Housing for gfs friend outstaying welcome
- Thread starter persimmon
- Start date
So she’s got free rent on what seems the largest room in the flat, to the inconvenience of your gf and her son, but also gets free water, heating and is also fed?
She needs to be told to fuck off.
AnnO'Neemus
Is so vanilla
You seem to be a bit undecided. On the one hand, wanting her to go, but on the other wanting her to stay and pay rent, which is understandable if your gf's work is freelance and that's dried up and receiving a bit of rent would help her out of a financial hole.
Your gf needs to decide what she wants N to do, though, whether she wants this person (clearly not a friend, they're a piss-taker), to stay and pay rent, or whether she wants her to leave.
But I suspect that while formalising the situation in a way by asking for weekly rent would help your gf with her finances, she'd still be resentful of the impact on her and her son's home life.
Your gf is effectively subsidising her so-called friend's holidays and visits to family. I had a similar situation, let a friend stay rent free in a spare room as he didn't have a job to start with, and then he got a job and then he booked a holiday. In hindsight, I ended up thinking, Hang on, I can't afford a holiday, I'm skint... and then it struck me that in a way I was subsidising/helping to pay for my friend's holiday, because they were able to go on holiday because they weren't paying me rent. So they had money in their pocket that they otherwise wouldn't have had because I was helping them out/effectively subsidising their lifestyle.
On the one hand, it's understandable to be sympathetic towards someone who's only working part-time. But given that she's not paying any rent or bills, she's effectively as well-off as someone who's working full-time. Someone working full-time might be paying around half their income in rent and bills in London, and so their disposable income on a full-time job might be roughly equivalent to the freeloading friend's disposable income from only her part-time job.
You said that this friend has cooked an occasional meal, but has she been contributing to other household costs, like buying loo rolls and washing up liquid and clothes washing detergent and tea and coffee and milk and stuff? Or has your gf also been subsidising N's lifestyle in that way too? Maybe it's not just that N isn't contributing, but maybe she's also leeching off your gf too and adding to your gf's living expenses too? And while any one of those things might seem like a minimal thing, but when it's lots of little things over months and months, it all adds up.
AnnO'Neemus
Is so vanilla
Some folk have absolutely no shame whatsoever.
crossthebreeze
Well-Known Member
Don't do this, your girlfriend could be seen as deliberate overcrowding (depending on the size of the rooms) which could potentially be grounds for eviction or abatement notice/prosecution by the LA if anything formal like this is put in place.
Also if not officially overcrowded it means the friend would no longer be considered homeless and would now need to be given notice before eviction - and it would potentially be more emotionally difficult for your girlfriend to put her foot down once money formally exchanges hands.
Yeah, probably best to negotiate N paying for bills and food and pulling her weight more than formalising a difficult living situation.
ElizabethofYork
Old Crone
Your girlfriend should send her a text saying that she can't come back to the flat and will have to make other arrangements.
That's it.
She doesn't have any responsibility towards N, and doesn't owe her any explanation, excuse or anything else.
That's it.
She doesn't have any responsibility towards N, and doesn't owe her any explanation, excuse or anything else.
Agree. And as she’s away now is the best time to do it rather than her being in situ.
persimmon
New Member
She's subsidising her completely. Occasionally buys a few household things but if you've been living somewhere for over 6 months most people would expect a serious contribution towards the living costs in that time. She's not a living at home with her parents but it feels that way. N is a decade older than my gf.
Her paying rent wasnt a serious consideration. More a hypothetical question about at what price would you give up your sons and your own space and enjoyment of the flat you rent? It's the main living area that she's staying in, not a spare bedroom. As someone posted earlier, it is already overcrowded.
Thanks for the advice and context about working full time etc - yes she does have a disposal income which higher than mine or my gfs, purely from not having to pay rent or bills. We can just about afford to visit our own family while N has the luxury of having the flat to herself!
If someone has offered you space to crash for free you should be paying half the bills and food at the very least whilst also looking for something more permanent. Seems this suits N to be permanent to the detriment of her host. And it will continue as such until something is said.
Based on personal experience, the council has zero interest in housing single adults and won't make any effort to house them.Having worked for a local Council for over a decade the line about will only be housed if on streets sounds Sus.
