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When is it time to put my cat down

Sorry to intrude on your thread, but I've got an ethical problem.

Over the last week I've been calling in on a very ill neighbour, whilst some other neighbours who normally do this are away. Mostly for chat's, making sure the carers are doing what they should be, cups of tea and feeding and cleaning up after her cat. My neighbour is bed-bound, recently had a stroke and seems to also be struggling with dementia. I'm not sure how long she has left to be honest.

Thing is I'm concerned about her cat. The cat is equally old and will only ever go near her owner. A very timid creature. whenever you come in she scoots. Feeding her over the last week I noticed that she's doing her bowl of water every day and I suspect her kidneys are fucked. I'll chat it over with my other neighbours to get their thoughts, but It's going to be tricky to catch the kitteh to get her to the vets. If she gets meds (a pill down the neck every day was my own experience of caring for a cat with kidney disease), it's going to be pretty challenging to administer every day and if the progression of the disease is where I think it may be, putting her down may be the kindest option. However it's not my cat and she's the sole companion of my neighbour, who I don't think has the mental capacity to judge what's happening to her cat or to be able to do anything about it. But she for sure finds comfort in her cat being around in what are quite likely her last days. :(
 
What a horrible situation nogojones. So sad. When are the other neighbours due back? If the owner isn't up to a conversation about what might be wrong with the cat and they're back soon, I would probably hold out for them. They may have more information on what's going on with the cat, and even if they don't it will be good to have more minds on it, support for you and all that. Failing that I would be inclined to ask a vet for some guidance.

Obviously this isn't an intrusion on the thread at all, is a similar if much more complicated situation :(
 
polly said:
What a kind thing to say. Thank you so much. I appreciate everyone's posts on her so much, because really the answer could be 'only you know that', but you're all so thoughtful and lovely. It's really helped.

And I was working yesterday but my mind came back to your post about this bringing up sad memories for you and I wanted to say I'm so sorry about that x

I've been trying to comfort my 11 yo by saying that it's a pure expression of love to have your pet put to sleep when you desperately want to keep them around, because you know it's the best thing for them. So I'm telling myself that too.

Oof. We will all go and get another pet and do this all over again, won't we?
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Oh no, please no need to apologise! I am always going to find it an upsetting topic (I don't think it is that unusual) and will probably always be upset about what happened to my beloved little boy - BUT I can see what the thread is about, if I couldn't handle it I wouldn't have looked in the thread - but it's OK for me to grieve and if I can offer some words of comfort to someone else going through the same then I see that as a positive thing.

Love to you and your kids, it must be horrible to try to explain it to them and see their grief xx
 
When my lovely cat Bubbles got in a bad way (She was my eleventh Birthday present & had kittens on my bed) at 18ish I found it hard but knew I probably left it a bit too long because of the attachment.

Sorry to say this but if you are asking the question you probably know the answer even if it is not one you want to hear.

If you still get the purrs & think they seem contented then not the time but otherwise it might be time to end the pain. I wish I could have done this with my brother.

Maybe not the best way to think about it yet but getting a kitty might help with the kids getting over it.

The fact pets live much shorter lives can by a lesson in life about grieving if you have not lost a human close to you.

All the best polly Xx
 
Thanks MrSki x

MrSki said:
Sorry to say this but if you are asking the question you probably know the answer even if it is not one you want to hear.

If you still get the purrs & think they seem contented then not the time but otherwise it might be time to end the pain. I wish I could have done this with my brother.
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See, I am still getting purrs so that's really why I'm in this dilemma. I've had cats put down before but it's always been quite conclusive. This is much harder, but yes generally I agree. Anyway she collapsed in her litter tray yesterday so getting worse. Vets not open on Saturday for this sort of thing so haven't made the awful appointment yet.

Your brother? :( My god I'm so sorry to hear this.

MrSki said:
Maybe not the best way to think about it yet but getting a kitty might help with the kids getting over it.

The fact pets live much shorter lives can by a lesson in life about grieving if you have not lost a human close to you.
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Yes, 100%. My 9 yo got onto my lap yesterday and had a good cry about it. I did the usual bits about having given her a good life and how this is our final duty to her (thanks to whoever said that!) and thought, well this sounds like platitudes and bollocks, but he actually said 'you're really helping me to feel better about it' <3 and then got his tablet and organised all the photos of her into one folder so he can see them easily.

