Covid related agoraphobia

[friendofdorothy]

This year I've been really struggling with going out, I used to be the most sociable outgoing person. In about march I became afraid of even going into the front yard incase the neighbours got too close.

I'm slightly improved from that and can now go in to larger not too busy supermarkets, sit outside bars with groups of older people, have acouple of sensible friends in my home (with windows open) and yesterday I managed to sit inside a pub with 4 others (triple jabbed with door open)

I'm avoiding places and people I like in case anyone tries to hug me. I'm a year overdue in going to dentist or opticians. I'm scared of going into Brixton incase one of the antivax protesters spits at me. I avoid the market.

While other people seem happy getting back to normal, hugging strangers and going clubbing I'm still avoiding going anywhere near people on the street.

I've been lucky enough to find a temp job I can do from home but now boss wants me attend an indoor event with 90 people

Anyone else? Any advice?

 

[_Russ_]

You sound completely Reasonable to me

 

[RainbowTown]

I'm not sure if you've managed to see your GP about this - if not, definitely book an appointment to see what advice/treatment they maybe able to offer you.

That you're able to go out and mix is a great step forward, believe me. But don't rush things, take small steps at a time and accept that there maybe occasions where you'll feel a certain degree of stress and trepidation. That's normal, so don't see it as a step backwards, but rather a part of the progression towards overcoming the condition and returning to your normal self again. That will happen. Agoraphobia can't be cured overnight, but with the right approach and treatment you can control it and get your old life back.

Relaxation and breathing exercises help a lot with this condition also. So again, seek out the appropriate guidance and support.

Maybe go for small walks on your own, build your confidence with each outing. You don't have to go far, just start with a 5 minute stroll or something and build it up from there. It will also help you socially as you'll be seeing more people in an outdoor setting.

Don't, for God's sake, turn to alcohol or substance abuse, to help you cope with this. That will just make you worse and worse, and will just set you back - possibly permanently.

Overall, I think the main key here is getting a plan and a treatment - both physically and psychologically - to manage with the anxiety and stress. And having a good support system around you, like family and friends, who will understand and acknowledge what you're dealing with, and hopefully help you if you need a boost or two with things.

Overcoming this means you may have to work upon any underlying issues that has brought this about, so that when you are 'triggered' you'll have a better coping mechanism to control it fully. Like I say, it may take time, but I'm sure you'll get there. You definitely seem on the right track. So see your GP, get whatever support or treatment is offered,: take things slowly: expect a few bumps along the way: try not to let things get you down,; and just try and keep a steady, realistic and positive outlook if you can. You will overcome this. Good luck

 

[yield]

Solidarity friendofdorothy. Claustrophobia for me. I've had to work in town all through this. Apart from when they shut for a few months spring last year and I was furloughed.

Finding it close being surrounded by people on the tube and busy central london streets. Sure though I'll adapt again.

 

[RubyToogood]

I wouldn't call this agoraphobia and I don't think you need treatment (I speak as an agoraphobic). Phobias are irrational fears. You have a perfectly rational fear of catching covid. We've had it drummed into us for 18 months that we absolutely must not go near anyone else, and suddenly we're expected to just be ok with it again despite the fact that the virus is still quite prevalent and nobody really knows what the future holds. I don't think that's a particularly reasonable expectation.

We've all been on a continuum of what risk we're prepared to accept and you're obviously fairly near the highly risk averse end, but reasonable people have been at entirely different places on the continuum for a variety of reasons.

I guess the point to remember is that lockdowns happened not to prevent all risk to individuals of getting ill, but to lessen the collective risk from lots of people getting ill at once. That was always the biggest threat, not of you personally being seriously ill. I would say just take it gently and do what you feel comfortable with.

NB my employer is not expecting anybody back in the office this year. We have a lot of disabled staff.

 

[Wilf]

This year I've been really struggling with going out, I used to be the most sociable outgoing person. In about march I became afraid of even going into the front yard incase the neighbours got too close.

I'm slightly improved from that and can now go in to larger not too busy supermarkets, sit outside bars with groups of older people, have acouple of sensible friends in my home (with windows open) and yesterday I managed to sit inside a pub with 4 others (triple jabbed with door open)

I'm avoiding places and people I like in case anyone tries to hug me. I'm a year overdue in going to dentist or opticians. I'm scared of going into Brixton incase one of the antivax protesters spits at me. I avoid the market.

While other people seem happy getting back to normal, hugging strangers and going clubbing I'm still avoiding going anywhere near people on the street.

