American father locked up for confiscating 12 year daughter's phone as punishment

[SpookyFrank]

Of course you should, ideally. But not necessarily.

Do you have kids? Because you don't seem to like them very much.

 

[killer b]

I do. Two of them. We're very fond of each other.

My affection for them extends to keeping them safe, rather than imagining they're somehow capable of keeping themselves safe.

 

[SpookyFrank]

And dangerous people always text first, as we all know.

 

[likesfish]

It might have been a fair one but when the mum sent a cop to get the phone.


( which was stupid but )

HAND THE DAMM THING OVER

 

[killer b]

And dangerous people always text first, as we all know.

They don't, but the use of mobile communications for the purposes of bullying, grooming etc is fairly well documented. In an ideal world, we all have such perfect relationships with our children that these things are openly discussed, and can be quickly dealt with. But in the imperfect world we live in, kids think they can deal with this stuff, they feel ashamed or overwhelmed, and they sometimes don't let on. Keeping a careful eye on what they get up to - in all spheres, not just mobile communications & social media - isn't the act of an unloving parent, it's the opposite.

 

[killer b]

Do you have kids? Because you don't seem to like them very much.

Now I've got the serious posts out of the way, I'm going to call you a cunt. You know fuck all about both my relationship with my kids, and - by the looks of it - fuck all about being a parent. Go and jump off a fucking bridge. Arsehole.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Keeping a careful eye on what they get up to - in all spheres, not just mobile communications & social media - isn't the act of an unloving parent, it's the opposite.

By extension allowing a child some measure of privacy is the act of an unloving parent?

I'll let you phone my mum and tell her about how she never loved me, not sure I could bring myself to do it.

 

[Thora]

Not keeping an eye on what your 12 year old is doing online or with their phone might not be unloving, but it's pretty slack parenting.

 

[killer b]

By extension allowing a child some measure of privacy is the act of an unloving parent?

I'll let you phone my mum and tell her about how she never loved me, not sure I could bring myself to do it.

No, it isn't. But I can bet your mum kept a much closer eye on you than you were aware of.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Now I've got the serious posts out of the way, I'm going to call you a cunt. You know fuck all about both my relationship with my kids, and - by the looks of it - fuck all about being a parent. Go and jump off a fucking bridge. Arsehole.

To be honest I was gonna put my hands up and walk away from this thread to avoid any unpleasantness, but then you cussed out my mother like that and all bets were off.

 

[SpookyFrank]

"Don't tell me how to raise my kids when I'm in the middle of telling everyone else how kids should be raised."

-Every parent ever.

 

[toggle]

Do you have kids? Because you don't seem to like them very much.

what the fuck?

tbh, i was considering asking you the same question. cause you've had some serious and well considered responses and responded with what looks a lot like clueless crap. you seem to think that everything always works out perfectly if you follow some set of idealistic principles. real life parenting dosen't always work like that.

 

[Dowie]

the level to which the father has gone in refusing to return the phone years later and voluntarily breaking off contact with his child over this might indicate why the mother raised her concerns with the police. we can see now that he's a blithering bloody idiot who is prepared to turn this issue into loosing his kid. I strongly suspect the mother wanted the daughter to have access to a phone because she knew what kind of idiot he was.

maybe he's a bit bitter at having been arrested by the police over it and having them stand up in court against him...

essentially he's had the new husband's colleagues come over to get involved in him disciplining his own daughter, whether he was a dick or not before that he's presumably going to be a bit miffed afterwards

 

[killer b]

"Don't tell me how to raise my kids when I'm in the middle of telling everyone else how kids should be raised."

-Every parent ever.

Look how well you turned out.

 

[SpookyFrank]

what the fuck?

tbh, i was considering asking you the same question. cause you've had some serious and well considered responses and responded with what looks a lot like clueless crap. you seem to think that everything always works out perfectly if you follow some set of idealistic principles. real life parenting dosen't always work like that.

I can imagine a situation where a parent might have cause to look through their child's phone, but those situations would be rare and grave. People here are talking like it's something you should do as a matter of course, and that parents who fail to do so are somehow neglectful.

