Pitch the next entry in the Die Hard franchise

[Nine Bob Note]

Die Shard

John McClane visits London and later joins forces with international terrorists when he is charged £72 for mackarel with blackberries

 

[Joe Chi Min]

Die Lard

John develops a real taste for eggs’n’bacon cooked in the white stuff

 

[JimW]

Die Herd

McClane faces a distressing decision when BSE breaks out on the farm

 

[Yossarian]

Die Hurd

It's New Year's Eve 2023 in London and John McClane has been hired by a group of high-betting death pool contestants to protect Douglas Hurd from assassins hired by a rival group. But there's one killer even McClane can't outwit in his mission to keep Hurd alive until midnight: natural causes.

 

[The39thStep]

Die Hi-de-Hi

A cryptic message from former sports organiser Gladys Pugh broadcast on Radio Maplin leads John Mclean to investigate the murky depths of the regime that Ted Bovis's jovial persona oversees.

 

[maomao]

Die Herd

German film about a cooker with gender identity problems.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Die Hard With A Tea Dance - now retired, McClane finds it difficult to adjust to supported living

 

[Karl Masks]

John MacClane, now retires, considers the philosophical greats.

Descartes

 

[Gromit]

Die Padre

Its Christmas so time for John McClane to save a Spanish cathedral from terrorists.

 

[DotCommunist]

Spry Hard- CGI brings mclane, rock hudson and gregory peck back to star in this caper thats better than the Expendables films.

 

[Karl Masks]

John Macclestone brings his watercolour skills to life in this thrilling journey around English ditches, in

Dyke Art

 

[Nine Bob Note]

Die Hird

Hans Gruber choses the wrong day to hijack and rob Ivy's Cafe.

 

[Spandex]

Die Hird

Hans Gruber choses the wrong day to hijack and rob Ivy's Cafe.

Don't fuck with Hird. She's a badass.

 

[danny la rouge]

Kevin, now grown up, is left alone by his wife and kids at Christmas.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Don't fuck with Hird. She's a badass.

"Oh my goodness! The fly half is a toasted pikelet by gum!"

 

[Orang Utan]

Tie Die Hard: John McClane drives a yellow bus through the Northern Californian wilds and has to keep taking acid else it will explode, killing all the flower children inside

 

[Elpenor]

Divest - John McClane stops buying his thermal undershirts from Israeli owned companies

 

[DaveCinzano]

Tie Die Hard: John McClane drives a yellow bus through the Northern Californian wilds and has to keep taking acid else it will explode, killing all the flower children inside

coff coff

 

[Orang Utan]

coff coff

View attachment 359496

Mine’s better

 

[DaveCinzano]

Mine’s better

Sure Zack, whatever you say, Zack

 

[Orang Utan]

Sure Zack, whatever you say, Zack View attachment 359499

Who’s that?

 

[deeyo]

old rabbits die hard - a reverse take sequel mashed up with watership down.
hans 'hazel' gruber & his comrades in the volksfrei owsla ( theo 'blackberry' schwarzebeere, tony silver & the enigmatic foreign emissary kehaarl vreski) are busy building a socialist utopia in the liberated nakatomi warren.
meanwhile general mcclane-woundwort wants his fluffle back & mobilises the counter-revolution.

 

[deeyo]

old habits die hard - a group of female terrorists robs the vatican bank disguised as motown singin nuns & escapes in a helicopter. whoppi g as hannah gruber. alan r as the pope. bruce w as the reverend mother.

old hobbits die hard - hans 'gollum' gruber survived the fall & still wants his precious detonators. there's broken glass all over the floor & everyone is barefoot. it'll be up to an unlikely hero to save the day.

bruce willis as sam gamgi.

 

[Dom Traynor]

Who’s that?

Zack

 

[Orang Utan]

Zack

clearly - i suspect it is Zack Snyder but I didn't know what he looked like until last night

 

[DaveCinzano]

Who’s that?

Zack Snyder on a coke binge telling everyone his remake of Dawn Of The Dead was better than Romero's original.

 

[Johnny Vodka]

Lie Hard - the exact plot is under wraps, but we're told it involves Bruce Willis teaming up with ex-PM, Boris Johnson

 

[DaveCinzano]

Lye Hard
When yet another PD declines to hire McClane due to his ever-rising body count, he decides the only thing he can do is the mitigate the numbers through the assiduous application of sodium hydroxide

 

[Cid]

Dry Hard

New York has a weed shortage, and John McClane must work his way through a sequence of dealers in his mission to get baked.

 

[Orang Utan]

Zack Snyder on a coke binge telling everyone his remake of Dawn Of The Dead was better than Romero's original.

Tbf I didn’t read a single entry on this thread before posting mine!