Help me write a response to an email, it's a bit sexist (construction industry) ..

[lizzieloo]

I've just realised that I won't be writing a reply until Tuesday at the earliest. But I am going to, it's the fact that it's done without a second thought that pisses me off the most.

I do hope he doesn't come back at me with a "oh, you understand, nothing was meant by it."

Mind you, that will give me the opportunity to explain why it absolutely does matter, very much.

 

[two sheds]

Could you start the reply with

Dear Doris ...

 

[danny la rouge]

"gals n guys"

A bit ... Jimmy Savile!

 

[two sheds]

Hello fluffypants?

on CC rather than BCC of course

 

[Proper Tidy]

Reply to all with something sweary calling him a sad cunt but in the third person then recall it about five minutes later, those recalled emails never really get recalled unless you open emails newest to oldest which nobody does so everybody will still read it but it'll look like you sent it to all by accident. Then when he gets pissy about it, tell him to lighten up and stop being so serious. The miserable cunt.

 

[Wilf]

Send your reply as 'Dear Ladies', with the women in the address line and then put all the men individually in the Cc box.

 

[equationgirl]

lizzieloo did you send any emails, if so how was it received?

 

[lizzieloo]

I did, I'm glad I didn't reply straight away too.

I just said that addressing the team as "Gents" wasn't terribly conducive to making us all feel like valued members of said team.

He was very apologetic, in fact he seemed pretty mortified. I had a bit of a look round the intranet to find that he's only been with the company for 4 months (his position is usually way off my radar) so I think I got him a bit rattled.

Which isn't all bad

 

[Poot]

I got a Dear Gents one yesterday, too. I have a generic mailbox that doesn't have my name on it. It's amazing the amount of people that assume it could only be monitored by men. I pointed out the error but I think your comments about valued member of team were better.

 

[Spymaster]

He was very apologetic, in fact he seemed pretty mortified. I had a bit of a look round the intranet to find that he's only been with the company for 4 months (his position is usually way off my radar) so I think I got him a bit rattled.

So as some of us suspected the guy was unaware of the issue, apologetic to the point of embarrassment, and will sort it out immediately.

So much for some of the more robust kneejerk solutions suggested on this thread and assertions that the bloke’s a cunt. Unsurprisingly he’s actually a decent bloke and all that was required was a quiet word.

 

[Teaboy]

So as some of us suspected the guy was unaware of the issue, apologetic to the point of embarrassment, and will sort it out immediately.

So much for some of the more robust kneejerk solutions suggested on this thread and assertions that the bloke’s a cunt. Unsurprisingly he’s actually a decent bloke and all that was required was a quiet word.

In fairness its basic courtesy to check. In my 15+ years in construction there has always been at least one female member of the team I'm in, usually several. Lazy stuff but a valuable lesson learnt for him.

However lizzieloo , the 4 month thing is good because now you know the company can sack him without any real process. Time to put that po-faced complaint into HR. Go for the kill! Finish him!

 

[High Voltage]

When I was at school and being taught to right "business letters" I was taught that every letter was to be addressed "Dear Sir" regardless of who it was going to

 

[Sue]

So as some of us suspected the guy was unaware of the issue, apologetic to the point of embarrassment, and will sort it out immediately.

So much for some of the more robust kneejerk solutions suggested on this thread and assertions that the bloke’s a cunt. Unsurprisingly he’s actually a decent bloke and all that was required was a quiet word.

Thing is, it's kind of wearing being the person who has to give that quiet word. I'm kind of fed up that I've been that person for the 25 years of my working life and still am.

And sometimes people aren't 'decent blokes' when this kind of thing is raised, so there's always a chance it can get nasty/be held against you in future.

 

[Poot]

When I was at school and being taught to right "business letters" I was taught that every letter was to be addressed "Dear Sir" regardless of who it was going to

The problem is that some people even now think it's acceptable. I'm not joking - I had one this morning!

 

[Sasaferrato]

I always started group E-mails with 'Good morning/afternoon all'.

