Help re Sixteen year old son not going to School

[passenger]

Really as above, a very long story but my son who lives with hes mum in Sydenham
has been as good as gold up until now, basicly is a school refuser, he has gone into
his shell really hates going in as he says he's being picked on etc will not even
go into the exams what are the options now I am at a loss what to do urb`s can you help.

 

[mod]

I feel for you as it must be a difficult situation but his refusal to finish school doesn't have to be as negative as it seems.

I hated secondary school with a passion. In the last year I hardly went to most lessons other than Graphics and art. The two things I was naturally talented at and enjoyed enough to go to lessons. This was 25 years ago now so things may be different but after school finished I went on a one year BTEC first art and design course which was the equivalent of 4 GCSEs (i think) and got a distinction. I loved it at college. Being treated like an adult and the freedom and doing what I loved. Being in teh company of girls. Making new mates into the music I loved and being introduced to raving ect ect.

So there are options to get a very good and enjoyable education after school. I loved collage. Went on to do a BTEC National which is A level equivalent and then have worked as a graphic/web designer since.


EDIT......

Yeah just checked and it is 4 GCSEs
The BTEC First Diploma is a vocational qualification at Level 2. It is the equivalent of 4 GCSE grades A*-C. The course is available from Edexcel and is in many different subjects. This qualification is mainly studied at further education colleges.

 

[Thimble Queen]

I was a school refusenik. My parents tried most things in order to get me to go in... punishments, rewards, shouting... none it really worked bc it didn't get to the root of the problem.

I really wish I would have been able to attend more mainly so that I did better in my exams. I went to university eventually after resits in college and have done alright for myself. I got to the place where I was ready to attend by myself though.

No real advice for you but I do hope it works out for your son. If he can't cope with school now, it probably won't fuck his life up beyond repair.

 

[Leo2]

Well, it's been like over two years since I was a sixth former, so I'm really a bit out of touch with school stuff. I was a boarder, so I didn't have the option of not attending classes, but I can (or could at the age of 16) relate to your son's negative attitude to formal study. I'm doing a double degree in Laws, Jurisprudence, and International Affairs now, and I find it really interesting, but a lot of the stuff I did in high school - like Latin, and Ancient Greek, Calculus and Trig, was mega-boring (and there were no girls ).

I actually don't think there is much you can do. At 16, he is pretty much an adult, and while he may not know everything (which of us does?) he knows how he wants to spend his time. He is probably in something like the fourth form, so he doesn't have that many years of schooling left, and maybe you could point this out to him and get him to stick it out for a couple more years?

But there are loads of things he can do instead of going to uni - there are apprenticeships and art classes and all that stuff. So if he leaves school now - it is not necessarily a disaster. However, it might be worth pointing out to him that if he wants to work in a comfortable environment, wear nice clothes, drive a nice car and end up with an impressive pile in the country, the only practical path to all that is higher education.

Sorry, I don't know if any of this is helpful - I guess I'm just thinking aloud.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Has he said why he doesn't want to go in to school?

Is he doing his GCSE's now, or next year?

I avoided school as much as possible towards the end, the teachers hated me and the feeling was mutual. 1980's though, so stuff's different now. But suspect that as Thimble Queen says, if you get to the root of why he's refusing you might stand a chance of changing the situation.

Good luck.

 

[passenger]

Thanks everyone great response just need to read it an take it in been a rough day

 

[Wilf]

Really as above, a very long story but my son who lives with hes mum in Sydenham
has been as good as gold up until now, basicly is a school refuser, he has gone into
his shell really hates going in as he says he's being picked on etc will not even
go into the exams what are the options now I am at a loss what to do urb`s can you help.

Presumably we are talking about this Summer's exams? Obviously I don't know the detail in terms of whether this is about problems with staff or other kids - and whether he has submitted course work. However if it's about the actual exams, I'm guessing there might be some kind of scenario for taking the papers in a different room? Best thing to do is get in touch with the school and discuss alternatives (as well as, even more so, talking to your lad as Banhoff said). Hope it works out okay.

There's also quite a few teacher who post on here, so you'll probably get some specific advice about the institutional end of this.

