where women saw that they did not have capacity to consent had nothing to do with the disinhibitory effects of alcohol or drugs - and everything to do with extreme effects on motor skills (which would stop someone from verbally or physically expressing or refusing consent) and effects on consciousness less than being unconscious - such as confusion (which would stop someone from understanding what was happening). The report says that where current legislation and case law stands, someone would have to be almost unconscious for them to have a lack of capacity to consent. Thre were also a number of women in the survey who thought that they did have capacity to consent at the time of the assault, despite being under the influence of drugs and alcohol (but reporting less of the extreme symptoms on motor skills or level of conciousness), but whose lack of consent was ignored by their attacker through force. I think that most women - and men- do know the difference between being off their heads but having capacity to consent, and where they start to lose capacity because they can't express their consent or know what they are consenting to, and I think that most women - and men - know where their consent has been violated.
Note if someone has a range of drink or drug-related symptoms which means that they are verbally or physically unable to express or refuse consent or understand what is happening, or unconcious, they are almost certainly not taking an active role in the sexual activity - so you are talking apples and oranges - someone (male or female) to perpertrating rape or sexual assault is very unlikely to lack capacity at the time, even if they have taken drugs or alcohol. And the reason we are mostly talking about men as perpetrators here, is that in many women's and men's experience, its largely men who are acting in a predatory way towards drunk/high women and men. Of course women do perpetrate sexual assault or rape against women and men, but I've never (despite going to lots of lesbian clubs) seen women, for example, working together to pick out isolated, very drunk women or man in a nightclub, or seen a woman try to separate a very wasted woman or man from their friends, in the way I've seen men do this (and intervened), and I don't think many women are adjusting their behaviour in the ways you say you are doing because they are scared of predatory women (and I don't think many men are adjusting their behaviour in these ways at all).
Women from both groups (and the professionals surveyed) expressed problems with accessing justice, and additional stigma, to do with the fact they had drunk or taken drugs when the attack happened. The problem is that women are blamed for their own rapes and sexual assaults, rather than that they are seen as having less responsibility.
You say that there are many measures you unfortunately have to take to keep safe. Speak to most women, and they'll say the same thing. But for loads of different reasons, not every woman will be able to take the same precautions as you - there may be some precautions that I take which you can't take. And failing to take precautions does not make us responsible - morally or legally - if we are raped. Its always the perpetrator who is responsible for rape or sexual assault (and perpetrators are not always men). And here's the thing - we can take all the precautions that anyone could think of, and there's no guarantees that a predatory or aggressive man will not rape or assault us (and thats before we even think about predatory and violent women)! This piece expresses what i'm trying to say.
Totally spot on as usual crossthebreeze. My worry about women being seen as having less responsibility than men is just a load of theoretical tosh when you look at it next to the facts of what we're really talking about.