I've been lucky enough to find a temp job I can do from home but now boss wants me attend an indoor event with 90 people

Anyone else? Any advice?

One thing that helped me a bit was a conversation with Occupational Health at work. I've generally known the figures throughout the pandemic, but the way he put it really helped me feel a bit better about going where people are: 'the rate in Middlesbrough is about 300 per 100,000 people. That means if you were to meet 1000 people, only 3 of them would have the virus'. And of course the vaccine is there to protect you against those 3 if you happen to get within breathing range of them.

 

[RubyToogood]

One thing that helped me a bit was a conversation with Occupational Health at work. I've generally known the figures throughout the pandemic, but the way he put it really helped me feel a bit better about going where people are: 'the rate in Middlesbrough is about 300 per 100,000 people. That means if you were to meet 1000 people, only 3 of them would have the virus'. And of course the vaccine is there to protect you against those 3 if you happen to get within breathing range of them.

The case rate is about half that for Lambeth and FoD's ward specifically at the moment.

 

[weepiper]

I've been feeling similar friendofdorothy. Having been taking it all very seriously throughout I'm finding unlocking actually quite difficult. It's like my personal space zone has expanded. I don't want people near me. Anyone except my kids, basically. I'm certainly not going into crowded places. I went to Primark to look for something a couple of weeks ago, deliberately went at a time it would be quieter and still left in a hurry because it was just uncomfortable. People keep coming near you

 

[pseudonarcissus]

We went to a wedding last weekend…our first potential “superspreader” event since all this started…I was less anxious than I was expecting. All the guests had to send their vaccination certificates, so it felt like risk was minimised. I guess I’ll find out on Friday when my next PCR test is booked for work.

I think just take things slowly and develop strategies for minimising risk. We are lucky here in that we don’t seem to have aggressive anti-vax types (the President excepted) and most people are wearing masks (required on public transport).

I can’t imagine going to a night club this year, or probably next…

 

[Athos]

At one point, I felt a bit like this (though perhaps not to the same extent). But then I thought: if the risk mitigation measures are having more of a negative impact on my life than the thing I'm trying to avoid is likely to do - which will depend on case rates, your underlying health and vaccination status etc.- then it's probably time to rethink. Especially since it looks like covid will be with us for a long time, such that we'll probably all get it to a greater or lesser extent at some point. I decided that I can't put life on hold forever, and so 'forced' myself to do things I was a bit wary of, but which I knew I'd have enjoyed pre-covid (albeit I took little steps to reduce the risks e.g. walking instead of taking the tube etc.). I found I became increasingly comfortable quite quickly.

 

[elbows]

I'm not going to give myself a hard time on this front or think that I need to take additional steps to do something about it until we have gotten through a big chunk of this autumn and winter. I expect to find it easier to get further back to normal once the data doesnt show a very large number of daily infections, hospitalisations etc. Should we end up with numbers appearing to be too high perpetually, I shall have to have a rethink, but I'm not in a great rush to have to bend in that direction unless it really looks like there will be no alternative.

 

[Wilf]

Must admit, I tend to flop around on this, depending on the state of my mental and physical health, the data and even news stories. It's the sort of things which should be a rational risk assessment, but will never be 'just' that. I'm edging in an Athos direction at the moment, doing a bit more and finding it natural to be doing those things, even to the point of forgetting to take a mask into the shops. But it's still a deeply shit situation for a wide range of people with health issues and the rest. And our government's 'neo herd immunity' approach, or wherever we are at, is never going to reassure people who have genuine anxieties.

 

[Elpenor]

Must admit that while I fastidiously wear a mask every time I’m in a shop, Petrol station, pub / cafe when walking from door to the table… so following the guidelines as they were… I don’t wear masks when socialising with friends inside their houses / or sharing a car. Been to a few parties too. Because covid obviously doesn’t spread in these situations

I don’t think it’s a perfect solution, and I’m not a natural socialiser so I am happy to spend a whole week not going anywhere but the supermarket. Covid plus relocating has made me go out less, and have fewer visitors, but I don’t mind so much as I’ve found my social battery goes flat quite quickly these days, and I like my home to be a bit of a sanctuary.

 

[friendofdorothy]

thanks everyone.

