Am I being bullied or should I just suck it up?

[ViolentPanda]

I know and I'll never recover now...

I think, sometimes, the easy way is the easy way. I know it's controversial and all....

Unfortunately, in work situations, the informal approach is either a hiding-to-nothing, or can be actively detrimental. As a union rep I was constantly having to tell people that the best way to get problems dealt with wasn't "having a quiet word", that it was following the set out lines of procedure, and making sure they were stuck to, and that I'd be happy to guide them through it.

 

[Pingu]

Unfortunately, in work situations, the informal approach is either a hiding-to-nothing, or can be actively detrimental. As a union rep I was constantly having to tell people that the best way to get problems dealt with wasn't "having a quiet word", that it was following the set out lines of procedure, and making sure they were stuck to, and that I'd be happy to guide them through it.

^ this

unless the quiet word can also consist of a "lickle tickle" without any repercussions. I have "fronted" a couple of workplace bullies in my time (when younger tbh) but in general VPs advice here is sound

 

[Lord Hugh]

Why don't you have it out with her? You're a human, she's a human....

Everyone is human. All the organisations, built for humans, because humans are humans. And because all humans are different, and some humans do things that other humans can't cope or compete with, so others give them support networks, protocols and so on to help make life less terrible.

 

[equationgirl]

I'd be inclined to keep a diary and wait until she over steps the mark - bullies just can't help themselves, give her enough rope.

This^^^^^

Keep it factual, like your OP (date, people present, summary of event) and include a brief statement about how you felt at the end (I felt it was inappropriate to call me at home late at night on a non-urgent matter).

Best of luck, remember this is her behaviour and not yours that is the problem.

 

[equationgirl]

I had a director being very overly aggressive with me in review meetings, seemingly quite out of character. A day or two after one of these gatherings I had a quiet word with them by the coffee machine explaining that I didn't like it, that it was not like him and that we were all on the same team with the same objectives. It seemed to have a positive effect because he was much calmer with me after that. I can't guarantee having a quiet word will always work though.

Whereas my former boss was an out-and-out bully and was unapproachable at the best of times. A quiet word with her would have made things worse for the whole team.

 

[weltweit]

Whereas my former boss was an out-and-out bully and was unapproachable at the best of times. A quiet word with her would have made things worse for the whole team.

Oh ok, yes a quiet word is not always the best policy. Did you take any action wrt this former boss?

 

[Blagsta]

So there's this nurse at work, shes a casual so thankfully I don't have to deal with her often but when ever I do she's always an utter cunt to me and me alone. She will pick through my work, point out things I've done wrong or not done and so on. Last night I handed over and left after the usual interrogation. Her favorite thing to do is wave her hand dismissively and say "never mind, I'll work it out" insinuating that I've left a mess. She never does it to the people I'm working with, just to me.

About 40 minutes later she calls me up to tell me that I have a. given someone too much dexamethasone and b. charted their drugs wrong. She then gleefully informs me that she has informed the ANUM (manager) and will be filling out an incident report documenting my mistakes.

I've looked up dosing information regarding cerebral swelling and I gave the correct dose, the dose that was ordered by the doctor. The doctor charted the IV antibiotics incorrectly. Only the first dose was given and the doctor didn't chart the dose incorrect, just the amount of times it is to be given. This is clearly not my fault either although if I were perfect I would have picked up on this but I'm not so there you go.

My moan is that there is now an incident report floating around that I know will not be investigated properly stating that all this is my fault when in actual fact none of it is. It pisses me of that she is such a cunt to me and only me. She has been from day 1. I have no idea what I have done to provoke this response from her but she really does hate my guts.

I don't know what to do about it to be honest. A friend (actually an old nursing lecturer from when I was at uni) has suggested I both speak to the manager about her and also speak with the union. It all seems a bit OTT but at the same time I do need to protect myself. At a bit of a loose end to be honest.

Something similar came up in a reflective practice group recently. Someone was called at home merely to be told off about something. Calling you at home would only be acceptable in an emergency situation (or going home with keys to drug trolley) where you possibly had some info that could save a life/prevent serious harm. Anything else can wait until you're next on shift.

 

[equationgirl]

How does the colleague in question have access to your home phone number? Is it a job requirement that you hand it over, or did she look it up through phone listings?

Either way, calling you at home, late at night is massively out of order. That is what I would personally being reporting at the moment. Once the complaint about medication is investigated and found to be BS then you can complain about the rest of her attitude.

Calling someone at home to gloat that they've done something wrong is harassment and should be treated as such. If you had not updated your notes, I could perhaps understand the call but that is clearly not the case here. I'm sorry that things are so bad at the minute miniGMgoit it's clearly a really hard time for you and that is affecting your ability to look at this situation logically and realise that this person is a dick who is MASSIVELY out of order.

