This more a song then a poem, kinda double post i just landed it on the health forum but this thread needs i lift..so imma give it one. my pain has made me write a kinda hipperty-hopperty type affair although onbiously when ya just reading it its hard to know the pace and whats rhyming with what.. but i did my best, its called 'solo' and is about the breakdown im having now.
Im kinda.. i just feel ike putting something down..imma call it..solo..yea
SOLO
..........
Im going solo... coz im feeling so low...
im having a breakdown emergancy like what happans 'bout twice a year, and for the last 7 of them years all ive got from them is tears, i ask repeatidly for an emrgancy plan when this happans.. but i never get one coz im so pathetic they keep telling me to do it myself, no meds mutha fucka when ya trippin out in ya bed from a psychosis in ya head.. they actually expect me to put up with that? what the hell is that? they let me have seizures to.. seizures withdrawin off them things that be blue, when i use when im blue, i gotta brain dead drug worker thinkin she tellin me what to do when its 100 fuckin % obvious that she aint gotta clue, a had a former CPN alcohol worker.. honestly i say this in jest but that guy i could murder.. he would come round have a cup a tea..talk about every damn thing except me!! he like 'yea its a nice day, and god damn did you see that programme last night and god dam i been on the net this morning' // "erm, excuse me mr. mental health trained alcohol worker this is supposed to be about me not you, im the one with the problem you aint even asked me how im doing yet and you allready been here 15mins and i can tell your lookin to up and leave, coz you just checked ya watch and rolled up ya sleeve"
then that prick loses the plot.. and for that witnesses i got, coz when i did complain the team leader came round at the same time as an appointment with this bull shit alcohol worker that i could murder, had to say it again coz my heads like a cheeseburger, dead meat and coverd in blood.. now i finally summun up the strengh to complain about the treatment..alcohol worker screams and shouts, "i dont gotta listen to this shit" err yes you do prick coz you just went nuts in front of the team leader of the drugs team who is now lookin at you with a "wtf" kinda stare.. so now this alcohol worker sits back down in the chair.. realsing that he just blew his nut off infront of somebody he forgot was even there..me and the team leader continue to asses the situation and he just sits there on the end of the chair.. lookin like a total prick with an 'oh shit' look on his face once he realised what he done.. man this aint no fun.. i DO try but i cant do it myself, i need some help i been askin for help since january, more appointments more drug tests..i wanted them, keep me in check but right now i got nobody..cept for my chemical freinds them things that bend you mood in the direction of something that at first feels like its never gonna end and what choice have i got? they wont prescribe me squat, so i guess its just another yes to the fact that i gotta go an do this on my own which is impossible coz it makes me..solo, coz im so low and fuckin angry like a wanna chop my cock off just to hurt mysel.. drink vodka coz i know it fuckin hurts myself.. and when your left with no help and ya just got yaself..well thats when ya..
going solo... coz im feeling so low.. only if they could know though... the fact that im fuckin feeling so low..its all abit oh no.
suicidal thoughts are rappin about my brain like whats the best way to do it..OD's dont work maybe if i jump off a bridge or a crane, or maybe just throw myself infront of a train.. how anybody is soupposed to take resobonsibilty when all they wanna do is die or get high i'll never know.. here's my counter flow ya bitch ass psyche imma complain with all my energy and might, imma complain till they cryin in there bed at night.. and maybe then i complain some more these fuckin witches ridiculas coky prick ass hole blokes givin "yea i been into the speed thing it was all like yea at one point i couldant get outta bed for work without a wrap" outta bed?? you fuckin sleping? if you are fuckin sleepin then you aint speedin, your 2 year little exploration then does nothing but make me wanna tazer them.
so i get this new nurse, a glimer of hope she got some experiance so i made the first appointment..thats right peep's me, i dont just sit around all day waiting for the help i actually ask..repeatedly.. so i managed to get one appointment and she all like "yea this is great i can tell you actually want the help we can make up a new care plan with you having your say just as much as mine, thats fine"..that day it seems was a good day i left feeling like finally i met a worker who gets it, aint gonna grass me up like the brain dead idiots who think there is only 3 benzo's in existance, always gotta tell them how its spelt, tell them what its all about, this one does this, that one does that, do you mind if i call you a bitch and a twat? coz frankly love you supposed to allready know all that..and this is the kinda crap that just makes me feel like i need to hurt myself with a smack to my own face with my own fist..black eyes and mist.. im on the twist so might aswell get twisted one things for sure they aint got me llisted..as someone who needs better help and thats why this rant is goin....solo
solo... coz im feeling so low... oh and only if they could know though... god damn im feeling so low.. so im going solo.. and imma have to self medicate till this breakdown hits the rock bottom no further down to go, this could have all been prevented though.. but no.
im going solo.. coz im feeling so low.. yea its just so low.. they way i get passed around for prick to prick that dont know dick about me and the reasons why i use my shit.
im done for now coz that knackerd me wow. not bad for not being on speed must say
(it does actually rhyme but you gotta sorta make allowences for my shite dyslexic grammer and spelling, and the pace of the beat in my head you might not pick up on)
peace
Im kinda.. i just feel ike putting something down..imma call it..solo..yea
SOLO
..........
