WAYNE Hayes, a middle-aged sales executive from Carlisle, has expressed regrets about the Olympics closing ceremony beamed directly from his brain.
Hayes, who organisers deemed to be the most typical man in Britain, curated the ceremony via special electrodes attached to his head which fed details of everything he likes into a giant computer. This information was then transmitted into the Olympic Park in the form of incredibly lifelike holograms.
Hayes said: “I thought that everyone loves a bit of Annie Lennox and Oasis to get themselves in the party mood but judging by the four hundred thousand death threats on my Twitter feed this morning, apparently not.
“All I wanted was to recreate the brilliant spectacle of an early 1990s Brit Awards show and I tried to do that by free associating acts with the first words that came into my head, hence Fatboy Slim/octopus, and Annie Lennox/Viking boat.”