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Festivals now feel like a cross between a spa and a gastropub...

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However, looking at a number of 2023 UK festivals, there’s a creeping sense of uniformity. Not only are many of the medium-to-large festivals – the likes of Kendal Calling, Standon Calling, Y Not, Truck, Tramlines – offering only minor variations on one another’s lineups, but elsewhere music is beginning to look like an increasingly secondary, or perfunctory, addition. With fancy food and drink, talks, wellness, and a host of other curated experiences becoming the norm, many music festivals are feeling more akin to a lifestyle retreat, large-scale street food market, academic conference, or neighbourhood street party in a leafy affluent suburb.


Kite festival’s mix of music and ideas means you may bump into a post-debate Michael Gove or John Major on your way to Suede or Hot Chip. How the Light Gets In offers philosophy breakfasts, debates and talks alongside cabaret and performances from Groove Armada and Belle and Sebastian. At festivals such as Pub in the Park and Alex James’s Big Feastival, you can check out everyone from Judge Jules to Toploader and Craig David while you sample food, wines and cooking demos from the Hairy Bikers, Ainsley Harriott and DJ BBQ who has apparently coined the term “Catertainment”, “bringing food, fun and energy to his live cooking appearances.”

At Latitude this year you will find on-site sit-down restaurants with guest chefs that require reservations, along with morning paddleboard yoga sessions, while Lost Village offers up wood-fired hot tubs and Finnish saunas in their Energy Garden. Countless festival websites all now have sections called “experiences” or “extras” that, at places such as Wilderness festival, include wine tasting, cocktail masterclasses, outdoor pursuits and a “brand new bespoke show: The Cat’s Whiskers Cocktail and Cabaret Club.” Plus all of them offer countless VIP upgrades such as pamper stations or fancy camping that can cost a grand-plus for the weekend.

 
They've obviously figured the best way to make money on festivals now is to tailor them like this, i.e. keep within a fairly mainstream band of interest, get these kind of politico stages up and running (which are relatively cheap), and monetize loads of other on-site stuff, especially food.

While supremely less interesting to seasoned festival veterans of old, they seemingly have enough of a pull to get a adequate amounts of punters through the gates.
 
It's not difficult to find examples of stuff that's shit compared to how fings used to be back when fings were brilliant. Also not difficult to use a popular search engine to find, within seconds, stuff that looks good. If I had the money rather than needing to buy a new oven and tumble dryer and didn't live 160 miles away I'd quite fancy Junction 2 fest tbh, techno and no VIP policy. That took literally a minute to find without trying.

Combination of legacy indie acts and Michael Gove sounds terrible obvs.
 
All things have their time. The "old fashioned boozer" had just a couple of decades of being at its zenith, and likely the same with festivals. Mid 80s to mid 00s really.... Which suspiciously coincides with the average youthful period of the average urbanite.
I must admit, I’ve never liked festivals. I did go to a couple when I was younger, but it’s just never been attractive to me. I don’t like huge, milling crowds you can’t escape from; I hate repulsive toileting facilities; I don’t like paying large sums to see a lucky dip of bands, many of whom I wouldn’t choose to see otherwise; and it’s not my idea of fun to have to stay overnight in a situation I feel miserable in. That’s just always been the case. I’ve always preferred small gigs in small venues I can travel home from.

Now that I have health issues, I don’t even like standing only. Due to chronic pain, I need to be able to sit. And due to IBS, I need to know where the toilet is. So festivals definitely aren’t for me now. For me to be their target audience there’d need to be massive changes.
 
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