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fearful freelancer - a whiny post for personal...whining. no responses required.

C

campanula

diminished responsibilty
O, FFS, what on earth is the matter with me. I had been (the quiet) half of a landscaping business for 15 years until partner finally had to cave in with dodgy health issues...leaving me to literally, get on my bike and look for work. So, I can just about manage doing 'permitted work' (cos I am on the 'NAB') and some gardening...but honestly, this is kinda hard for a creaky non driver. Anyway, I have just put in a couple of months and have been completely feeble with the whole 'dealing with people'. Plus there is at least one garden which is going to be a fucking nightmare...not least because my customers are clueless, blind with monstrous expectations. Whilst I am faffing about, I have also been unable to actually invoice anyone cos I am having massive doubts about my competence and...well, everything really.

May well have to delete this rubbish...as writing it out is not really helping tbh. More like convincing myself that I am an epic fail. This is an awful situation to be in - the sole breadwinner, yet shy, anti-social and hopeless at dealing with people...particularly stating unpalatable truths (such as your garden is a tree and weed infested mess which is utterly beyond me and actually needs burning to the ground and starting over - needs at least £6000 just to clear it...and not the measly hourly rate you are paying me (and 2 hours a week is never going to cut it). I don't think I actually have the physical heft to really do the sort of jobbing gardening which seems to be what people want and need (not some maniac plantaholic wittering endlessly about umbellifers).

Backed into a corner because partner owns a little wood so cannot make any claims for benefits so we are living on my ESA,..not to mention shenanigans regarding cohabiting (if we don't have my benefits we starve...or sell the wood (and all of my offspring will cease to talk to me). How did we get in this mess...and how can I be a better, braver gardener when I can barely manage a civil convo with actual real people. O Bloody, bloody hell.
 
Could you possibly find a new business partner? Do I understand that the business partner had the communicating with clients/ people skills and you dont? Can you get someone else (or some app even?) to do the invoicing / paperwork for you.

I would say feel free to say NO to work that you don't want to do. If clients have unrealistic expectations it is best to just say so. 'Say it will cost £6000 and flamethrower. In 2 hours I can only realistically do this small bit of weeding here' or 'this is too big a job for a single person'. Best to be blunt and lose the client than saddle yourself with a job no one will be happy with. Be brave, be fussy. Spend some time to think about exactly what you want to do and then aim for that type of work.

You sound like you have a dip in confidence, which doesn't mean you are hopeless. Doing things you enjoy and doing them well will build your confidence.

Be careful how you describe your self and your service. If you only want to do a bit of light gardening - say so. What are the bits of the job you enjoy make sure your desription of your self / your publicity says those things.

I was freelance for many years and was always scared to turn down any job - so I ended doing crap work I didn't really like and getting a good rep for doing that sort of crap - so was offered more of that type of crap. When I finally decided to finish up and do something else completely, I finally had the guts to say 'No'. Then bizarrely I got offered more suitable work at better rates.

By the way - I'm all in favour of whining. It's much needed sometimes. Do you feel any better for saying it.
 
I think the trouble is with freelancing in general is that you lack a group of peers who give you support / validate you (or a supportive manager, but that's rarer anyway) and over time, year by year, you start to doubt your own abilities and get stuck in a rut. It's certainly what's happened to me in recent years. So no advice as such but I reckon most people struggle with the need to be an admin person and a marketeer and a finance person and all the other shit you need to do before you do any actual work.

Is there any prospect of making any money out of the woodland itself? eg as a venue for forest school, events, camping, anything like that? can the offspring not provide any support given the woodland so important to them?
 
Firstly, campanula , I know from the gardening thread, from the pictures you've posted, and from the breadth of knowledge you've displayed that you're a great gardener so don't doubt your abilities.

Many of my neighbours have gardeners for two hours a week and it is never enough time to do anything other than mow their lawns, the odd bit of weeding and tidying up. It's not going to keep their gardens up to scratch but most of them seem quite happy with it. If they want more then you have to make it clear that it's going to be lot more extra time (and money) or you'll need to get a specialist* in to assist you for the complex stuff or things you don't want to do ;). Like friendofdorothy says it's often difficult to say "no" and I'm guilty of it too. I've ended up with work that I shouldn't have touched with a barge pole. No one wants to disappoint so we all say "yes" sometimes when we should say "no". I'm getting better at being picky but it's taken me years!

