Dystopiary
putting up a hook to hang my hopes upon
[content note - sexual and other abuse]
Benefits exist to support people in times of need. But for some disabled people, household means-testing has led to benefits being taken away making them uncomfortably reliant on their partner and in debt due to the extra living expenses disabled people incur.
"This can be infantilising for disabled people, as though we can't have our own money," Billie says. "It also means disabled people can't live with or marry their partners for fear of losing their only income source."
Emma, who has fibromyalgia, ulcerative colitis, and a visual impairment, is unable to work and received £114.10 a week when she lived alone. But when she moved in with her boyfriend, their income and savings were taken into consideration jointly, meaning Emma no longer qualified.
From that point onwards, she was expected to rely financially on her partner.
"I never wanted him to support me but being ineligible for benefits put me in a vulnerable position," she says.
They agreed to split the cost of living - Emma would pay a third, using her savings to do so, while her partner would pay two-thirds, but this soon changed the dynamics of their relationship.
"He earned five times more than I did and he held it over me. I was still scraping pennies together," she says.
"I relied on him for daily tasks a lot so it was a toxic addition to our relationship because he was only interested in caring for me under his terms. He'd only buy food he liked. Whatever worked for him had to work for me."
Emma says the relationship became physically and sexually abusive and, looking back, he had used coercive control to isolate her from friends and family.
But with no income, she was unable to leave. And if she did leave it could take several weeks for her to be re-assessed and paid ESA once more and she wouldn't have a roof over her head.
"When I felt the relationship was over, my second thought was 'you can't afford to lose this relationship, you have nowhere to go'."
According to SafeLives, a domestic abuse organisation, disabled people typically experience abuse for an average of 3.3 years before seeking support, compared with 2.3 years for non-disabled people. After receiving support, disabled victims are 8% more likely to continue to experience abuse.
"In the future, I don't plan on ever living with a partner again, to protect myself."
Benefits exist to support people in times of need. But for some disabled people, household means-testing has led to benefits being taken away making them uncomfortably reliant on their partner and in debt due to the extra living expenses disabled people incur.
"This can be infantilising for disabled people, as though we can't have our own money," Billie says. "It also means disabled people can't live with or marry their partners for fear of losing their only income source."
Emma, who has fibromyalgia, ulcerative colitis, and a visual impairment, is unable to work and received £114.10 a week when she lived alone. But when she moved in with her boyfriend, their income and savings were taken into consideration jointly, meaning Emma no longer qualified.
From that point onwards, she was expected to rely financially on her partner.
"I never wanted him to support me but being ineligible for benefits put me in a vulnerable position," she says.
They agreed to split the cost of living - Emma would pay a third, using her savings to do so, while her partner would pay two-thirds, but this soon changed the dynamics of their relationship.
"He earned five times more than I did and he held it over me. I was still scraping pennies together," she says.
"I relied on him for daily tasks a lot so it was a toxic addition to our relationship because he was only interested in caring for me under his terms. He'd only buy food he liked. Whatever worked for him had to work for me."
Emma says the relationship became physically and sexually abusive and, looking back, he had used coercive control to isolate her from friends and family.
But with no income, she was unable to leave. And if she did leave it could take several weeks for her to be re-assessed and paid ESA once more and she wouldn't have a roof over her head.
"When I felt the relationship was over, my second thought was 'you can't afford to lose this relationship, you have nowhere to go'."
According to SafeLives, a domestic abuse organisation, disabled people typically experience abuse for an average of 3.3 years before seeking support, compared with 2.3 years for non-disabled people. After receiving support, disabled victims are 8% more likely to continue to experience abuse.
"In the future, I don't plan on ever living with a partner again, to protect myself."
