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Men - have you ever been sexually harrassed at work?

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Petcha

Well-Known Member
So I pretty much just resigned. I'm a guy. Who has been subjected to some weird pretty fucking behaviour from a female colleague since I started a few months ago. She makes excuses to come to my desk and then just stares at me when I'm trying to explain something on my screen (im a graphic designer, she's an account exec). Just staring. It's been scaring the fuck out of me.

She's now made a complaint about me to my boss, my work that is... so I've responded by telling my boss wtf has been going on. I've not reported it to HR.

I've not yet finished my probation, that's next week. Anyone know what legal grounds I have here?

I did make the point to my (female) boss that if the genders were reversed, shit would hit the fan. But she kind of brushed it under the carpet.
 
I felt very uncomfortable telling my boss. I think it's a bloke thing.

To her credit, my boss, she had to wring it out of me... what the issue is between me and the person in question. While I was squirming. No idea where it'll go from here but I think I'll quit. No idea what the legal basis is though.
 
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littlebabyjesus said:
What is the nature of the complaint against you?
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Just dodgy work basically. Me not following instructions. Both fair enough reasons. Except I've been doing this job at fairly high levels for 25 years and I'm actually quite good at it.

So yeh im quitting and fucking off to Thailand. I can debate weird cricket rules with you from there LBJ ;)

Just wondered if I can get a payout here really. The job's fine other than this weirdo with her weird staring eyes. I literally dreamed about it last night.
 
Petcha said:
I've not yet finished my probation, that's next week. Anyone know what legal grounds I have here?
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Unfortunately probably pretty crap. Most rights around dismissal will need two years of service.

That said a formal complaint should still be investigated properly. For specifics you will need to check your companies polices and how complaints/grievances /disciplinaries apply. Do you know what form the complaint took?

EDIT: from what you've said above it sounds like a capability, so yeah you're going to have a very hard time defending that during a probation.
If it is a sizeable company and has a HR department there should be a probation policy and really should be some sort of probation process where employer and employee can bring up matters. Best practice would be to assist employees to address any issues during their probation not just cut them off - but well ....
 
Sorry to hear this, Petcha.
Petcha said:
Just wondered if I can get a payout here really.
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That ^ is vanishingly unlikely so I'd forget about it. Did she put the complaint in before you spoke to your boss about this?

Eta I see she did. Honestly, it'll look to them like you're making excuses for poor performance and since you're still in your probationary period, you don't have much in the way of rights I'm afraid.

I suspect options are 1) you leave 2) they get rid off you before your probation ends 3) they extend your probation then 1) or 2) may happen anyway. 3) then 1) might be your best option as then you'll at least get some more pay and can leave when suits you. Sorry.
 
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Don't quit - have a chat with HR, say that you're so uncomfortable that you're going to leave, but that you're unhappy with the idea that it's just going to be swept under the carpet by you going without fuss.

Go really hard on the thing that if this was a woman being, effectively, hounded out of a job by the attentions of a bloke, there'd (rightly) be a great deal of fuss.

Obviously, you're looking for a couple of months salary as compensation to reinforce how seriously the company takes it, and to ease your transition...

I was sexually harassed at work many years ago - it eventually turned it stalking and an 8,000 mile transfer - and I'll be honest, if the perpetrator had been 25 with good looking, I'd have been laughed at and told to fuck her... It was not a nice experience. Contributed to the failure of my first marriage..
 
Petcha said:
So I pretty much just resigned.
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Just picking up on this - I'm not quite sure what you mean here but if you have resigned, and are regretting it, you need to email your boss right now. and withdraw your resignation making it clear you were under extreme emotional distress at the time .

The law is completely on the employers side w.r.t withdrawing resignations, if they don't want to accept the withdrawal there is going to be very little indeed that you can do about it.
 
kebabking said:
Don't quit - have a chat with HR, say that you're so uncomfortable that you're going to leave, but that you're unhappy with the idea that it's just going to be swept under the carpet by you going without fuss.

Go really hard on the thing that if this was a woman being, effectively, hounded out of a job by the attentions of a bloke, there'd (rightly) be a great deal of fuss.

Obviously, you're looking for a couple of months salary as compensation to reinforce how seriously the company takes it, and to ease your transition...

I was sexually harassed at work many years ago - it eventually turned it stalking and an 8,000 mile transfer - and I'll be honest, if the perpetrator had been 25 with good looking, I'd have been laughed at and told to fuck her... It was not a nice experience. Contributed to the failure of my first marriage..
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Thank you... that's great advice. I just feel weird about it. And my boss clearly did as well when I told her. Not a very normal conversation.

