How can I help my dad?

[Herbsman.]

He is 63 and works a physical job 6 days a week. His wife (my mumsy) stopped talking to him for some unfathomable reason despite him not doing anything wrong. His son (my bro) speaks to him like he's an idiot. All this disrespect and lack of appreciation for the roof he works his arse off to put over their head, pay the bills etc. He has mentioned moving somewhere on his own, but looking at the price of flats these days I think he would struggle to afford it. I feel he is being treated really unfairly and I just don't want him to suffer emotionally, I'm worried about his health because of his age and the fact he has prostate cancer. Can anyone give advice on how best he can sort out somewhere to live without him ending up broke?

 

[weltweit]

Sounds tricky herbsman are you sure your dad's relations with your mum and brother are not fixable?

 

[l'Otters]

If there's a branch of Age UK near where he lives they might have some advice on finances and housing; some have other support like counselling or social activities...might help him get through the period while things are difficult, whether he moves out or not?

 

[MBV]

Do all 3 live in the same house? Can your mum and brother contribute more?

 

[Puddy_Tat]

If there's a branch of Age UK near where he lives they might have some advice on finances and housing; some have other support like counselling or social activities...might help him get through the period while things are difficult, whether he moves out or not?

yes, that's probably best starting point.

although if he is intending to get out, then would have thought some legal advice may be needed as regards divorce / separating (i don't know and don't want to enquire if they are legally married, or if he / they own current home, but separating can get complicated even with common law partners where home is in one partner's name and the other has lived there for some time.)

relationship breakdown, age, health conditions may all get some level of priority with social housing, some housing associations etc do specifically do housing for older people.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

I'm glad your dad has you to look after him a bit. Sounds like a tough situation for him.

 

[Herbsman.]

Do all 3 live in the same house? Can your mum and brother contribute more?

They do. Unfortunately my one bro (the oldest of the two) has been unemployed for a long time, he is dealing with depression at the moment so I want to help him if I can, at least just be there so he has someone to talk to. He is getting treatment for it at a MH facility. It's rare that I get to talk to him as he never answers the phone. When I visit he's either in his bedroom and won't answer, or is asleep, or is out of the house. He does occasionally help my dad with work when he's working directly for people he knows.

My other bro is also unemployed, very stubborn and will walk out of whatever if it doesn't 100% go the way he wants it to, for example he walked out of the first day of training to get his SIA badge the other day. My dad's boss even employed him for a while, but he got himself sacked because of his attitude. He also helps my dad sometimes but aside from that he's on UC so limited financially.

Also my mum is not employed, I don't really know about her income or what she contributes to the household, but pretty much the whole house is 'her' space, densely populated (might say cluttered) with all sorts of things of hers, decorative ornaments, teddy bears, cushions, thousands of books collected over the years, house plants etc. which is fine apart from it impedes my dad from doing anything much - not even eat at the table. The problem is even if her contributing more would help, that would never happen as she simply just will not talk to him.
She also stopped talking to her sister (her best friend for years) who now lives on the same street, and my grandma, her own mother, after a petty falling-out over some vegetables nan took from the garden while she was out, hasn't spoken to her daughter for years, etc. I'm scared to say anything in case it causes an argument and she then falls out with me and never speaks to me again like she has with pretty much her entire family.

yes, that's probably best starting point.

although if he is intending to get out, then would have thought some legal advice may be needed as regards divorce / separating (i don't know and don't want to enquire if they are legally married, or if he / they own current home, but separating can get complicated even with common law partners where home is in one partner's name and the other has lived there for some time.)

relationship breakdown, age, health conditions may all get some level of priority with social housing, some housing associations etc do specifically do housing for older people.

They are married and renting the house from a housing association (previously through the council).. would the HA help him?

 

[_Russ_]

This sounds bad, I dont want to offend but is it possible your mum has dementia?, this usually results in the sort of unreasonable behaviour you describe, the problem is getting the sufferer to accept help becomes increasingly difficult as it progresses.
so getting in early is important