Im going solo... coz im feeling so low...
im having a breakdown emergancy like what happans 'bout twice a year, and for the last 7 of them years all ive got from them is tears, i ask repeatidly for an emrgancy plan when this happans.. but i never get one coz im so pathetic they keep telling me to do it myself, no meds mutha fucka when ya trippin out in ya bed from a psychosis in ya head.. they actually expect me to put up with that? what the hell is that? they let me have seizures to.. seizures withdrawin off them things that be blue, when i use when im blue, i gotta brain dead drug worker thinkin she tellin me what to do when its 100 fuckin % obvious that she aint gotta clue, a had a former CPN alcohol worker.. honestly i say this in jest but that guy i could murder.. he would come round have a cup a tea..talk about every damn thing except me!! he like 'yea its a nice day, and god damn did you see that programme last night and god dam i been on the net this morning' // "erm, excuse me mr. mental health trained alcohol worker this is supposed to be about me not you, im the one with the problem you aint even asked me how im doing yet and you allready been here 15mins and i can tell your lookin to up and leave, coz you just checked ya watch and rolled up ya sleeve"
then that prick loses the plot.. and for that witnesses i got, coz when i did complain the team leader came round at the same time as an appointment with this bull shit alcohol worker that i could murder, had to say it again coz my heads like a cheeseburger, dead meat and coverd in blood.. now i finally summun up the strengh to complain about the treatment..alcohol worker screams and shouts, "i dont gotta listen to this shit" err yes you do prick coz you just went nuts in front of the team leader of the drugs team who is now lookin at you with a "wtf" kinda stare.. so now this alcohol worker sits back down in the chair.. realsing that he just blew his nut off infront of somebody he forgot was even there..me and the team leader continue to asses the situation and he just sits there on the end of the chair.. lookin like a total prick with an 'oh shit' look on his face once he realised what he done.. man this aint no fun.. i DO try but i cant do it myself, i need some help i been askin for help since january, more appointments more drug tests..i wanted them, keep me in check but right now i got nobody..cept for my chemical freinds them things that bend you mood in the direction of something that at first feels like its never gonna end and what choice have i got? they wont prescribe me squat, so i guess its just another yes to the fact that i gotta go an do this on my own which is impossible coz it makes me..solo, coz im so low and fuckin angry like a wanna chop my cock off just to hurt mysel.. drink vodka coz i know it fuckin hurts myself.. and when your left with no help and ya just got yaself..well thats when ya..
going solo... coz im feeling so low.. only if they could know though... the fact that im fuckin feeling so low..its all abit oh no.
suicidal thoughts are rappin about my brain like whats the best way to do it..OD's dont work maybe if i jump off a bridge or a crane, or maybe just throw myself infront of a train.. how anybody is soupposed to take resobonsibilty when all they wanna do is die or get high i'll never know.. here's my counter flow ya bitch ass psyche imma complain with all my energy and might, imma complain till they cryin in there bed at night.. and maybe then i complain some more these fuckin witches ridiculas coky prick ass hole blokes givin "yea i been into the speed thing it was all like yea at one point i couldant get outta bed for work without a wrap" outta bed?? you fuckin sleping? if you are fuckin sleepin then you aint speedin, your 2 year little exploration then does nothing but make me wanna tazer them.
so i get this new nurse, a glimer of hope she got some experiance so i made the first appointment..thats right peep's me, i dont just sit around all day waiting for the help i actually ask..repeatedly.. so i managed to get one appointment and she all like "yea this is great i can tell you actually want the help we can make up a new care plan with you having your say just as much as mine, thats fine"..that day it seems was a good day i left feeling like finally i met a worker who gets it, aint gonna grass me up like the brain dead idiots who think there is only 3 benzo's in existance, always gotta tell them how its spelt, tell them what its all about, this one does this, that one does that, do you mind if i call you a bitch and a twat? coz frankly love you supposed to allready know all that..and this is the kinda crap that just makes me feel like i need to hurt myself with a smack to my own face with my own fist..black eyes and mist.. im on the twist so might aswell get twisted one things for sure they aint got me llisted..as someone who needs better help and thats why this rant is goin....solo
solo... coz im feeling so low... oh and only if they could know though... god damn im feeling so low.. so im going solo.. and imma have to self medicate till this breakdown hits the rock bottom no further down to go, this could have all been prevented though.. but no.
im going solo.. coz im feeling so low.. yea its just so low.. they way i get passed around for prick to prick that dont know dick about me and the reasons why i use my shit.
im done for now coz that knackerd me wow. not bad for not being on speed must say
(it does actually rhyme but you gotta sorta make allowences for my shite dyslexic grammer and spelling, and the pace of the beat in my head you might not pick up on)
peace
People don't always read everything here right away, there's so many conversations and threads and voices going on at the same time that people have got their blinkers on and can't possibly digest everything- and sometimes you stumble upon a thread long after the post date, odd little timeloops going on:
x