 

[Orang Utan]

These are all the same parents who post up pictures of their kids on facebook from the instant they're born no doubt.

Not sure why you have a bee in your bonnet about that.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Not sure why you have a bee in your bonnet about that.

Kids are not chattel. They are individuals. They have a right to privacy. Pretty simple.

 

[toggle]

maybe he's a bit bitter at having been arrested by the police over it and having them stand up in court against him...

essentially he's had the new husband's colleagues come over to get involved in him disciplining his own daughter, whether he was a dick or not before that he's presumably going to be a bit miffed afterwards

which could certainly be enough to make him pissed off with the adults involved. but that's no excuse to be a dick to the kid

 

[SpookyFrank]

which could certainly be enough to make him pissed off with the adults involved. but that's no excuse to be a dick to the kid

He's a parent, he unquestionably knows best in all circumstances.

As, paradoxically, does the mother who called the police on him.

 

[toggle]

I can imagine a situation where a parent might have cause to look through their child's phone, but those situations would be rare and grave. People here are talking like it's something you should do as a matter of course, and that parents who fail to do so are somehow neglectful.

have they?

cause i'm not seeing that

 

[Thora]

Kids are not chattel. They are individuals. They have a right to privacy. Pretty simple.

They have more of a right to be kept safe by their parents/carers.

 

[toggle]

He's a parent, he unquestionably knows best in all circumstances.

As, paradoxically, does the mother who called the police on him.

ah.

it's like that.

 

[Orang Utan]

Kids are not chattel. They are individuals. They have a right to privacy. Pretty simple.

Nowt wrong with sharing pics with friends though.
if we were to follow your point to its ludicrous conclusion, it would also be wrong for parents to show their photo albums to anyone, pics of their kids in their wallets and purses or talk about or even mention them to anyone ever.

 

[SpookyFrank]

They have more of a right to be kept safe by their parents/carers.

I've yet to see it demonstrated that habitually spying on a kid's messages helps keep them safe. The government says the same about reading everyone's emails and I don't buy that either, because it's always presented as an emotive argument and not as a rational one.

I can however see how routine surveillance would make a kid less likely to trust their parents at a time when there is a genuine risk.

 

[Thora]

I've yet to see it demonstrated that habitually spying on a kid's messages helps keep them safe. The government says the same about reading everyone's emails and I don't buy that either, because it's always presented as an emotive argument and not as a rational one.

I can however see how routine surveillance would make a kid less likely to trust their parents at a time when there is a genuine risk.

OK.

 

[Dowie]

which could certainly be enough to make him pissed off with the adults involved. but that's no excuse to be a dick to the kid

it seems it is the kid who's broken contact and requested to be adopted by the stepdad

both parents seem to be dicks tbh... given the way this has escalated - the mum for calling the police in the first place over a confiscated phone and the dad for being so stubborn about it afterwards

 

[Yossarian]

The Washington Post has a little more background on the case - the text that led to the girl's phone taken away was sent to a friend, saying she didn't like the father's new girlfriend.

According to the mother, it was the girl's decision to break off contact, and she really didn't like being forced to take the stand in the trial over the phone. The father "spoke with The Washington Post at length following the verdict but then recanted, saying he had signed an exclusivity agreement with a TV program a day earlier."

 

[toggle]

it seems it is the kid who's broken contact and requested to be adopted by the stepdad

where is that from?

 

[Dowie]

the Washington post article

she basically called his new girlfriend the equivalent of a 'chav' in a text message, so he confiscated the phone, she went to a friends house and called her mum, the police got called by the mum and the Dad became really stubborn

I don’t like his ratchet girlfriend or her kids.

It was 2013. That word – “ratchet” – was running through rap songs and teens’ text messages, thought to mean a low-class and clueless diva. When Ronald Jackson saw it, he took away his daughter’s cellphone.

 

[LiamO]

problem is that US law enforcement is so fragmented, in some states/counties they'll have some decent law enforcement in others its Sheriff Billy Bob and his buddies and they're married to/related

See steven Avery's first conviction