* Have you got any local contacts who could do the bits you don't want to do - tree surgeons, hedge-cutters, hard landscaping contractors? There's a local Facebook group around here for "Garden designers" and they are always asking for contractors to do aspects of their work for them. Is there anything similar where you are?

I deal with a lot of self-employed people and I can assure you, you're not alone in hating the paperwork side of things. It's rare to find a sole trader who is capable of handling (or wants to handle) ALL aspects of their business. They often have their partner, mum, dad, son or daughter, or ME (!) help them with the administration.

I think most small business owners feel overwhelmed with things from time to time, I know I have, but the trick is to focus on the stuff you're good at, get help for the stuff you can't do and, by offloading the stuff you can't do, you'll have time to improve the areas you feel you should be able to do.
 
Get yourself a strapping, young, keen, driving apprentice

You’ll quickly realise how much you know and pressure will be off. Basically a new partner with more stamina

You do the thinking and pointing at stuff and set them off giving you time to invoice, drink tea, do precision stuff.

Guaranteed you are a towering talent shortly to sprout from your puddle of doubt

I wish I was a gardener
 
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Are there any other non means tested bens either you or he might be eligible for campanula?

What ages are you both?
Is there any possibility of his health issues being recognised as such etc?

I would have similar difficulties with the things you find so awkward as to be impossible, fwiw.
 
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OK you need to firstly issue invoices for work you have done already. Get that out of the way so you should have some cash coming in.

For the big garden clearance job, give the potential client an estimate for the work. Work out all your costs, including if you need to hire equipment or a vehicle to deal with it, and give them an estimate that covers that and leaves you with a little income on top of that.

If you are new to going it alone and someone else dealt with all this stuff before, keep copies of everything including invoices and receipts for everything you have to pay for (this matters for tax and VAT purposes).

You get on top of this sort of situation by dealing with it bit by bit - prioritise seeking payment for work already completed. And yeah, your gardening skills are not in doubt - sounds like you just need some help and advice with the business end of things.
 
bellaozzydog said:
Get yourself a strapping, young, keen, driving apprentice

You’ll quickly realise how much you know and pressure will be off. Basically a new partner with more stamina

You do the thinking and pointing at stuff and set them off giving you time to invoice, drink tea, do precision stuff.
Click to expand...
sounds like an excelent idea.
 
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Can I just say a big thank you - it's my bedtime and I want to write a proper response to those who have taken the time to read a moany stream of consciousness. I have sent out a couple of invoices and can collect CASH tomorrow so starvation delayed for the next few days...plus half of the tyres for the truck are now paid for. Snivelled all the way through a phone-call from the council, removing my council tax rebate - bad enough the swine take 25% bedroom tax off my benefits. Anyway, considering applying for a full-time job back in social care ...then the council and DWP can fuck themselves. Will do a proper reply tomorrow - a day with grand-daughter has worn me out (and there are another 5 still to do).
 
campanula said:
Can I just say a big thank you - it's my bedtime and I want to write a proper response to those who have taken the time to read a moany stream of consciousness. I have sent out a couple of invoices and can collect CASH tomorrow so starvation delayed for the next few days...plus half of the tyres for the truck are now paid for. Snivelled all the way through a phone-call from the council, removing my council tax rebate - bad enough the swine take 25% bedroom tax off my benefits. Anyway, considering applying for a full-time job back in social care ...then the council and DWP can fuck themselves. Will do a proper reply tomorrow - a day with grand-daughter has worn me out (and there are another 5 still to do).
Click to expand...

Just a random thought. Is there an agency near you so you can mix social care with your business. Less committing and you still get to spend time outside. Kinda works for me at the moment, I certainly find it easier to deal with mentally when freelance work is short (like in the off seasons) but without getting sucked back into everything that goes with a full time job.
 
