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Shattifs, bum guns and bidets

First few times on a bidet I sat with my back to the taps like on a toilet.

The agony if trying to regulate fountain hight and water temperature while using taps behind my back was teeth gritting.

I then realised that by facing the taps it was pretty simple....
 
UnderOpenSky said:
A towel. Your bums clean.
Click to expand...
But it isn't, is it. I mean yeah, one small part of it might be relatively clean, but you wouldn't eat your dinner off it. Not that I'd judge you if you did. Whatever floats yer boat, but if you've been farting all day, there's poo particles in the whole general area, and wiping with a towel is like... wiping your arse with a towel.
 
I had one installed when I renovated my bathroom a couple of years ago. I got used to them donkeys years ago when living for a couple of years in the Middle East, where they're standard.

Mines just a cold water feed one, although you can get fancier hot and cold water ones.

You can get them from regular DIY stores, and my plumber didn't say anything about them being illegal.

It feels really icky using the loo for a poo without one now.
 
How is it possible to use one of these things without splashes going out thru the gap between loo seat and loo, or drips running down your legs when you stand up?
 
Saul Goodman said:
But it isn't, is it. I mean yeah, one small part of it might be relatively clean, but you wouldn't eat your dinner off it. Not that I'd judge you if you did. Whatever floats yer boat, but if you've been farting all day, there's poo particles in the whole general area, and wiping with a towel is like... wiping your arse with a towel.
Click to expand...
What do you do after you shower?
 
AnnO'Neemus said:
I had one installed when I renovated my bathroom a couple of years ago. I got used to them donkeys years ago when living for a couple of years in the Middle East, where they're standard.

Mines just a cold water feed one, although you can get fancier hot and cold water ones.

You can get them from regular DIY stores, and my plumber didn't say anything about them being illegal.

It feels really icky using the loo for a poo without one now.
Click to expand...
Here's another problem. COLD!!! I have to let the shower get up to temp before getting in. There's no way I'm spraying icy cold water on my ring. I'd probably jump up with shock, stumble backwards like a drunk penguin with my trolleys around my ankles, fall over backwards and whack my head on something either hard or sharp, resulting in either blood or a large lump on my head. Then I'd rub my hands through my hair, feeling for said blood/lump, and realise I hadn't yet washed my hands, necessitating a shower, which would have been far easier and less painful in the first instance.
 
Saul Goodman said:
What I's struggling with is how you're supposed to dry your ring after using one of these. Surely you don't use a towel?!?! You could have something like a Dyson Blade, but I reckon that might be quite dangerous.
So help me out, bum gunners. How do you dry your ringpiece after using one of these?
Click to expand...
Cotton pants.
Years ago - partly for cycling comfort - I got into the habit of wearing two pairs.
Also cold water.. I have never had hot water in my house except once a week for baths.
I grew up in the 60s when my dad would take an enamel jug of water upstairs from the kitchen electric heater.
 
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