All of Philip Baker's crap threads compiled into one big, pointless, unfunny thread

[Philip Baker]

DHFC continue to claim that they are a "diversity led" club yet these all welcoming platitudes do not seem to include supporters who are less abled to stand. There is NO provision whatsoever for pensioners and others who may have 10 year season tickets for a guaranteed seat, whilst swathes of seats are given to able bodied freeloaders on ever growing guest lists. The only disabled toilet is up a flight of stairs, and the wheelchair space remains the same as it was when crowds were ten times less as they are now. Inclusion.....my ar*e !

 

[NPDHFC]

Are you ok Phil?

 

[Paula_G]

DHFC continue to claim that they are a "diversity led" club yet these all welcoming platitudes do not seem to include supporters who are less abled to stand. There is NO provision whatsoever for pensioners and others who may have 10 year season tickets for a guaranteed seat, whilst swathes of seats are given to able bodied freeloaders on ever growing guest lists. The only disabled toilet is up a flight of stairs, and the wheelchair space remains the same as it was when crowds were ten times less as they are now. Inclusion.....my ar*e !

Plenty of spare urostomy bags if you’re struggling to reach the facilities in time…

 

[Paula_G]

Fair does though the toilet facilities are pretty poor at Champion Hill, particularly accessible toilets. Thankfully this is something the club is very much aware of & will definitely rectify in the new ground… Whisper this quietly but I’ve heard that the new stadium will also include gender neutral facilities which will presumably send Mr Baker into Andrew Neil levels of gammon-flavoured apoplexy!

 

[Cat Daisy]

Was that a wind-up? The subsequent replies make me feel it was.
But I'll bite - not sure any season ticket guarantees a seat but surely it is possible (if only post pandemic) to informally sort out a seat for someone who genuinely needs it.
We know the whole ground is not ideal for the size of crowds now encountered and that the rebuild will hopefully address many of the issues raised. So I have some sympathy for the poster.
(Maybe another 5 years & I'll be after a seat too.)

 

[Nivag]

Was that a wind-up? The subsequent replies make me feel it was.
But I'll bite - not sure any season ticket guarantees a seat but surely it is possible (if only post pandemic) to informally sort out a seat for someone who genuinely needs it.
We know the whole ground is not ideal for the size of crowds now encountered and that the rebuild will hopefully address many of the issues raised. So I have some sympathy for the poster.
(Maybe another 5 years & I'll be after a seat too.)

The club has always tried to accommodate anyone's needs as long as they are aware of them.

 

[blueheaven]

I've always managed to get a seat in the stand when I've wanted one, even in games where the crowds have been huge. Unless you're turning up at the ground five minutes before kick-off, I don't see what the issue is.

I think the point about toilets and wheelchair space is a valid one, but surely that's all going to be improved at the new ground?

 

[Stuart Fordyce]

A genuine issue for me would appear to me that the disabled seating area appears to be very much under the area where folk come out of the bar to smoke.

 

[Lucy Fur]

Irrespective of the genuine concerns around toilet provision which will no doubt be rectified at the new ground, I feel the obligatory traditional Urban response is:
Fuck off Philip Baker

 

[Philip Baker]

Fair does though the toilet facilities are pretty poor at Champion Hill, particularly accessible toilets. Thankfully this is something the club is very much aware of & will definitely rectify in the new ground… Whisper this quietly but I’ve heard that the new stadium will also include gender neutral facilities which will presumably send Mr Baker into Andrew Neil levels of gammon-flavoured apoplexy!

I always thought the 'gammon' was a racist term...... tut tut......nought out of ten for wokeness.

 

[Philip Baker]

Irrespective of the genuine concerns around toilet provision which will no doubt be rectified at the new ground, I feel the obligatory traditional Urban response is:
Fuck off Philip Baker

You can fuck off to.....hidey behind a badge person.

 

[Lucy Fur]

You can fuck off to.....hidey behind a badge person.

Where? Or did you mean "fuck off too".

 

[Paula_G]

I always thought the 'gammon' was a racist term...... tut tut......nought out of ten for wokeness.

How can “gammon” be considered as racist when the act of becoming flushed on the face is something that cannot be defined by the race a person is born into… No specific race is born “gammon” but the flushed face is a bodily function associated with the permanently annoyed of the right.

 

[Philip Baker]

Great news , a campaign has started to name parts of the new ground after local celebs , and none deserves greater support than one for local boy made good, one James Cameron Davidson.

Jim has been a tireless for ex servicemen and was appointed head of their national Freemason,s branch in recognition of this. Often seen as a working class Tory I feel sure that he would appreciate the plight of small local football clubs, like Dulwich, once threatened by financial speculators, now under attack from political activists, who are trying to take them over for their own ends.

Jim's career has ' quietened' recently, meaning that he has had to downgrade his yacht to a tiddler of some 63 feet. So I am sure we could entice him to appear at our own Comedy Club, where it would be a breath of fresh air to have somebody who is actually funny.

And then [please God] we could also get Tim Martin to run the bars in the ground, with real ale at reasonable prices, rather than overpriced fizzy cask shit.....but now I am only dreaming.

 

[tonysingh]

Great news , a campaign has started to name parts of the new ground after local celebs , and none deserves greater support than one for local boy made good, one James Cameron Davidson.