So, chap at the council more or less walked me through what I had to say - God, I am so slow, I didn't quite twig what was going on, but he was basically coaching me what to say and what to omit. Eventually, the penny dropped...that he was actually on my side...
Also, collected £315 from a couple of customers and hopefully, will get the rest this week...which is just as well cos the truck has just cost almost £700 to get through it's MOT. We won't starve this week...or next.
spanglechick - I don't think driving is likely...and in a way, not being able to provides me with some limits to my capabilities to counteract my natural tendency to agree to anything.
friendofdorothy of Dorothy - have sent you a PM with probably more info than you would want regarding umbellifers (with ranunculaceae, my all time favourite plant family.
Leafster - yep, I do have contacts, especially for garden rubbish removals as this is a persistent issue. It has always been cheaper to fill a ton bag and get Madingley Mulch or such to pick them up...rather than taking them off to landfill and paying over the odds (there is a minimum amount which you have to pay, regardless of the actual amount of waste you are getting rid of. I have a few contacts with hard landscaping too as I sincerely hope I never again have to heave slabs around. While I know plants, I have never really felt comfortable jusy doing design (probably because I am sceptical about the whole 'show garden' ethos which seems to prevail - gardens are evolving, not an immediate spectacle, but my abilities are now a bit more niche. There is a possible opening to actually work alongside people, teaching them as we go.
lazythursday - absolutely. And motivating myself to get out there when it is miserable, cold and grey. I can still vent on at Sweetheart but he just feels super guilty...so I don't. Worse, I have been banned from my only other forum - GardenWeb, now fucking Houzz (ffs). Americans so squeamish about swearing - I must have forgot myself/thought I was on Urban but I was summarily dismissed after 20 years...so for sure, I am missing my gardening mates.
RubyToogood - yes, they are. I love the transparency and airy grace and can always find a space for stalwarts such as bronze fennel. Nothing is nicer than letting the parsley, parsnips and carrots go to seed - an extra bonus, especually since I never manage to pick and eat them all.
bellaozzydog - well yes, I had a strapping apprentice (I have 7 years on sweetheart) but alas...age. I had trained up the next generation (too well) as he has steamed ahead with his own gardening biz with his partner now (selfish swine).
sheothebudworths - We are sorta looking harder. If he uses the wood as his home address, then he could possibly claim ESA...and because it is his home, it wouldn't count as an asset. I am going to look at the possibility of starting a community trust, I think, if daughter will do the research.
Epona - yeah, I might just ask to be paid after each session...in cash. I am not really maintaining a professional set-up here (we did a much more credible job when we were working together, Sweetheart did all the negotiating and meeting, I did the estimates and plans and never had to actually speak to anyone (I had a questionaire) and I didn't have to fret about benefits)...I am counting it as a sort of semi-retirement...and as such, I think I can be a bit more amateurish.
UnderAnOpenSky:
I had considered doing bank/relief work but it has to be all or nothing, once benefits are involved. I can do a bit of self-employed 'permitted work' but if I went back into social care, I would really have to come off ESA...which might be a step too far, although a place I have worked before is advertising (I know the manager too. Have till end of August before deciding whether to jump or not.
danny la rouge: you are so droll.
 
You can often outsource things that are difficult to do or have little interest in doing. My boss outsourced billing to an entity that does that for a lot of businesses. (We only have a few hundred customers, so its not a large volume of billing).

I second the idea of an apprentice/driver. There are places on the internet where you can post an opening for an apprentice. Sometimes they're willing to work for cheap in exchange for learning gardening/farm skills.

You might also consider finding a business partner that has the skills you do not. Generally partnerships work because one partner fills in for the skills that the other lacks.

It will take some time, but try working on your communication/confidence skills. I'm a shy person and its something that I've really had to work at. I'll probably always have to work at it, because it sure doesn't come naturally.

I'm sure you'll do well once get past the initial shock of dealing with this on your own. Best of luck.
 
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I do similar work. I'm having a few problems of my own at the moment (and also get very anxious dealing with customers and am terrible with logistics), so I don't have all the answers or anything, but hope I have a few useful suggestions.

