the "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" appreciation thread

[Wolfie]

does what it says in the title - please feel free to share your favourite moments - particularly those involving Lionel Blair

- who can forget the time that, with just a minute remaining, Michael Aspel gave him Free Willy ...


.. of course he blew it ....

 

[Dubversion]

i remember the look of concentration on Lionel's face when he put everything he had into The Talented Mr Ripley

 

[exleper]

whenever they play cheddar gorge and someone uses something like 'open bracket' or 'semi-colon'...its been done a thousand times before but still forces tea out of my nose.

 

[spanglechick]

One of my singing teachers at acting school was the national treaure that is Colin Sell. utterly lovely man.

 

[Orang Utan]

'Who will ever forget Lionel Blair, exhausted and on his knees, finishing off An Officer and a Gentleman in under two minutes'

There was something about Samantha and cheesemaking - 'putting big blue veins in her Carephilly'

And then the Anthony Worrell-Thompson sausages. They have a pic of him on the packet, with the legend, 'prick with a fork'.

 

[Orang Utan]

Just found a few more:
"A Mrs Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show has "an enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack", but only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing.



Dear Mr Titchmarsh: This morning I went out to dig up some dandelions and a giant hogweed on my lawn. The filthy beast! Yours faithfully, Mrs Trellis."

More Samantha goodies: "She's looking forward to going out for an ice cream with her Italian gentleman friend. She says she's looking forward to licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan.

She's become quite friendly with the two elderly archivists, Jack and Arthur. They've recently gone part time, so Samantha's come to a working arrangement. She does the paperwork, Arthur gets her forty-fives out, and Jack's off all afternoon."





Dear Mr Melly: Here's a great tip for removing any annoying little hairs that collect in the bath plughole: tempt them up with a carrot and pull them out by their long floppy ears"

Another Blair:
"Who can ever forget the joy on Lionel Blair's face as he successfully finished off 12 Angry Men in under two minutes using only his hands?"

 

[Dubversion]

Dear Mr Melly: Here's a great tip for removing any annoying little hairs that collect in the bath plughole: tempt them up with a carrot and pull them out by their long floppy ears"

x 1 million

 

[trashpony]

This won't be especially funny if you didn't hear it but this evening I found myself having to stop doing the washing up and start clapping at the end of Bob the Builder to the tune of the Girl from Ipanema

 

[King Biscuit Time]

I thought Lionel Blair had fallen on hard times, and can now be found walking around Brighton asking if he can 'bum people for a fiver'.

 

[Wolfie]

"Who could forget that famous occasion on which Lionel Blair, vigorously moving his hands back and forth in a steady rhythmic action, pulled off One Man and His Dog in under two minutes."

 

[Nine Bob Note]

I is downloading them all off eMule

"We particularly recall one very early show when Una Stubbs scored maximum points after the teams took only a few seconds to recognise her Fanny By Gaslight"

There was a website listing every opening sound charades joke but it's closed down

 

[Wolfie]

I've found a site with loads of Samantha stuff on it

"Samantha tells me she has to nip out now as she's been invited to an exclusive club to meet a group of aristocrats. She's very excited to see where all the big knobs hang out. She says at such a posh function she and the other girls will probably end up trying to speak with plums in their mouths"



and even better

"Samantha is off on a dinner date with a gentleman friend from Moscow who's brought over a variety of caviars and an array of vodka-based apperitifs. She says he's going to offer her delicious food in his hotel room and then liqour out on the balcony."

 

[Nine Bob Note]

I've found it, too

"She's become quite friendly with the two elderly archivists, Jack and Arthur. They've recently gone part time, so Samantha's come to a working arrangement. She does the paperwork, Arthur gets her forty-fives out, and Jack's off all afternoon."

"Samantha has to nip out now as she is off to her evening class where the baking instructor is going to assess her efforts. Last week he popped her bread rolls straight into his mouth and this week he's promised to try her muffin"

 

[Nemo]

I'm constantly amazed by the sorts of things they can get away with saying so early in the evening.

 

[Wowbagger]

"The next round, teams, is called 'Name That Barcode'."

 

[Firky]

Reminds me of the time Shaun Ryder was on TFI.

Chris Evans: DO NOT SWEAR! We got penalised when you last came on the show, Shaun.

Shaun Ryder: Fair do, Chris. I promise I won't swear.

Chris Evans: Excellent, if you succeed *takes shoes off and places them on desk*, you can have my shoes!

Shaun Ryder: *picks up shoes and looks at soul* FUCKING HELL, FUCKING GUCCI, MAN.

 

[Dubversion]

i thought it was "those are nice fucking shoes, those. fucking Paul Smith"

 

[spanglechick]

i thought it was "those are nice fucking shoes, those. fucking Paul Smith"

My recollection. "Patrick Cox! He makes fucking nice shoes, Patrick Cox"

 

[Firky]

Ya get the idea

 

[Dubversion]

My recollection. "Patrick Cox! He makes fucking nice shoes, Patrick Cox"

yep, it was Patrick Cox!

i was still nearer

 

[May Kasahara]

I believe they did get in a little trouble when Stephen Fry offered a new definition of 'countryside': "Murdering Piers Morgan".

 

[Brainaddict]

I believe they did get in a little trouble when Stephen Fry offered a new definition of 'countryside': "Murdering Piers Morgan".

took a moment to get that (harder to spot when written rather than spoken) but then

I'm going to sound like a spoilsport, but does anyone else find the Samantha jokes quite sexist? Given that she often fills the role of the only female representation in the show (i.e. most of the panel members are male) and is just used to bounce sex jokes off?

 

[Dubversion]

I'm going to sound like a spoilsport, but does anyone else find the Samantha jokes quite sexist? Given that she's often the only female in the show and is just used to bounce sex jokes off?

you do know she doesn't exist, don't you?

 

[Brainaddict]

you do know she doesn't exist, don't you?

yes, amend to say 'only female representation in the show' or whatever.

 

[goldenecitrone]

Samantha has been collecting records from the record library. The elderly archivist gets quite tired searching for the records so he's put up a camp bed for himself. He's also bought a reclining chair for Samantha so she can put her feet up while he gets his head down.

 

[goldenecitrone]

I'm going to sound like a spoilsport, but does anyone else find the Samantha jokes quite sexist? Given that she's often the only female in the show and is just used to bounce sex jokes off?

I just think it's typical English seaside bawdiness. I wonder Lionel Blair hasn't sued them yet.

 

[Brainaddict]

I just think it's typical English seaside bawdiness. I wonder Lionel Blair hasn't sued them yet.

oh and there's absolutely *no* sexism in english seaside bawdiness is there?

 

[Nine Bob Note]

I believe they did get in a little trouble when Stephen Fry offered a new definition of 'countryside': "Murdering Piers Morgan".

They've made a few cunt jokes and they continue to do so, so I guess any complaints don't amount to much. ISIHAC's blue humour is entirely double entendre based, so if you get, you have a filthy mind!

 

[Orang Utan]

I'm going to sound like a spoilsport, but does anyone else find the Samantha jokes quite sexist? Given that she's often the only female in the show and is just used to bounce sex jokes off?

Yes. Poor Samantha. She should sue for harrassment.

 

[Brainaddict]

Yes. Poor Samantha. She should sue for harrassment.

oh dear, I'll go and edit. the point is that it's a panel of sniggering men whose running jokes about women are based on the idea of women as sex objects.