Help me write a response to an email, it's a bit sexist (construction industry) ..

[lizzieloo]

I work in a male dominated part of a male dominated industry, have for years, as such I know when to just be "amused" by a bit of "ribbing" (I know, I know...)

But I'm pretty pissed off at the lead of my section beginning his emails with "Gents, blah blah blah...."

These emails all go to the geomatics group, there are 18 men and 2 women in said group.

I'd really like to say what should be said but in this industry (construction) I'd be opening myself up to being treated like shit and only seeing rolleyes from here on in.

On site I'm very good at pulling others up on sexist shit with withering replies that make everyone laugh and make the sexist look a bit of a dick but this is different.

How can I word it? Keeping it vaguely light and jokey but at the same time making the originator look a bit of a dick, but also totally make him think on the error of his ways?

I make no excuses for him, it's shit but I need to tiptoe here in a "you just don't get it do you, pat on the head" kind of way.

Ya get me?

 

[belboid]

Can you not do a 'as I'm not a gent I assume none of this applies to me, so I'll do the opposite' response?

 

[Saul Goodman]

Dear Madam,

Blah, blah blah.

 

[maomao]

'I'm not a fucking gent you cunt.'

 

[Teaboy]

The real urbanz response to this would be to put a totally humorlessness formal complaint into HR.

Could try something along the lines of

Hi,
I know gender is a pretty fluid things these days but I've checked and double checked and I'm pretty sure I'm not a gent. I'm not sure whether its a promotion or demotion to be considered one but can I be [insert preferred term here] just for a bit of variety?

 

[Sue]

lizzieloo, something very similar happened to me. (Technology company, I was the only woman out of about 20 people copied in.)

I replied to the email, just saying 'All, etc' then messaged the guy separately saying 'Thought your 'gents' on that email was funny.' And when he got back saying 'eh?' I said 'we weren't all gents' and he was like 'oh'.

He hasn't done it again though.

It's annoying though.

Eta And while i did want to call him out in front of everyone for being a dick, realised it'd make it look like I was the problem so a gentler approach was needed. Shit though.

 

[lizzieloo]

'I'm not a fucking gent you cunt.'

That's my instinct, hence the need for help.

I have said similar on site but never quite went with the hard bollock twist¹, my instinct in person.

¹My mum taught me when relatively young never to actually do this to sexists, only ever to do it in my head

 

[platinumsage]

Much as you might like to reply to all, pointing out what a dick he is, it's probably best to have a quiet word in the first instance.

 

[danny la rouge]

Much as you might like to reply to all, pointing out what a dick he is, it's probably best to have a quiet word in the first instance.

Sadly this. In the first instance.

 

[lizzieloo]

Much as you might like to reply to all, pointing out what a dick he is, it's probably best to have a quiet word in the first instance.

I know, I'm proper itching to send a reply all and show him up.

 

[lizzieloo]

.

 

[equationgirl]

I've dealt with this (engineering). Usually a short email like 'Hi Bob, please could you not use 'gents' when addressing a group of mixed genders? Many thanks EG'

You don't need to point out they've been a dick, although it's usually a dick move to do it. Occasionally you might get a petulant 'well what do I use then?'. I usually suggest 'dear all' or 'dear everyone'.

It's really outdate to refer to gender in professional communications. There's no need, and really, there never was.

 

[lizzieloo]

It's got way better now than in the 90s when I was still having to pull people up on their titty calendars

 

[equationgirl]

I currently have a woman colleague who starts emails with Gents and EG...

 

[lizzieloo]

I currently have a woman colleague who starts emails with Gents and EG...

Did you have a quiet word?

 

[equationgirl]

It's got way better now than in the 90s when I was still having to pull people up on their titty calendars

Ah, yes, the 90s. When one was considered a militant lesbian feminist for objecting to a calendar of bare breasted women holding a spanner or other tools.

Good times...

 

[equationgirl]

Did you have a quiet word?

I did, but she's not a native English speaker so I don't think she quite gets it.

 

[lizzieloo]

I did, but she's not a native English speaker so I don't think she quite gets it.

Maybe because she sees so many emails that begin "Gents,..."

 

[equationgirl]

Maybe because she sees so many emails that begin "Gents,..."

She probably does, in all honesty.

 

[equationgirl]

Have you sent it yet lizzieloo ?

 

[lizzieloo]

No, I'm letting off a wee bit of steam here first, it's proper bugging me. No need to do it straight away now that I've sensibly been talked down from reply all.

 

[lizzieloo]

(I keep quoting myself )

 

[equationgirl]

No, I'm letting off a wee bit of steam here first, it's proper bugging me. No need to do it straight away now that I've sensibly been talked down from reply all.

I've used reply all on the eleventy-billionth one I've received. They were all used to me pointing it out by then, usually the same repeat offenders.

One practically cried because he said I'd humiliated him in front of his colleagues and saying Dear all was crass

 

[ricbake]

Dear Mr .....
Addressing your emails to "Gents" is not very gentlemanly, aside from it being more often used to refer to toilets, it certainly doesn't embrace all of your team, which ever way you look at it!
Kind regards
Ms ...

 

[lizzieloo]

Dear Mr .....
Addressing your emails to "Gents" is not very gentlemanly, aside from it being more often used to refer to toilets, it certainly doesn't embrace all of your team, which ever way you look at it!
Kind regards
Ms ...

I like the "embrace all your team" bit, that's probably going to make the cut

 

[WouldBe]

Dear Madam,

Blah, blah blah.

^^^^this.

 

[WouldBe]

Ah, yes, the 90s. When one was considered a militant lesbian feminist for objecting to a calendar of bare breasted women holding a spanner or other tools.

Good times...

Should have just got a naked bloke calendar see how they like it.

 

[Aladdin]

I would be very tempted to reply asking was the email meant for you too seeing as it only mentioned the men/gents.

And then wait for a reply. They might get the message.

 

[Supine]

'Hi x,

You appear to have cc'd me into a gents email by mistake. Appreciated if you can remove me from the list.

Yours, Ms x'

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Sorry you're having to deal with this - there's just no need to do that in e-mails at all. Similar to the use of 'guys' - it's irritating.