 

[Sweet FA]

if he wants to work in a comfortable environment, wear nice clothes, drive a nice car and end up with an impressive pile in the country, the only practical path to all that is higher education.

Fuck off on several counts, you privileged little twat.

 

[Wilf]

Fuck off on several counts, you privileged little twat.

Urban's reputation is restored.

 

[ElizabethofYork]

Fuck off on several counts, you privileged little twat.

Bit unnecessary.

 

[catinthehat]

Who does he think is picking on him - teachers or peers>? Either way I would certainly want to have some discussions with his tutor or main teacher/s. Whilst as others have said there are other options and qualifications the key thing is to not have him 'put off' education in its widest sense. Transferring to an FE college is a great option for some but others carry the baggage of these kinds of things with them - if its peers there is nothing to say they wont end up in the same college. If its teachers then 'picking on' covers a range of things which I would hope are not actual 'picking on' but sometimes clumsy attempts or ill timed efforts to try and help or to encourage good study habits. Sometimes what adults (including teachers) see as small and irrelevant can be a big deal at that age and seem massive but in reality are easily fixed with some good communication. Part of young peoples education should be about how to deal with problems and conflicts and how to go about resolving them but often this is lacking from the curriculum and parents and carers have to get involved to help their kids to deal with this and to prompt and help the school, themselves and their kid to overcome it.

 

[spanglechick]

Assuming he's in year 11, there's one month until the last exams (and a week of that is half term). Arrange with the school an early exam leave and just concentrate on getting there for the exams.

If he's refusing the exams themselves, he needs to understand that whatever else he wants to do, he'll almost certainly be studying English and maths on top of anything else, for the next two years (until he gets a C in both). He will be obliged by law to be in some form of full time education or training/apprenticeship/employment. And if it's anything at college or an apprenticeship, he will be forced to do the English and maths. far better to get them out of the way now.

The rest of his subjects are less high-stakes, but he's spent two years on them, so it seems a shame to throw that away.

College courses and apprenticeships will only be open to him at level 2 (like the btec first mentioned above), but that's the same standard as GCSEs. If he wants to do a level 3 course (like A level standard), he'll need to sit his exams this year.

I'd come at this from a career planning perspective, or if not career, then "soft ambitions" - in ten years does he want to have his own place? Work in a office or outdoors? Live in London or travel?

Might be worth asking if his school can make him an emergency careers appointment.

 

[Leo2]

Fuck off on several counts, you privileged little twat.

Lol! Oui certainement Monsieur - but may one assume from those few kind words that you do not see the value in higher education?

 

[spanglechick]

Lol! Oui certainement Monsieur - but may one assume from those few kind words that you do not see the value in higher education?

It's one pathway to one definition of success.

 

[Leo2]

It's one pathway to one definition of success.

That's true, but 'success' can mean so many things to so many people. She-who-must-be obeyed (aka my mum,) says that the primary purpose of higher education is not 'getting a good job' - the major benefit of tertiary education is making life more interesting, giving you more tools to deal with what life throws at you, and opening doors you might not otherwise even see.

She says, and I can see her point, that if everyone in our society were better educated (had some knowledge of history, the arts, music, etc) there would be less prejudice, and less fear of the unknown. So if one has a Masters or a Doctorate, and never does anything professional with it, that knowledge still has the potential to make your life more interesting and more worthwhile.

And as she also says - wouldn't it be interesting to be able to discuss the art of the Renaissance, the philosophies of Nietzsche, or the music of Gustav Mahler, with the plumber as he was mending your sink?

So what I was talking about had little to do with the modern understanding of financial success.

 

[weltweit]

.. And as she also says - wouldn't it be interesting to be able to discuss the art of the Renaissance, the philosophies of Nietzsche, or the music of Gustav Mahler, with the plumber as he was mending your sink?

That would just increase the plumber's price!

 

[sheothebudworths]

The plumber would probably rather you pissed off and left him to get on with it, tbh.

 

[ElizabethofYork]

And as she also says - wouldn't it be interesting to be able to discuss the art of the Renaissance, the philosophies of Nietzsche, or the music of Gustav Mahler, with the plumber as he was mending your sink?