I'm not up on Australian data protection/privacy requirements but I would expect it to be broadly similar to European law, and I would expect the people who need access to such information to be limited, and the information itself to be kept locked away or similar. It could, depending on the law, be a breach of the relevant legislation (even if this person was one of those allowed access to personal phone numbers) to misuse access in this way.

ETA: In Australia there is Commonwealth AND State legislation, so check the legislation for your state. This wiki link gives you the relevant laws for each state so you know what to look for. Also check what your employer's procedures for managing personal data are.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Privacy_in_Australian_law

 

[Blagsta]

I'm not up on Australian data protection/privacy requirements but I would expect it to be broadly similar to European law, and I would expect the people who need access to such information to be limited, and the information itself to be kept locked away or similar. It could, depending on the law, be a breach of the relevant legislation (even if this person was one of those allowed access to personal phone numbers) to misuse access in this way.

ETA: In Australia there is Commonwealth AND State legislation, so check the legislation for your state. This wiki link gives you the relevant laws for each state so you know what to look for. Also check what your employer's procedures for managing personal data are.

In the UK its common for nurses home numbers to be available to the nurse in charge, in case they go home with the drug keys or they haven't handed over some vitally important information. Should only be used in these circumstances though.

 

[equationgirl]

Oh ok, yes a quiet word is not always the best policy. Did you take any action wrt this former boss?

I kept a work diary. I spoke to HR about one specific situation where I was told blatantly wrong information about my annual evaluation (and subjected to a two hour long monologue about the extent of my shitness and ability to do the job - when I spent several months that year recovering from acute renal failure), and I spoke to the union on an informal basis regularly. I thought seriously about a formal complaint but found out that a previous team member had gone the formal route and the complaint was made to go away by her line manager, and the complainant was forced out.

Fortunately she moved to a different department, leaving us behind, but it was a tough 2 years.

 

[weltweit]

equationgirl, sorry to read that, sounds like you had an awful time.

Many years ago I worked in a company that was loss making. We had turnaround specialists sent from headquarters who were both very aggressive and totally brutal. There were sackings and regular rounds of redundancies as we tried to find profitability and it created a very stressful and unpleasant work place. Whenever I hear of people having hard times at work I remember what it was like for me back then.

 

[FridgeMagnet]

Something similar came up in a reflective practice group recently. Someone was called at home merely to be told off about something. Calling you at home would only be acceptable in an emergency situation where you possibly had some info that could save a life/prevent serious harm. Anything else can wait until you're next on shift.

That. The only legitimate reason to call somebody up off-hours is if there's an emergency situation where their input is needed for some reason to solve it.

If somebody called me up at home to say "yeah that code you wrote today didn't work" I'd be like "and? do you need to know something to fix an emergency? no? okay I'll be taking this further tomorrow" - but then my work colleagues aren't bullies so they wouldn't do that.

 

[weltweit]

That. The only legitimate reason to call somebody up off-hours is if there's an emergency situation where their input is needed for some reason to solve it.
...

I suppose that is right. I had a woman working for me who often would go sick with no warning. She wouldn't even phone on the morning of a day in which she wasn't planning to come in so we would only learn that she wouldn't be there at nine, her start time. I asked her repeatedly to call me anytime on my mobile if she was not going to come in so I could make alternative arrangements but she never did. Eventually we had to move her to another department because she was so unreliable.

 

[8ball]

That. The only legitimate reason to call somebody up off-hours is if there's an emergency situation where their input is needed for some reason to solve it.

Or if you're worried about whether they're ok.

 

[AnnaKarpik]

You're being bullied, mate.
Calling you at home only to say you've fucked up is bad enough. When it isn't their call whether you fucked up or not, it needs investigating, is plain vindictive.

Have some hugs ((())), I know it's a shit place to be, it's also a place you can leave behind with the right support.

 

[FridgeMagnet]

Or if you're worried about whether they're ok.

Okay, "in a professional context".

 

[sleaterkinney]

You need to have that incident sorted though. Do you have the sort of relationship with management where you can talk about stuff like this?

 

[8ball]

Okay, "in a professional context".

Fair enough, wasn't picky, just those are the two reasons I could see my boss calling me.

 

[Poot]

I hate to say it but some people are evil enough to take advantage of people when they're going through a hard time. It makes them feel really good about themselves to find a weakness and exploit it for their own benefit. It's the mark of a true bully. Someone really evil would be able to even impose themselves upon your home life by - say - phoning you late at night in order to tell you something to make you feel like shit.

But I'm sure she's not like that at all...

 

[Blagsta]

I'm curious what her practise is like.

 

[Citizen66]

Ask your union about the company's grievance procedure then hit the cunt with it. BOOM.

 

[miniGMgoit]

I'm curious what her practise is like.

