What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to clean

[bimble]

Yesterday night for no reason that i can think of at all, I puked all over the inside of my car, whilst I was driving it.
I feel completely fine now and have no idea what that was about (Covid negative).

There is vomit on every surface and every crevice of the vehicle.
I think this is going to be the worst cleaning job I’ve ever had to do in my life.

But then I don’t have kids or a dog.
Can anyone make me feel better about my Saturday?

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Was at a party once and someone puked over the banisters - there was vomit splattered all the way down two flights of stairs, on the walls, etc. I cleaned that up the next morning despite being hungover - surprisingly it didn't make me heave, but it's never a pleasant thing to do.

Once helped a friend puke who'd drank too much by putting my fingers down his throat. He puked all over my arm.

My sister once puked in the car while we were driving through Scotland on holiday back when we were kids. Luckily most of it landed in the magazine compartment (or whatever the thing on the inside of the door is called). The car smelt of sick for the rest of the holiday.

 

[bimble]

nope, arms and banisters are much easier to clean than the inside of a car. That is true friendship though.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Emetophobes won't like this thread very much...

 

[cupid_stunt]

Spunk on a cat's face.

 

[jontz01]

Barefoot dog turd, puke on banisters and strangely, doing 3 weeks of reductions on massive flaxes. Bloody things were full of cockroaches, probably saw one every 5 minutes, my skin was crawling for months.

 

[Badgers]

Worked as a contract cleaner years back and had a few challenging jobs there.

Cleaning vacated squats was always a tough one. Needle resistant gloves were a pain to wear and a lot of shit/sick and other nasties.

Student halls were another joy

Possibly the worst (longest?) was cleaning out hoarder houses, mostly for council properties. One that springs to mind couldn't throw anything away. He carefully stored used cigarette butt's behind his sofa and armchairs. When I pulled said furniture out to assess they spread out close to 6" deep over the whole living room floor.

Also worked in an abbatoir. That was a grim gig cleaning up after a shift. Not just the equipment but also the mandatory carbolic soap (or something industrial) showers after the shift.

 

[bimble]

Thank you Badgers

 

[bimble]

Barefoot dog turd, puke on banisters and strangely, doing 3 weeks of reductions on massive flaxes. Bloody things were full of cockroaches, probably saw one every 5 minutes, my skin was crawling for months.

What are massive flaxes?

 

[bimble]

Tea break. It’s not as bad as I thought. Glad it’s a bit windy out.

 

[Badgers]

Thank you Badgers

Gotta say that the car cleaning is a massive arse. Worst I recall was my mum somehow leaning about 6 pints of milk in the back seat. Soaked into the carpet as well. This was in the middle of summer and she paid me (50p kid slave labour) to clean it out a few days later the stench was so bad I threw up on the back seat and carpet midway through cleaning it ffs

 

[bimble]

Cars have a ridiculous amount of tiny crevices

 

[Clair De Lune]

My youngest had no sense of smell till they were about ten. That explains why they painted their bedroom wall with shit as a toddler so many times. The worst was when they painted the white leather sofa though. It was all down the sides. I cried cleaning that up.
Add in cats spewing all over the shop and sometimes peeing, shitting or leaving rodent or bird body parts and guts on the carpets..I've done way too many gross clean ups thinking about it.

 

[Spymaster]

I worked in a butcher's shop as a youngster. The worst jobs were cleaning the walk-in fridge, which was caked in deep blood and fat spatters; and the band saw, which accumulated huge amounts of powdered bone and bone-marrow internally.

 

[Badgers]

I worked in a butcher's shop as a youngster. The worst jobs were cleaning the walk-in fridge, which was caked in deep blood and fat spatters; and the band saw, which accumulated huge amounts of powdered bone and bone-marrow internally.

Yeah

I used to work on the abbatoir 'band saw' a lot and cleaning that was a hideous task.

 

[bellaozzydog]

Cars have a ridiculous amount of tiny crevices

You should probably have it stolen and burnt out

My mates borrowed his mums car and weirdly spilt fresh goats milk in the back seats. Never recovered they had to scrap it

You can get super deep clean car valets that wet wash and sort of vapour steam nice smells back into you car.

 

[Clair De Lune]

Yeah, definitely worth paying to have someone valet it if the smell doesn't come out bimble.

 

[bimble]

Urban comes through, you’ve made me feel loads better. This is not that bad at all.
In fact the worst I’ve done was when I ad a humane fox trap once (long story trying to rescue a fox that someone was planning to shoot), had to dispose of hunks of meat crawling with maggots, regularly.

 

[Badgers]

Another gem springs to mind. Cheffing at a hotel I dropped/burst one of these bad boys.



Cleaning up the best part of 20 litres of oil spread over a kitchen about the size of a midsized flat is not a good day.