First up, you really seem to know your stuff plants wise and have landscaping experience - therefore you are a highly skilled gardener, no need to have any doubts about your competence whatsoever.
I know it seems counter-intuitive, but be choosy about customers and turn down work that doesn't suit you or where clients have crazy expectations and a tiny budget.
Maybe try to move away from an hourly rate - do clear-ups as day rates or per job. Price maintenance jobs on a yearly maintenance schedule divided into 12 monthly payments - this makes expectations of what work will be done clear on both sides, gives a year-round income, and means less worrying about your speed of work (plus in my experience makes customers treat you more professionally).
Think about what kind of work and customers you want and how to get them - If you have a couple of gardens you maintain in one particular area you might want to concentrate leafletting there. If you want more interesting/skilled work, it might be worth investing in membership of a trade network - I've got some high quality customers through being a member of the Gardeners Guild and of the Landscape Juice Network. I've had lots of little jobs off my facebook page but lots of timewasters too, and tbh its a pain, but its also a secondary source for people to look at to see what kind of gardening i'm interested in.
Take before and after photos of your work - I always forget (but ask clients if they mind you putting them in advertising/social media).
Good luck!
 
campanula said:
So, chap at the council more or less walked me through what I had to say - God, I am so slow, I didn't quite twig what was going on, but he was basically coaching me what to say and what to omit. Eventually, the penny dropped...that he was actually on my side...
Also, collected £315 from a couple of customers and hopefully, will get the rest this week...which is just as well cos the truck has just cost almost £700 to get through it's MOT. We won't starve this week...or next.
spanglechick - I don't think driving is likely...and in a way, not being able to provides me with some limits to my capabilities to counteract my natural tendency to agree to anything.
friendofdorothy of Dorothy - have sent you a PM with probably more info than you would want regarding umbellifers (with ranunculaceae, my all time favourite plant family.
Leafster - yep, I do have contacts, especially for garden rubbish removals as this is a persistent issue. It has always been cheaper to fill a ton bag and get Madingley Mulch or such to pick them up...rather than taking them off to landfill and paying over the odds (there is a minimum amount which you have to pay, regardless of the actual amount of waste you are getting rid of. I have a few contacts with hard landscaping too as I sincerely hope I never again have to heave slabs around. While I know plants, I have never really felt comfortable jusy doing design (probably because I am sceptical about the whole 'show garden' ethos which seems to prevail - gardens are evolving, not an immediate spectacle, but my abilities are now a bit more niche. There is a possible opening to actually work alongside people, teaching them as we go.
lazythursday - absolutely. And motivating myself to get out there when it is miserable, cold and grey. I can still vent on at Sweetheart but he just feels super guilty...so I don't. Worse, I have been banned from my only other forum - GardenWeb, now fucking Houzz (ffs). Americans so squeamish about swearing - I must have forgot myself/thought I was on Urban but I was summarily dismissed after 20 years...so for sure, I am missing my gardening mates.
RubyToogood - yes, they are. I love the transparency and airy grace and can always find a space for stalwarts such as bronze fennel. Nothing is nicer than letting the parsley, parsnips and carrots go to seed - an extra bonus, especually since I never manage to pick and eat them all.
bellaozzydog - well yes, I had a strapping apprentice (I have 7 years on sweetheart) but alas...age. I had trained up the next generation (too well) as he has steamed ahead with his own gardening biz with his partner now (selfish swine).
sheothebudworths - We are sorta looking harder. If he uses the wood as his home address, then he could possibly claim ESA...and because it is his home, it wouldn't count as an asset. I am going to look at the possibility of starting a community trust, I think, if daughter will do the research.
Epona - yeah, I might just ask to be paid after each session...in cash. I am not really maintaining a professional set-up here (we did a much more credible job when we were working together, Sweetheart did all the negotiating and meeting, I did the estimates and plans and never had to actually speak to anyone (I had a questionaire) and I didn't have to fret about benefits)...I am counting it as a sort of semi-retirement...and as such, I think I can be a bit more amateurish.
UnderAnOpenSky:
I had considered doing bank/relief work but it has to be all or nothing, once benefits are involved. I can do a bit of self-employed 'permitted work' but if I went back into social care, I would really have to come off ESA...which might be a step too far, although a place I have worked before is advertising (I know the manager too. Have till end of August before deciding whether to jump or not.
danny la rouge: you are so droll.
Click to expand...
That is such a good reply. Thanks for pm - much appreciated.
 
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