Admittedly there may be a long wait. It may be useful for your gf to put this in writing to N and to let N user that as proof that she is 'homeless'.
As we are all aware, pressure on social housing is immense.
The duty of care is laid out here
Shelter Legal England - Main housing duty - Shelter England
The main housing duty owed by a local authority to someone who is homeless, eligible, has a priority need and is not intentionally homeless.england.shelter.org.uk
Before I found my current palatial residence and started living in the lap of luxury I did a lot of sofa surfing and the most important rules are:-
1. Don't outstay your welcome
2. Don't take anything for granted
3. Chip in if you can
This N seems to be massively taking the piss to me, chuck her out and let her worry about where she goes.
Throbbing Angel
this is no longer a place of honour
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persimmon
New Member
I think N has been trying to hang tight in the hope that the council will house her sooner than later and she has either been poorly advised about the chances of getting accomodation or does not want to listen or is just too comfortable with the current situation or all of the above. I guess she thinks the CFS will help her case but she doesn't have a proper diagnosis.
At the moment it's become unbearable - my gf just told me that N sleeps until midday most days while my gf is up at 8am doing the school run or starting work WFH, N is still asleep right next to her. Her son has also asked about whether N will be around and expressed his frustration. basically the only space he has to play in the flat has been being taken over.
I recently discovered through casual chit chat with N that the personal research project and essay writing she spends the majority of time on when not working is about the life of a famous literary figure but that she hasn't actually read any of their works. To me that was very unusual and set off a few alarm bells and thought that maybe there is a bit more going on..
Anyway my gf has been party this advice and comments - it seems to have really helped her to make things clearer and affirmed how she already felt about the impact N having on her and her sons wellbeing. She is going to contact N and hopefully will resolve this situation. Next steps will be making it clear after she has left that this situation wont be able to occur again in the future. Last year she was told she couldn't stay again but then we went away for a bit and she stayed at the flat when we weren't there, her father died and well she's been mostly here since then.
really appreciate the support on here!
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
She could try all the council's around Westminster as well perhaps? Westminster being right in zone 1 is always going to have long waiting lists but maybe a council immediately next to Westminster might be able to help? There are also various organisations like Shelter England and others, plus other housing associations. She needs to get on as many lists as possible.
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
Also, given she's front of house could she ask her manager whether there's any staff accommodation available?
As for the research, sounds like a vanity project and if she's not even reading the body of work associated with this figure, that's highly unusual.
I'm sure there will be options for her, it just sounds like she'd rather leech off your GF.
As for the research, sounds like a vanity project and if she's not even reading the body of work associated with this figure, that's highly unusual.
I'm sure there will be options for her, it just sounds like she'd rather leech off your GF.
persimmon
New Member
She has family in Sweden who she can stay with. Not sure on what her immigration status is but I imagine it's pre settled. if she moved back to Sweden even temporarily it might affect her residential status and ability to get housed in London?
Not entirely sure where she works but yes Westminster isn't huge. My understanding is that you can apply for housing in the same borough as you work but there's no guarantee. I applied a few years ago based on being a single parent working in the borough but wouldn't be considered priority and therefore not holding out for it.
Not entirely sure where she works but yes Westminster isn't huge. My understanding is that you can apply for housing in the same borough as you work but there's no guarantee. I applied a few years ago based on being a single parent working in the borough but wouldn't be considered priority and therefore not holding out for it.
Puddy_Tat
naturally fluffy
Another vote for 'I think she is taking the piss' (N that is, not gf)
A few thoughts -
Is gf home-owner or tenant or what? If she is tenant, could she be at risk of breaching tenancy agreement by overcrowding?
If N is now using this as main / permanent address (as in using it as an address to register for anything official) then is gf still claiming single person discount on the council tax?
I did have a lodger at my place for a while, but he was only here about 4 nights a week as work was in this part of the world. I decided to check with local council rather than chance it, and they were happy with me continuing to claim single person discount on the basis that he was still registered for doctors / his car was registered at his parents' home address. gf could end up in the shit if council find out there is a second person living there and she's not declared it.
Would either of these angles provide any leverage?
