View attachment 152071 It’s now 10 days since Alfie escaped his pet sitter and I’m not in a good place.
What aggravates the situation is that the whole reason why I had to leave him with someone, is that I’ve had to take a job in Stuttgart and I’m not sure the job is going well either. When I was in Berlin last week to look for Alfie, I had friends to distract and cheer me up a little bit but now I go to work in the morning and go back to an Airbnb flat in the evening and all I have is to stress over work and worry over Alfie. I’m very low on money so I’m under pressure that the job is going well, but the job is far more difficult that anticipated and I’m not sure how to get through it. I’m two weeks into a five week freelance job and I’m terrified they’ll realise I’m not cutting it and that I’ll get fired and not paid. Looking for Alfie set me back financially as well, getting a return flight to Berlin on the day I found und out, easily could have gotten me to New York and back, an expense I would never have considered otherwise in my financially precarious state. The cat sitter who lost him feels just awful as well. She’s an elderly lady who meant well but I’ve really sed her memory is going which may explain why she left the window open.
Sometimes I wake up as early as 4am and of course the first thing my mind goes to is Alfie and then I can’t go back to sleep. I think of him purring and sitting on my chest and then where he may be now and how scared and distressed he must be if he is still alive. So sometimes I go to work after only a few hours of sleep and I can barely keep awake.
Many people can’t relate to the loss of a pet and don’t understand why I’m so upset. I’m a single middle aged man, I hung all my love on that cat, he is my family. I know that an animals life is not considered to have the same value as a humans but to me this loss is as bad as that of any human. He is a truly special cat as well, always gentle and friendly, he could never be replaced. Every day I was grateful that I get to live with this beautiful creature. I can’t remember the last time I cried this much.
Alfie was my greatest source of happiness just looking at him made my heart leap. I m not really asking much of life at this point of my life and now my greatest source of happiness is gone. People say there still is hope, but keeping hopeful is so painful because of the uncertainty.
It’s the start of another day and every day feels almost impossible to get through.