The annoying thing is she is shit hot at her job. Been doing it for ages and knows a lot. Still we had a staff education session the other day regarding medication safety and I raised the question about the correct dose. She was right, our hospital does only give 8mg however giving 10mg is going to make little to no difference. When they heard I'd been called at home and that a risk man had been put in the united consensus was that whoever had done it (I left the name out) was a bullying dick and to take no notice of it what so ever. The educator chipped in that the riskman procedure is not there to catch people out and punish them but to gather data on errors so ways to prevent errors occurring in the future can be minimized. But even she said it seemed exceptionally underhanded and nasty. They were all really rather lovely and I thanked them all as a group for making me feel much better about the situation and got cuddles and slaps on the back as we walked out which I thought was rather lovely.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

The annoying thing is she is shit hot at her job. Been doing it for ages and knows a lot. Still we had a staff education session the other day regarding medication safety and I raised the question about the correct dose. She was right, our hospital does only give 8mg however giving 10mg is going to make little to no difference. When they heard I'd been called at home and that a risk man had been put in the united consensus was that whoever had done it (I left the name out) was a bullying dick and to take no notice of it what so ever. The educator chipped in that the riskman procedure is not there to catch people out and punish them but to gather data on errors so ways to prevent errors occurring in the future can be minimized. But even she said it seemed exceptionally underhanded and nasty. They were all really rather lovely and I thanked them all as a group for making me feel much better about the situation and got cuddles and slaps on the back as we walked out which I thought was rather lovely.

That's great news. It's good that you've got some support and validation from your colleagues on this, and I hope it went some way to making you feel a bit better.

I'd still push the formal route too though, as she sounds like a bullying bitch who needs bringing down a peg or two.

 

[gabi]

My boss has even gone to the extent of emailing my gmail account, while I was in intensive care after collapsing at my desk, to ask what the status of a job was I had been working on. She tries to call me at home but I don't answer. She's a fuckwit.

There are no unions here. But a quiet word to a colleague, from my other half (i was slightly incapacitated in the ICU), seemed to sort her out, for a month anyway.

There's not much worse than dreading getting out of bed in the morning as you know you'll be facing shit for the next 10 hours.

 

[miniGMgoit]

So I went out with everyone from work on Friday. Didn't mention the problems I was having or anything but I certainly felt the love. I work in ED and by it's very nature it doesn't lend itself to forming close relationships at work. We're all to busy. I've not gone to any work functions since I started there 6 months ago. I think this has left me isolated to a certain extent. I went out on Friday evening and realized what an absolutely lovely bunch of people I work with who all care about each other very deeply. It was a real affirming moment for me and people went out of their way to come up and talk to me and tell me thought I was doing a great job. Just one bad apple who will no longer get me down.

 

[Smangus]

Good advice above, but I don't think a quiet word is appropriate given the way you are feeling unless you are very sure that you can handle that particular situation. Use your work anti bullying/grievence procedures if you feel you should to register your position and concerns formally with the employer. They have a duty of care towards you and other staff to prevent this behaviour from occuring, not reporting allows it to perpetuate (I hope you understand I'm not saying this to put any pressure on you!).

Having said this being in the middle of any investigation like that can be very stressful so if you decide to go ahead with it take advice from the union and use those supportive colleagues that you have reconneted to, to take strength from. This person may have behaved like this to others without your knowledge so the management should be made aware of this.

At the very least tell the manager about the phone call and say that you were suprised at this and don't think it is appropriate given that you haven't given her your number/permission to ring you, it's a real no no IMO.

By making this point you are not being confrontational or making an accusation but are pointing out poor behaviour on her part and sending her a message without going the full formal route. Whatever you decide good luck with it!

 

[miniGMgoit]

So I spoke to her today. Not about anything to do with the above. Just general chitchat, I get the feeling she "kind of" apologized in as much as saying as a casual she just seems to get nights all the time and it makes her very cranky. Kind of went out of her way to point this out to me. Still it felt like quite an honest and genuine interaction. I hope that word got out about how pissed off I was.

 

[equationgirl]

So I spoke to her today. Not about anything to do with the above. Just general chitchat, I get the feeling she "kind of" apologized in as much as saying as a casual she just seems to get nights all the time and it makes her very cranky. Kind of went out of her way to point this out to me. Still it felt like quite an honest and genuine interaction. I hope that word got out about how pissed off I was.

Let's hope she changes her behaviour - and stops taking things out on other people. At least it's sorted, you have enough on your plate without dealing with her crap too x

 

[bubblesmcgrath]

..

 

[planetgeli]

Fair enough bubbles. And I can't offer anything too positive. Except...we have a similar situation at my school. Which is a bit of a different school to yours (you probably know I work with excluded kids). But what you describe is par for the course. In my example, we have a female teacher, with serious health issues, who was attacked by a balaclavered male student 12 months ago, who is supposed to be prepared to take on the very worst of the new intake of excluded pupils.

Set up. Designed to force her out. Sometimes it feels like living in the 1950s here. And there's little other work.

Respect. Hugs. Management are shit. It's kinda in the job description. Is the conclusion I've reached.