My knowledge of council housing is a bit dated and increasingly fuzzy, but think you have to prove some sort of local connection (think that can be based on where work is as well as where you live / have lived) rather than apply to multiple councils in the general area. it probably won't do any harm to try others, but may not do any good. Likewise, some housing associations run their own waiting list as well as taking nominations from council, although as others have said, getting something as a single person is not going to be easy.
some councils will have schemes to assist people in to private rentals (e.g. help with deposit, list of landlords willing to take tenants on benefits), but again think there will need to be some local connection.
If N is working part time, they may be eligible for some benefits / help with rent - I've not kept up with how this works now that housing benefit has (largely) been rolled in to universalclusterfuck credit so can't be sure on this.
A few thoughts -
Is gf home-owner or tenant or what? If she is tenant, could she be at risk of breaching tenancy agreement by overcrowding?
If N is now using this as main / permanent address (as in using it as an address to register for anything official) then is gf still claiming single person discount on the council tax?
I did have a lodger at my place for a while, but he was only here about 4 nights a week as work was in this part of the world. I decided to check with local council rather than chance it, and they were happy with me continuing to claim single person discount on the basis that he was still registered for doctors / his car was registered at his parents' home address. gf could end up in the shit if council find out there is a second person living there and she's not declared it.
Would either of these angles provide any leverage?
My knowledge of council housing is a bit dated and increasingly fuzzy, but think you have to prove some sort of local connection (think that can be based on where work is as well as where you live / have lived) rather than apply to multiple councils in the general area. it probably won't do any harm to try others, but may not do any good. Likewise, some housing associations run their own waiting list as well as taking nominations from council, although as others have said, getting something as a single person is not going to be easy.
some councils will have schemes to assist people in to private rentals (e.g. help with deposit, list of landlords willing to take tenants on benefits), but again think there will need to be some local connection.
If N is working part time, they may be eligible for some benefits / help with rent - I've not kept up with how this works now that housing benefit has (largely) been rolled in to universal
persimmon
New Member
N has not registered address at gfs flat. We're not sure which address she uses for official correspondence.
Complicated situation: gf is a tenant not able to meet the salary requirements for the tenancy as she freelances. Her ex (sons father) is on the tenancy agreement. For this reason gf isn't able to claim SP CT discount and this also puts her at a disadvantage by not being eligible for CB.
N is aware of the situation and mentioned the contract yesterday when we were discussing her own living situation.
But thanks for that, that couldve been a silver bullet in normal circumstances.
London isn’t a cheap place to live. As harsh as it sounds you can’t live on the largesse of somebody else who is struggling to keep their head above water themselves in the vain hope that you’ll be housed by the council. It isn’t going to happen.
Has she got a mobile phone?
Next time she is in Sweden, pack up her stuff..put it in a station locker / storage unit. Text her where she can collect her stuff and where she can collect the key to the locker....and tell her she must go find somewhere else to live.
Also, change the locks on your girlfriend's flat.
She has family in Sweden.
Let her family take care of her. She's not your gfs responsibility.
Eta . I know this sounds harsh and I would find it hard to do this myself. But if your gf really wants her gone and to cut ties then this might be the only way. Otherwise she might never go.
Next time she is in Sweden, pack up her stuff..put it in a station locker / storage unit. Text her where she can collect her stuff and where she can collect the key to the locker....and tell her she must go find somewhere else to live.
Also, change the locks on your girlfriend's flat.
She has family in Sweden.
Let her family take care of her. She's not your gfs responsibility.
Eta . I know this sounds harsh and I would find it hard to do this myself. But if your gf really wants her gone and to cut ties then this might be the only way. Otherwise she might never go.
It would be nice to live rent and bills free in someone’s gaff and be fed. I don’t think there’s many deals out there like this but if there is let me know.
I think I only ever got that when I was young with my parents. And even they made me start paying something when I was working.
I think I only ever got that when I was young with my parents. And even they made me start paying something when I was working.
I think you need to be under 18
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
yeah, well this is the real world,I think we'd all love someone else taking care of the bills every month.
persimmon
New Member
At least she buys her own food
moochedit
I'm not feeding seagulls
UnderOpenSky
baseline neural therapy
I mean you say that but I'd hate to be in this situation. Living in someones front room in a one bed flat with a kid sounds like hell.
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