Where even is Greater Manchester? Someone might need to clarify to us Greater Manchester residents that we do actually live in GM for this new lockdown. Here's why. Altrincham, Hale and Bowdon think they're in Cheshire. They're not anymore, they're in Trafford, but are heavily in denial and often driving large Range Rovers and erecting obscene gates (that defeat the object of them living in any beautiful scenery as they can't see it) to ensure people think they're definitely Cheshire. There's a whole load of "Cheshire influencers" in Altrincham and Stockport getting a reality check tonight as to what county they're in. Sale also claims to be in Cheshire but that's just whack. Trafford is home to the Lancashire Cricket Ground, even though it's now geographically closer to Cheshire and definitely not in Lancashire. Stockport kind of thinks it's Cheshire (and in fairness, Hazel Grove and Bramhall are pretty posh). Marple used to be part of Glossop which is actually Derbyshire although Marple was at one point in time, Cheshire. It's now Greater Manchester with a Stockport postcode but kind of still looks a bit Derbyshire-ish and calls itself Cheshire. It's near a whole load of villages filled with people that have no idea where they are and who all look strikingly similar Anyway, over to Wigan, you have Standish - the semi-posh part of Wigan. The top of Standish borders Chorley which actually is genuinely Lancashire. Head across to West Lancs or is it Merseyside? Basically it all starts to sound a bit Scouse as you go towards Skelmersdale. In fact, where the hell does Skelmersdale even fall? Mind you, no one goes to Skem anyway, it's just a sign on the M58). Ah, Bolton. Another proud Lancastrian sat confused in Greater Manchester's sprawl (at least residents of Horwich have Rivington close by for outdoor exercise, which while extremely popular with doggers from across the North West - avoid twilight jogs by the way, is technically Chorley so is in proper Lancashire). Bury, Rochdale and Oldham think they're in Lancashire still (although some parts of Rochdale and Oldham used to be in West Yorkshire and remain confused as to where the border is - somewhere in Saddleworth apparently, maybe near where they built a motorway around some poor farmer's house, or maybe Oldham Mumps wherever that is - you may have seen it on a tram, it's a place not a disease). Many in these towns also drive Range Rovers, although they're best avoided as they tend to be drug dealers and career criminals (there are drug dealers in Cheshire too, but they're posher). This particularly applies to Prestwich, a generally popular area in....well, it's close to the city centre and Salford but calls itself Bury. It's Greater Manchester nonetheless. Now to my old friend Salford. Salford stands alone as a city in a city - is it even "proparrr Manc R kid?" Media City isn't in Manchester really. It's in Salford. But that's Greater Manchester apparently, even though it's a whole separate city with a separate council and pretty pink bins. You'll also find plenty of Range Rovers and huge houses in Worsley, although they don't claim to live in Cheshire, they're Salford done good. They're just focused on pretending they live in Worsley and NOT Swinton despite the M27/M28 postcode giveaway (I once lived near the border and actively engaged in that disillusion myself). Worsley is close to Leigh which is kind of Wigan-ish and down the road from Haydock, which isn't Lancashire any more. It's Merseyside. Even though it's right down the road from Wigan, and therefore Greater Manchester. Phew. Oh, and I've absolutely no idea where Tameside even is - sounds like it's in Newcastle.