Jim has been a tireless for ex servicemen and was appointed head of their national Freemason,s branch in recognition of this. Often seen as a working class Tory I feel sure that he would appreciate the plight of small local football clubs, like Dulwich, once threatened by financial speculators, now under attack from political activists, who are trying to take them over for their own ends.

Jim's career has ' quietened' recently, meaning that he has had to downgrade his yacht to a tiddler of some 63 feet. So I am sure we could entice him to appear at our own Comedy Club, where it would be a breath of fresh air to have somebody who is actually funny.

And then [please God] we could also get Tim Martin to run the bars in the ground, with real ale at reasonable prices, rather than overpriced fizzy cask shit.....but now I am only dreaming.

Nothing on telly yeah? Bit bored, doing a bit of stirring eh?

 

[The39thStep]

Nothing on telly yeah? Bit bored, doing a bit of stirring eh?

I found it amusing tbh

 

[tonysingh]

I found it amusing tbh

Oh me too, I can imagine some supporters frothing at the gash in outrage . It's just....obvious wind up is obvious.

 

[cybershot]

 

[JimW]

Jim has been a tireless for ex servicemen

Surprised he's still got it in him at his age.

 

[Roger D]

Agreed. I saw Jim play Aldershot pre lock down. He said Dawn Butler is thick. I have an MA however he said she is thick. Actually she is far more intelligent then me. She is a black and working class and went to Oxbridge when I had no chance. Rightly so, she is better than me

Does Just m deserve credit for his work for service men. Yes It doesn't support the fact he won't support what I believe in. Living in Aldershot I am aware a lot of my neighbours have Argentina bullets in them. We have a VC buried here and one who had his VC recommendation rejected, he got a DCM.

Strangely he was working class. Jim doesn't campaign for his award despite the two key men in the Falklands recommended him a VC.

 

[Roger D]

Agreed. I saw Jim play Aldershot pre lock down. He said Dawn Butler is thick. I have an MA however he said she is thick. Actually she is far more intelligent then me. She is a black person who went to Oxbridge when I had no chance.

Does he deserve credit for his work for service men. Yes It doesn't support the fact he won't support what I believe in.

 

[Cyclodunc]

To quote Alan Gordon Partridge:

“Your mates, that lot up there, the Mr and Missus of BBC 2. They don't like me. They all went to Oxbridge University wherever that is and all go poncing round in their great big suits going ‘Ooh look at me I work for BBC2. Do you like my glasses they're like John Lennon's.’ I loath these people.”

 

[Philip Baker]

Controversy has been sparked with plans to re-wild the new stadium with a pair of mating pensioners. Although originally native to the area, like the Tasmanian Devil, they are seen by some as a threat to newer breeds like the Thornbergs . A rival spokesperson said that " Although we appreciate the need to maintain a 'football like feel' to the ground, this breed has a disturbing habit of watching the pitch during the game , They are obsessively competetive, and their battle cry of ' You dirty Northern Bastards" when in the vicinity of Tory voters has prevented our snowflakes forming into drifts. Their consumption of real ale is also concerning as we have attempted to modernise our bar outlets by using large amounts of carbon dioxide in our beers, which would otherwise adversely effect our carbon footprint".

 

[Pink Panther]

I think someone's been putting more than carbon dioxide in Philip Baker 's beer!

 

[bkbk]

what is going on

 

[Philip Baker]

Quote from Tristan Nouveaux-Pratt , Head of Equalities at The Hamlet

"We have been trying to discourage this breed by covering their perches with netting, or free loading posh schoolchildren.

As well as removing their beer supply.

They were known to be a 'menace' in the old ground, even turning up for London Cup games in mid December, when attendances were less than a hundred.

However bear with us we will soon eliminate them.....in much the same the way we have gobbled up previously working class housing near high achieving comprehensives, and hijacked local Labour Party meetings."

 

[Paula_G]

If you check your inbox Phil you should an email from the club chair that addresses at least one of your concerns although at seat beer service & commodes do not seem to be on the proposal list…

 

[Philip Baker]

Pressure is mounting at Champion Hill for the potentially racial slur of calling a person a 'gammon' to be banned.

The term 'salmon' is now preferred.

Both have a colouring, which is a delicate shade of pink, but the latter represents an individual who bravely swims against the tide of 'public' opinion, rather than part of a dead pig.

As such, it is also less offensive to our Muslim and Orthodox communities, who may disagree with some of the Club's more progressive policies.

 

[CNT36]

Pressure is mounting at Champion Hill for the potentially racial slur of calling a person a 'gammon' to be banned.

The term 'salmon' is now preferred.

Both have a colouring, which is a delicate shade of pink, but the latter represents an individual who bravely swims against the tide of 'public' opinion, rather than part of a dead pig.

As such, it is also less offensive to our Muslim and Orthodox communities, who may disagree with some of the Club's more progressive policies.

You're a bit of a tiresome cunt aren't you?
Get a better act.

 

[Paula_G]

Pressure is mounting at Champion Hill for the potentially racial slur of calling a person a 'gammon' to be banned.

The term 'salmon' is now preferred.

Both have a colouring, which is a delicate shade of pink, but the latter represents an individual who bravely swims against the tide of 'public' opinion, rather than part of a dead pig.

As such, it is also less offensive to our Muslim and Orthodox communities, who may disagree with some of the Club's more progressive policies.

Of course the difference being that a salmon can return to its home under its own steam over & over again without outside assistance..