Then said next can we get a tortoise so it dies after we do :rolleyes:
 
polly said:
Any new nogojones? Did you manage to speak to the neighbours?
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Yeah, I spoke to her and she'd going to check on the cat as well to see if she continues to finish her water, but even though she's been feeding the cat for my ill neighbour for over a year the cat still won't go anywhere near her.

As for what we'll do... we're both sort of pulling faces and not sure how to deal with it best. My ill neighbour seemed a lot worse over the last couple of days. She's barely eating and was pretty delirious (She seems to have good and bad days). I had to check her for a fever as I was worried she had an infection and I think she'll be back in hossie soon. We've made her comfy and I moved and set the telly up in her room and the carers are keeping an eye on her condition, but they seem all over the place. Twice over the last week I saw a carer return to the house, because they forgot to do the meds. Fuck getting old.
 
polly said:
Your brother? :( My god I'm so sorry to hear this.
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He didn't purr by the way but when he was just a body in pain on morphine it would have been kinder to put him down. Never understood why people will consider it is time to end their pets life but not for humans. No-one wants to see something they love suffer but at least with your puss you have the choice. Xx
 
nogojones said:
Yeah, I spoke to her and she'd going to check on the cat as well to see if she continues to finish her water, but even though she's been feeding the cat for my ill neighbour for over a year the cat still won't go anywhere near her.

As for what we'll do... we're both sort of pulling faces and not sure how to deal with it best. My ill neighbour seemed a lot worse over the last couple of days. She's barely eating and was pretty delirious (She seems to have good and bad days). I had to check her for a fever as I was worried she had an infection and I think she'll be back in hossie soon. We've made her comfy and I moved and set the telly up in her room and the carers are keeping an eye on her condition, but they seem all over the place. Twice over the last week I saw a carer return to the house, because they forgot to do the meds. Fuck getting old.
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That's so difficult. Absolutely fuck getting old, especially with social care in the state it is now, but at least she's got the big society eh - sounds like you and the other neighbours are taking care of her really well. I suppose the risk is that she goes into hospital and the cat has to be put down and the neighbour rallies and comes home to no cat? :( I do not envy you having to make any of these calls tbh. Really puts my situation into perspective.
 
MrSki said:
He didn't purr by the way but when he was just a body in pain on morphine it would have been kinder to put him down. Never understood why people will consider it is time to end their pets life but not for humans. No-one wants to see something they love suffer but at least with your puss you have the choice. Xx
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No, I don't understand it either. I'm really sorry that you and he went through that. x
 
polly said:
See, I am still getting purrs so that's really why I'm in this dilemma.
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Really feel for you, but I’d be careful about over-interpreting from purrs vs. other indicators (esp. like the collapsing in litter tray).

As well as indicating contentment, cats can purr when excited, or focused on a new stimulus, but also sadly when stressed, afraid or in pain - it’s thought to be some kind of coping mechanism in those cases (may release endorphins or similar in their brains).
 
With Perry he started to do that hiding thing. Very out of character for such an affectionate cat. I did still try to keep him alive - there was a chance he could be cured and he was a young cat - but he was just in too much pain and distress and it was never going to get any better. Think it was originally the worst day of my life. It's such a horrible decision to have to make

What you're saying to your son is totally true. And at least you can totally spoil her before the end. Poor lovely runt.
 
8ball said:
Really feel for you, but I’d be careful about over-interpreting from purrs vs. other indicators (esp. like the collapsing in litter tray).

As well as indicating contentment, cats can purr when excited, or focused on a new stimulus, but also sadly when stressed, afraid or in pain - it’s thought to be some kind of coping mechanism in those cases (may release endorphins or similar in their brains).
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Thanks 8ball - I know about purring as a stress response, have had cats that purred at the vets :( I wasn't really clear, but I meant that I started the thread because she was still eating, drinking, playing a bit, purring... so that was why I was worrying about putting her down too soon. But I'm not worrying about that any more.

scifisam said:
What you're saying to your son is totally true. And at least you can totally spoil her before the end. Poor lovely runt.
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Thank you x Because she got the heart dx in July we've been spoiling her ever since, so she has at least had a good few months of doing whatever the fuck she pleases :D
 
nogojones said:
Yeah, I spoke to her and she'd going to check on the cat as well to see if she continues to finish her water, but even though she's been feeding the cat for my ill neighbour for over a year the cat still won't go anywhere near her.

