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Gaming addicted teen, College work suffering big time!

weltweit said:
We aren't at the moment going to cut off the internet although I signposted to him that I would be prepared to do this, his mum is not so keen. He is going to try to persuade a friend to go to a catch up class in the subject he is doing badly in, it seems he was embarrassed to go on his own, if it comes off that will be a small but positive outcome. He has also (as he has done before) proposed that he will do more work on this subject, time will tell if that materialises.

As to underlying causes, I don't think there is anything that interesting going on, he simply finds this particular subject harder than he had anticipated, is quite lazy about getting stuck in and finds using revision books, although effective, boring. This is counterbalanced by the fact that he enjoys World of Warcraft a lot, is fully hooked into all the reasons for playing, including social ones, and that makes playing rather than working all the more compelling.
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Is it just one course that is suffering, or a number of courses?

You may just find that if its one course, then letting him change that course might be a possibility? I stuck to doing computer science at a-level, didn't understand any of it, stopped going, and then flunked the exam at the end...... I lost out on an entire a-level because I should have just asked to switch computer science to IT.

You could just make the latency terrible on you internet connection, so it puts him off playing..... there's nothing more frustrating than a game that lags.
 
sim667 said:
You could just make the latency terrible on you internet connection, so it puts him off playing..... there's nothing more frustrating than a game that lags.
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Can you do that? So he still has an otherwise usable internet connection but can't online game?
 
sim667 said:
Is it just one course that is suffering, or a number of courses?
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Just one, computing. He was also doing maths, the only A level he chose which he had done a GCSE in, but he was bounced off maths because his results were not good enough. Our concern is that this might also happen with computing, leaving him with only two which is not permitted by the college so he would have to drop out. The other two A levels he is doing he is doing ok in.

sim667 said:
You may just find that if its one course, then letting him change that course might be a possibility? I stuck to doing computer science at a-level, didn't understand any of it, stopped going, and then flunked the exam at the end...... I lost out on an entire a-level because I should have just asked to switch computer science to IT.
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Might be a bit late to change now, but it might be a conversation we could or should have with him and the college. He is definitely taken aback by just how hard computing is, given that he didn't do it for GCSE.

sim667 said:
You could just make the latency terrible on you internet connection, so it puts him off playing..... there's nothing more frustrating than a game that lags.
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No guarantee that he would switch to college work though, he could just spend more time with his mates or play on his X box :)
 
weltweit said:
No guarantee that he would switch to college work though, he could just spend more time with his mates or play on his X box :)
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Yes I did think that. And while (IMHO) spending time with real world mates is much better than online gaming, it would be no better in terms of improving his grades.
 
weltweit said:
Just one, computing. He was also doing maths, the only A level he chose which he had done a GCSE in, but he was bounced off maths because his results were not good enough. Our concern is that this might also happen with computing, leaving him with only two which is not permitted by the college so he would have to drop out. The other two A levels he is doing he is doing ok in.



Might be a bit late to change now, but it might be a conversation we could or should have with him and the college. He is definitely taken aback by just how hard computing is, given that he didn't do it for GCSE.


No guarantee that he would switch to college work though, he could just spend more time with his mates or play on his X box :)
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Ah he sounds very similar to me with the computing then....... I chose to do it because I though IT would be too easy, and it focuses on business process which I thought would be really boring. Computer science is much more difficult than it first sounds, if he's not interested in it, he's not going to become interested in it, and unless its something that you're interested in, you're never going to learn it. I would seriously speak to the college about a change. They might have late starting courses too, which he could do instead. I basically ended up bunking my computing lessons for two years, and then went into the exam and slept. I got a U unsurprisingly, and it was a total waste of my time and the colleges time.

I would try and organise some time to go in with him and discuss options, it doesn't hurt to see what other options he may have, and its unlikely the college will want to lose him now, as it is after the 12 week grace period where students can be withdrawn and moved about without funding effects (we had a 12 week period at our place, it may be different at others). A transfer to another course would be preferable, as I don't think he'll be funded if he drops out and starts again, you/he would have to pay.
 
I'm pretty sure I posted a similar thing back in 2006 when masterdk1 was 12. I took the wow cd rom and snapped it in half. I thought he was going to hit me! Then he went upstairs and half an hour later he came down and said ' thanks I feel like I have my life back'
He never played it again. But then he never got that deep into it. I stopped paying subs for games.

16 is tough for them and parents, but stay strong. Between 14 and 18 were the most stressful years for me.
 
I was addicted to action quake in a big way from about 13-15..... at 16 I discovered pubs and going to skate parks.....
 
kalidarkone said:
I'm pretty sure I posted a similar thing back in 2006 when masterdk1 was 12. I took the wow cd rom and snapped it in half. I thought he was going to hit me! Then he went upstairs and half an hour later he came down and said ' thanks I feel like I have my life back'
He never played it again. But then he never got that deep into it. I stopped paying subs for games.