Should I quit before my probation meeting (next week) or do it before?
 
redsquirrel said:
Just picking up on this - I'm not quite sure what you mean here but if you have resigned, and are regretting it, you need to email your boss right now. and withdraw your resignation making it clear you were under extreme emotional distress at the time .

The law is completely on the employers side w.r.t withdrawing resignations, if they don't want to accept the withdrawal there is going to be very little indeed that you can do about it.
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I have not formally resigned, no. But she was nodding away when I was explaining it. I just want it to all go away. They're a nice company, and my boss is nice. But that account exec is reallly really fucking weird.
 
Petcha said:
So what should I do?
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First are you in a union? I recommend joining one, if you've only been at the employer for a short time they may waive the joining with a problem issue (also there is potential discrimination here so many unions may be more flexible anyway).

Second, take some time and have a think about what the best, second best, third best, outcome would be for you.
To continue to work at this place medium/long but not to deal with this person? Do you just want to get some more pay for a couple of months before you leave anyway? Once you've got some ideas here you will be in a better place to decide your next actions.
You don't need to rush into anything, it is for the employer to do the running.

Third, keep a log of this persons behaviour, even if you don't use it in the end it won't do any harm. You should also look on any HR page for policies about probation, capability, dismissal etc. Basically prepare for the worst while planning for the best.

Once you've got the information and have an idea of what you want, you can think about what your next action should be.
 
Petcha said:
Just dodgy work basically. Me not following instructions. Both fair enough reasons. Except I've been doing this job at fairly high levels for 25 years and I'm actually quite good at it.

So yeh im quitting and fucking off to Thailand. I can debate weird cricket rules with you from there LBJ ;)

Just wondered if I can get a payout here really. The job's fine other than this weirdo with her weird staring eyes. I literally dreamed about it last night.
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Well if you fancy quitting and fucking off, then do that!

But others have good advice, I think. Even though you have few rights in a probationary period, if she's been weird towards you, she's probably been weird towards others as well. At the very least, I think I'd be trying to work out how others (including your boss) feel about her. You may have people on your side?

ETA: Just read what rs has posted, and that looks like a very good way to look at it.
 
UnderOpenSky said:
Do you actually want the job enough to find a way to deal with the weird account exec?
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I need to pay the rent. That's all. Oh and I need to pay child support. But if there's a way to sap this firm for some coins then please let me know.

It's a bizarre place to be in. Men should feel gratified to be ogled at right?

(im not exactly Pitt/Clooney btw)
 
Petcha said:
So what should I do?
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You want a good reference - and if you can, a pay off.

Make an appt with HR/boss for a formal meeting. don't wait for them to sack you, and don't resign.

When you get into the meeting, say that you're effectively being forced out by, and that your work has suffered because of, the workplace harassment.

Park that big fat tank on their lawn, let them know that this is their problem/failing, not yours. Let them speak next.

Their response will tell you whether you can push and make a deal where you leave quietly and get nice reference etc.. or where you leave and kick up a stink.

Broadly, HR's - and your boss's - job, is to make stuff go away as cheaply and with as little fuss as possible. let them know that that can be achieved...
 
kebabking said:
You want a good reference - and if you can, a pay off.

Make an appt with HR/boss for a formal meeting. don't wait for them to sack you, and don't resign.

When you get into the meeting, say that you're effectively being forced out by, and that your work has suffered because of, the workplace harassment.

Park that big fat tank on their lawn, let them know that this is their problem/failing, not yours. Let them speak next.

Their response will tell you whether you can push and make a deal where you leave quietly and get nice reference etc.. or where you leave and kick up a stink.

Broadly, HR's - and your boss's - job, is to make stuff go away as cheaply and with as little fuss as possible. let them know that that can be achieved...
Click to expand...

But I've not quite passed my probation (one week away).... is that an issue?
 
Some good advice upthread but I'll just add - if she's weird with you chances are you aren't the only one, if the genders were reversed there'd likely be other people around you experiencing the same weird behaviour.
 
moomoo said:
Have you told this woman that she makes you uncomfortable and to back off?
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What am I supposed to do? Yes, I move my chair away from her and I'm fairly sure my body language says it all... anyway. formally resigning at 4.30 with the head of HR present. im taking the advice above that I couldn't do my job as I felt deeply uncomfortable by someone staring at me. I dunno... anyway, yes im fucking my life up here but i can't do it anymore. lets see what they say.
 
I'm wondering on what basis she made a complaint about your work given that you're in different departments. Is the work you're doing for accounts?
 
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