DON'T MOVE TO THE PALACE!
1. Lots of hills. Really, really steep hills - so nice views and not boring like SW London.
2. No tube for two/three years. Nope, no way of travelling underground whatsoever. Instead you will have to travel overground and look out the window. You may even suffer the dignity of an airconditioned train or have to sit down.
3. Nowhere near as "edgy" or "exciting" as Brixton, so fewer malcontents and fewer Tarquins who think tension=cool, never having experienced uninsulated inner city life before. Stay in Brixton, or move there if you want this, it'll be great. Loads of stuff happening here, a vibrant multicultural community (a bit like Palace, cometo think of it...) And there are loads of dealers. On the street. Not many of them in Crystal Palace.
4. The park isn't all that great. Not really. It is only one of the highest points in London, one of London's largest, has stuff like lakes and concrete dinosaurs, that sort of shit. It's totally rubbish compared to Brockwell Park; there are hardly any neandethals with uncontrolled brutish dogs.
5. The White Hart is full of braying obnoxious tits. It's always packed. And they don't sell crisps. They sell Wasabi peas. For £3 a cup. A bit like most places in SW London. Fortunately there are plenty of other places to go.
6. The "Triangle" is rubbish if you like refried grease. Honestly. Even the McDonald's has closed down. I know. A place where not even the McDonald's can make any money. Bizarrely, the locals are not all that into total shit food. FFS, there's even a vegetarian restaurant among all the other places to eat.
7. The Woolworths, like every Woolworths except Nicosia, is awful. They never have anything in stock, and it takes them half an hour of incoherent mumbling and half hearted searching to find this out.
8. At the weekend there are lots of fights, albeit fewer than Brixton.
9. They all bang on and on and on about the bloody palace. It's like they have a brain transplant when they arrive and all they can think about is something that burned down 70 years ago. Probably because it was quite a wonderful building and Bromley council have yet to think of anything decent to do with the site.
10. It's not Penge.
That is all. Don't move there. We'll regret it if you do.
