Shit film titles/concepts/pitches

[Zapp Brannigan]

Wheels Of Fortune
"They Said He'd Never Walk Again, Let Alone Kick Some Ass"

Chuck Norris plays an embittered, alcoholic former cop and martial arts expert, confined to a wheelchair after being shot in the back just one day before retirement. Until one fateful day, his son (played by real-life son Aaron Norris) is kidnapped by a Colombian drug cartel kingpin whilst campaigning against the drugs trade in the area, and taken to a secret jungle hideout.

Cue 10 minute training montage set to inspiring music as Chuck defies medical opinion to rise out of the chair and get sweaty with no shirt on.

Helicoptered into the jungle - 20 minutes of guerilla tactics to get close to the compound, followed by another good 1/2 hour of massive explosions and a shitload of automatic gunfire as Chuck predictably takes out hundreds of henchmen to rescue Aaron. Of course, it's a roundhouse kick to the solar plexus to take out the kingpin.

But there's a twist - as the helicopter takes off to fly them away, both Chuck and Aaron get shot in the legs... Cut to final scene, as Chuck and Aaron wheel themselves into the gym. If they want revenge (and they do), they've got training to do!!!

---------------------------------------

Set up nicely for a sequel, assuming the box office takings from the first signify a demand. I'm confident.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

Jews with pews, hard hitting doco on the electoral cross-over in the 80s/90s between US based zionism and millenarian Christianity.

Juggs With Pugs. Reality tv - when fans of Insane Clown Posse aren't at a concert at the 4H building, they're sharing dog grooming tips down at the off-leash park.

 

[DaveCinzano]

When Kenny Met Mikey - Ken Loach and Mike Leigh sit in an authentically working class transport café and wank each other off under the counter in a semi-improvised manner as a chorus of washer-women, street walkers and inarticulate former polytechnic lecturers moan in unison. Things build to a climactic crescendo when an incredibly obese Timothy Spall walks into frame, is pricked with a pin and then explodes, showering the café with intestines and blood-soaked film subsidy money. FIN.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

3 1/2 Minh: Four Vietnamese boat people named Minh [including one whose legs were bitten off by a shark] move into a three-storey walkup in Columbus Ohio, and have zany adventures trying to adjust to American life.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

Night of the Living Duds. TV Movie. Someone adulterates all the water bottles at a rave with potassium nitrate; hilarity ensues when none of the male ravers are able to achieve erections, even with copious quantities of Ecstasy coursing through their veins.

 

[Orang Utan]

I don't remember starting this thread

 

[Greebo]

I don't remember starting this thread

Well it was over a year ago.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

Trailer Park Wire. Avon Barksdale sends Omar Little to establish a drug territory in Newfoundland. When Omar is found dead behind a trailer park with Conkie lodged in his windpipe, an all-out turf war ensues.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Trailer Park Wire. Avon Barksdale sends Omar Little to establish a drug territory in Newfoundland. When Omar is found dead behind a trailer park with Conkie lodged in his windpipe, an all-out turf war ensues.

Omar isn't a Barksdale soldier though

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

Omar isn't a Barksdale soldier though

He is in my script, though.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

Forrest Gump Worsley. The story of a poor Louisiana boy who overcomes his difficulties, and becomes goalie for les Montreal Canadiens.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

RIPD - a supernatural comedy about a police department for ghosts. i'm not even joking. that's worse than 'jaws with paws'.
more please!

I saw it. It was Men In Black with Dead People. A cute bit of fluff, but not much else.

 

[ATOMIC SUPLEX]

Ricks Dick.

Richard is a long distance lorry driver and bigamist with one wife and family in Manchester and one in London. In London he is known as Dick and in Manchester he is Richard.
For some reason or other (in the first episode) Richard can't do the long distance driving anymore and gets a desk job in the London office and his Northern family end up living right next door to his London family.
At first Rick is wary but his mate 'Jeggsy' (who is in on the bigamy) convinces him it's a great idea as he will be close enough to pull off both relationships at once.

Episode 1 Moving day

Episode 2 The Dinner Party
Hilarity ensues as Richards wives become friends and invite their one another (and their husbands) over to dinner parties.

Episode 3 Two man Job
Sandra asks Richard to help his neighbour Dick build a new shed as it is a two man job.

Episode 4 Parents evening
Richard has to attend a parents evening for his younger son (by sandra) and his daughter (in the same year, born to Meridith).

Episode 5 Wife swap
Richard goes to a wife swap party at Meridiths house and has to pretend he is someone else to both of his wives (mostly in the dark and with funny voices or something)

Episode 6 Incest we forget
Richards teenage Northern daughter starts dating his Southern Teenage Son. Richard tries to break them up, but only brings them closer together.

Episode 7 The wedding
Richard is both the fathter of the bride and the groom at his son and daughers wedding. Relatives are not sure on which side to sit.

Episode 8 Like fathers like son
Richards son it seems was already married and also became a bigamist when he married richards daughter. He asks richard for help.
The series ends with Richards teenage daughter also revealing she is a bigamist with two other husbands one of which is one of Richards southern wife's other (yes she is a bigamist too) husband.

 

[kabbes]

^^ I love how carefully you have throught it all through.

 

[Cloo]

RIPD - a supernatural comedy about a police department for ghosts. i'm not even joking. that's worse than 'jaws with paws'.
more please!

Hollywood's been reading this thread:

 

[pissflaps]

 

[Sirena]

It's an old one but....

Anne Frank II: The Zombie. "This time, it's the Germans who are hiding!"

 

[DJWrongspeed]

Hot Fuzz ?

Dire isn't it....

 

[keybored]

Not a film, I know...

 

[T & P]

The Invention of Lying. Stupid concept, appalling film.

 

[ATOMIC SUPLEX]

I thought it was an interesting concept and a decent enough film, though I didn't like the 'get the girl' element.

 

[Idris2002]

Night of the Living Duds. TV Movie. Someone adulterates all the water bottles at a rave with potassium nitrate; hilarity ensues when none of the male ravers are able to achieve erections, even with copious quantities of Ecstasy coursing through their veins.

Night of the Living Dud.

Dudley Moore must endure a night in the company of Zombie Peter Cook, who keeps making cheap cracks about Moore's dead father.

 

[goldenecitrone]

I Spit on your Grape.

English and French vineyard owners battle for supremacy in the global wine market. Much mucus is exchanged and several whole harvests taste of spittle. But then, spittle-flavoured wine is a big hit and the entente cordiale is restored.

 

[Idris2002]

The Hills have Ayes.

Scottish slasher movie.

 

[billy_bob]

Peckish - a sort of PG remake of Hunger, only with less shit on walls and more pies in bellies

I thought Peckish was the original pitch for Being John Malkovic. Only because they couldn't get Gregory to agree to do it.

 

[ATOMIC SUPLEX]

Night of the Living Dud.

Dudley Moore must endure a night in the company of Zombie Peter Cook, who keeps making cheap cracks about Moore's dead father.

Won't they both be zombies?

 

[Idris2002]

Won't they both be zombies?

Huh, I thought Dud was still alive. Makes it even more high-concept, I suppose.

 

[dilute micro]

 

[Idris2002]

Gone with the Finned.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Not many films can claim to have killed a popular TV star.