 

[elbows]

Not sure quite how much I should have gone on about how people who have travelled reasonably far towards normal in recent months are going to have to travel back in the other direction in the months ahead. Depends what cases do next, if they carry on with the current trend then the mood music in the press etc will probably change quite quickly.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

dunno really

i haven't really done much other than work and (in the last couple of months, mum-tat related stuff) since all this crap started

 

[friendofdorothy]

You sound completely Reasonable to me

I wouldn't call this agoraphobia and I don't think you need treatment (I speak as an agoraphobic). Phobias are irrational fears. You have a perfectly rational fear of catching covid. We've had it drummed into us for 18 months that we absolutely must not go near anyone else, and suddenly we're expected to just be ok with it again despite the fact that the virus is still quite prevalent and nobody really knows what the future holds. I don't think that's a particularly reasonable expectation.

We've all been on a continuum of what risk we're prepared to accept and you're obviously fairly near the highly risk averse end, but reasonable people have been at entirely different places on the continuum for a variety of reasons.

I guess the point to remember is that lockdowns happened not to prevent all risk to individuals of getting ill, but to lessen the collective risk from lots of people getting ill at once. That was always the biggest threat, not of you personally being seriously ill. I would say just take it gently and do what you feel comfortable with.

Thank you both.

I am having nhs talking therapies CBT. On my 3rd therapist now, she seems nice but I'm not overly optimistic. First one last year who looked about 12, wanted me to go through 'a worry tree' to establish what my anxiety was about - I knew all too well what my worries were about! After two sessions he passed me on to someone more experienced at the beginning of this year, who agreed my fears were reasonable, so encouraged me to give up on going out altogether 'to just get through' and 'we' would would deal with getting out again later - which meant as, I only got 6 sessions meant 'we' wouldn't be doing anything together, so I was less functional after seeing him than before. New therapist seems to treat my anxiety as if it is irrational fear and is starting 'exposure and habituation' CBT with me. Doubt I be hopping on buses with the unmasked antivaxers of Brixton any time soon.

 

[friendofdorothy]

Solidarity friendofdorothy. Claustrophobia for me. I've had to work in town all through this. Apart from when they shut for a few months spring last year and I was furloughed.

Finding it close being surrounded by people on the tube and busy central london streets. Sure though I'll adapt again.

solidarity to you. x

NB my employer is not expecting anybody back in the office this year. We have a lot of disabled staff.

Luckily I found a new temp job from home and employer is very understanding about taking care of mental health.

 

[ricbake]

This year I've been really struggling with going out, I used to be the most sociable outgoing person. In about march I became afraid of even going into the front yard incase the neighbours got too close.

I'm slightly improved from that and can now go in to larger not too busy supermarkets, sit outside bars with groups of older people, have acouple of sensible friends in my home (with windows open) and yesterday I managed to sit inside a pub with 4 others (triple jabbed with door open)

I'm avoiding places and people I like in case anyone tries to hug me. I'm a year overdue in going to dentist or opticians. I'm scared of going into Brixton incase one of the antivax protesters spits at me. I avoid the market.

While other people seem happy getting back to normal, hugging strangers and going clubbing I'm still avoiding going anywhere near people on the street.

I've been lucky enough to find a temp job I can do from home but now boss wants me attend an indoor event with 90 people

Anyone else? Any advice?

The Covid risk is still real and with various cold and flu infections about, the risks of illness isn't going to improve. Vaccination and booster do reduce the risks of a bad Covid reaction but there has been suggestion that other winter illnesses aggravate the effects.

The UK today recorded 45,000 new infections, 4 times the number of Germany, France, Italy and Spain combined, where most people are continuing to wear masks. We do have a good coverage of vacinated people but still 3 times as many people here died of Covid than did in Germany. The NHS staff are under huge pressure, don't know how they are going to be able to manage to keep stepping up.

This isn't in any way intended to play on your fears, I'm setting out my reality as I am immuno suppressed and every excursion has to be risk assessed to alleviate my own conerns.
I'm trying to negotiate to attend a work strategy day with 60 others where mask wearing all day wouldn't work. I'm asking for a mandatory Lateral Flow test for all attendees for me to be able to join in. It's quite a big ask but I would hope it would at the very least flag my serious concerns with the ongoing pandemic. Will see if they really want me there!

I get out everyday to walk in the park, wander locally, find a takeaway coffee, go into the shops when they are quiet, mask and hand sanitiser always ready.
Good luck, when you get out, there's always the option to turn round and go home if it doesn't feel good, but you should be able to avoid the anti-vaxers, numpties and ignorant with some forethought

 

[friendofdorothy]

I'm not sure if you've managed to see your GP about this - if not, definitely book an appointment to see what advice/treatment they maybe able to offer you.

