American father locked up for confiscating 12 year daughter's phone as punishment

[Teenage Cthulhu]

These are all the same parents who post up pictures of their kids on facebook from the instant they're born no doubt.

I was surprised that people on here post very personal stuff about their children and other family but that is nothing like keeping an eye on your kids. And that's what we're talking about here. Keeping an eye on them not spying on them. Have you any idea of the kind of dribble kids text each other? You couldn't spy on them without going nuts. It's simply checking they're not in any danger, no different to keeping them within sight when out for a walk when they're little.

 

[MarkyMarrk]

Why is he reading his daughters text messages anyway?

He's her father.

 

[BigMoaner]

I remember some doc where a policeman posed as a 12 year old online. Within hours he had about five men, chatting them up, wanting to exchange pics etc. Yeah just let them get on with it! Its a massive problem where keeping an eye out/educating the kid far trumps the kids right to chat away freely on these sorts of platforms.

 

[BigMoaner]

Don't blame the parents for busy behavior, blame the predators!

 

[dylanredefined]

He's her father.

He was now he abandoned them the dick.

 

[coley]

Not having sole custody of the daughter, phone paid for by mother, Didn't return it when asked. Now has no relationship with daughter great going there Dad. Why is he reading his daughters text messages anyway?

Dad paid for her service didn't he?

 

[coley]

What a woeful mess - that 2 adults are so unable to put personal animosity aside and deal intelligently (and moderately) with this most ubiquitous of modern dilemmas. A horrible reflection on power - uses and abuses of...and children caught in the crossfire.
Um, I admit - my children missed the mobile phone stuff - all too long ago...but you can bet your life, Dylan, I would be there, doing my maternal duty, snooping and spying. It wasn't really an issue 30 or so years ago, but in the age of constant access everywhere, texting, sexting and grooming, I would feel it remiss not to keep any 12 year old on a long, but well gripped lead.

Thou and me both, though it's a slavver.

 

[coley]

Here's a tip parents: raise your kids to have some sense and to be honest, demonstrate by your actions that you are worthy of their trust and respect, and then you won't need to spy on them to keep them safe or whatever bullshit excuse you have for doing it.

Nice common sense approach, bit outdated though.

 

[coley]

so what age do parents here recon is appropriate for the kid to have some privacy on the comms front? or is that going to vary massively with the mental maturity of the child? I know facebook straight out says no under 13s.

In fairness, you have answered your own question, but after 16 I don't think parents have any real decision on the matter?

 

[coley]

maybe he's a bit bitter at having been arrested by the police over it and having them stand up in court against him...

essentially he's had the new husband's colleagues come over to get involved in him disciplining his own daughter, whether he was a dick or not before that he's presumably going to be a bit miffed afterwards

Aye, there's that and if his daughter went along with it? Who could blame him for saying " fuck off the lot of you"
Trying to dissect family dynamics on the internet is a lose lose avenue.

 

[coley]

Look how well you turned out.

Cheap shot, been in agreement with a lot of what you've said, but no need for that.

 

[killer b]

fuck off.

 

[coley]

Not sure why you have a bee in your bonnet about that.

Because they are a person, sharing with close family is one thing, sharing with the whole world is not on.

 

[coley]

fuck off.

That yer final offer?

 

[Orang Utan]

Because they are a person, sharing with close family is one thing, sharing with the whole world is not on.

What about friends?

 

[SpookyFrank]

What about friends?

A couple of friends at a time vs several hundred. And when you're done with the photo album you put it back in the drawer, but once photos are on the internet there is no sure way of getting rid of them.

 

[coley]

What about friends?

Close friends of the family? Possibly? but a photo of me aged about 3 months,nekkid showing a big bum and a smile, that graced the space above our fireplace for over thirty years was bad enough! The thought that some irresponsible sod would stick that on the web forever?
Just think about it, will you?

 

[Orang Utan]

I think you're being alarmist. The people who like seeing pics of their friends' kids see them and everyone else ignores them.