As for what we'll do... we're both sort of pulling faces and not sure how to deal with it best. My ill neighbour seemed a lot worse over the last couple of days. She's barely eating and was pretty delirious (She seems to have good and bad days). I had to check her for a fever as I was worried she had an infection and I think she'll be back in hossie soon. We've made her comfy and I moved and set the telly up in her room and the carers are keeping an eye on her condition, but they seem all over the place. Twice over the last week I saw a carer return to the house, because they forgot to do the meds. Fuck getting old.
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I am going to go out on a (possibly unpopular) limb here, and say that I don't think you should do anything right now when the neighbour is ill, as worrying about what might happen to her cat is probably going to be really distressing. Getting through a bowl of water a day is something my boys do, they are 15 and pretty much all elderly cats are in some stage of renal issues, mine see the vet regularly and the vet is not concerned that it needs treatment just yet - so it doesn't mean your neighbour's cat is ready for the off just yet. Also pills isn't the only way to treat it, subcutaneous fluids once a week (it works like dialysis and is possible with cats because they have loose skin, but is fairly quick to administer and doesn't require them spending hours hooked up to a machine like a human would) could be a less stressful option than a daily pill.

How is the neighbour? I just think if she is very elderly and starting to have dementia and the cat doesn't seem to be in immediate physical danger or distress, then leave it for now - is there a relative at all that visits?
 
Epona said:
I am going to go out on a (possibly unpopular) limb here, and say that I don't think you should do anything right now when the neighbour is ill, as worrying about what might happen to her cat is probably going to be really distressing. Getting through a bowl of water a day is something my boys do, they are 15 and pretty much all elderly cats are in some stage of renal issues, mine see the vet regularly and the vet is not concerned that it needs treatment just yet - so it doesn't mean your neighbour's cat is ready for the off just yet. Also pills isn't the only way to treat it, subcutaneous fluids once a week (it works like dialysis and is possible with cats because they have loose skin, but is fairly quick to administer and doesn't require them spending hours hooked up to a machine like a human would) could be a less stressful option than a daily pill.

How is the neighbour? I just think if she is very elderly and starting to have dementia and the cat doesn't seem to be in immediate physical danger or distress, then leave it for now - is there a relative at all that visits?
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Thanks. That gives me a degree of reassurance.

She only has a sister who is also pretty old and lives a good bit away, so she only gets down once a week.
 
nogojones said:
Thanks. That gives me a degree of reassurance.

She only has a sister who is also pretty old and lives a good bit away, so she only gets down once a week.
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:)

If anything at this point I would suggest making sure a 2nd bowl of water is available, if a cat in early renal issues can drink more then that is better for their kidney health than going without and it is better if she doesn't run out of water if she needs it. (My old boys have several bowls of water around the place)
 
MrSki said:
He didn't purr by the way but when he was just a body in pain on morphine it would have been kinder to put him down. Never understood why people will consider it is time to end their pets life but not for humans. No-one wants to see something they love suffer but at least with your puss you have the choice. Xx
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I think I remember you posting at the time what your brother went through, now I do get stuff a bit muddled up sometimes but if it was what I recall then it sounded horrific and I completely understand you wishing you could have helped him in the same way. It's not the thread for a full discussion about that particular subject, but I just wanted to say that I think I recall you posting about your brother's illness at the time and it was heartbreaking. :(
 
So sorry about what your brother went through MrSki. There is a big part of the population that equates quality of life with quantity of life even though they are two very different things in my book. I',m so very sorry for your loss x
 
Well, she's much better again! She's been playing and chatting at the crows from the window, got her normal expression on. Edit - now stalking rats in my neighbour's garden where there is an open pipe :hmm: I'm taking her in to the vet after I finish work tomorrow so they can advise properly. Hope I don't come home empty handed but prepared for it.
 
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ddraig said:
Molly kept improving after being very very bad then getting really bad again, it was so painful knowing when to do it, the vets were a bit "it's up to you" :(
All the best, it's horrible
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This is exactly what happened with my Delilah, I kept preparing myself to take her to the vets then she'd get better. She even tried to do a lazarus on the last day but I knew it was time then and the vets were very good.

You have my thoughts polly, its heartbreaking.
 
polly said:
Oh, I'm sorry :( It makes it so much harder to make the call, doesn't it.



Ugh really? I am hoping for something more conclusive.
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Yes, really really hard and heartbreaking, it felt like it was time but she improved now and then, 1 time, she wasn't even lifting her head or eating so thought that was it, then ran up the stairs and started miaowling, it was horrible.
Took her to vets and they sort of said didn't have long but up to us, it was then about 2/3 days after that
 
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