That you're able to go out and mix is a great step forward, believe me. But don't rush things, take small steps at a time and accept that there maybe occasions where you'll feel a certain degree of stress and trepidation. That's normal, so don't see it as a step backwards, but rather a part of the progression towards overcoming the condition and returning to your normal self again. That will happen. Agoraphobia can't be cured overnight, but with the right approach and treatment you can control it and get your old life back.

Relaxation and breathing exercises help a lot with this condition also. So again, seek out the appropriate guidance and support.

Maybe go for small walks on your own, build your confidence with each outing. You don't have to go far, just start with a 5 minute stroll or something and build it up from there. It will also help you socially as you'll be seeing more people in an outdoor setting.

Don't, for God's sake, turn to alcohol or substance abuse, to help you cope with this. That will just make you worse and worse, and will just set you back - possibly permanently.

Overall, I think the main key here is getting a plan and a treatment - both physically and psychologically - to manage with the anxiety and stress. And having a good support system around you, like family and friends, who will understand and acknowledge what you're dealing with, and hopefully help you if you need a boost or two with things.

Overcoming this means you may have to work upon any underlying issues that has brought this about, so that when you are 'triggered' you'll have a better coping mechanism to control it fully. Like I say, it may take time, but I'm sure you'll get there. You definitely seem on the right track. So see your GP, get whatever support or treatment is offered,: take things slowly: expect a few bumps along the way: try not to let things get you down,; and just try and keep a steady, realistic and positive outlook if you can. You will overcome this. Good luck

Thank you for thoughtful advice.

I did speak to GP last year and was signed off sick from my old job, as boss and coworkers were not distancing or wearing a mask and was generally ignoring the organisations 32pp of covid rules as if they didn't apply to them. I know that I'm avoiding feeling trapped anywhere indoors as that is what 'triggered' panic attacks originally last year.

 

[friendofdorothy]

The Covid risk is still real and with various cold and flu infections about, the risks of illness isn't going to improve. Vaccination and booster do reduce the risks of a bad Covid reaction but there has been suggestion that other winter illnesses aggravate the effects.

The UK today recorded 45,000 new infections, 4 times the number of Germany, France, Italy and Spain combined, where most people are continuing to wear masks. We do have a good coverage of vacinated people but still 3 times as many people here died of Covid than did in Germany. The NHS staff are under huge pressure, don't know how they are going to be able to manage to keep stepping up.

This isn't in any way intended to play on your fears, I'm setting out my reality as I am immuno suppressed and every excursion has to be risk assessed to alleviate my own conerns.
I'm trying to negotiate to attend a work strategy day with 60 others where mask wearing all day wouldn't work. I'm asking for a mandatory Lateral Flow test for all attendees for me to be able to join in. It's quite a big ask but I would hope it would at the very least flag my serious concerns with the ongoing pandemic. Will see if they really want me there!

I get out everyday to walk in the park, wander locally, find a takeaway coffee, go into the shops when they are quiet, mask and hand sanitiser always ready.
Good luck, when you get out, there's always the option to turn round and go home if it doesn't feel good, but you should be able to avoid the anti-vaxers, numpties and ignorant with some forethought

Whenever I hear of death rates, risks etc my heart just races, general fight or flight response. You have increased my fears! I've not listened to news since march 2020 as I simply can't cope.

Hope your work thing is ok and they all do tests. I was asked to attend a staff conference I've literally had nighmares after the very idea of it. I cant face it at all no matter what precausions they take so I wrote to my boss to say so, it took me ages to calm down after that.

 

[ricbake]

Whenever I hear of death rates, risks etc my heart just races, general fight or flight response. You have increased my fears! I've not listened to news since march 2020 as I simply can't cope.

Hope your work thing is ok and they all do tests. I was asked to attend 90 staff conference - but I cant face it at all no matter what precausions they take. I've literally had nighmares after the very idea of it.

Apologies if this wasn't appropriate, but perhaps you can use it as an argument to justify not attending your event.

 

[friendofdorothy]

Apologies if this wasn't appropriate, but perhaps you can use it as an argument to justify not attending your event.

It was ok for you to say - you are not responsible for me being over anxious. and I've already whimped out, Thanks

 

[RubyToogood]

Re-reading your opening post, I just don't think you sound massively abnormal. Many people are in roughly the same place. I would just advise you to socialise and enjoy as much as you can within what you feel are safe limits for you. It's easy to look at all the people who are going about as if it were 2019, but you don't by definition see the people who aren't.