I would quite happily discuss the art of the Renaissance,the philosophies of Nietzshe or the music of Gustav Mahler, even though I haven't got a degree. I couldn't, however, mend a sink.

 

[Teaboy]

Don't bother its another obvious character. Obvious from the first posts in the transport forum.

 

[sheothebudworths]

Don't bother its another obvious character. Obvious from the first posts in the transport forum.

I don't often read the transport forum but it still seemed fairly obvious

 

[Leo2]

I would quite happily discuss the art of the Renaissance,the philosophies of Nietzshe or the music of Gustav Mahler, even though I haven't got a degree. I couldn't, however, mend a sink.

With respect, I think we may be talking about two different things. Education seems to me, to be about the obtaining of information in an organised manner, and as such, useful. But a university degree is not the only path to education, and some of the cleverest people I know do not hold a degree. Intelligence and tertiary education are not the same thing.

I seem to be painted as a sort of elitist upper-class-twit by some here. I'm not totally sure what that is a reaction to. I have revealed almost nothing of my social or financial situation here. I did reveal my deficiency at spelling Nietzsche though - my apologies.

 

[sheothebudworths]

Assuming he's in year 11, there's one month until the last exams (and a week of that is half term). Arrange with the school an early exam leave and just concentrate on getting there for the exams.

If he's refusing the exams themselves, he needs to understand that whatever else he wants to do, he'll almost certainly be studying English and maths on top of anything else, for the next two years (until he gets a C in both). He will be obliged by law to be in some form of full time education or training/apprenticeship/employment. And if it's anything at college or an apprenticeship, he will be forced to do the English and maths. far better to get them out of the way now.

The rest of his subjects are less high-stakes, but he's spent two years on them, so it seems a shame to throw that away.

College courses and apprenticeships will only be open to him at level 2 (like the btec first mentioned above), but that's the same standard as GCSEs. If he wants to do a level 3 course (like A level standard), he'll need to sit his exams this year.

I'd come at this from a career planning perspective, or if not career, then "soft ambitions" - in ten years does he want to have his own place? Work in a office or outdoors? Live in London or travel?

Might be worth asking if his school can make him an emergency careers appointment.

spangles - what do you reckon to the English and Maths/staying in ed. until 18 business?
I see so many of them burnt out before their GCSE's have even begun now but I'm not sure I wasn't the same. I had the 'luxury' of being able to piss about from 16 on, though, dipping in and out of work/college/signing on if I wanted to, which is quite important I think, when you're not especially driven and you already feel like you've been in education forever.

 

[campanula]

What is he doing while not at school|?

 

[girasol]

What spangles said, my son wasn't attending school for about 2 or 3 months before his exams. He still took his GCSEs. If he's being picked on then surely the school needs to do something about it? Can't he just go to his exams, and be offered some sort of assurance he won't be picked on during that time, like being with a teacher at all times?

 

[trashpony]

What spangles said, my son wasn't attending school for about 2 or 3 months before his exams. He still took his GCSEs. If he's being picked on then surely the school needs to do something about it? Can't he just go to his exams, and be offered some sort of assurance he won't be picked on during that time, like being with a teacher at all times?

Hello? You mean spanglechick?

 

[sheothebudworths]

Hello? You mean spanglechick?

You'll do!
(makes no sense now )

 

[trashpony]

You'll do!

I thought I'd given some good advice for once! I was the voice of wisdom and experience. Disappointed tbh

 

[sheothebudworths]

A couple of *likes* for your trouble

 

[trashpony]

A couple of *likes* for your trouble

Thank you. That's something I suppose <sniff>

 

[sheothebudworths]

In all seriousness, I am really, really worried about what our kids are going through now. There is just so much pressure on them - and it's starting younger and younger - plus a whole load of extra, external pressure on all of the adults supporting them, too - at home, at school and beyond.
I can't see, myself, that there's much good that comes from forcing children to remain in education until they pass even a *standard* couple of GCSE's.
I think some of them will get stuck in a pointless loop there, when they could be moving on to stuff that suits them better (or, tbh, just to be moving on altogether and finding their own feet, whether they come back to education later, or they don't) and for others, it's just too overwhelming to know they HAVE to pass - and they screech to a halt before exams even hit.