 

[Orang Utan]

Close friends of the family? Possibly? but a photo of me aged about 3 months,nekkid showing a big bum and a smile, that graced the space above our fireplace for over thirty years was bad enough! The thought that some irresponsible sod would stick that on the web forever?
Just think about it, will you?

Why would you care about people seeing photos of you in the past as a baby?

 

[campanula]

There really are not easy rules to apply to parenting and so much of it seems ridiculously vague, contingent, veering wildly from one emotional storm to another with little islands of calm...and many of us ride through it with a mad mix of instinct, observation, trust and a deep belief in the power of negotiation...and mostly, we can leave them in peace, chatting with friends, having sleepovers and yes, allowing them respect and privacy...but only from a foundation of trust and transparency...which comes from knowledge - self-reinforcing really, on both sides.The dishonesty, which really is corrosive comes from lying to our children, not spying on them...and believe me, mine always knew I was on the case. It is also helpful to acknowledge the limits of power...because despite being parents, we are not all knowing and we cannot always know what the rest of the world has in store for our kids.
There is never a clear transition where they become adult...my eldest is 38 and still, that parent/child dynamic holds to some extent and far from being stifled, we are strengthened by it. Privacy is a weirdly over-rated requirement and really counts for not very much compared to loving and being loved...which is, at the root, what motivates our need to know our children - because they rely on us so we had best be there for them.

Toggle, you said it best in far fewer words - it is never simple and straightforward.

 

[coley]

I think you're being alarmist. The people who like seeing pics of their friends' kids see them and everyone else ignores them.

No, I agree most photos are glanced at and forgotten, but the child who appears on social media can always be 'reclaimed' if they go on to be famous, or infamous.
But this is getting away from the OP.

 

[LiamO]

but a photo of me aged about 3 months,nekkid showing a big bum and a smile, that graced the space above our fireplace for over thirty years was bad enough! The thought that some irresponsible sod would stick that on the web forever?
Just think about it, will you?

How else would your mates embaras you for your 18th/21st if they didn't have a few 'cute' photies to share.

Chill out and calm down people. Some of you sound like the parents in this case (Not you Coley. You are not shouty)

 

[Orang Utan]

No, I agree most photos are glanced at and forgotten, but the child who appears on social media can always be 'reclaimed' if they go on to be famous, or infamous.

what of it? there's loads of pics of celebrities as kids online anyway - it's amusing. it's amusing seeing friends and acquaintances' baby pics online too. there's several threads on here with them.

 

[coley]

Why would you care about people seeing photos of you in the past as a baby?

I did ask you to " think about it" obviously you didn't.

 

[SpookyFrank]

I think you're being alarmist. The people who like seeing pics of their friends' kids see them and everyone else ignores them.

It's not really a question of worst case scenarios though, it's the general principle of it. Some day your kid is gonna be old enough to be entitled to a private life, and come that day all those photos will be out there whether or not they want them to be.

 

[coley]

How else would your mates embaras you for your 18th/21st if they didn't have a few 'cute' photies to share.

Chill out and calm down people. Some of you sound like the parents in this case (Not you Coley. You are not shouty)

Or your wedding, always beats 18/21st

 

[SpookyFrank]

Why would you care about people seeing photos of you in the past as a baby?

You might have chosen an identity different from the one which was assigned to you as a child, among many other reasons.

 

[Orang Utan]

It's not really a question of worst case scenarios though, it's the general principle of it. Some day your kid is gonna be old enough to be entitled to a private life, and come that day all those photos will be out there whether or not they want them to be.

people treasure pictures of their past, I find. i'm glad it's all online these days and easy to find, rather than in a big chest in the attic in your parents' house like the old days.

 

[Diamond]

Because she was a child and he has a duty of care?

Do you have a "duty of care" to your better half?

 

[SpookyFrank]

people treasure pictures of their past, I find. i'm glad it's all online these days and easy to find, rather than in a big chest in the attic in your parents' house like the old days.

Some may be fine with it. But others may not. And people should have a choice in the matter.