Jeff Bezos's space ambitions and the New Shepard spacecraft - news and discussion

[David Clapson]

This could be the last we see of the billionaire homunculus:

Jeff is taking a trip in his very own spaceship with his brother and whichever multimultimillionaire wins the auction for the third seat. Bidding is up to $3.5 million. They're going 100 km upwards, which is the official starting point of space. A few minutes later they foresee that their capsule may parachute down to the desert in Texas.

The styling of the rocket hints at the potency of its owner, the fearless slayer of bookshops explorer.

The rocket's been tested 15 times without a crew. This is the very first test with people on board. Brave little Jeff wasn't expected to take this risk, but he has something to prove following Nasa's recent decision to give that pesky Elon Musk a $2.9 billion contract to go to the Moon. Jeff filed a formal protest. Elon responded by tweeting that Jeff "Can’t get it up (to orbit) LOL" Bitch! Pretty soon Jeff will be able to boast that he is the first member of the growing Space Billionaires Club to actually go into space. Stick that up your stupid tunnel, Elon.

The high five after the landing has been rehearsed, bravely. Do you want the mission to end like this?

Or like this?

If he survives, he plans to spend most of his $187 billion fortune on spaceships. “The only way that I can see to deploy this much financial resource is by converting my Amazon winnings into space travel. That is basically it. I’m pursuing this work because I believe if we don’t, we will eventually end up with a civilization of stasis, which I find very demoralizing.” Oh no, stasis. I'm sure we all pray for Jeff's safe return.

 

[David Clapson]

Fuck it, where did my poll go?

 

[maomao]

I like the way it's even got a bulgy vein down the side.

 

[killer b]

this news story is basically the premise of a schlocky 1950s pulp sci-fi novel. we're finally in the future we were promised.

 

[maomao]

Fuck it, where did my poll go?

Thread tools, add poll.

 

[killer b]

(I hope he dies fwiw)

 

[David Clapson]

Thread tools, add poll.

Can't find thread tools.

 

[girasol]

He could probably finance the vaccination worldwide and have change left to do a lot of good things but he does this instead. Fuck off Bozo!

 

[cupid_stunt]

Can't find thread tools.

Above your OP, to the right, click on the three dots, should give you a drop-down option to add a poll.

Bloody newbies.

 

[Dystopiary]

Penis in venous penis heading for Venus.

 

[David Clapson]

My poll disappeared and I can't see a way to edit it back in. I give up. It was going to be (1) Jeff returns (2) Jeff is burnt to a crisp. I vote for 2.

 

[gentlegreen]

There are a few certainties in my life.
The first is that I would eat exactly the same diet if I was rich.
I would also not go up in space ...

 

[Edie]

You have to be fucking kidding that his spaceship looks like that?! That’s a joke right? If that’s for real I hope he makes it back based on that Austin Powers fact alone

 

[David Clapson]

Not a joke. It really looks like that. Here's the original photo LIVE: Watch Blue Origin Launch Its New Shepard Rocket

 

[Edie]

Not a joke. It really looks like that. Here's the original photo LIVE: Watch Blue Origin Launch Its New Shepard Rocket

Fucking hell that’s amazing

 

[David Clapson]

Actually it's not particularly big.

 

[MickiQ]

That is the most awesome spacecraft design I have ever seen, his design team must a) have a sense of humour and b) really dislike their boss.
But Bezos rocket is purely a fun trip for wealthy asseholes, Musk may smoked a bit too much of the good stuff but SpaceX is at least a working concern with a functional fleet of spacecraft. Bezos's moon lander is just a scrawl on a piece of paper whereas Musk's entry is the Starship which is actually flying and even occasionally landing as well.

 

[Orang Utan]

That’s the rocket from Flesh Gordon

 

[Edie]

That is the most awesome spacecraft design I have ever seen, his design team must a) have a sense of humour and b) really dislike their boss.
But Bezos rocket is purely a fun trip for wealthy asseholes, Musk may smoked a bit too much of the good stuff but SpaceX is at least a working concern with a functional fleet of spacecraft. Bezos's moon lander is just a scrawl on a piece of paper whereas Musk's entry is the Starship which is actually flying and even occasionally landing as well.

Maybe he requested it?!!

 

[DotCommunist]

I've already detailed on the mildly vexed thread how it made me think of Palmer Eldritch and his stigmata. What if he comes back all weird* and his weirdness warps all of us**

*more so than already
**more so than etc

 

[weltweit]

How much has Bezos's rocket et al been tested? I certainly haven't heard of any tests.

 

[DotCommunist]

this news story is basically the premise of a schlocky 1950s pulp sci-fi novel. we're finally in the future we were promised.

it's the future my parents generation were promised. I was promised dystopian space mining corporations, wacky racers in irradiated deserts and hoverboards.

 

[danski]

Pricks in space.

 

[killer b]

it's the future my parents generation were promised. I was promised dystopian space mining corporations, wacky racers in irradiated deserts and hoverboards.

They're in the post

 

[David Clapson]

How much has Bezos's rocket et al been tested? I certainly haven't heard of any tests.

I've just added that back in to the first post. Well spotted.

 

[Crispy]

How much has Bezos's rocket et al been tested? I certainly haven't heard of any tests.

15 times. The rocket itself crashed in the first flight, but the capsule has landed succesfully every time.

Musk may smoked a bit too much of the good stuff but SpaceX is at least a working concern with a functional fleet of spacecraft. Bezos's moon lander is just a scrawl on a piece of paper whereas Musk's entry is the Starship which is actually flying and even occasionally landing as well.

BO are working on their "proper" rocket, New Glen, which is about half way between SpaceX's current Falcon 9 and future Starship. It's a good design and they've built a big launch site and factory for it, but it's been a very long time coming. BO has been around longer than SpaceX and has managed <20 suborbital hops. Meanwhile SpaceX has launched to orbit >100 times, recovered their boosters dozens of times, sent huamsn into space etc. etc.

In the world of billionaire space company willy waving, Bezos is putting on a limp performance.

 

[David Clapson]

15 times. The rocket itself crashed in the first flight, but the capsule has landed succesfully every time.


BO are working on their "proper" rocket, New Glen, which is about half way between SpaceX's current Falcon 9 and future Starship. It's a good design and they've built a big launch site and factory for it, but it's been a very long time coming. BO has been around longer than SpaceX and has managed <20 suborbital hops. Meanwhile SpaceX has launched to orbit >100 times, recovered their boosters dozens of times, sent huamsn into space etc. etc.

In the world of billionaire space company willy waving, Bezos is putting on a limp performance.

Aha, an expert! Are you surprised that Jeff is going on the first manned flight?

 

[gentlegreen]

He should take Musk and Zuckerberg up with him ...
Actually Musk should be the test pilot for the various tunnel/ hyperbollocks projects he started and then abandoned ...

 

[Yossarian]

I hope it explodes on landing and the horrifically injured Bezos spends the remainder of his fortune researching and developing innovative new prosthetic limb and head-in-a-jar technologies.

 

[David Clapson]

That needs a third answer for the poll. Could a mod please make it happen? Pretty please?