There's a whole thread somewhere about news avoiders and again you are far from abnormal here.

Obviously if you're having panic attacks that's not pleasant. This is where CBT can help with getting out of a loop where you start being anxious about having a panic attack which then in turn makes it more likely you'll have one etc etc, but CBT as delivered can be a bit patchy as you've discovered. A good book or two on the subject can be just as useful and gives you more time to reflect and implement the strategies. The exposure needn't be to situations, but to your own fear, so that you have a chance to let it wash over you and observe that actually it eventually fucks off and doesn't really change anything. So for instance you could expose yourself to measured doses of news rather than to getting on a crowded bus.

It's pretty much impossible for an individual to have an accurate sense of their own risk level I think, so we just make it up according to taste/disposition, or our brain unhelpfully makes it up for us...

 

[friendofdorothy]

thanks RubyToogood

See gangs of school kids unmasked hugging and being boisterous is just scarey - I avoid them. and their families.

I find the news is easier to take a day or two late and at a time of my choosing, rather than being forced at me on the hour. People I know usually tell me if anything important happens. I can read items on bbc /guardian sites when I need to. I prefer hearing news via the medium of R4 comedy podcasts - much more palatable. Or jokes and memes - I have to ask someone what the new was.

I dont think as an individual its really posible to assess statistically risk, its all percentages and hard to apply to yourself. Otherwise why would anyone buy lottery tickets - only millions to one chance of winning but 'it could be you'

While my brain is saying logically: you'll be ok in this shop, you need to go buy basics, you have a mask on, you have been vaccinated, its a spacious shop, most people are wearing masks, its ok etc
but my body was saying: FUCK NOooo! RUN! RUN AWAY NOW!

 

[Artaxerxes]

Your not alone, I wouldn’t call it claustrophobia but I’ve really struggled to get out and motivated and out of the house these last few months. Just real struggle to see the same stuff and do the same things in the same place - I’ve never been one for pubs and night life but it’s insane how reluctant I am to go into strange buildings. Can’t even put cafes on the radar.

Before covid I like to think I was fairly active - I walked a lot and went to a lot of places just because but it’s now a real pain to motivate myself to leave house.

All I can say is your not alone, we’ve spent nearly a year being told not to do things and infections are still high. Best you can do is give yourself goals “I’ll go out once or twice a week, somewhere I’m uncomfortable” and ease yourself back into living a life you want to lead.

Most of all look after yourself

 

[friendofdorothy]

Your not alone, I wouldn’t call it claustrophobia but I’ve really struggled to get out and motivated and out of the house these last few months. Just real struggle to see the same stuff and do the same things in the same place - I’ve never been one for pubs and night life but it’s insane how reluctant I am to go into strange buildings. Can’t even put cafes on the radar.

Before covid I like to think I was fairly active - I walked a lot and went to a lot of places just because but it’s now a real pain to motivate myself to leave house.

All I can say is your not alone, we’ve spent nearly a year being told not to do things and infections are still high. Best you can do is give yourself goals “I’ll go out once or twice a week, somewhere I’m uncomfortable” and ease yourself back into living a life you want to lead.

Most of all look after yourself

Thanks.

 

[_Russ_]

See gangs of school kids unmasked hugging and being boisterous is just scarey - I avoid them. and their families.

Again in the current situation this seems completely reasonable to me. I can't understand why you are undergoing therapy something else is happening here outside covid related anxiety

 

[friendofdorothy]

Thanks everyone this has been really helpful.

 

[StoneRoad]

friendofdorothy - I can certainly relate to the situation you describe in your OP.

I didn't spot this thread earlier as I've been working "on site" for a few days, so apologies for the late reply. Something that worried me enough that I was taking care at a level way beyond my normal precautions.

I think your attitude is completely understandable - and if more people had kept up with their masks and so on, we wouldn't be looking at such an appalling situation.
The European nations have, in recent months, managed the situation somewhat better than what has happened here.
Although you have described it as a "phobia" the usual definition of which implies an irrational fear of something, your reaction to the risk of contracting covid is not, of itself, irrational.
I would suggest that perhaps your feelings are expressing a greatly exaggerated, but still very understandable reaction.

Take it steady and challenge yourself a little bit more each day / week.
Hopefully, your new employer will continue to be supportive.
Eventually, you will conquer the phobia.