16 is tough for them and parents, but stay strong. Between 14 and 18 were the most stressful years for me.
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Good post.
 
Teenage Cthulhu said:
Good post.
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Thanks:).
Despite all kids being different - sometimes it's useful to hear from someone whose kid has been through a similar thing and come out the other end.

My ex is going through this with his 17 yr old and it is very stressful- but there is something shifting, tho early days and also other deep and complex issues involved.
The important thing is that you and your ex are a united front on this issue and applying the same boundaries - it's very easy to feel very on your own with it as a parent- specially if you are the main carer.
 
a bit late to the party here but..

i love my computer games. i can spend hours on BF4/guild wars etc.

i wil not touch WoW though as if i do i know i wil kiss goodbye to many months of my life.

what makes WoW so attractive is the social aspect of it, sadly this is also what destroys your free time/time you should be doing stuff.

speaking as a gamer i can only say that the ONLY way to do this is to stop the net connection or some other form of coercion so that college work gets done before gaming. there are going to be fireworks - unavoidable.
 
kalidarkone said:
Thanks:).
Despite all kids being different - sometimes it's useful to hear from someone whose kid has been through a similar thing and come out the other end.

My ex is going through this with his 17 yr old and it is very stressful- but there is something shifting, tho early days and also other deep and complex issues involved.
The important thing is that you and your ex are a united front on this issue and applying the same boundaries - it's very easy to feel very on your own with it as a parent- specially if you are the main carer.
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Pingu said:
speaking as a gamer i can only say that the ONLY way to do this is to stop the net connection or some other form of coercion so that college work gets done before gaming. there are going to be fireworks - unavoidable.
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It is more or less what happened to me, it is not that long ago either. As posted earlier my dad had to physically cut the cable supplying internet to our home: as drastic as snapping a CD. It is the digital equivalent of a clip across the ear!

Going down the road of counselling and therapy is totally over the top and if my parents went down that road I'd rebel even more and probably think there was something "wrong" with me. It also reminds me how fast people are to label children, push them into therapy or worse medication. Sometimes it is needed but only in very extreme cases like the Chinese teenagers mentioned earlier.

It is a bit like taking the car keys of your 17 year old for driving the family car like a dick. Not a bean bag in sight!
 
Teenage Cthulhu said:
It is more or less what happened to me, it is not that long ago either. As posted earlier my dad had to physically cut the cable supplying internet to our home: as drastic as snapping a CD. It is the digital equivalent of a clip across the ear!

Going down the road of counselling and therapy is totally over the top and if my parents went down that road I'd rebel even more and probably think there was something "wrong" with me. It also reminds me how fast people are to label children, push them into therapy or worse medication. Sometimes it is needed but only in very extreme cases like the Chinese teenagers mentioned earlier.

It is a bit like taking the car keys of your 17 year old for driving the family car like a dick. Not a bean bag in sight!
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Professional therapists have a vested interest in promoting therapy as the only reasonable cure for just about anything. Not just a financial/career interest but because they've invested a lot in training and in themselves. I certainly don't think therapy should be the first response. A 16 year old is still pretty much a child and his parents have every right to try and restrict his access to something that is contributing to behavioural problems as a first attempt at a solution.

Who's paying for the WoW subscription?
 
maomao said:
Professional therapists have a vested interest in promoting therapy as the only reasonable cure for just about anything. Not just a financial/career interest but because they've invested a lot in training and in themselves. I certainly don't think therapy should be the first response. A 16 year old is still pretty much a child and his parents have every right to try and restrict his access to something that is contributing to behavioural problems as a first attempt at a solution.

Who's paying for the WoW subscription?
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If you think about that for more than a microsecond, you'd realise that no professional therapist barrelling around on a web-based site is likely to gain anything by touting for business in the way you - and mateyboy upthread a bit - are suggesting.

Or perhaps I'm just doing it to big up the profession, in the hope that if enough therapists spam forum threads, we'll somehow drum up tons of business. :rolleyes:

The advice I gave was given on the basis of my own experience and training, nothing more than that. If Urban has really reached a point where it isn't even possible for a professional with relevant experience to offer an opinion and a viewpoint without people like you jumping to the conclusion that it's all about self-interest and feathering our own nests, we've got to a pretty sorry state.

Although, of course, I'm well aware that far from everybody on Urban is a nob, nor do they all go around assuming that everyone else is, either.