Luckily it was the end of shift (10pm ish) so the kitchen was closed.

Unluckily and the other staff said it was my mess to clear up and all fucked off leaving me to deal with it.

 

[Spymaster]

Yeah

I used to work on the abbatoir 'band saw' a lot and cleaning that was a hideous task.

View attachment 295648

Evil fucking things.

Another shit job in the butchers was cleaning all of the fake plastic "greenery" that went into the window displays. Not as grim as the band-saw but really fucking fiddly to get all the meat out from in between the leaves, especially the ones that had been around the mince. Used to take fucking ages and bore me to tears.

 

[Badgers]

Evil fucking things.

Another shit job in the butchers was cleaning all of the fake plastic "greenery" that went into the window displays. Not as grim as the band-saw but really fucking fiddly to get all the meat out from in between the leaves, especially the ones that had been around the mince. Used to take fucking ages and bore me to tears.

We did not have much in the way of steam/pressure washers either

 

[girasol]

I was at urban's infamous after party where a poor lad consumed a toxic mix of drugs and alcohol which got expelled through his arse in the form of projectile shit, which splattered bathroom walls and also somehow ended up on the carpet via the medium of footprints. Although someone else did the bulk of the cleaning, as some of us were very wasted, everyone tried to help clean it up and also, a few days later, chipped in to get the carpet professionally cleaned.

 

[Spymaster]

We did not have much in the way of steam/pressure washers either

Nope. A bucket of water with bleach in it, and a scrubbing brush.

 

[JimW]

People used to shoot up in the bogs of the pub I worked in and once or twice that led to some impressively explosive diarrhea. Least the walls were tiled.

 

[Looby]

Finding a drawer that my housemate had puked in 3 months before was pretty grim.

I’ve been a hospital cleaner, carer and a support worker so I’ve cleaned out a lot of gross stuff.

We had a woman at the home who used to smear a lot. She managed to get into someone else’s bedroom, strip naked and smear her shit literally all over the room. It was horrendous.

There were some disgusting flats and rooms I’ve cleaned when people have moved out of hostels and safe houses.

Fucking weeks old food and maggots everywhere.

 

[strung out]

I was at urban's infamous after party where a poor lad consumed a toxic mix of drugs and alcohol which got expelled through his arse in the form of projectile shit, which splattered bathroom walls and also somehow ended up on the carpet via the medium of footprints. Although someone else did the bulk of the cleaning, as some of us were very wasted, everyone tried to help clean it up and also, a few days later, chipped in to get the carpet professionally cleaned.

Do they still post here?

 

[Bus Honeygun]

People used to shoot up in the bogs of the pub I worked in and once or twice that led to some impressively explosive diarrhea. Least the walls were tiled.

Mrs [62] and myself shared a cleaning job in a cinema for a while and some of the local addicts started to use the toilets to shoot up. A couple of times things got messy, but one time somebody shot their backwash all over the wall. Mrs [62] was on duty for that one, luckily for me.

Taking the thread title literally, i.e. worst but not necessarily messiest, fucking popcorn is a major vacuum-cleaner-clogging pain in the arse. While we were doing it one of the early Star Wars remakes was packing them in every night. The daft fuckers are sitting in the dark throwing popcorn everywhere except their slack-jawed mouths. When it's not getting lodged in Henry, the sticky stuff is getting trampled into the carpet.

Hate popcorn.

 

[Saul Goodman]

There is vomit on every surface and every crevice of the vehicle.
I think this is going to be the worst cleaning job I’ve ever had to do in my life.

Not me cleaning but... About 20 years ago I gave my boss' son a lift home from the pub. He was sat in the back seat of the car, and suddenly projectile vomited everywhere. He even filled one of the door pockets. The following morning I left early for work, and was banging on his door at 7:30. His mother answered the door and I explained what had happened and asked if she'd wake him to clean the puke from my car, but rather than that, she suggested that I clean it myself, as her poor son wasn't feeling well I was having none of it, so I handed her the keys and told her I'd be back at lunchtime to collect the car, then walked across the road to work. About an hour later a professional valeter arrived and cleaned the car.
If that'd been my son, he'd have been made to clean up his own puke.

 

[mojo pixy]

Care work

Regularly involves cleaning up faeces, urine, vomit, phlegm, blood and pus. Lymphodemic legs have a very special bouquet .. and there's nothing quite like cleaning explosive diarrhoea off floors, mattresses, and of course saggy bottoms, vulvas and scrotums.

Smear a bit of vicks or tiger balm on a face mask, grit yer teeth, and keep smiling through.

 

[davesgcr]

Cleaning the inter car connectors on a North London line train at Willesden Jct after some wretch had shat there. It was particularly bad , and of course the ever grateful public gave us a load of grief as it delayed the train.

(Should have taken it out of service)