 

[lizzieloo]

So as some of us suspected the guy was unaware of the issue, apologetic to the point of embarrassment, and will sort it out immediately.

So much for some of the more robust kneejerk solutions suggested on this thread and assertions that the bloke’s a cunt. Unsurprisingly he’s actually a decent bloke and all that was required was a quiet word.

A quiet word shouldn't be required though should it.

Most women wouldn't say anything, especially to senior management, they'd just feel overlooked, and given that he's in that position he shouldn't need to have it pointed out to him.

I did feel intimidated, especially just after I clicked send, a wobbly couple of minutes.

This shit gets wearing.

 

[Sue]

A quiet word shouldn't be required though should it.

Most women wouldn't say anything, especially to senior management, they'd just feel overlooked, and given that he's in that position he shouldn't need to have it pointed out to him.

I did feel intimidated, especially just after I clicked send, a wobbly couple of minutes.

This shit gets wearing.

Bet you're probably one of those humourless feminists, making a mountain out of a molehill...

 

[lizzieloo]

Bet you're probably one of those humourless feminists, making a mountain out of a molehill...

Exactly.

 

[JimW]

You do all the emotional labour so he never has to! Seems fair.

 

[Sasaferrato]

When I was at school and being taught to right "business letters" I was taught that every letter was to be addressed "Dear Sir" regardless of who it was going to

Me too.

It is always awkward when you are writing to an organisation, rather than a person.

I still use 'Dear Sir or Madam.'.

 

[Spymaster]

Thing is, it's kind of wearing being the person who has to give that quiet word. I'm kind of fed up that I've been that person for the 25 years of my working life and still am.

Well that's unfortunate but still no reason to take the nuclear option straight off the bat.

And sometimes people aren't 'decent blokes' when this kind of thing is raised, so there's always a chance it can get nasty/be held against you in future.

But also a chance that he'll immediately see the error of his ways and apologise, as has happened here. Why go for the "withering putdown" or sarcastic response (which will almost certainly be held against you) without first finding out?

 

[Sapphireblue]

i work in a male dominated industry where a lot of our customer interaction is quite formal and / or with people in different countries and Dear Sir as an intro not unusual.

it seems to be giving way to an intro of Good Day / Morning / etc which is still pretty stilted but inclusive. i'm not sure if that's happened because they've realised the team includes a female or just a more general shift.

 

[Spymaster]

A quiet word shouldn't be required though should it.

No it shouldn't. But how is the "withering putdown" a better option?

Your measured response has achieved precisely what you wanted without creating ill feeling, and at the same time maintaining whatever harmony existed previously. That's how to handle unpleasant situations.

 

[Spymaster]

Bet you're probably one of those humourless feminists, making a mountain out of a molehill...

Oh ffs

 

[Poot]

No it shouldn't. But how is the "withering putdown" a better option?

Your measured respondse has achieved precisely what you wanted without creating ill feeling and maintaining whatever harmony existed previously. That's how to handle unpleasant situations.

Yes. Never make a man feel uncomfortable if he makes you feel uncomfortable. That would be wrong. For some reason.

 

[Spymaster]

Yes. Never make a man feel uncomfortable if he makes you feel uncomfortable. That would be wrong. For some reason.

Fucking hell

This guy did it completely accidentally. You want to do it on purpose out of some kind of silly revenge.

That's gonna help.

 

[lizzieloo]

Oh ffs

You've never been someone that has worked regularly on a building site with a pair of tits have you?

I've actually been told I shouldn't be there.

The attitude Sue pointed out is used regularly to belittle women that stand up for themselves, usually behind their backs.

 

[lizzieloo]

Fucking hell

This guy did it completely accidentally. You want to do it on purpose out of some kind of silly revenge.

That's gonna help.

"Accidentally" makes it worse, no thought given.

 

[Spymaster]

The attitude Sue pointed out is used regularly to belittle women that stand up for themselves, usually behind their backs.

But not in this case!

If the bloke was deliberately being a dick and continued to be so after complaints, fucking go for it! But at least find out first.

 

[Spymaster]

"Accidentally" makes it worse, no thought given.

Ridiculous.