Nor, for that matter, are they all mind-readers, as you clearly consider yourself to be, given how informed you seem to feel you are about my motives for posting.
 
existentialist said:
If you think about that for more than a microsecond, you'd realise that no professional therapist barrelling around on a web-based site is likely to gain anything by touting for business in the way you - and mateyboy upthread a bit - are suggesting.

Or perhaps I'm just doing it to big up the profession, in the hope that if enough therapists spam forum threads, we'll somehow drum up tons of business. :rolleyes:

The advice I gave was given on the basis of my own experience and training, nothing more than that. If Urban has really reached a point where it isn't even possible for a professional with relevant experience to offer an opinion and a viewpoint without people like you jumping to the conclusion that it's all about self-interest and feathering our own nests, we've got to a pretty sorry state.

Although, of course, I'm well aware that far from everybody on Urban is a nob, nor do they all go around assuming that everyone else is, either.

Nor, for that matter, are they all mind-readers, as you clearly consider yourself to be, given how informed you seem to feel you are about my motives for posting.
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I wasn't suggesting that you had an immediate financial interest in suggesting therapy was the answer to Weltweit's problems and it's typically disingenuous of you to suggest so.
 
maomao said:
I wasn't suggesting that you had an immediate financial interest in suggesting therapy was the answer to Weltweit's problems and it's typically disingenuous of you to suggest so.
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That is how you chose to read it. I was offering advice on the basis of what I know something about: I am hardly in a position to offer advice on some area I am not knowledgeable in.

Nice little go with the "typically disingenuous" :facepalm:, incidentally. I have no idea what the beef you're carrying is, but it's pretty fucking pointless.
 
existentialist said:
That is how you chose to read it. I was offering advice on the basis of what I know something about: I am hardly in a position to offer advice on some area I am not knowledgeable in.
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And that's your benefit right there Mr big potato expert. I have no specific beef, I don't normally bother with you because you're a windbag and I won't be continuing the conversation.
 
I have only skimmed so this may have been suggested but in almost every case I have been involved in where a students parent/parents put the tutors on the same page about something concerning them improvements were made. Generally a decent bunch of tutors will have a good idea of an individuals level of work and will see a decline when and if it occurs and will be aware of who has done their revision or non in class work. They will generally have a word and sometimes a bit of a story is woven to cover embarrassment or buy time or because they think the true reason is over trivial. If the tutor is told something like 'I have to look after a sick grandfather' they may be think that support means to be lenient for example extend deadlines. This can mean that no consequences occur and so the behavior continues. In several cases I can think of I had students who gave me untrue reasons so the support given was incorrect. If parent who have concerns speak to tutors there is more chance of correct support being given - which might just be something as simple as insisting on deadlines being met or work failing. With the need to satisfy retention and pass targets colleges and schools can be more lenient in these things than they may have been in the past. In terms of 'addiction' from a laypersons observation of a substantial number of students who had the same patterns as you describe they did as others have said and grew out of it in the main.
 
maomao said:
And that's your benefit right there Mr big potato expert. I have no specific beef, I don't normally bother with you because you're a windbag and I won't be continuing the conversation.
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That's two of us who will be a great deal happier, then.
 
It could be tenner a month - to be honest I don't know how much it is.

Google says:

"As such, we want to give everyone a heads-up that we will shortly be adjusting the pound sterling subscription price of World of Warcraft." Following 13th November, these will be the new prices of recurring subscriptions (with the old in parenthesis): 30 Days - £9.99 (£8.99) 90 Days - £28.17 (£25.17)17 Aug 2014
 
catinthehat said:
I have only skimmed so this may have been suggested but in almost every case I have been involved in where a students parent/parents put the tutors on the same page about something concerning them improvements were made. Generally a decent bunch of tutors will have a good idea of an individuals level of work and will see a decline when and if it occurs and will be aware of who has done their revision or non in class work. They will generally have a word and sometimes a bit of a story is woven to cover embarrassment or buy time or because they think the true reason is over trivial. If the tutor is told something like 'I have to look after a sick grandfather' they may be think that support means to be lenient for example extend deadlines. This can mean that no consequences occur and so the behavior continues. In several cases I can think of I had students who gave me untrue reasons so the support given was incorrect. If parent who have concerns speak to tutors there is more chance of correct support being given - which might just be something as simple as insisting on deadlines being met or work failing. With the need to satisfy retention and pass targets colleges and schools can be more lenient in these things than they may have been in the past. In terms of 'addiction' from a laypersons observation of a substantial number of students who had the same patterns as you describe they did as others have said and grew out of it in the main.
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It might well be time to have a meeting with his teachers of some kind. However his mum has been trying to open up communications with his computing teachers and they seem to have been ignoring her which is quite a pain!
 
I have learnt tonight that World of Warcraft may have parental controls!

Why did none of you mention this to me? why?
 
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